Monday, April 30, 2007

New Horizons

(the title of this post reminded me of a song we sang in 8th grade choir. I'm not sure when it dropped off my shower concert series, but I think I am putting it back in when I start "touring" again)

Things are going to get crazy around work. It will take some time, but, I'm going to be a very busy control monster before too long. We were discussing this today and for the first time in a long time, I am excited about my job. It feels really good. It's the adreneline rush of big things ahead. Of being a aprt of the process. Of helping to make my place of employment even better, and being not a last minute repository, but a true discription of what my position is. (Document Control)

Soon I will have the opportunity to shine. I can't wait.

Friday, April 27, 2007

It will be awkward

Bug guy is getting married in August. In addition to being a bridesmaid, it turns out I am also officiating. (when I learned this I tried to get out of being a bridesmaid. no dice) That's cool though, I'm happy to help out.

Today, I am supposed to meet him and his fiancee for lunch so that we can discuss the ceremony. and so that I can have lunch with them. sweet. Yesterday, he invited our admin too.

Here's the thing. Our admin is the daughter of a Christian Minister. Because of her strong stance on her faith, I choose not to dicuss religion with her. If she knows my faith, she does not discuss it with me. It isn't that I think she would judge me or be mean, but I strongly suspect that the matter of conversation would make her very uncomfortable.

Admin thinks the whole internet ordination thing is just terrible. And I really do understand where she is coming from. Thousands of people getting ordained just for the sake of being. Having no particular calling towards god and no particular desire to do anything with it other than call themselves "Minister". However, I did get ordained for free on the internet and I wouldn't restrict somone elses right to do so. As with anything, this is a matter between me and God.

SO anyway, a couple of weeks ago, Admin asked Bug Guy who was performing the ceremony. We told her I am. She didn't say anything, just kept on with the conversation and a few moments later, asked again. I got the distinct feeling that she didn't like that answer. (I have known this woman for a long time. I can tell when she does not approve) But, it is not up to her, and like it or not, I am a Minister (so now, is Bug Guy. He was bored one night) and just as qualified as anyone else to perform the ceremony.

While I am glad to have her company at lunch, I am not comfortable discussing the ceremony with her there. Don't think that will stop me. It's just going to be an awkward lunch.

In other news, my Seester brought up an excellent point regarding eugenics in email to me and also on her blog. In my quest to reassure her that she would make the right decisions, I didn't think to discuss the overlying questions of eugenics and it's place in our society.

I will admit that I don't really know that much about it. I have never considered it because it is only in recent years that I have considered the idea of having a child. Do I understand why people would want to test to see if there are any "abnormalities" with an unborn child? yes. Do I think a child should be terminated because it is "abnormal"? No. But cultures have been doing it for thousands of years. Of course, putting your child out in the weather to die because she is not perfect is no longer accepted in our society, but apparently, in some circles, not allowing that child to be born is ok.

I would like to think that I would not be able to do it. That I would rise to the challenge of raising a differently abled child as so many people do, with joy. They don't love them less. They (hopefully) don't resent them. I pray that I never have to find out what my choice would be. and because I have a tendency to hide my face, I don't know that I would want to take the genetic tests. Because then I might have to make the choice.

Where is the line, though? Are we talking about severly disabled or maybe just missing a finger? My Seester is creeped out by light eyes, suppose she terminated a non brown eyed child? (She would NEVER do this. EVER, EVER. She has already declared that all light eyed children will go to me.)the point is, where do we draw the line? I don't know what all eugenics can discover. it may be that it only detects things like Downs Syndrome. But I wouldn't give up any of my time with Uncle Georgie, and I hae never known the family of a Downs child to have anything but delight in them. Sure, most people would not choose the dufficult path, but they say it is the most rewarding.

Seester is struggling with it for her own reasons. I think you should wander on over there.

Lunch went well, athough I over stepped my hour (I don't do that often, but I still feel bad) I stayed a little extra after Admin left to try and discuss it. The bride and groom have no idea what they want said. Time to pull out my creative writing skills.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

I was a bad, bad girl

Which is a great way to start a post, don't you think?

truth is, it wasn't really that bad. Not smart financially, but I believe my decision will bring me hours of joy.

I bought a weaving loom yesterday. Used. Excellent deal. can't wait to take it out of my car...

