Ice Cream Again?

I love cinnamon ice cream. It reminds me of afternoons in Julian, CA with my friends checking out the stores and nibbling on cinnamon coated pie crust. Drinking hot tea and enjoying the clash of the hot tea and cold ice cream. It reminds me of blooming daffodils and sweet mountain air. I love Julian. there is nothing around here quite like it.

Since a trip there is expensive, I decided to make my own damn cinnamon ice cream. I figured that I could just take the custard recipe from the blackberry ice cream and add cinnamon.

Not one to stop while I can add something else, I decided that this would be a good time to use the vanilla sugar I had been infusing for... A long time. I meant to make marshmallows out of it, but I kept chickening out. To make vanilla sugar, I did the following:

Took a vanilla bean that I didn't use quick enough so it dried out. Broke it into pieces.
Filled a large mason jar with white sugar.
add bean parts. put a lid on it. shake.
leave in the pantry. shake whenever I remember. Consider for a year or so what to do with it.

Strain out the beans when you use the sugar. Put them back in the jar.

The ice cream. I added ground cinnamon. I put in cinnamon sticks. I used vanilla sugar instead of regular.

It smelled just like a snickerdoodle. I love snickerdoodles. What a happy accident! I thought it was pretty good.

Once again, I used the egg whites to make meringues. I had to cut the lemon sugar with regular so they weren't as lemony. And, as I mentioned before, I didn't use fine sugar so they were gritty. Although I ate a lot of them, they weren't as good this time. I thre a lot away.

My great love of food

Over the next few days, and who knows, maybe more, I'm going to be talking a lot about food. You have been warned.

I have discussed in detail my unhealthy relationship with food, my tendency to binge and starve.

I can talk all day about how my parents never taught me to eat properly, but ultimately, now that I am an adult, it's up to me to retrain myself.

I've been doing really good with that. I've cut back on my processed foods and have been cooking a lot more. It's amazing how my body has responded. I rarely get so hungry that I can't think of anything but food. My insides are generally happy. If I get hungry, I have a little snack. If I am still hungry, I drink some water. I cook and freeze and have plenty of homemade lunches. I've gotten bad about taking shortcuts lately, but last night I tossed together a salmon and lettuce burrito and it was pretty tasty. And it took less time to cook that healthy meal than it would have taken to make macaroni and cheese.

I'm not perfect. But I am trying.

I still overeat though, and I have been working on that lately, and by lately I mean in the last couple of weeks. I have been feeling really sick if I eat too much. I'm not just full, not just overfull, I'm in pain. So I have been making a point, to watch my portion size. I'm trying to consume 1 cup servings. 2 cups is too much. I learned that the hard way. 1 cup, isn't much, but I feel satisfied. No pain, no overfilled feeling. and in a couple of hours, if I feel hungry again, I have a little more.

I don't know how that is going to work out for me. It's going to be hard when I go to restaurants or, my goodness, eventually when I start dating again. (and I will. but not yet) I don't want to be a pain in the butt. It's not like I carry a 1 cup container with me, it's not hard to eyeball, but I know that if the food is on my plate I will eat it. I will have to make a point of choosing the smaller portion meals that so many restaurants are now offering.

It's progress. I will be proud of myself if I stick to it.

Blackberry Ice Cream

I might have mentioned a couple of posts ago that I have been having all sorts of fun with ice cream. I'm not sure if I remembered to share the recipes or not so I thought I would take up some time doing so.

The first ice cream I ever made was vanilla. I thought it was a bit eggy but my mom loved it (or said she did). I don't know what happened to that recipe.

Then I started in on Sorbets which are all sorts of fun and delicious and I even made a sugar free strawberry using splenda. It was a little too sweet so I think if I ever do that again, I shall use less splenda. I don't know what happened to that recipe either.

Then the ice cream maker went into storage because I moved to Nevada and many years passed before I started playing with it again. By many, I mean like, 5. I've lived in Nevada for 5 years. That freaks me out a bit.

Anyhow, when I was gifted several weeks ago with some blackberries, I decided to make blackberry ice cream using this recipe. I LOVE me some Pioneer Woman. I don't care where she gets her recipes (I was once approached on Twitter regarding her mashed potatos) I enjoy trying them and she presents everything in a funny and personable way. And she tells good stories and takes pretty pictures.

It came out delicious. I added a good half a bag of chocolate chips and they all sunk to the bottom. I highly recommend if you are going to add chocolate chips to ice cream that you throw them in the blender first. Add chocolate slivers instead of chips.

I ate most of the blackberry ice cream.  I have more blackberries. You figure out the rest.

With the leftover egg whites, I made meringues using this recipe. I added fresh lemon zest (from the lemon I used for the ice cream!) to the sugar and ta da!! I had lemon meringues. So clever am I. Meringues are delicious. use superfine sugar though, as directed because the NEXT time I made them, they were gritty.

At some point, I put the ice cream on a meringue and I'm pretty sure that if heaven has a flavor, it's blackberry ice cream on a lemon meringue.

More ice cream goodness to come...

Bliss that ecliped all others

I went out of town last week which meant that I had to leave my boy at the kennel.

By the time Monday, pick up day, arrived, I missed him terribly.

I can't think of anything this week that made me happier than to see his puppy face. He didn't want to leave my side that night and I didn't want to be away from him either. I just kept touching him to make sure he was really there.

OOH! I also skated a full practice Monday night. I didn't participate so much as I just took the opportunity to roll, but I didn't hurt terribly the next day so I will call that a win!

Vegas Notations

One thing I noticed while I was in Las Vegas is that I am skinny. In the swimming pool. Seriously. Normally, in my bathing suit, I look something like this:

Only I'm pretty sure I have hands and I hope my crotch isn't square. My head really is that small though. So, yeah. I look like a normal middle aged woman with giant thighs. and one razor sharp tibia. I stand like that too. Really. I've been working on standing with my feet parallel because I think it will take pressure off my knees.

ANYHOW, I noticed that when I was in the pool, all of the sudden, my fat was evenly distributed. I felt firm and skinny and normal and not at all buoyant. I'm a sinker. bloop. right down too the bottom unless I maintain a whole lot of air in my lungs.

So now that I have returned from Vegas, I am going to build myself a water tank and live in it. So I can be skinny all the time. And you know, all that treading of water might just make that dream come true.

Or I could stop drinking booze. But I think the water tank is a much better idea.

I am orange because I am tan. notice that I magically don't lose any boobage. That's some talent right there.

All my little "dramas" aside

I spent the last week or so in Las Vegas attending RollerCon; the yearly Roller Derby Convention. It's a big party and skating madness. I partied (so much the first day that I was hung over by 7 pm and pretty much stayed away from the booze for the rest of the week), but did not skate as my knees just aren't handling activity well. I'm sure if I would buckle down and shrink the size of my butt that would be slightly less of an issue. I'm also looking into better foot support. but I digress.

So RollerCon. Madness. I had fun with my Ninja Monkeys.

That's all I have about that for now.

I also had the opportunity to spend some time with Girl Roomie and Best Friend from San Diego. And their spouses (both of whom I adore) and another character who has never really come into play here (we shall call her Kiki). These are people I have known forever. And it bears repeating that although I love my Reno family, there's something comforting about spending time with the people who have known you the longest. We laid by the pool and ate and had frothy cocktails. We (they) got all dressed up. We went to dinner. We ate dessert and looked in the gift shop. We sat in the bar for awhile and chatted. I had been looking forward to seeing everyone but I didn't really know how much until I was on the bus and I just, relaxed.

I caught them up a bit on the things that have changed in my world. Kiki and I floated the lazy river and talked about how hard it is to date. She's going through a divorce and well, we all know I'm kind of a dating disaster. I chatted up the husbands. We watched the Olympics.

And the Fluffy Ninja Monkeys all got tattoos.

shouldn't really post when i am upset.

But that's one of the reasons I started this blog. To get the things out I need to get out. And I needed to get that out. but I always question the wisdom later. Oh well.

Really, i do this to myself

I really should stop reading romance novels. I give Wifey shit for watching movies like "The Notebook" and sobbing into her cheerios, but then I go home and read these novels fully of happy endings and snot all over myself.

This last one hit me hard. I almost didn't finish it because there were too many (imagined, I'm sure) parallels and I didn't think I could handle reading the happy ending part I knew was coming because I just don't believe that I'm going to have one this time.

I don't know why it still hurts. I mean, I knew this was going to take awhile. I knew. And I'm not trying to hurry the process or find replacements or any of the other things that I have tried in the past that didn't work. I just thought maybe it would hurt a bit less by now.

