Tuesday, October 28, 2008




That helped.

Remember how in the last post which you probably haven't ready yet...(Go do it why doncha...)

I was all proud of myself for buying Quickbooks and entering the 21st century?? HMMM?


I need to upgrade my OS or something. I know it's been a couple of years now since I bought my computer and that Tiger is now available and has been for like, forever, but Damnit! I wanted to play with my new toy!


I should be working. Not working at work, but working at my business which I can smell so strongly from here as it cures on the curing racks.

Soap. I've been soaping again. I created instead of skating last wednesday and although I feel a little guilty for missing practice, I know it was the right thing to do because I used my time wisely.

Today I invested money I don't have in my business. For the first time in years I spent money on something that wasn't supplies, postage or Licenses. I finally bought QuickBooks. It's time to move into the 21st century and start tracking things correctly. I hope it can do all the things I know how to do in my head. I also bought a program that will help me send email newsletters. 21st century. Email has power. I hope...I think...I have not installed them yet. There's a batch of Butt Soap staring at me. Waiting to be wrapped. I brought the wrapping home today. Something new I want to try. Catalog pages that would have gone to the compactor and then to the dump. Extra catalogs that a company sends me. Thousands of pages of waste. The catalog is a good foot thick and has been holding down the floor in my office for a couple of months because the housekeepers don't throw away stuff left NEXT to the can and because when they didn't, I didn't have the heart. I hope my customers appreciate the gesture. It seems like a better thing to do than to buy new blank paper to wrap in. It's just going to get thrown away anyway.

Boy, boy, there's still a boy. and he is yet unnamed because I just can't call him China Man despite the dark comedy of the conversation that inspired the name. We are still enjoying each other. Learning what is safe. There isn't a whole lot I consider safe. I rarely trust anyone that far. I've been remembering a lot of the past lately. Trying to move forward. Always trying to move forward. I won't let it hold me back but I won't forget the lessons either. He doesn't need to know those things. It's too early in the game. I know there are things he doesn't tell me too. I wonder but won't push. It's part of the life he has when he isn't with me.

How dark I sound to myself. perhaps some punkin ice cream will break me out of this odd mood before the boy arrives. And hats. I haven't made a hat today. Tiny hats for needy babies. I will try to remember to take a picture of them when the pile is done. I'm at 4. My goal at the end of the week is 10.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

thanks chickie

Thanks to chickie, I had to get on peepalot. because I'm a follower like that. I think it's a never before (on here) seen picture so um, go find it, I'm scantily clad and wearing fishnets.



I've been pretty busy with derby. We aren't bouting again until the end of January/ beginning of February, but I still have practice and events. Except tonight. Tonight I needed a break. I needed to not do derby, whether it was crafting or attending something for one evening. There's a launch party tomorrow night for Reno MetroMix, and a party at Tonic Friday night. I just needed to be Gina for a night. What did I do?

I made TWO batches of soap. YAY! That's all I have molds for. But I really need to get back into the swing of soaping. and spinning. I have not spun in weeks. I bought fabric today for holiday gifts. I'm really excited about what I will be making. Can't tell you though, I've got family watching.

I'm seeing someone. I've been avoiding mentioning it because I had been talking to another nice fellow and well, I happened to go on a date with one before the other. And we hit it off. Since I know he's been reading, I thought it best to tell him before he read it here. The dangers of being online.

I can't seem to come up with a snappy nickname because nothing really sticks out as strange or quirky. Sure, he rides a motorcycle, but he's no Biker Bob (thank goodness!) His job isn't anything unusual like Louie (Louie runs a cab company-hence the nickname) Mostly, he just sits back and watches me run. Which is what I need right now. Not that he doesn't have his own stuff going on, he has plenty of that, but right now, he seems to understand that I'm on the go all the time. And he's content to be on the go with me.

He's so much what I said I would never date. Complete with three kids. I haven't met them. I can wait. It's better to. It still freaks me out. But I realized when he (and the other fellow, who has 2 kids and seemed equally as nice) contacted me that at 31, the likelihood of me meeting someone who doesn't have kids is low. And, maybe I should be more open minded. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. And it hasn't been so far. With the possible exception of a babysitter who isn't afraid to interrupt our evening because she's bored and wants to go home.

But meeting them. That can wait. I want to make sure that I am not a passing instance. They don't need to have random women in and out of their lives and I don't need to get attached to kids. Look how much it hurts to know I will likely never see the Cowboy's dog again. I miss that dog, dangit.

He treats me well though. Better than I have been treated in a long time. We have nice conversations and he seems truly interested in me. He actually pays attention to my stories (as evidenced by his memory of the random things I say) and oohs and aahs just the right amount over my projects. We shall see, we shall see.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I now present to you...

Abnoxiously Cuteness. Oliver is obviously my bunny because he likes to pretend like he's living a literary life. Since he can't type, he has made a spot for himself among books. You can also tell that he's a bunny after my own heart because he likes to climb into boxes. I don't fully understand my desire to climb into boxes, but I'm glad I'm not the only one around here who can't resist.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Where did I go and why couldn't you go too?