Here's the thing. I had been keeping my eye out. For several months. Then, suddenly, yesterday on craigslist, there it was! 300 bucks! I emailed, she still had it I picked it up. Paid another 100 for all the goodies. (lots of yarn and such)

Turns out, she has had it for sale for a long time, but couldn't find anyone local. Or anyone who wanted to buy it without a bench. (Hello? Chair?) So it sat. And she kept having to repost it online. My search and her post crossed. I guess I was the right one. And? it turns out we share a belief system. (Her boyfriend caught sight of my license plate frame) They were very nice people.

And that is all.

I can't wait to learn how to use it...

I'm off to spin before bed.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

No title today

I won't go into detail, because this is a public blog and I don't want any feelings hurt, because I am an impartial party in this situation, but I must say that I am glad that I have learned that there is more than one side to any story, that things are not always as they seem, and to make up my own mind instead of relying on other people's opinions.

Meanwhile, my trip to LA went well this weekend. Wicked, of course, was wonderful, and I rode the Metro! I had never been on underground rail before. I am proud to say that I faced forward and did not feel ill, and that it was all very much cleaner than I expected. My Seester's friends are really fun and comfortable. It was nice meeting them.

And, that's all really, right now. after obtaining his phone number, I decided I wasn't interested in the fellow from MySpace after all. Partially because he doesn't have a car (At my age, in my city, a man needs reliable transportation. And hell if I am going to drive 40 miles round trip every time I want to see someone. He'd have to be pretty special.) Partially because he did come on very strong and I was beginning to think he was looking for a piece, and partially because he reminded me, looks-wise of J the former coworker. My message was short and to the point. Changed my mind, have a good life. I tried to think of a way to soften the blow, or at least make me sound less like a bitch, but I realized that I don't really care if he likes me and I think he can handle it. It's when I pussyfoot around that I get in trouble with these things.

In the mean time, I am becoming reaquainted with an old friend from Jr High, which is cool (different one than the one I was concernd with before) and another friend from back then, who I lost track of about 10 years ago contacted me. I was so happy to hear from Eric I almost did backflips. Except last time I tried to do a backflip, I landed on my head. As for chris? he sure has changed a lot! but I think we all have. We rehashed some old memories and talked about people we knew/know. He invited me out on his boat. I think I'll go sometime. I'm not thinking romance, but reaquaintence. And before you start saying there might be hope, my interest does not lie in that direction. Among other things, I can't imagine spending my weekends speed boating around. But sometimes would be fun!

Friday, April 20, 2007

don't make me be mean to you.

I wanted to try and post the conversation I had last night with a young man who contacted me due to being back on the market. But I don't have the macintosh skills yet. Let me paraphrase.

Him: Hi blah blah blah do you IM

ME: yes, Yahoo, ginamonster, but I am going to bed right now.

Up pops a conversation

H: Hi
M:Hi, I will talk to you later.
H: I thought you would be all giggly and flirty
M: I need to go to bed, I have to get up early
H:I guess you aren't the right girl for me
M:Big assumption considering we just met isn't it?
H: Tomorrow when we talk on the phone you can be all giggily and flirty (I never gave him my number)
M: I have to go to bed. Signing off

two messages to MySpace appear: "You could have been more responsive" (verbal pout, I'd say) then, "Maybe I came on too strong. I would like a chance with you"

So I replied. I explained that I realized I was not a good woman for him. That I am known to be a bit icy and I am proud of it. that I would only hurt his feelings because I could tell he is sensitive (I avoided the term :needy:)

He still wanted a chance.

I replied simply, No.

I hope that's the end of that story because I really don't want to be mean to him. I was really good. Tempted though I was, I refrained from cussing and I did not remind him that he works part time at a shoe store and does not go to school. And he's 25. (I'm getting a strong "I live with mom" vibe) Actually, I wonder if he's the guy who's phone number my mom was so kind as to obtain for me last year about this time. I'm glad she hasn't done that again. I get into enough situations on my own.

Applause from the peanut gallery,2933,267383,00.html

Not just to the University President for upholding the right to free speech, but to the College Republicans for making the satirical statement. Because satire, at it's best stems from truth. And it's amazing how much needed change comes of it.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

I didn't learn the first couple of times

I switched my MySpace profile back to "looking for dates" since sitting at home knitting isn't doing anyting for my social life and well, sometimes I get lonely. Today was my first day back on the MySpace market. If nothing else, internet dating seems to provide far better blog fodder than "I spun a skein" or "I knit my first pair of slippers today" (I'll post pictures of those another day)
I recieved the following message:

"wow you are stunning i havent had anything take my breath away like that since i got hit in the nuts with a baseball speaking of nuts you sound like youre on the level so get back to me"

To which I replied...

