Sunday, August 14, 2011

For all the joking...

I'm hoping I did that correctly. 

I was in High School when I discovered the faith that would carry me through to now. Although I am not as into it as I was then, I still hold the philosophies close to my heart and try to follow the teachings, but no longer feel the need to be obsessive about it.

I consider myself more of a kitchen witch now, whipping up the occasional spell when needed, and accepting that its probably best that my cauldron lives in the garage with the rest of my alter. Perhaps I will need to see my tools daily again, but ultimately, the divine is in my heart, not in that box.

I was never much for broom closets, and, like any 16 yr old with a new discovery, I was very open about it. I'm sure there are those that rolled their eyes, I know there were plenty who thought I was a nut. I'm glad I have grown into a woman who doesn't need to shout my faith from the rooftops; Wicca is a part of who I am, but it is not the whole.

A year or so after my revelation, as it might be called, my friends pulled me aside during a bonfire we were having at La Jolla Shores. They were very upset, you see, as Christians, that I was going to hell, since I wasn't Christian (and they had never known me to be) and they liked me and didn't want that to happen.

I explained that I had been brought up with vaguely Christian undertones and that I had, at one point accepted Jesus into my heart. Much relieved, they wandered off. Apparently, once you do that, you are saved forever. I will admit that I thought them a bit silly, but I was a bit drunk on my new found beliefs and I'm sure I was pretty silly too.

15, 20 years later, I have occasion to think back on that night. I have come to a place in my life where I believe that your relationship with God, however you call it, if you have one, is between you and your divine. I seem to remember though, that it says in the Bible that it is not up to us to judge. That if there was to be a judgment, it is God's job to do so.  It always amazed me that they had somehow missed that lesson.

What a burden to have to worry about people's afterlife all the time. I would rather trust in God to make that determination and just be friends with people. But then, I don't believe in the hell that I have heard described in church, so that's really easy for me to say.

I may not believe what they believed, but I now respect that they believed it. I hope the sender of this postcard is able to make peace with her fear. It's a pretty big one.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


It isn't often that I come forward with a cause.

I have known this family for... Many years. I went to high school with Mikayla's father. His was the first wedding I officiated. He and his wife are good people.

Mikayla is a special girl. She's always lived with her mom in situations that were less than ideal. Tiny houses in not so good neighborhoods with too many kids because her mom just keeps having them. Now, she gets moved around according to where her mom's current boyfriend might be... At 12, she needs structure and stability. Her mom is currently between homes, and her current boyfriend is in Scotland.

I used to bring an extra craft for her when I would visit, hoping that positive interaction with adult women would help her to avoid the fate that befalls so many who have irresponsible parents. She was babysitting her siblings at 8, the age she was in the picture above. During that camping trip, at one point,  I was singing at her. She didn't get it. No one had sung her songs before. It broke my heart; my mom always put us to bed and woke us up with a song. (usually made up. I love my mother.)

Somehow, Mikayla has come through like the shining star she is. With dreams and aspirations and the knowledge that she can and will own a bakery some day. I know that is Mike and Rose's influence.

Mike and Rose are taking the opportunity to try and get custody. It's expensive, but I think Mikayla deserves a chance. This is what she wants. Go read her blog. She talks about the things she is doing to try and raise the money to pay for the lawyer. Buy a t shirt. Or, better yet, just send what you would have spent on the t shirt.

Every so often, we get the chance to play fairy godmother. Please help me make her wish come true.

Another day, another diet

We've heard it before. Every year or so I decide to go on some sort of diet and lose weight and then two days later, I'm binging on cookies.

When my old High School Choirmate suggested that I try a 5 day challenge, it didn't sound half bad. Emily is a Beachbody Coach and I have seen what the programs have done for her. Plus...

It's 5 days. If I can't do something for 5 days, I need to roll over and quit right now. I can get through 5 days on stubborness alone.

Follow the menu. Drink the Shake. Exercise every day. Well, I exercise at least 2 days a week now so what is another 3? Aren't I supposed to be Training for The Tough Mudder?

The menu? didn't look too bad. Actually, it looked pretty yummy. I had to remove a few things that I can't or don't eat, but not as much as you would thinnk considering I prefer to live on steak and cheese.