I waffle. Between thinking this is the best choice, with all the logic that I can put behind it, and hoping he's just as miserable as I am and decide he wants to fit me into his life. Except I think I know him better than that. I would like to know when I will stop hoping. How long? I keep trying to count my losses and fold but I feel like if I just hang in there, I might have a winning hand. Which is kind of the story of the relationship, and I am a TERRIBLE poker player.  I have not contacted, although I have been tempted. I'm still confused.

The books, they don't help this although I thought I was ok to start reading them again. (I often want to read just for the entertainment value. like eating candy just because it tastes good). I got through the first one just fine. Ai.

Stop wallowing. Stop sniffling. Go put on your bathing suit and return to the party. Put on a happy face. Fake it till I make it.

goodness knows, I'm good at that.

Little Bliss List

I don't have a lot of commentary, but I do have a list!

• Houseguests. Ususally this is a stressful thing, but I do think that the Turks were the best houseguests ever. I did my best not to hover, and they were just awesome.
• Monkey Puppets.
• Homemade Ice Cream. Blackberry chocolate chip.
• Time with friends
• Blackberry jam

For the record, I was not making jam nakid. But I don't know how to draw on paint very well. or anywhere else for that matter. I was wearing my favorite pioneer style super long red apron though.

Happy Places

It's odd, how my brain works. Or doesn't work, depending on the moment and whether I am properly fed. You know, with good nutrition and plenty of it. I'm blaming my current extreme inability to focus on anything I am supposed to be doing on the fact that last night my dinner consisted of Vodka, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Taco Bell.

It must be the Taco Bell that is causing problems because we all know I exist quite well on a diet of vodka and chocolate chip cookies.

Not the point. again.

The point is, that as distracted as I appear on a normal basis, I am often hiding additional distractions that are going on in my head.

My brain, brilliant though it can be, takes random vacations to far off places at strange times. I call it going to my happy place.

Here's the thing. My happy place? Totally not a verdant meadow full of unicorns.

No. In my early twenties, it was a hillside in San Diego County covered in prickly pear cactus. Lately, my brain transports me to Placerville.

I've only been to Placerville once. I was passing through. It looked like an interesting town to spend an hour. Maybe there are thrift stores or antiques or something. I do know there is history and I sure do like that.

Sometimes I consider why my brain sends me to these places. Perhaps there is buried treasure on that hillside of prickly pear. Maybe there's something special for me lurking in Placerville. I do know that I need to go get the soap that I have on consignment in Quincy. But Quincy and Placerville are in different directions.

No, I think my brain is just wired funny. Because running reports triggers a mind trip to Placerville and I'm not even going to tell you what triggered the prickly hillside...

Where I'm at

I'm still posting ahead although I appear to be catching up with myself.

These past couple of weeks haven't been easy, but I remembered early on that there is always a mourning period and I have been through it enough to see the signs in myself.

I'm not beyond it. I spent over a year in his company and I understand that it will take time to move on. I won't go into detail but I am constantly looking at the situation from every angle I can come up with. Picking it apart. Analyzing it as best as I can with the one sided information I have. Then, when I go to bed at night, I pray that I will fall asleep quickly. Most nights I do. The other nights, I do my best not to make up situations that may or may not be true. Torments about what he might be doing that are none of my concern. Normal. All of it. I know that one day, I won't worry about it any more.

My friends have been wonderful about keeping me busy. Tonight was my first night totally alone. I was ready to be alone in my home with my projects and my dog. It's a good feeling.

There are times when I am okay, and times when I feel as though I have been stripped nakid. But I always remember that I have been here before and that I will move beyond it again.  I remember that it has hurt worse. That I've seen bottom and this isn't it. I remind myself of other things too.


So I keep on trucking. I put on a happy face. I try not to talk about it or him because it's bad enough to dwell in my head without forcing everyone else to listen too. When I am alone, I talk to myself a lot.

This too shall pass. And that is where I'm at.

Broken parts

When I talk about my childhood, I hope that you know that I don't blame my parents, I don't harbor resentments towards them, and I know that as humans, they were doing the best that they could. I am aware that there is no handbook to childrearing, and that they were trying to do better than their parents did.

I... Was the trouble maker in my family. Between my Seester and I, I was the one most frequently in trouble. I was told frequently that I was defiant. I felt like I could never do anything right. I now know about myself that I don't take well to being dictated to, I need to be reasoned with. Tell me why, if it isn't obvious, and I'll do just about anything you ask of me. (Pie and Brother were bitty things back then. Pie was born when I was 9 and Brother when I was 11) Some of  what I got in trouble for was stupid kid stuff like not doing my chores, and some of it was for bigger things. I was, I now know, a pretty normal kid as far as the crap I pulled, I just got in trouble for that a lot. I generally tell people that we weren't allowed to be kids. I hear about the things my friends got away with doing and I know those things would not have been okay in my house.

After awhile, yelling didn't do much. Neither did spankings. So a new punishment was installed. It was for stuff in between yelling and spanking.

During the time when I was 9, 10, and 11, we lived in a house with a laundry room right off the kitchen. While we lived there, if I got in trouble, I would be told to go sit in the laundry room, on the concrete step just on the other side of the door for 10 or 15 minutes.

In the dark.

There were bugs in there so I would sneak  and sit on the washing machine, quietly lifting myself up, hoping that I wouldn't accidentally kick the side of it, convinced that they couldn't crawl up the slick sides of the washer.

Imagine being that kid. Sitting in the dark, and listening as your family joked around and wrestled about on the other side. It instilled a strong sense that they didn't care about me. I felt left out. It seemed like they had more fun when I wasn't around. I worried that the bugs in there (they weren't bad, be we lived across the street from a canyon and we were in San Diego not far from the water so yeah, there were bugs. Roaches and waterbugs, rarely seen, but present) would crawl on me. I actually had nightmares about it.

And I knew the fun would be over by the time my sentence was carried out. When I thought enough time had passed, I would return to the step and wait for the door to open. My parents never knew that I had been sitting on the washer the whole time. Which is good because I would have been in bigger trouble for not following directions.

Several years later, I hit high school and all the terrible things that can happen there. The people who I wanted to be friends with seemed to frequently forget to invite me to the things they did over the weekend. In my mind, they were the cool kids. They were at Denny's all the time. There were parties. All things I would hear about on Monday and would wonder why I was not included, when that girl over there, the one they talked bad about and said they didn't like was invited. There were other things too, but for who was high school marvelous? I finally found a spine and wandered off to hang out with people who seemed happy to see me. They were inviting and fun and I was invited to the movies and bowling and parties. We went to the beach and had bonfires. I finally found a group where I fit in and those people are still my friends. I'm in touch with the others, but that's about it.

That doesn't mean that I still don't have a deep need to feel included. I know it's silly, but I want to feel like a part of things. I get really upset when I feel like I am left out. This gets me in trouble sometimes as I tend to overextend myself by doing everything, but having a calendar helps. With my last romance, this issue was the straw. I asked for more inclusion and he wasn't able to provide that. Since I am posting to the future, I don't know if this is something than can and will be fixed, or if it is something that I will be more careful of in the future. Knowing I have an issue with this and how negatively it can affect me really helps though. Getting it out in the open helps more. I can't fix the past, but I can try to make a better future.

Arbitor of my Reality

In my line of work, I come across a lot of business names. Some are silly, some are boring, and some create a word picture like no other.

Today I happened across one that made me think. that happens sometimes too. Then I lose my train of thought and forget to tell you all about whatever I was thinking about. That's the real reason that sometimes I don't blog often. The other reason is it's all drama. Lately, I'm trying to hide the drama.

Not the point.

The name of the business was something about engineering. and reality, which got me to start thinking, what if we could go to a company and have them create our reality? What if we could walk in, tell them what we want, and they make it our life?

What would you choose?

I believe, ultimately, that we ARE the engineers of our reality. That we create our worlds with our thoughts as well as our actions. You HAVE to take action though. It doesn't do yo any good to just sit and want your life to change, you have to take an active role in it.

So I have to ask again, what would you do if you knew you could choose your reality?

I know what I want next. It just seems as though I get in my own way. Sigh.

Positive thinking, right?

In which I fall madly in love...

... With Louise.

Every year, Kings Beach Tahoe hosts fireworks on the third of July. This is the first year I have been able to attend them. I have to say, it was pretty nice.

By far, though, the best part of the evening happened something like this:

We were driving a bit looking for a parking spot when we saw our friends Grant and Louise walking on the side of the road. Like any good friend, I stuck my head out the window and started hooting and hollering.

