Wednesday, February 29, 2012

My new favorite game

You might be able to call it a dream since someday, it will come true. Sort of.

It's called, "If I had a personal assistant". I played it all day yesterday. It evolved a little.

For example I was thinking that instead of a personal assistant I could just have a clone. But then I thought my clone might try and get in on my hot man lovin and since she'd be my replica, well, I don't even want to think about all that so it would be better if I didn't have a personal assistant who was my clone. What if she were nicer? Better? More adventurous?

BUT I could have a robot twin. Robot twins are not interested in honing in on your sexy rumpus.

SO if I had a personal asisstant, (S)he (I'm not sexist. I could totally have a male robot twin.) that personal assistant could have gone to the Apple store yesterday FOR me while I was busy bringing home the bacon.

All that thought and anguish over one run on sentence. But I'm sure I will come up with more tasks for my robot twin.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

An answered prayer

I believe, that when we ask for what we want, be it from ourselves or from the universe or from God, however it is that you ask, that we get it. This is why I stopped making wishes. It isn't that I don't believe in them, the trouble is that I wholeheartedly DO. And as such, my wishes have often come true (eventually) but not always how I thought I wanted them to.

One has to be VERY specific with the universe.

So the other night, I tried to form my prayer for my friend in a manner that would help her without hurting anyone. It wasn't easy because while I can ask all day for a cure for her son, I know that it is possible that it's too much to ask for. Her boys are with her for a reason and I believe that it's because she is the best mother they could have.

Don't get me wrong, I still asked for a cure for whatever ails her younger son. That he would wake up one day and be all better from whatever it is that causes him to be disabled.

But if I couldn't have that, I wished for her to have a little bit of a break.

Yesterday she posted on FB that the boys were going to school for the first time in a long time and that she was going back to bed for a little while to catch up on lost sleep from being up all night with her son.

I almost cried. Coincidence? Probably. But I don't care. My prayer was answered. I am grateful.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Counting my blessings instead of sheep

I think we all know that I have had some anxiety lately. We also know, after all these years, that i go through these phases and come out on the other side where everything is all better. So I'm really just kind of fighting through my issues this time until everything is all better again. And whew, boy, am I ever fortunate to be living my life.

I was inspired to write after reading another FB post from an old friend to whom difficult cards have been dealt. It isn't because she has made bad choices. At all. She just doesn't have it easy. One son is autistic, and the other severely disabled. Of the sort where he needs around the clock care. And still she does it. Her husband is often deployed and her mom, her greatest support and rock (and mother figure to so many of us choir geeks) passed away almost a year ago.

Yet still she carries on. Her faith in God is such that it carries her through.If she ever complains, she doesn't do it in public and that is so admirable. Sure, she talks about what she is going through, but it isn't in a manner in which she asks for anything different, just, "here is how it is right now." I really really admire her for that. for all of it. I think about the teenagers that we were together and am so amazed at the woman she has become.

And so, at this late hour, if I can't go right to sleep, as has been the norm the last few nights, i will think of her. Of her strength, of her faith, and how no matter what life throws at her, she feels blessed every day. And I'll remember, even if its just tonight, to count my blessings.

I really am so, so blessed. Even when I am scrubbing puppy poo off the walls I am blessed. When my knees hurt and the bunny stinks, I am blessed. When the computer craps out and I'm not sure how I will afford a new one and a new car, I am blessed. All those things that stress me out. That wake me up and keep me up at 2 am on a weeknight, they are minor. They will go away.

This too shall pass.

My cup runnith over. So blessings to you too.

Friday, February 24, 2012

I had to dig a little for my bliss this week

It was a tough week over at the Elven Cottage. It seemed like just when I resolved to take care of some business, the wind got knocked out of my sails and business ground to a halt. And my moneybone still hurts. And I could list so many things... But I'm not going to because this is my bliss list, not my whining list. That was yesterday.

1. I just couldn't get enough of the snuggles with my nieces last weekend. I woke up on the couch and Zoe climbed up and sat on me and read a book. I know that was her way of hanging out and snuggling me so I soaked up every second that I could. Maddy's smiles can light up a room.
2. The fashion show, excepting a couple of bumps went well, we made some cash, and the girls had fun. Win. After, I headed over to the wife's for game night and it was loads of hilarious fun.
3. Monday was a day off. Even though I was derailed by the computer's sickness, it was still nice to stay home. Actually, I didn't leave my house for two whole days this weekend.
4. I saw some green in my lawn this morning. Perhaps spring is here?

Meanwhile, I smell KFC mashed potatoes. I think that they are oozing out of my pores. That sounds way grosser in print than it did in my head.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Like a ton of bricks!