"wow. I hope that I don't cause extreme pain and possible impotence...wait a second...crap."

Which I find exceptionally funny, given my past experiences. I don't really expect to hear back from him after a reply like that. Of course, from his message, he already thinks I'm nuts and still contacted me, so, who knows? He's cute, anyway.

I am off to a monkey meeting. I was invited by one of my crafty friends to go to a coffee shop tonight specifically for the purpose of making monkeys. I am thrilled. Don't tell the Drunkin Monkey though, he's still out of town and will not be happy when he comes home to find a multitude (ok, one or two if we are lucky) of sock monkey siblings. Either way, finishing the half made monkey twins is on my list of things to do before i can break out my spinning wheel again.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Do you remember the time?

Remember Coworker J who I dated who drove me crazy?

He no longer works here. Yes I know why. No, it's not scandelous. But I think that he has passed out of my life now. And I am ok with that.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

something i didn't mention

Before the bloody fun, a coworker came into my office. We were all discussing this and that when she brought up how unhappy her bird is since she moved. Apparently, she is having a problem with her screaming any time she is out of the room.

This is a critter that has been in her care for 5 years. Moving is just as upsetting for critters as it is for people. Especially the more "intelligent" ones. In this case, a cockatoo.

The coworker, Mary, suggested that she wants to give her away. For me, giving away a pet is a last resort, especially when the pet is simply misbehaving. With parrots, if they feel insecure ir upset, they screech. In this case, i suggestedd that Mary et a rolling perch and bring Daphne with ehr as she traveles through the house, something I would like to be able to do with Baby. This way, Daphne never feels the insecurity of being away from her "flock" and doesn't need to call to them in order to feel safe.

Mary spoke to a friend of her's who is head of some sort of bird club or something around town. The friend suggested that she sell the bird with cage and said that she would ask her club.

I have to disagree. If after 5 years of happy cohabitation, she suddenly is screaming, then I think that steps can be taken to increase her comfort level. Rolling perches are not that expensive, I see them on Ebay all the time. Heck, Baby's current home rolls but is too big to move throughout the house. Daphne is not a bad bird, she is an uncomfortable one who needs to be reassured that she is safe. Mary is concerned about the neighbors getting angry with her, but I think, given time, Daphne can be a wonderful addition to the neighborhood. I live in an apartment. My neighbors are facinated with Baby and ask me about her all the time. They have never complained to me about her.

So I did something that was a little compulsive. Ok a lot. I offered to adopt Daphne. Mary sad she would think about it. I already know wher in my home she can live. I think as long as I make sure that Baby knows that she is still the primary bird, they will be ok. I think that in time they will like each other, as Baby tends to like other animals. It would be a lot to have another parrot in the house, but the offer is there, and I would be happy yo take her.

We could rename the Tower, the Castle of Misfit Critters

Of fainting and PETA

If you have been reading here for awhile, then you know that I try to give blood every time it is conveinent. Today was like any other blood-letting day. Generally, after this practice, I feel great! ready to run a marathom (ok, no. not really) but at least indulge in some lighthearted horseplay. I am generally on the edge of my seat ready to dash out of the bloodmobile before the required 15 minutes of donut eating and juice drinking is over.

Today was differnt. Today was darker. (oooh). After the Phlebotomist leaned on my needle for a couple of seconds then pushed it in before taking it out ("jeez! what are you doing?" screamed I, in my head) and after I soaked through a gauze pad (that's never happened before either) I took stock of my feelings and headed over to the "cantina". Things started to sound a bit muffled. As I poured my apple juice, and choose my Nutter Butters (come on, you know you love them. Maybe you just like to say Nutter Butter. It's fun, its silly, it's peanutbuttery) I started to feel a little woozy. I mentioned to the guy who was sitting there that I didn't feel right. I sat down. I took a bite of my cookie which tasted, well, tasteless. I remember Jef n Jer rambling on and laughing on the radio. (I'm a Dave Shelly and Chainsaw girl, but whatever. And if you don't live in the greater San Diego area, you have no idea what I am talking about and I am sorry. But DSC. Funny shit) I remember slowly laying back against the seat and window. And then I started dreaming.