"Wooo! OW! Nice Bootie!" (yes, I really did say bootie)

Some strange reasonably young man replied, "Dude, lady, calm down" the rest was lost, but it was obvious that he thought I was hitting on him.

to which Louise replied, "She was talking to me."

apparently this shut down his attitude.

I love Louise.

The moral of the story is, don't assume its for you.

In which I am compared to a mythical creature

It was a lovely Sunday. My friends were floating the river. I couldn't float the river with them because I needed to be at the Farmer's Market selling soap and spinning wool.

Instead of pouting at home over my broken heart and the fact that my friends were off having fun without me, I headed down to the river to wait for them, enjoy the sunshine, and indulge in my new favorite summertime activity.

Blowing bubbles.

Somehow, I missed my friends, but I did find a fellow who was quite fascinated with the vision of me with my feet in the water blowing bubbles. I let him play a little too. When his friend caught up, we chatted a bit, and they told Gandhi (who had arrived at this point) and I that we were like those ladies in the river in the movie "O Brother Where Art Thou"

A siren is a lovely thing to be compared to, and given that, they went their way before we tempted them further from thier path. I don't get flirted with often (by men under 50), so I was appreciative of the compliment.

They did circle back, but by then Gandhi and I had discovered that we missed the group and were on our way to find them. They were nice fellows, and I may have brushed them off a bit, for which I feel a little guilty, but I also don't think I'm in a good position to get to know anyone. And I'm sure a couple of friendly fellows like them had no trouble finding companionship!

Horrifying photos

We have already discovered that I have a lot of weird fears.

I discussed at some point last week that I will not willingly put my hand somewhere I can't see into.

I just remembered something else that gives me the heebie jeebies.

Before I begin, let me explain to you that I love swimming pools. They are all clean and nice and there are no water plants. Typically, you can see the bottom.

But I hate the skimmer. I don't mind taking the lid off to look in there, but I will not reach in from poolside.

So you can imagine my horror when I found this picture:

(Photo compliments of Liberty Pool & Spa)

THERE'S A BABY IN THE SKIMMER!!!

I'll be curled up under my desk if you need me. Maybe not. Its dark under there. There could be things lurking.

They are out to get me (pt5)

I can't believe I had 5 days of bug stories to tell.

Once upon a time I went to Hawaii to see my dear friends get married. This was before I began blogging in earnest. I was alone because I had just gone through a breakup so I was alone. In a house full of other wedding guests.

ANYWAY

I came home from exploring one day to an empty house. Since it's pretty muggy there, I hopped into the shower.

Now, I knew before I went to HI that there wer gigantic roaches there. This is the reason why I decided not to go to college in HI. I dislike the roaches THAT MUCH. But for the visit, I could handle them.

They were in my room, but I ignored them and they ignored me and we were fine. It helped that I had my own room at that point AND that I could hear the ocean in there. glorious.

One night a friend of mine tried to kill one. he jumped on it. He bounced up and down a couple of times. He lifted his foot and it came running towards me! EEK!

So, I'm in the shower all nakid n stuff because that tends to be how I am when I am in the shower. I went to reach for my soap and I saw this:

Disclaimer: not Bubbly Creations Soap. It would be another year before I started my company.

That damn thing sat there waving and laughing at me while I washed with Noxema. It was awful.

I swear they are out to get me (pt4)

how the heck does one person have so many horrifying bug stories?

Remember that apartment where I lived next door to my boyfriend? Well, pretty soon he decided that he couldn't afford it on his own so he moved to a different one with a roommate. That didn't work out, so he got a different rommate and then moved across the street. Then I decided I couldn't do it on my own anymore and invited BOTH of them to move into my place where we all lived happily (mostly) for several years.

The roomate was great. She pretty much lived in her room, coming out to go to work and to get the pizza she pretty well lived on. She paid her bills and kept to herself.

One day though, after the Boyfriend and I had ended things and he moved out, the manager needed to spray for bugs on the back patio. Access to said patio was through the roomates room.

It turns out, her room was a pretty big mess and it was declared a fire hazard. We were told to clean it up.

I think she pulled 5 large trash bags of stuff out of her room that day. Apparently, that was good enough because the landlady didn't fine us or kick us out.

But there was one little thing.

Now, I'm not at all blaming this on the roomate. The people next door had JUST moved out so I don't really know where this came from.

But one night, I was sleeping in my bed. And I woke up to feel something crawling on me. Near my collarbone. INCHES from my face. So I reach up and grabbed it.

Only this time, I didn't throw it across the room. This time I decided to break habit and take a look at what was in my bed.

it looked something like this:

There was a roach. Of normal size. in my bed. I am surprised at how calm I was. I threw him in the toilet. I watched him go down the hole. I checked my bed and went back to sleep. The next day, I lined every available surface with Boric Acid. and never had another cockroach (of the insect kind. ahem) in my bed again.

Little Bliss List

I almost forgot this today.

It was a good week in many ways, and a tough one in others. I'm really trying not to dwell on the hurts and am making sure that I am doing healthy things. So, here is my list.

1. Lotsa blog inspiration. Silly little things that I want to share.
2. Exploring one of my broken parts and sharing why I am that way. It was that broken part that has been the catalyst for so much ouchie in the last week and while my feelings were and are valid, and it's something that needed to be said, it is still good for me to talk about my feelings and work on repairing that part so it doesn't cause trouble in the future. Check back next Sunday for that discussion.
3. POSTING AHEAD! I have so much going on in my head right now that I have been posting to the future and it's FUN!!
4. Fireworks over Lake Tahoe.
5. Blowing bubbles on the bank of the Truckee River (and at Lake Tahoe)
6. Quality time with friends. I think this is a repeat from last week, but I can't even begin to express how much it has meant to me to have them near and to be busy and social.

painting by Wendy Smith. Found on website http://www.fineartamerica.com/

Gratuitous Heebie Jeebies (Out to get me pt 3)

Photo compliments of geckosunlimited.com

I mentioned the other day that we used to regularly get rather large centipedes in our house.

They looked like that one up there.

Since we had small children in the house (yes, Pie and Brother were once tots. They haven't always been bigger than me) and I am (secretly) an overprotective big sister, I would catch them.

With a paper plate.

And flush them down the toilet.

This could easily be the end of the story but for one thing.

We lived in the country. We had a septic tank.

I was always afraid those 'pedes would some crawling back out of the toilet and bit me in the butt. They never did. But they could have!

I swear they are out to get me (pt2)

I used to say that the best way to "live with" a boyfriend would be to have him live next door. That way you are near each other but still have your own space.

I actually did this. It was kind of awesome. I recommend it.

I tend to be a bit of a packrat. I've gotten MUCH better over the years, but it's safe to say that the apartment I loved in was full.

The boyfriend is a minimallist. I tend to be attracted to those. At my house? Furniture galore! At his house, there was an inflatable couch (eventually a futon) and sleeping on the floor.

One night, not long after we moved into our apartments (he got his first, then mine opened up) I was sleeping over. On the floor.

Now, I don't know if you know this byt San Diego, in general, has bugs. Not just your standard bugs, but if you are anywhere near the water, you get water bugs. In FL they call them Palmetto bugs.

Gigantic Roaches.

They aren't as bad as they are in FL. Or HI (STILL another story!!). But they are there. In fact, when I was in Americorps, my roommate moved out of our room because they kept crawling up her leg. I think she even found one in her bed. But I digress.

So, I'm fast asleep on the floor when I wake up with something crawling upon me. And by me I mean right in the area of my collarbone. INCHES from my face.

I very calmly reached up, grabbed it, and threw it across the room where it landed with an audible thump.

By the way, despite the mess, I only ever saw one of these in my apartment. It was skittering (yes, audibly. I'm loving that word today) across the dining room table. I tried to get the cat to take care of it, but she didn't really seem to understand what I wanted her to do. I don't remember how it was handled.

I swear they are out to get me (pt 1)

I am not a big fan of insects and other bugs. Some are worse than others for me. Heaven forbid I should (knowingly) be in the same room with a cockroach. More on that later.

I was inspired by this post to tell the following story about creepy crawlies...

A couple of days ago I posted about how when I was a kid we lived in a place that had a lot of trees. There were a lot of trees because we lived out in the middle of nowhere. Trees, rocks, dirt. And bugs. Lots of them.

Spiders were a constant. It was not unusual for us to find tarantulas and what we called "wolf" spiders were prevalant in the house. I don't actually know what kind they were. As were scorpions and centepedes. 15 cm centepedes. But that's another story.