I got up Monday morning with the intent of doing my taxes. Turned on my computer. The screen was blue.

Yes, its true. A Mac CAN have a blue screen of death. I have never upgraded the hardware on my computer despite 6 years of use. I upgraded the OS a few months ago but for the most part, the Mac and I, we just kept on trucking.

We go tonight to see if there is anything that can be done to save the data and I have prepared myself mentally for a new system.

Despite many of my friends trying to convince me otherwise, I plan to get another Mac. Yes, I know that a custom built PC or something off the rack would be cheaper, and I really need to save money, but the truth is that I have had PCs. And I never felt the security with them that I experienced with my iMac. I've also been told that I should get a GOOD laptop, but the truth in that is that I like the solidarity of a desktop. And for travel, my netbook is sufficient. In a perfect world, they will be able to revive it tonight. in a slightly less perfect world, they will be able to add more stuff to it. Worse case senario, all new system. Maybe one that doesn't squeek inside? That was always a bit alarming. Like a mouse wheel in my computer. But, it's better than the one that shattered CDs and caught on fire. (PC)

For the computer geeks out there (Randy...) you will be excited to know that I also purchased a back up drive. Maybe too little too late, but at least going forward I will be covered. Since when I do pay for stuff, I don't like to half ass it, I ended up with a 3TB wireless drive. This will allow me to put all my movies on one device and I can put all my DVDs in storage. The Wii can stream them to my TV. Which meant that I had to get better internet. Lucky for me, AT&T Uverse is now available in my neighborhood so I will be cancelling the Cricket modem and going to a "real" wifi option. I'll actually be saving money this way so I'm a bit excited about it.

Why am I telling you all this? Partially because I am prone to the overshare and partially because buying all this stuff is hurting my moneybone and I need to relieve some pressure. But I have to admit, it's kind of exciting to be joining the current decade.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Exploding with happy moments

1) Hanging out with friends last weekend. I hadn't done that in awhile. Actually, a very long while. This weekend, I made a point of it and fun abounded.
2) Ten pounds gone!
3) Dinner and a movie with some good company on Sunday
4) Valentines dinner with my family. They are in town for their yearly trip and while I won't get to see them as much as I would like, I appreciate the moments all the more. Like when both nieces climbed into my lap at the same time. I know that they won't both fit forever. Zoe is afraid of Chango. Chango just wanted to lick her. Can't blame him for that. We all do.
5) When I got home on Tuesday and saw all the posts from all the people who had flowers and candy and steak, I didn't feel jealous or pouty that they recieved these things and I didn't. I felt happy and at peace for what I do have. THAT was an incredible feeling. Ok, I was a little jealous of Wendy's steak.
6) Clean. That's all I have the business of saying. But Clean.

Overall, I had a really, really great week. And when the mopies started creeping in, as mopies sometimes do, I thought about what an amazing week I had and changed the mental subject. It feels so much better (and normal) to be happy. Sure, I had my usual moments of self reflection, but  I maintained an excellent attitude. Ultimately, that's all I can ask of myself.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

When did I become so damn critical?

I know that I have always had the tendancy to not only think I am right, but that my way is the way it should be done. It is a struggle, sometimes, not to impress MY way on, well, everyone.

It is a struggle not to give too many explainations when a nod and smile are approprite.

So hard not to pick every little thing apart. No one and nothing is flawless.

I am not flawless.

My eyes have been opened to this quite a bit over the last couple of weeks. And in some cases, by holding on to my convictions about a subject, I have been wrong. Very wrong. People change without announcement.

What matters though is than in addition to people correcting me when I'm wrong-

The family member who is now clean.
The other family member who has made peace with her daughter.

Today my daily note from the Universe said this:
Guidance, attention, help, maybe. Love, always. Criticism, never.
What to give others.

What to give others. Have I been giving these things enough or have I been too busy grimacing at a sour note? Or tuning out the monotone narrative?

In trying to improve myself, have I become less accepting of others? I think in some ways I am accepting, but maybe not in the right ways?

I don't really know. It's a lot of food for thought and since it is coming up from several different sources lately, I can't help but think that it's my next life lesson. It is certainly something I want to be aware of and change about myself.

So now I think I will start asking myself, "What am I giving to others?"

Saturday, February 11, 2012

an AH moment

It took me a long time to start to remember all the things that I need to know in order to do my job. I'mnot going to lie. I still struggle.

But today as I looked something up I realized how many things I don't have to stop and think about anymore, and how often I don't have to ask Bratty where things are. And it felt good. Finally.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Finding happy

Last week, I enjoyed posting my happy moments that all week long I kept looking for the things I could add to my list this week.