I'm not sure how long I was out, but once I figured out that I was dreaming, and that I wasn't in a place where I should be dreaming like my couch, floor, or (oh heaven on earth) my bed, I woke up. And also realized that I had passed out with my mouth open. totally embarassing. I mean, if i'm going to faint, can't I look all pretty like in the movies? All delicate and venerable? I wouldn't be surprised if I snored. As I woke up, I heard the guy say he thought there was something wrong with me, and the nurses rushed me back to a bed where they made me drink Gatorade and told me I was dehydrated. They put ice behind my neck and I broke out into a cold sweat.

I almost passed out again in the lunch room, and I felt funny the rest of the day. I slept for 2 hours when I got home. Not that it's abnormal for me to take a good long nap, but this time, I felt like if i didn't take a nap, I was in big trouble. I still feel a little off. Seester, no one at work understood when I announced that I was feeling wooz-ee in a bad French accent. sigh.

Speaking of my Seester (who has resumed her blogging so you should go visit her. He blog is lonely and needs some love.) has suggested that I add my company to the PETA Cruelty Free list. I'm all about not animal testing. The bird? Dosn't need a bath. Neither do the fish. I don't think that bunnies need to wear eyeliner. I don't have a bunny, but when I did, he didn't wear mascara. I am in support of being on thier list because it is good advertisement for me and there are no intentional animal products in my soap.

But it is homeade. and I have pets. I have yet to discover any animals in my soap, and if you remember, I threw out the whole batch when the dog peed on my soap.(I still like saying that because it's funny. I could just be suffering from loss of blood)

Here's my thing with PETA. There is no middle ground. I am a middle ground kind of girl. Do I think it's ok to be cruel to animals? No. Do I wear fur? Nope. But I do wear leather. And I eat cows. So do I work with wool. My home is swimming in wool. While I would like to say that all of my wool comes from small farms where they love thier sheepies like members of the family, I can't. Some of it is. I will work harder to buy more that is. But the truth is, unless they are deliberately mistreating thiere animals, I don't have a problem with the wool industry. PETA would have us all in plant fibers.

They do really neat things in a lot of ways. And I undestand that thier stance is ALL animal byproducts are bad. But a vegetarian lifestyle is not for everyone. And I think that in some cases, they eggagerate a bit. And I don't know if I am animal free enough to be represented by them. I am thinking about it. I have not yet downloaded their cruelty free promise. It would be fun to put that cute little bunny on my packaging. I would be proud to do so.

But what about when I start offering my yarns for sale? Or felted soap? (felted soap has wool wrapped around it so it's scrubby.)

I looked closer at their requirements while I was writing this, and I find that they don't seem that bad. They aren't asking me to be vegan, unless I want to be, all they want is to know whether I test on non human animals. Since the answer is no, I think I will take my Seester's advice (when has she ever given me bad advice, really?) But I might have to take care of that tomorrow, I need to go eat something. and all this water is making me uh, well, you know.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

I must somehow invite this behavoir

Or perhaps it is the people I spend time with. I would really like to know how to make it stop.

The following entry discusses my chest. You may want to skip this if you don't want to hear about it.

Here's the thing. I have, as many of you have seen, rather large breasts. I knew they were sizable, but I never relly realized just how large they appear until I saw a picture of myself in a certain dress from a couple of years ago. No, I will not post that picture. It's a great dress. But I think it emphasizes my "assets" a little too well. That's not the point.

Ever since they started growing between 7th and 8th grade, my breats have been a subject of conversation. Among my family, it is a normal dinner time topic. My little sister gets discussed too. I guess this has put it into my mind that the discussion of my body is a normal, casual thing.

Among my friends, as we have grown older, and the guys more comfortable with me, they have become a topic as well. This, I admit, I encouraged for awhile with frequent flashings (never bare) while accompanied by my dear friend Stena. It was a great fun joke. I look back on this time as a period of my life when I needed the attention. Needed the validation that I was attractive or at least had an attractive feature. That doesn't make it classy. WhenI realized that it was not a ladylike thing to do, I quietly stopped. It's been a couple of years since I have behaved this way. There are still a few of my single male friends who have no problem expressing thier enjoyment of my hugs.