When we moved into the house in the country, my seester got her own room (which is STILL another story) and I shared with my little sister, Pie. Brother had a little alcove off of Pie and my main room. After Seester moved out, instead of moving into her room, we moved Brother out of his alcove and moved me into it. It was just slightly less wide than a twin mattress, which me shoved into the end part of the room, and this is where I slept. Pie and Brother had twin beds, I had a mattress on the floor and was thrilled to finally have my own little space.

Fast forward a couple of months and I wake up one night with a bad feeling. That feeling was crawling up my leg.

To this day, I don't know what it was. But it was big enough that I was able to reach down under the covers, grasp it, and throw it accross the room where it landed on something with an audible noise.

It wasn't until later that I worried that perhaps it could have gone after my brother next since his bed was next in line.

A few weeks later, I happened to mention to my dad on the phone that we found a scorpion in the laundry. Within days I do believe that I had a pretty new daybed to sleep on. (the daybed JUST fit lengthwise in the alcove. It took up about half the width, with my two nightstand/dressers taking up almost the other half. There was just enough room for my legs between the objects. Needless to say, my area was never a mess...)

(this photo was taken after we left the house in the country. I was 15. I think I finally retired that nightgown when I was 22 or so. I didn't grow much after 8th grade...)

We're still funny from Friday

Bratty tends to get the music from Super Mario Brothers stuck in her head. Which means that she will sing it thorughout the day. Which means that one or both of us is singing along to the Super Mario Brothers game playing on our heads.

Original NES style.

So I played "Super Mario Brothers Ghost". You know, Boo? Who I always think should be called Boo Radley but everyone knows that's the guy from "To Kill a Mockingbird", which is what I think about when I talk about putting stuff in the knotholes of trees. Depositrees.

I was nearly biting Bratty's head when I realized that the guy accross the way (who tends to be amused by our antics far more than he is crankypants, BTW) could SEE me making scary hands and fangy face at Bratty so I retreated the two feet back to my chair, embarassed and giggly.

I don't even think he noticed. But he was cranky pants that day. (which was Friday but I'm posting to the future again)

Because blogging is theraputic, damnit

So is chopping down trees.

I think. I can't say for certain because I have never actually chopped down a tree. I tried to take one down once with my pocket knife. It was harder than it looked. I was determined. I can't remember if I actually accomplished my task or if someone gave me a larger hand saw. They didn't let us play with chainsaws that day.

Actually, I am afraid that if I use a chainsaw, that I will cut off my leg. Or the chain will come flying off and tear off my face. I am not, however, particularly afraid of axes.

Which is why when I finally get around to removing the tree from my front yard, I will use my trusty Polaski. At one point, someone said they would remove the tree with a chainsaw, but it didn't happen. So I will remove it myself. With an axe. Eventually. It's not going to get any deader. And I'm pretty sure it's been dead for almost a year.

There are several things that I think will happen when I try to chop down my tree:

• I think that the axe will get stuck in the trunk and I will have to go find a stronger person (ahem. a man) to remove the axe. (Men are kind of in short supply right now) Then he will make fun of me for being a girl and either finish chopping down the tree, or point and laugh while I try again, or go get a chainsaw.
• I will chop into the tree only to discover that the root system has already rotted away and it will fall over. With my axe still stuck in it. Then I will stand there with my hands on my hips and stare.
• I will chop down the tree and feel all woman powered and tough and shit.
• I'll miss the trunk and chop my fool foot off.
• Bullits

Once the tree is down, I don't really know what I will do with it. But I have a feeling it will have more to do with the axe and maybe a lopper.

Then someone can use it for kindling. It's not a very big tree.

Little Bliss List

I worried that I would not be able to dig up enough bliss this week to form a list. But it seems to me that when you are hurting the most, that is when you should find those blissful moments. That's when it is most important to count your blessings.

Without sounding too maudlin, and I am trying really hard to move out of the "woe is me" phase, I'm still walking a fine line between tears and "okay". When I care, I care deeply, whether I am showing it or not. I hope that never changes about me.

I started my list early. So that I wouldn't miss or forget anything. It's so easy to lose the sunshine when life is a little cloudy.

1. I got to snuggle the most adorable pit bull puppy. She's 7 weeks old and still made of velvet and milk teeth
2. my own pup has been at my side, where I need him, and I am thankful for him
3. time with friends has been awesome this week. They have taken turns distracting me and cheering me up.
4. I signed up for the Color Me Rad run in Reno in September. I know its a couple of months away, but I am really looking forward to a fun little 5k full of color. I don't see how it won't be joyful.
5. I hit over 10,000 steps on my fancy pedometer two days in a row!!

Amusing ourselves.

I know that you have noticed that I tend to have a lot of typos. And it tends to create all sorts of giggling in the cube. (which just got me snapped at by the guy accross the way, but what he doesn't know is that I need to be giggling right now. weepy, snotty monsters are no fun to work with. I'm okay with him not knowing that. Home drama does not belong at work.)

That is not the point. The point is, that I tend to misspell the word "Depository" mostly because it is not pronounced that way in common conversation. Instead, I spell it "Depositry" which is probably why Hooked on Phonics went out of business.

I forget to use Spell Check. Always. Except when I send an email since outlook is awesome and I set it up to be automatic.

That is also not the point.

The point is, that I explained to Bratty that it IS a Depositry when you are depositing your money or precious things into the knothole of the tree in your yard.

Which I have never done. Because the only tree with a knothole in my yard when I was a kid had bees in it. (The tree in my yard now is too little to have knotholes. It's not going to get any bigger because it is dead.someday I will chop it down. With an axe. More on that later) That may be a bit of an exaggeration, we had a lot of trees. but I only remember one having a hole in it.

The knothole story brought up the fact that I will not willingly stick my hand or fingers into holes I can't see into. I'm afraid there will be bugs in there. or dead things. Or leaves. Or really anything that might go TSSS or crunch when I touch it.

This is why I will not go rock climbing. I have reoccurring thoughts of what it would be like to reach into a crack, halfway up a mountain, find something scary, let go and fall off.

No thank you.

This conversation reminded me of the fact that I can't see under my desk and that there might be scary things lurking under there. It took awhile before I stopped being afraid of the underneath of my desk, although now that I mention it, it's creepy under there.

Short, (bitter)sweet, and hopefully without drama

In short, I've gone out and had my heart broken again. As always, I had hoped that the last time would be the last time and that THIS time I would get it right.

I was wrong.

It's possible that the door was left cracked open. Time will tell about that. There was no drama, no burned bridges. There is no hate or anger.

That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

As I told my mother, this isn't the first time I've been through this (as always, I hope it's the last). I know that I will hurt physically for a little while. (Funny how a broken heart actually feels like your heart is breaking. The nausea is new). I know that I will have to force myself to eat for a couple of weeks. I know the weepies will sneak up on me and that I will have to fight them away while I maintain the facade that I am happy and joyful and that the world is my oyster.

I don't actually like oysters. Well, the critter itself is just fine and I really like the way that they take something irritating and hurtful and turn it into something beautiful. But they taste terrible. And they are filter feeders. Gross. And well, we've already discovered that I don't make pearls, I make... eew, I'm not talking about that.

And that is the state of things right now.

Hooray!

They told me how to fix it.

Lost without you

I really dislike our society's current misuse of the terms "obsessed" and "addicted" because I tend to feel like these terms describe something far more serious than you really like tuna sammiches and that's all you want to eat right now or gee, I sure do like roses and like to have them on my dining room table. (I do like roses but I no longer have a dining room table)

No, in my world an obsession is something you can't stop thinking about. It's something dark and clinical and can be dangerous. It can go hand in hand with an addiction which to me means your body has become so accustomed to a substance be it made by your body (Adrenalin and endorphins) or something you ingest like cocaine or caffeine. Sugar.

I also am very very careful with the term "Love". I love my mom. And my siblings. and their children. There are a few men from my past that I will admit (in my head) to having loved. I know I loved them because part of me still does and always will even though I know now that we are better off not together. I love my critters. The very sight of them brings me an unbelievable amount of joy from the very depths of my soul.

I try not to love things.

But I can't help it. I love my Striiv. It's all I talk about. I check it all day. It's not the same kind of love I feel for the living things in my life, but when I dropped it yesterday and it wouldn't turn back on, I didn't know what to do with myself.

When I woke up this morning, I thought, OH BOY! Another day of reaching goals! And then I remembered.

I feel nakid without it by my side.

I don't want to get up off my lazy butt to go get things off the printer because, why? Walking just isn't fun anymore.