I apologize for the sudden restriction on my blog over the last couple of days. My dad called and wanted the roller girl website so he could check us out. I knew if he dug deep enough...So I disappeared for a couple of days. But I am back now. I didn't like that at all!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Generally, for the best

So, my friend Dennis asked me today whether I had seen that place where I used to work on the news this morning. Apparently, they announced that they are going to lay some people off.

After thinking about it for a bit, and I am going to admit that not all my thoughts and comments were kind, but I will get over that eventually, I realized a few things. And I was thankful, actually, for my good fortune in getting let go in time to find new employment.

1. If I had stayed there, I would have continued to try and buy a house. It is likely that I would have been able to find one in my price-range-at-the-time.

2. Chances are, I would have been laid off in the coming weeks.

3. I would have lost my house. And that whole dream of ownership which would have been turned upside down.

I am hoping that these realizations help me to get over my anger towards that place as I am in a MUCH better place now and feel secure in my little house. Even though my office is a disaster area.

Friday, October 03, 2008

An unwelcome adventure

I received a phone call on Tuesday from an old friend. Someone I have been corresponding with for about 10 years. This man has children my age and we have never had a romantic relationship. It has always been very casual, exchanging stories and pictures. We met when he applied for a position at my company. I made all the travel arrangements and even though he didn't get the job and I didn't remain in that position, we continued to correspond. Occasionally, over the years, he would invite me out to dinner with him and his children and a couple of times to rugby matches when he was to be in my area.

He called Tuesday afternoon to say that he would be passing through on his way home from Sacramento and he wanted to know if I would like to go to dinner. I was to choose something casual, so I picked a brewery near my house where the food is good and the prices are nice. The following is an edited copy of what I sent to my Derby Wife the next day. I have changed names where needed.

He showed up right after I sent you the message about smiling at old guys. Hugged me hello, and we had dinner. During dinner, he said he wanted to see my house. No biggie, he’s on my Christmas card list, I’ve always felt comfortable with him. Then, when we left, he gave me another hug and pulled me in close and kinda laid his head on mine. Like a side hug, you know? When I tried to pull away, he held on a bit, then acted as if he wanted to walk with his arm around my waist.

In my world, that’s a rather intimate gesture reserved for very close friends, family members, boyfriends. I skipped away.

Then he made a comment about driving over Donner Summit today and getting in the mood to eat someone, and boy didn’t I look good enough to eat (danger, Will Robinson!) By this time I was several feet away and I told him to just keep over there.

He followed me back to the house, I gave him the grand tour, ushering him out of my room when I realized he was looking at my underwear on the floor, and we chatted in the living room for awhile. (I was thankful for the distraction of Oliver and for the fact that I keep the living room window shade open) He seemed a little hurt when I pulled up a chair, but I knew there wasn’t room on the couch for the both of us.

(Note: I have a love seat. There is a picture of it Here there isn't a whole lot of room on it and he took up more than one cushion)

About 9 he suggested that he might be keeping me up. I agreed. He then asked if I was going to ask him to stay.

I had thought about it. I like to think that any of my friends are welcome to use the spare room if they need a place to go, but after the whole hugging scene in front of the restaurant, I didn’t think that was a good idea. He hadn’t made any hotel plans, (I asked) and he was already there, so I set him up in the spare room, apologizing that the sheets weren’t changed after my mom used them. (I was NOT expecting company!!)

Hug goodnight, two kisses on the cheek, and a bit of a snuggle into my neck.

I asked to take my shower first and did so, locking the doors to my bedroom and to the bathroom when I was in there. I didn’t run around in my towel, and put PJs on strait away.

He knew my door was locked because after his shower, he knocked and tried to open my door. I answered, asked if he needed anything, he said no and said goodnight again. Kiss on the cheek.

I locked the door again behind me and had a fitful nights sleep. I was snoozing as usual this morning when he called from the living room. So I got up (actually, this turned out to be a good thing because I then had time to feed myself in addition to the critters.) and we said our goodbyes. Since I didn’t have time for breakfast, he left. Before he went, he said that he had hoped we could sleep together. “Not like that”, he said, “just share”. I let him know that I am an alone sleeper.

I have tried to figure out how I might have invited this behavior, but I really don’t think I did. I don’t act towards him any different than I do towards anyone else. I try to avoid putting myself in weird situations, it seems that they find me instead…

Quite frankly, I can't figure out how it is that he might think this is okay. Even now, a few days later, I am bothered by my encounter. I don't like to feel uncomfortable in my own house, and I most certainly did. I also don't generally sleep with my friends. There are a few exceptions to this, girl friends, family members. I'm hoping I've learned my lesson from anyone else...ahem. But certainly not random men who expect to pop into town and stay at my house!

At this point. I don't know how to respond to his emails. He thanked me for a nice time, and gave no indication that he might feel badly for making me uncomfortable. Or that he even realizes that he did. My friend at work says i should tell him he crossed the line, but I don't like confrontation and feel like it would be so much easier to never respond to him again. But then, that tends to be my reaction. I think the best thing to do is to give it a few more days and see how I feel about it. It will always creep me out, but whether I want to make an issue of it is a different story.

In other news, I haven't spoken to or texted Louie since last sunday so I'm thinking that's over. it wasn't working anyhow.