I measured. on Sunday...

Weight: 158 (WHAT?? I've gotta stop drinking so much cherry vodka)
Waist: 32
Hips: 41

If I was supposed to measure more, I didn't. I also didn't do my fat content because those things can be innacurrate and I didn't want to go all the way to GNC (if it isn't near work, my house, the wreck center or ManCandy's house, I don't want to go. BTW, the nickname on this one really makes me laugh. Not that he isn't. I'm just imagining his face if I called him that out loud) and pay a dollar to have it done. I'd rather use the evil pincers they used to pinch us with in high school PE.

I'm on day three. The only thing I have eaten that wasn't on the list was yellow squash and peas from my garden and olive oil. Last night I wanted something a little sweet so I sprinkled Stevia in my iced tea. There have been no cookies, cupcakes, ice cream sammiches or alchohol.

I have exercised every day. I'm drinking my shakes. When I get hungry, I have a snack (built into my diet).  I think I might even cook myself salmon every week because hey, that was pretty tasty!

I expect to take my measurements again this weekend. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm feeling pretty good about it though.

Monday, August 08, 2011


Today, I realized that I have gotten in the habit of venting my frustrations to whomever will listen.

Today, as I started to do just that, I shut my mouth, told the person who was listening that I wasn't going to dump on her; that I was going to go back to my desk.

I felt better about myself in that moment.

I'm going to continue on that path in the future. I no longer wish to be that girl.

Thursday, August 04, 2011

It's like I can HEAR the wind blowing around here

After discussing briefly with Bratty the fact that the Grand Canyon isn't NEARLY as close to Las Vegas as all those tour companies would have you believe, I decided that that perhaps maybe I ought to go ahead and marry the first guy that manages to get me to said landmark as I seem to be incapable of getting there on my own.

Here's the (non) logic.

Once upon a long time ago, I needed to get away so I decided to go see the Grand Canyon. I was living in San Diego at the time so I hopped on the 8 East and started driving. This was before the days of MapQuest (I SAID it was a LONG time ago!) so I didn't know that I was taking the wrong freeway. The Grand Canyon, after all, is somewhere East of San Diego (as is everything else, but I digress). Once I realized I wasn't going to find the giant hole in the ground in Southern Arizona, I decided to drive for 8 hours and maybe I would make it to New Mexico. I have also never been to New Mexico. After about 4 hours of driving, (some of which was taken up by an hour long religious discussion with a man at Jack in the Box. Why do people talk to me? I was READING my book while I ate, for goodness sake!) I got sleepy and it was getting dark so I took exit 102 and somehow found the Petroglyph campground. When I remembered what a Petroglyph was, it was super cool and after tenting it for a night (Likely illegally since I didn't pay for my camp spot, but I was like 19, I didn't know you are supposed to pay for camp spots!) among the bugs, I turned around and went home.

Several years later, I find myself in Vegas with a rental car and a desire to return home via Kingman in order to visit my Grandparents. And I think to myself, The Grand Canyon is somewhere near Vegas AND Kingman because it's in Northern Arizona, right? Maybe the turn off is on the way to Kingman and I can stop by and at least say that I have seen it from the ground (I have, actually, seen it from the air, but that's not the same, damnit) Nope, it's a pretty big detour. I did manage to see Hoover Dam though. I didn't take the Dam Tour, I just drove over it. That was enough.

A couple of years later, T announced that he would like to take me camping at... THE GRAND CANYON and I went SQUEEEE (in my head because most peolpe don't get to see me go nuts) and I thought, I wanna keep this one because he wants to take me places that are awesome. We know how that ended. I hope T is doing well.

I still haven't made it to the Grand Canyon. At this point, it would be a REALLY long drive and I might even rather go somewhere closer.

Ultimately, I should be careful what I wish for. The senarios are playing thorugh my head and I REALLY don't want to marry the first guy who takes me to the Grand Canyon. Who knows what kind of madman might volunteer to make that VERY LONG drive with me? It takes a special kind of nut to spend that much time in my presence. And what if that person wasn't someone I was interested in romantically? I'd have to say "No" and make a liar out of me.

Sigh. Guess I'll have to get my own self to the Grand Canyon.