I want my centaurs to wave at me. I want to get more fairies and tigers and what else will come up that I don't know about? It's fun. It's exciting.

I'm pretty sure that I have completed another marathon since I last logged in. Earned more water for needy children. Maybe even a polio vaccine. How far up Mt Everest have I climbed?

I may never know! And now that I know that I CAN know, I WANT to know!

I contacted customer service. They got right back to me! They even gave me a link to a squishy cover for clumsy people like me. He told me how to fix it (we hope!) but I left it at home today. I'm still trying to decide if I should take my lunch break to go get it. Silly? Yes. But I have never said that I am not. If it is really really broken for ever, he gave me a coupon code for a discount on a new one. I hope I don't have to use it, but it's totally worth every penny. The customer service has been great. I want to send them cupcakes. Or cookies.

I'm totally not getting paid for any of this gushing. And since the Striiv is all I seem to be able to talk about lately, I'm sure that I will be letting you know how it all pans out.

Friday Bliss

I'm having a little trouble with it today because I have a VERY long weekend ahead of me which may include very little handsome man and a whole lot of being outside in the hot sun chasing rollergirls. Add that to the fact that I have business issues that I need to take care of face to face that came to light at about 8:00 this morning when I was still nakid and supposed to be at work and you can imagine that digging out the bliss might take a minute.

It's there. I know it. Because I am blessed, damnit. And it's been a couple of weeks since I have participated in Liv's list so I should really be overflowing with blissful things.

The funny thing about stress though, is that it becomes your every moment of thought. So the blissfull things that you would usually roll around in and toss joyfully into the air like sparkle confetti get forgotten in the focus of that one stressful moment.

Enough of that.

1. Poo came into town for a visit. In addition to getting to hang out with him, he cooked me a steak the size of my head and  I ate the whole thing. The whole thing. It was delicious. The bone and fat? went to the dog, who doesn't generally get that sort of thing. I think he might be hooked.
2. I love my new pedometer! Yesterday, when I synced it, I discovered that in the last couple of weeks I have completed a full marahon and part of another. It's great to be able to see the progress I have been making.
3. So, I'm at the handsome man's house on Sunday and I happen to glance up and see the most brilliant blue sky. So, I stared at it for awhile, and before I knew it, he was exclaiming that we have access to the bluest sky that there ever was. And we just sat there for a bit staring at the sky together.
4. My neighbor had a BBQ. It was tough to go because she and I have never actually met, but she's a smart one and invited the neighborhood, knowing that it might get noisy. Befor eI knew it, there was talk of fire spinners and kareoke. By the time I left, I was glad I went.
5. Poo and I cleaned up the yard a bit and he fired up the grill and we sat on the back patio and I just simply enjoyed the heck out of my home. And it was goood.
6. Goodbad chinese food and a free movie in the wife and sister! It is always fun hanging out with them, and well, you just can't get better than free for a movie.

I've missed my dear Poo. It's been a couple of years since I saw him and it wasn't until I picked him up from the airport that I realized just how big of a hole in my life he is supposed to fill. It was aewsome to have him and I am really happy that his new job will bring him to my area more often. I had to keep reminding myself that he would be back soon. He and the dog got along famously as I knew they would.

The rollercoaster (again)

If you have been keeping up with my ramblings for more than a day or two you know that I tend to think that I struggle with my weight. The reason I think I do is because some days I am content with where I am size wise and other days I feel like jabba the hutt.

Heaven forbid I should happen across a side view. (did you know that my boobs are fricken ginormous? I mean, they look pretty normal when I am getting ready for my shower but then I see a picture and I'm like WHOA! I can't believe I can do crunches with those things!!)

Anyhow, I am back on the "I'm gonna lose that 20 pounds, damnit" bandwagon. To help me with this, I bought myself a fancy pedometer. It has become my new favorite distraction. It tracks things I never would have thought of. you can see it (and buy it) here (this is not a paid advertisement. I really did spend 100 bux on a little machine that applauds when I do something good)

I love it. I've climbed the statue of liberty in stairs already. and I burn about a soda and a cupcake every day. So of course I have to replace those things... I'm kidding. But I have crossed the golden gate bridge 7 times in the last 2 weeks and I didn't even have to leave Reno!

The dog likes it because I run all over the house trying to complete challanges. My coworkers thing I'm nuts(er) because I get caught climging up and down the stairs.

That's all. We'll see if I can shed that poundage.

This story was a lot more exciting when I was going to include pictures, but my "skinny" picture looked like a blonde ape with really big knockers and well, after that I thought maybe I should get back to work.

It's that time of year

It just hit me that it's summer. I love summer. Late nights on the porch, looking at the sky with warm breezes all around.

Summer always feels like it is going to last forever but by the time it ends, I'm ready to start in with wintery things.

One thing I love about the summer is the state fair. I like to ride the Zipper (and hope I don't die in that poorly maintained deathtrap!!). I like to smell cotton candy and hot dogs and maybe try and win a stuffie. More than that, I like to look at the things that people make. The quilts and the photography. All the artsy crafty things. I like to visit with the spinners and weavers and talk about how if I just gave up a little skating I might have time to hang out with them more.

I love the animals. All the sheep and the goats and the chickens. I like to visit with the cows and talk to the horses. I like to listen to the pigs and smell the hay.

I like to look at all the stuff for sale that I don't need.

Nevada doesn't have a state fair anymore. I can't say it was particularly impressive before, but now that its gone, I kind of miss it. I hope they have something similar again this year.

Communication is key

I try not to complain about my job (here) because this IS a public forum and I would like to keep my job. But the following conversation is happening RIGHT NOW and it illustrates that clear communication is important. And a time saver. Mind you, the information I need is currently less than 5 feet away. But asking her interrupts her work flow. I can look it up, but that is causing me extra work that could have been communicated in less than 50 keystrokes.

coworker: Can one of you pick me up at the airport?
me: are you there right now??
(insert very long pause)
Coworker: No, tomorrow.
me: what time?
(I am still waiting for the answer to this)

She could have saved us a ton of effort and emails had she simply said, "Can one of you pick me up at the airport tomorrow at 8:30?"

I run into this a lot. People assuming you know what they are thinking and in the process send messages in a manner that is truncated. Or that since the information is availbale somewhere, you chould just go look it up.

For example, I might ask, "Do you want chicken or fish for lunch?" and you reply, "Yes."

This sort of thing makes me want to start drinking at work. Unfortunately, I would get fired. See above.

Sigh.

It's been more than 30 minutes. I'm still waiting to find out when I am supposed to pick her up.

Later...

It's been three hours. I just sent another message which said, "I will happily pick you up at the airport tomorrow but I need to know when your plane lands"

I did check her calendar (nothing) and I do know when she is supposed to land, but really? She needs to tell me when to come and get her. Principle.

The next day...
Pickup went great; her phone had died. BUT I made sure we are all set to get her back to the airport and have confirmed date and time for pick up again next week. I'm a planner. It's what I do.

Censoring my inner asshole

I need to remind myself that just because I can be an asshole in my head doesn't mean I need to share it with everyone. I understand that this makes for some entertaining or conversation provoking blogging, but that doesn't mean that is who I want to be.

These things are being written because the last couple of days I AM being an asshole in my head. And I DID share the assholery with Bratty... and those things that were coming out from my mouth? Sounded even worse verbalized. Partially because she belongs to the demographic I was ranting against. But she? Tends to get a pass because I love her.

So since I didn't get the relief I was looking for from her, I came here and started typing it out. Yanno what? the assholery grew. It didn't get better, it grew. I don't feel better for having shared it, I feel like I should feel guilty for feeling the way that I do.

Not a good way to spend the day. In the end, the more I bitch about it, the more I am the bitch. I am reminded that I need to stop expecing a cookie for being part of the village, and for doing my job. Goodness knows, thats a behaviour I don't accept from other people, why should I accept it from myself?

The shoe is kind of on the other foot.

I don't know if I have mentioned that over the last two years since we were in a realtionship and then it ended, that Cheese and I have remained friends. We don't hang out often but will occasionally go have lunch or dinner. He still has a key to my place so he can play with the dog whenever he wants (he rarely does) or wash his truck, and thankfully so because I've locked myself out of the house twice and given the wrong key to my mom once. Although we didn't work out romantically, I am lucky to still have him as a friend and I couldn't ask for a better one.

The guy I've been seeing (who I don't talk about except in extreme generalities for understandable reasons) thinks it's strange and a bit creepy that my ex has a key to my house, but is thankfully not the jealous type and doesn't say much about it.