I had a really great week.

1. A custom order referred by a person who is a celebrity in my mind that is causing me to expand my business (maybe) in a different direction. At least its giving me the opportunity to try something new without having to dive in head first. I needed that. Plus, she thought of ME! ME! Oh my goodness! ME!! I am so honored.

2. This Which takes something offensive and makes it REALLY funny. I laughed so hard I cried. I needed that. Do not click the link if you are offended by foul language.

3. I have a date for Valentines Day. With my Seester and that, my friends, is perfect.

4. Speaking of my Seester, she called me the other day and we chatted for a bit and it was loverly.

Sunday, February 05, 2012

In which your happiness brings me happiness

Bratty Duke earned a free pair of shoes thorough her favorite shoe website's shoe referral program.

Bratty loves shoes.

Sadly, shoes can be an expensive habit and she is a responsible individual who knows that her chilren have to eat before she can have new shoes. I'm taking lessons from her.

So, when she got notification that she earned a free pair of shoes, there was a lot of squealing and giggling from the other side of the cube. You know, 3 feet away. Her happiness made me smile. And laugh. Because her joy brings me joy. It's perpetual like that.

It also made me want to go buy some shoes so she could earn more shoes but I'm afraid that is not a wise course of action. I already have an unacceptable shoe pile where I used to see carpet and more shoes is not going to fix that. Plus, there's something going on with my bank account and I shouldn't spend money until I can access my account which I am currently locked out of because they did some sort of conversion and I thought they would TEXT me my new password not have the computer call me (phone was in the other room) and I couldn't start over. I think I need more coffee.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Holy Crap, I got lucky

Yanno that birth control pill recall?

I take those pills.

I thought it was odd when the pharmacist gave me a different pill this month. He said it was the same thing just different packaging. But something in my head tickeld every time I looked at them. Something's screwey, thought I.


Thank goodness, I don't have to add a kid to my list of stressors, THAT would really put me over the edge.

Friday, February 03, 2012

A Little Bliss List for you

y'all know I love me some Liv Lane. If I haven't told you before that I love her, I'm telling you now. She... Inspires me to be better in so many ways.

Every Friday, she has a linky party for people who want to share their bliss. As you know, I am trying to be more joyful and the first Friday I was able to participate in her comments. Last week, I was having trouble finding my happy place. This week I am doing better. So here it is, my blissful moments from this week:

1. After practice Denny's on Monday. Last week, I was invited by a couple of new derby folks to join them at Denny's after practice. I gave an excuse and went home. The trouble is, I do that a lot and it was VERY KIND of them to invite me. I don't get invited out very often. This week, I invited myself along and spent a couple of hours getting to know some new people.

2. Debby's socks. Debby works in the cube next to us and she is absolutely special. In a non condescending way. Somehow we started talking about socks and how it's fun to wear goofy ones. I showed her mine, (black with a yellow band at the top and yellow heels and toes) so she showed me her's.Same socks only in blue. I loved her a little more that day.

3. I got to see my Mom. Just for a little while, but every moment is precious and refreshing and wonderful. So did I also get to see my Aunts and Uncles and well, time with my family refreshes me like nothing else.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

A day in the life...

Today was overall, a pretty good day. There were even some genuinely happy moments and I don't think I was tempted to strangle anyone. This is a win. PLUS, I had dinner with my mom and family to look forward to.

and then...

I was asked to run a report at 4:30 so it would be as fresh as possible for an important meeting tomorrow. No problem! it took me 2 hours because I had to keep fixing mistakes that would have been fixed a couple of days ago had I had time to remember they were there.

I was supposed to be at dinner at 6 in Carson, 30 minutes away.

Thankfully I didn't think I would have time to skate after dinner so I wasn't disappointed by that, until I got to the rink on time for practice but I didn't have any workout clothes. (had to drop off presale tickets for the event I'm planning) Still, a night off essentially, right?

Got home. was hit with "the smell". I have cleaned up worse in the last 3 years. I really just wanted to sit on the couch for a little while though.

Now, I am ready to bathe, and to bathe the dog since this time, he laid in it and its all up in his paws. But first let me turn off all the lights so we can go strait to bed and OH SHIT I forgot to close the blinds when I got home. Crawl, crawl, don't let the neighbors see my butt. YES. I do mean that I am READY TO BATHE.

Dog... Won't come in. So I lunged out after him and happened to notice...

My gate is swinging wide open. I'm wearing nothing but my Icetoner slippers, the dog is running away, I can't leave him in the yard all night (If I want to sleep) and fuck, it's cold out there.

Tomorrow will be better, right?