I am not a frequent hugger. I rarely go in for the hug except with people I know well or, people who approach me this way first. Family members, close friends, I don't have a problem hugging, but I don't really consider it a form of greeting when a simple "see ya later" will suffice. I will not refuse though.

A couple of months ago, I think I posted about a run-in I had with my sister's brother-in law, when he hugged me and, while he was at it, basically fondled me with his chest, pressing into me and moving about, pulling me closer when I tried to pull away. I scolded him for it. I told him it was inappropriate, as I am practically his sister. That he needs to view me that way. It was an awkward moment.

Last time Wayne and I went to dinner, we hugged goodbye. He commented on the feel of my chest pressed against his and frankly, it made me feel icky. But, I told myself, Wayne is one of those people who says what he is thinking. It's just the way he is. But today, after breakfast when we were saying our goodbyes at Harbucks where we met, he asked for a hug. So that he could feel my breasts. In a crowded restaurant. I didn't want to do it.

And I wondered, what did I do, how did I behave to make him think that this is ok with me? Is it a byproduct of knowing me? I do not have implants, I am how I was made. And I have been becoming increasingly uncomfortable with how I was made. My neckline, always low cut, has crept up slowly over the last couple of years. (probably not a bad thing, actually) I have been wearing a lot of sweatshirts. On my way home today, I was pondering minimizing bras. Granny bras. solutions that would make me feel like a person hugging me wanted to hug me, not my chest. Perhaps this is the byproduct of the pride I have always had in regards to them.

All I can think is that there must be something I did to encourage it. After all, this is the same woman who posted a closeup on the internet. I must have brought this upon myself, but how do I go about making it stop?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

There's something wrong with this picture.

I think ebay might be getting out of hand...

Moving right along...

By Monday afternoon, KCoworker (the man in question) had sent me the following email:

I just wanted to thank you again for going with me
> to the Padre game and with out sounding too
> redundant I do enjoy your company very much. It has
> been awhile since I have dated so please forgive my
> ineptness, or if I'm not being over bearing, or
> making you think I'm some sort of freak or
> something. The last thing I want to do is make you
> feel uncomfortable. I know that a baseball is not
> especially appealing. But I hope you had a semi good
> time. Bruce was happy to see us, and his friend
> seemed to be pretty cool. Bruce asked if I wanted to
> purchase some tickets his son has for sale and go
> down to tail gate w/him, his wife and friends. Would
> you be interested? Oh also I do not want you to
> think that because I am treating you to what ever I
> know your finances are tight and I am not trying to
> buy you (so to speak) by taking you out and paying
> for what ever, I offer them because I like you not
> because I want something in return. Could you please
> call me some time this
> afternoon/evening or would you like to meet for a
> cup of tea?

To which I mentally responded, "AAAAAHHHHH"

Then he brought me some M&M's.

Tuesday he basically avoided my office. Coworker thought by his attitude that I had talked to him but although I did call, he didn't call back. He stopped by to return some money he had borrowed since the trolley machines doesn't take $20's. Later, he sent an email asking what he did to have me ignore him. I responded that I would call later.

Last night I called and said that I was afraid I have misrepresented myself. That I saw our outings as two friends out and about. He said that he saw it that way too. I pointed out that he had been very attentive and that he had mentioned dating. He didn't remember ever saying "dating".

The conversation ended on a good note, but I didn't make any plans to see him again outside of work.

And so my drama ends. Thank goodness.

Monday, April 09, 2007

thunk, thunk, thunk...

that's the sound of me banging my head on my desk. He came back over, I hid at my desk. Coworker is alternately telling me do deal with it, and to do it nicely. She's being very simpathetic and understanding.

My tummy ache came back.

Here we go again

I'm pretty darn sure that I mentioned that I went to go see "Blades of Glory" last week with a coworker. I took care of the tickets, he treated for dinner. The thought behind going (even though I have been feeling apprehensive about his attention) is that I like this person as a friend and do not want to assume he wants anything more than friendship from me (based on my friendship with Wayne which is completely platonic). I have male friends. It's what I have. I spend more time out with the guys than the girls.