Cheese's (fairly new) girlfriend decided that it was a good time to meet me. To which I readily agreed, since I never want to put someone in the position I was once in. The plan was to have a double date. TGIBS declined, as he doesn't want to meet my exes. I understand this. Just because I am friends doesn't mean he has to be and well, as long as he doesn't have a problem with the friendships, there's no reason to force the issue. There is no drama there; instead of a table for 4, it would be a table for three.

But apparently, without TGIBS, there was an issue. And they ended up breaking up over it. And that makes me feel sad even though I didn't really have anything to do with it. But I have been the jealous girlfriend watching my man spend time with someone he still cared about (I don't know what Cheese's feeling are towards me now, as far as I know, they are totally platonic.) and although I would gladly fade away rather than be the catalyst for a break up, that was never put on the table (as far as I know).

And although it's different because I was (am) willing to do whatever makes her comfortable (in his world her feelings should come first!), it kind of sucks that our friendship caused drama. I hope they are able to work it out.

Belated Bliss

I thought I missed out on sharing my bliss last week, but apparently, there's still a bit of time!

1. More good times with good friends
2. I started riding my bike a little last weekend! Just arond the neighborhood, but a little is more than nothing!
3. Good times, laughter and good company.
4. Lots of alone time which means I got a few projects done, read some books, and my house is pretty clean! In fact, I didn't even panic or scramble when someone new was coming over last night, I already knew it was clean enough. I know that the people who know me know that I tend towards clutter, and while this person is not one to judge, I always worry the first time someone new comes over. And sometimes when someone not-new comes over...

A heart full of happy

Friday os quickly becomming my favorite day because I get to share all the happy moments from my prior week. Thanks Liv Lane for continuing to host the Little Bliss List!

I took lots of blissful pictures, but I can't get them from here. :(

1. ROAD TRIP!! I packed up the dog last weekend and we went over the hill to visit my cousin. I got to hang out with my family, and Chango got to hang out with his friend Casey(dog)

2. When I got there, my nephew came out of his room to greet me as soon as he heard my voice. He may not hug me without prompt, he may not share his school triumphs or even have converstaions with me, (actually, he only communicated directly with me thiat weekend to puch me out of his favorite chair. I thought it was funny) but the fact that he came out of his room to greet me in his way told me he loves me.

3. HANDMADE! I headed over the hill to attend the Davis Whole Earth Festival. Although it was full of Hippies, and I was pretty granola'd out in the first hour or so, I always enjoy the opportunity to see and shop for well crafted handmade items. I scored a butter dish and a wind chime. Funny thing about the chime, I was attracted to it because it said "Bliss" and I wanted to use a picture of it here. I asked if I could take one, and the artist was okay with it. Then, I went ahead and bought it. The picture is still on my camera, of course.

4. Watching my nephew and his dad play. Listening to him laugh and giggle and watching him be tickled. That little boy (pre teen! Oh my goodness!!) is so fortunate to have a set of parents that love him. I know its not easy to have a special needs child.

5. Late night talks with my niece. She's a teen now and will start high school next year. She's so body concious. I enjoy the opportunity to sit down and help her to understand that she can't compare herself with the girls on TV, that her body is still changing, and how proud I am that she's boxing and developing good exercize habits, something my siblings and I never really did, and what a wonderful young lady she has grown to be. This is the second time we've been able to have these conversations, just the two of us after everyone has gone to bed, and I hope there are many more in the future.

6. Cupcakes!! One of my skating friends had a birthday this week and mentioned that she forgot to blow out a candle or have a birthday cake. So I made her cupcakes and held a tealight while everyone sang to her. This is the other reason I love derby.

There were so many more moments, too many to keep track of. Each one special in its own way. I can't wait to start counting up my moments for next week. Starting... NOW

Goodbye to another relic from my childhood

I hesitate to use the term relic, but I just thougt idol seemed too, worshippy.

Donna Summer has passed away.

I can't help but admit that I knew it would happen soon, but I still got a bit verklempt over it.

DONNA SUMMER DUDES! We totally exercized with my mom to her music. We sang to her in the car. We disco danced the night away. We had Donna Summer RECORDS!! Well, my mom did. And then they got stolen.

Donna Summer was part of my early childhood soundtrack. I will mourn her passing by buying her music and blasting it in my car. I am so very sad.

Things that need to fade out of popularity

Alright. That's it. I'm going to start a list of things that are so overdone, I don't want to think about them anymore. They need to go away. It's possible that they just need to be enjoyed quietly, but mostly, they need to go away.

1. Moustaches. Fake ones. They've been everywhere for a couple of years and it's time for them to be retired as a trend.  If you haven't noticed this, you have your head buried in the sand. Sure they were quirky at first. They stop being quirky when you see them at Wal Mart. And yes, I made moustaches on sticks and put them in my family's stockings year before last. THE YEAR BEFORE LAST. I'm so tired of them, I don't even want to moustachio the town anymore. And that is really sad.

2. "Keep Calm and ..." fuck you, I don't want to keep calm. If you google this, you will discover that you should keep calm and just about everything. Once again, quirky at first, nostalgic and all, but get over it already.

3. Bacon. This is on my list of things that should be enjoyed quietly. And, actually, it's the thing that inspired this list. Because I happened across a listing for bacon flavored lip balm. I have now seen Bacon flavored: lip balm, beer, vodka, soap. Things are shaped like bacin, scented like bacon. 10 years ago, it was amusing when I recieved a catalog that sold bacon band-aides. And Shower curtains. Once again, quirky then. Don't get me wrong. I love bacon. I eat it semi frequently. I would eat it ALL THE TIME if I wasn't just a little bit health concious. Suddenly, we seem to want bacon everywhere. We want to eat it, drink it, and smell like it? I have a problem with that.

4. Hello Kitty. This one doesn't stick in my craw like the others, but she's everywhere. In your house, on your toast. it's ok if you're 10 (says the girl with a Mr Potato Head collection) but if you're sticking Miss White everywhere and you're in your thirties, you might need counseling.

To be continued...

I might be overwhelmed again

it happens easily.

Yesterday I walked out of my house, shut the door, and realized that my keys were still inside. Thankfully, I have people who have keys. Thank you, Sean.

Today, I put my pants on backwards.

But I remembered to grab my keys!!

Horoscope

I think I misspelled that. I don't really care.

Meanwhile,

For all my mystical silliness and rocks and prayers, I don't really believe in western Astrology. Firstly, the decriptions of "Virgo" rarely actually describes me. The neatness and all that just don't seem to apply. I would be okay with myself if they did, but I don't have time for that sort of thing. I think my final straw with Astrology was when I went on two different first dates with men I met on the internet and one of the first things they asked when we sat down was, "Are you boring because you are a Virgo?"

Hardly. Assholes. I can think of a few people who would probably like it if I were a little more on the boring side, actually, but where is the fun in that??

However, I still read my Horoscope because I find it amusing. (at least I can be consistant in my misspellings, right?) The person who writes them for the local paper is notoriously bad. As in, I have thought about writing in to complain but they have gotten a little bit better. Instead of waxing nostalgic on the weather, she has been a little more interesting.

Today, it said this: "You will give a kindness to someone that you wish someone had given you"

and the first thing I thought was, gosh, I hope so.

My life? It overflows with kindness from others. Overflows. And I can only hope that I am giving back by being kind as well.

Mega Moonrise

Oh, the happy moments...

I sold some soap this week! Some at the Cinco De Mayo Celebration where I not only got to skate, but also sell soap, it was like two things I love collided. It was a little bit of a train wreck here and there but I think I pulled through since I will be doing it again in a couple of weeks!! I also gained what I hope will be a regular wholesale customer this week. She picked up two batches yesterday. It was nice to have to opportunity to chat with her for a little while too. YAY!

Then I sat in the truck, and had a drink (There was no driving in the future) while the giant moon rose over the hills to the East. I'm so glad we happened to be pointing East while that was going on. It was amazing.

Good food and better company.

Head on over to Liv Lane's place for more bliss sharing!

A Rare Book/Movie Discussion

I tend to be a bit behind on current movies because I don't often see them in the theater and I only recently got Netflix. I had a Blockbuster account, but I had some overdue fines and refused to pay them because I don't like it when robots call me and mispronounce my name. Last name would be fine. I get that. It's not english and a little difficult for some people to wrap their toungues around. But my FIRST name. It's pretty damn simple.

Anywho,

I tend to be a little behind on movies. The other day, I recieved Water For Elephants.

First, let me tell you that I loved the book. Loved it so much that I still have it and now that I think about it, I might read it again. I was really looking forward to seeing it translated to the big screen.

Second, let me tell you that I'm not really a fan of Robert Pattenson. While it's not his fault that the whole Twilight saga really pretty much sucks, he just didn't LOOK good all pale annd sparkly. If I were a creepy old lady, I'd go Team Jacob. But I'm not. I like men my own age.However, in this role, I was pleased with his appearance and his acting. He played a believeable role and helped me forget the whole Vampire nonsense. I may stop sneering when I hear his name.

Reese Witherspoon. I like her movies. I like that she pretty much keeps herself out of the tabloids. I alternate between thinking she's pretty and that she's weird looking. In this movie, she kind of fell on the side of the weird. But that works for a circus film. And holy crap, she looks great for having popped out a couple of kids. She wore those skimpy little outfits like there was no tomorrow. Made me want to stop eating and start exercising. (like that would ever happen...)

Overall, the movie didn't really disappoint... But it wasn't spectacular either. It didn't really delve into the relationships that developed between the Humans and Rosie like the book did. There were some really key emotions that got missed. Rosie was pushed to the background in a way that she wasn't in the book. In the book, she was a main charactor, whereas in the movie, she was just kind of there like the lions or the tigers. She should have been the star of the movie with the interactions between the people secondary.

I know. Hollywood. They give the crowds what they want. And there is only so much that can be done when bringing a book to screen. While I'm glad that I saw it, I understand why it didn't get the acclaim it could have had.

If you have not, do read the book.

Afternoon Giggles

This week has been kind of hectic as two of my worlds collide; I have a Roller Derby Event AND a soap booth at the same event. It's been busy and crazy and I have aprehension and I need new knee pads before tomorrow.

And a thousand other things.

Once again, Debbie came to my rescue as we headed down stairs for some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. We giggled and laughed all the way down the stairs and into the branch. We leaned on each other and laughed like drunk teenagers. I'm sure our patrons thought we were drunk, but even better, they saw us having fun at work. We laughed and giggled all the way back up the elevator to our desks.

True bliss at play.

I'll just plan my own damn marathon.

My coworker in the next cube, you know the one, with the rock garden, also likes to run. And by running I mean that she trains for marathons and actually does them.

I find this woman to be particularly inspireing because she isn'e like your typical marathon runner. When I think of marathon runners, I think of really skinny men in tiny, tiny shorts and socks and running shoes bursting through a ribbon with a look of well, a picture is worth a thousand words.

photo from http://www.oregonlive.com/

I don't think of Debby who looks like a normal person of her age and has a granddaughter on the way. She looks like I imagine I will look when I am her age. (I hope I also have her attitude.) She isn't old, just, you know, not 20 and musclebound. I don't think...

ANYWAY

Several months ago, she told me about the Nike Half marathon where women go and run around San Fransicso and handsome firemen present them with Tiffany's. Apaprently, this event is so huge you have to get into a lottery to hopefully get in. I think my cousin did it last year.

I thought about training for it but then I got Netflix.


Debby came around the corner today with her pouty face on. She didn't get in.

Now, I don't know how you could not want a Debby, but apparently there just isn't room for her to oogle some fireman and get sparklies. I like sparklies. They don't have to be Tiffany's, but I do like the color of the box.

So I have decided that i am going to host my own dang marathon. I'm going to have a marathon and hand out... sequined pasties.

Does anyone know how to host a marathon?

Ah. blissity bliss

Once again it's time for Liv Lane' Little Bliss list, where I recap happy moments from my week. Doing this has helped me so much in finding joy in the little things and keeping track of the happy moments instead of dwelling on drama.

Actually, I have been trying to not get involved in the drama. it's working a little bit

1. Thursday morning rainbows. I don't get to see a lot of rainbows up here in the high desert, so it's a treat to ge to. It's also a treat that at 12:30 in the afternoon the fog was still sitting on the sierras. I miss fog. The gentle way it kisses your skin. How it makes all the greens just a little bit greener...

Photo thank you to http://www.rgj.com/. this is the one. and it was lovely.

2. A text from my aunt who was experiencing her own rainbow down in Carson City, enjoying an early morning walk, and thinking of things that start with R.

3. Crab Feed on Saturday. I've never eaten so much crab in my whole life. Rumor has it, I ate more than anyone. And I wore it home. All that aside though, it was a wonderful time with some good company and I hope I get to do it again.

4. Defying Gravity. Since my knee has been hurting, I have thought it best that I stay off of my skates. Monday, while I stood there, reffing the nights scrimmage I realized that I don't really want to be ther eif I am not rolling. So Wednesday night, I forced myself to go, but allowed myself to skate. Gently. Not only that, but I did it for the joy. With my ipod in and Frank Sinatra playing. And then, I switched it to the Wicked Soundtrack and realized that for me, skating is my chance to fly. I turned it all the way up and grinned like an idiot and just, enjoyed the wind in my face while the girls stretched. Happily, my knee didn't hurt at all Thursday. YAY!!

5. Dinner with a friend who is moving. Buckeye Beefacke is a wonderful woman with whom I have had the opportunity to skate over the past couple of years. I cannot say enough nice things about her, and I am really going to miss her. Of all the people I have known, she is probably one of the most sensitive and genuinely kind. I wish her the best. I'm glad we got to have one more bloomin onion before she leaves.

A good week for smiles

Once again it's time for Liv Lanes's Little bliss list fun! I look forward to sharing my happiness with you every week (except when I don't) and hope you enjoy hearing about the little joys in my life. Collecting these moments throughout the week really helps me focus on the positive things in my life.

1. Soapy madness! I have a tendancy to fall short on things like wrapping and labelling my soap especially when life is busy. This winter, I made a bunch, wrapped enough to get me through a craft show, and then forgot about the rest. This week, I got all of it prewrapped (each bar of my soap is wrapped first in wax paper and then in "pretty" paper. This helps protect the soap and keeps any evaporating liquids from leaching through the pretty paper). Well, most of it anyway, I ran out of glue stick last night with two bars of lavender left. It feels really good to have gotten this done.

2. More soapy madness! There were a few bars laying around that had been left without labels so long that I couldn't remember what kind they were. I'm sure I could have figured it out, but I gave them away on facebook instead. I cleared some clutter off my shelf, and the people who got soap, semmed pretty excited about it. WIN!!

3. The power of positive thinking did NOT clean my kitchen last night, but elbow grease did!! I love a clean kitchen. It's all ready for me to use it.

4. I attribute positive thinking and a change in vocabulary to the fact that although I was in extreme pain on Monday after my little knee fall, I feel almost back to where I was last week pain-wise. Not totally healed, I still have pain, but not nearly what I thought. I have almost full range of motion and while I still can't bend it all the way under or kneel on it, why do I need to do that right now anyway? Positive thinking. Change in vocabulary. And a whole lot of tigerbalm.

5. Last night, my laptop started making a really funny noise. Alarmed, I picked it up and opened it and discovered that my sister was calling on Skype! It was great to talk to her and the girls and to see her husband's noggin in the picture as he kissed them all hello. I miss my family so much; it's great to have these wonderful tools so I can see them sometimes.

What is making you smile today?

The Power of Postive Thinking

Ever since I realized that I am not doing myself any good by using broken terminology to describe myself, I am amazed (again) at all the wonderful things that positive thinking is achieving for me.

And by "all the wonderful things" I mean that my knee is healing much faster this time and MAYBE I might be able to play Star Wars on the Kinnect sometime soon. But no skating until I get new knee pads and really not until the bout we have coming up. Because if I can't roll on that track, I may sit down and cry. I don't know if I have mentioned it yet today, but I am NOT a pretty crier. AND crying makes my nose run a lot and there's never a hankie around when I need one.

SO. Positive thinking. Lets see if it works...

I would like to bake this evening. Which I have been saying for like 3 weeks or something since I happened across this recipe, which I still have not made. But I did make scalloped potaoes, which I have been mistakenly calling potatoes au gratin but in my head it's Potatoes au Gracie because I replaced the ham with kilbasa and used nonfat milk because I didn't have any cream. I also meant to put broccoli in there but I forgot about it until it was too late. So did I also make eggs benedict except that I didn't follow the directions correctly so my hollandaise sauce was funky.  It needs a lot of work before I feed it to anyone else. NOT that I have been feeding anyone breakfast lately. So anyway, I have been wanting to bake something ever since I saw that and this,  neither of which have actually been made but I did buy buttermilk. I'm not sure if I need buttermilk, but I will check the recipes this time.

Positive thinking.

I am thinking positively that my kitchen will be clean when I get home. That the kitchen fairies will have done good work while I was at work and all those dirty dishes will be gone. Not from all that cooking I have been doing, I've been pretty lazy this week. And I'm a little depressed that I killed my muffin tin making these, or something like them, which are delicious. I've been eating them every day. Today I decided they needed a little bit of maple syrup but I didn't have any.

Muffin tin. that baked on egg is gonna come RIGHT OUT next time I try. And the Kitchen is going to be CLEAN when I get home... So I can make some more tastiness.

Did I mention the stuffed jalapenos? yeah, I'm mastering those too. I even bought breadcrumbs. The breadcrumbs will also come in handy the next time I decide to doctor some kraft mac and cheese because I have to be brutally honest here, the cheetoes I used as a topping last time were a very bad idea. In fact, I don't think I like cheetos anymore. Cheese balls and puffs on the other hand are fair game.

An unexpected goodbye

I am the kind of person who will occasionally wake up, get dressed, and put a rock in my pocket before I leave the house.

My reasons for this are sometimes spiritual and sometimes purely for the joy of having a rock in my pocket. I like rocks. Always have.

Having rediscovered a favorite the other night, I decided to pop my shiva lingum in my pocket yesterday and off I went, promptly forgetting about my pocket payload. (picture is from this website if you would like your very own sacred stone from india!!)

Fast forward to afternoon when, after sitting for a very long time, I decided to take a walk. Just as my coworker from the cube over walked by. I acctidentally bumped the rock in my pocket and was reminded that the coworker next door loves rocks like I do. So I decided to share.

I pulled the stone from my pocket, handed it to her to see, and she thanked me wholeheartedly! And in my mind I went CRAP!! I can't argue though, apparently, she was supposed to get that rock. And really, if there's anyone I would want to share my collection with, it's her. She loves it. She declared it a dinosaur egg and I suggested that it might hatch a pterodactyl. After all, it was her neighborhood that housed the burning pterodactyl last week. One never knows.

What I do know is that my favorite holy rock decided to move on today and I don't think it could have picked a better place to go.

Gimpy, No.

I reinjured my knee last night. In the usual way, doing what I have trained to do. It wasn't the manuver but the impact that hurt. I just can't slam my knee into the floor these days. At least not the right one.

It hurt a lot, but it hurt more to think that I'm going to have to be off skates for awhile longer while I allow it to heal. Last night was my first back to practice since the last time I hurt myself about a month ago.

In the process of talking it over with my wife though, I realized that in many ways my thought processes undermine my healing. I joke around about being clumsy. Accident prone. Injured all the time. Gimpy. And you know what? I am. Then I get better and Whoa! clumsy me, I am hurt again.

I have to stop. I have to stop being negative because I am making those things true. There's something else that is true. I am strong. I am healthy. I am a good healer.

Let's focus on that instead, shall we?

Friday Bliss list and some other things too

Oh my, it has been a busy couple of weeks. There have been a great many things to be blissed out about.

Last weekend I got to explore new places with a person I like to spend time with.

A little extra money came in and I was able to buy some new pants, spoil myself a little and get caught up on my bills

I also started tracking my spending so I can keep more of the money I make. I am notoriously bad about living from paycheck to paycheck. I don't have to. And as a grown up (sort of) I don't want to. I am amazed at how I nickle and dime myself out of a lot of money; stopping for snacks or potluck supplies or quick trips to the craft store (which I have largely stopped doing but still). Insane cravings fro Panda (crack) Express

I've been cooking a lot lately. Almost every day. And by cooking I mean from scratch, not out of a box or out of the freezer. It feels good to experiment with different recipes and think of ways that they can be improved. Plus, when I make my own food, I can sneak broccoli and spinach and such in there and make it healthier.

AN ORDER!! Awesome.


Funny, I was so busy remembering all the great things that I forgot what the other stuff was.

Multipliers

It's been a couple of weeks since I have particiapted in Liv Lane's little bliss list. And I have to say that those two weeks have been some of the most perfect and blissful times. It would take me all day to list out everything that has happened to make me smile, so I list what I can remember right now...

Watching the sunset and dancing in the kitchen.
My flowers are starting to bloom
I'm getting my house in order again
Planning trips
Spreading the joy

The dance party looked a little bit like this...

 

Being thankful every day for all the gifts, past present and future. I really am so very, very blessed

Copyright for the image above belongs to Bill Waterson. Thank you Bill, for all the wonderful smiles over the years.

So much to do, so little time!

I'm trying really hard to um... post at appropriate times. Which is part of why I haven't been posting.

I hope to get back to my little bliss list this week. I have had SO much bliss in the last couple weeks and its made me sad not to be able to tell you about it. My mom was in town and my house is clean (although there is a mystery smell. hm) I'm getting reorganized and prepared for the next phase of my life.

That sounds ominous. It's not. My tenure on the Reno Roller Girls Board of directors is coming to an end and so I will have one less hat to wear. I will still be the hed ref. I will still handle merchandise. But rather than pick up a different on-the-board thread, I'm going to focus on other things.

I'm going to catch up on the online artsy course I am taking. I'm a little behind on my homework. It's ok. I'm looking forward to catching up. Playing with my watercolors, even in a very simple manner was FUN.

Work has been pleasantly busy.

Other things are going well too.

And I am trying to follow the direction I recieved from the Universe the other day to be thankful ahead of time for the gifts I am given. Funny. amazing. its working.

A rare dream post

I don't generally share my dreams because they are never as interesting in the retelling as they were in the experience. Last night was a little different.

I dreamed that I was being stalked by a serial killer who was killing people just to terrorize me. He would send me pictures and newspaper clippings and body parts. Gooey body parts, not like, arms and legs and stuff. Sometimes, he would even kill the people in a manner wher I could see them die but I couldn't see where he was. Like the person who fell out of nowhere onto an iron fence in the middle of a party.

It was creepy. It was scary. It was graphic.

I really need to stop watching Dexter before bed.

Passing out the goodies

My boss is in town today. I don't see her very often. I like her. She has this amazing energy. 

This afternoon, she stopped by our cube. And at some point, right after I fed her some chocolate,s he smiled really big and handed me her phone. she wanted to see an email she had received. She was happy because one of my coworkers had complemented her. had thanked her for her support. She shared that moment with me, which was awesome and something clicked in my head.

You see, as an underling, I really appreciate when my supervisors tell me I am doing a good job. More than a paycheck, it is this that validation that makes me want to go to work. 

I have forgotten that I would do well to remember to pass it up sometimes. It's so easy to forget that my managers and supervisors have a tough job. And that they need to know when they are doing right by me.

I'm going to try harder to be more thankful. Maybe you could do the same today.

A couple of things that opened my eyes

While looking for a picture of my beloved goat Cody, I happened across some old posts. And wow. I sure did share a lot in the beginning. Things that I probably should have kept to myself. Things I had forgotten that I felt. And while I would never go back and delete those posts, I think I am glad I have learned to keep certain things to myself. Its been a hard lesson. I know that I have said things that have hurt people, even though that was never ever my intention. I know that I have shared things that were better kept private. Or, at least just between myself and the person of whom I was writing.
But I suppose that I can accept the difference between the me who is now and the me who was then. I hope I have reined it in a bit. Not for you, although there have probably been a few over-shares over the years, but for me and the people I care about. There have been many times in the last couple years where I have really really needed to talk it out. And here is the place I would have gone, once upon a time to talk about those things. Over the last year, I have had moments where I didn't know I could feel so alone. I have had ups and downs and all arounds. If I had bared it all, I would have lost so much more than I could have gained. So I decided instead to focus on joyful things. Those are the things that pulled me through. That and the reminder that no matter where I go, so go my issues and troubles. And that we all have issues. We all have ups and downs and all arounds. Sometimes we feel all alone. And then a friend comes knocking on the door unexpectedly for no other reason than to say hello.

I just needed to get that out.

Little Bliss List

It's been an... Interesting week to say the least. A rollercoaster at best. But that doesn't mean that I haven't been able to find things to be blissful about!

1. Reconnecting with an old friend.

2. BRATTY IS BACK IN THE OFFICE! With her return, things went, ahhhh.

3. Spontaneous dinner with another friend. We had chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert. hee hee.

4. Got some knitting done this week. I'm not done with the project, but knowing I made progress is good.

5. I'm moving back into a "get my life in order" phase. Which is good because I was derailed for a little bit and I don't like it when that happens.

To see other people's bliss list and perhaps to join in the fun, head on over to Liv Lane's blog! She's good people with neat things to say.