Anyway, I made sure, throughout the film that I sat with my knees pointed away from him and my hands nowhere near holding range (without looking awkward) just in case. He has been emailing fairly constantly since. He asked what I was doing Thursday night (DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!) but thankfully I had a dinner date with Wayne. Friday night he invited me to the Padre game and being that it was opening night and he got the tickets for free, I agreed to go. I mean, who turns down a free baseball game? It's UN-American!

I picked him up so we could go to the trolley station. (best way to get to PetCo Park)He didn't have his shirt on when I got there and insisted on giving my a grand tour of his house. I didn't even really look in his room because honestly? I didn't want to SEE his bedroom. Generally, when a man comes to my house, I close my bedroom door. I consider that a very private area. I have bras and underwear hanging about in there!

He tried to buy my trolley tickets but I stopped him because I still had some from Jury Duty. I learned that riding backwards on the trolley makes me motion sick.

We arrived and found another coworker tailgating. That other coworker now thinks we are dating. Soon it will be all over the company because those guys love their gossip and will assume anything about two single people arriving together.

During the game he kept asking if I was hungry. I refused any food as I was still feeling queasy. He bought me a chicken sandwich anyway and I ate it to be polite. Honestly? this is one of my pet peeves. To me, no means no even if I don't believe it. Especially when food and drink is involved. Him buying me that sandwich told me that he thinks he knows better than I what I want. Yes, I realize he was just being nice.

I prayed they would not stop at us when they panned around trying to find couples for jumbo tron kissing. They didn't.

We left a bit early and caught the trolley to go home. He sat across from me and told me I have a nice voice and he likes to spend time with me. a lot. I didn't get motion sick but I still had a tummy ache.

I pulled up to his home and cheerfully said, "Ok! Get out!" as I would to any other friend. As I drove away, I announced to my belly that I wasn't interested in dating this fellow and it quit aching.

He called yesterday to wish me a happy Easter. I didn't return his call. He emailed me first thing this morning while I was off to the loo, and was in my office when I returned. I said hello but tried not to be too friendly. I made a point to go back to my desk and resume Internet activities. It didn't take him long to finish talking to coworker and pull a chair up to my cave.

He's a nice man so I have to figure out a way to tell him I am not interested without embarrassing him terribly and making it weird to work together.

At least I have figured out how I get myself into these situations.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

World War 3

It's been WW3 around the office these last couple of days. It never ceases to amaze me how a seemingly small issue can explode into all out war. Thankfully, I was not involved and I was able to spend plenty of time under my desk in my makeshift fallout shelter with my hard hat on.

I wish Coworker and Admin would talk to Bossman before they decide to play musical furniture. The furniture they brought in didn't fit. Bossman got in trouble because big boss was lead to believe that he knew about it and was angry that bossman would allow in furniture that didn't fit.

It ended up that coworker lost her big new cherrywood set up and is now in a crappy desk. She's bitter over it, but I think it's her fault for giving away her desk in the first place. Like a kid that trades away a nice bike for a better one but ends up with something crappy.

When Bossman told them to get the oversize desk out, they ran to big boss. Can't say I support that decision. He's an Executive Director. I think they are out of hand. Admin even tried to rearrange our entire office so that the desk would fit. Both Admin and coworker lost two days of work to rearrange. not to mention the guys who had to move the furniture around and put things together for them.

It's funny because no matter how much freedom Bossman gives me, it would never occur to me to switch out my desk or anything else when he wasn't looking. Coworker has tried to give away our bookcases too. She says we don't use them but last I looked, not only are they my cubical walls but they are full of binders. "So and So needs them" says she. Boss man had no idea until I mentioned it today.

The two of them finally started talking while I was at lunch. I hate that you can usually cut the tension in my office with a knife. I want to like her, I do, as someone to chat with. She can be a lot of fun when she's happy.

When she's happy.

thank goodness for busy days like the last couple of days have been.

And now, I address the Meme:

7 songs I dig. I will turn these up and sing, loud, over and over again until I can't sing anymore. I can't be bothered with embedding them in here although I am impressed with the people who did. And Tags? the bloggers I know who I think would do this already did, so no tags, but if course if you really want to, let me know, I'll go check it out.

"Downtime" Jo Dee Messina
All about the healing that happens after a breakup. How she knows she's going to be fine and over it. That time will heal the hurt. Currently in my CD player

"Have a Little Faith in Me" Jewel
I have only seen this on the soundtrack to Phenomenon. It. Rocks. full of raw emotions and soul.

"Flashdance...What a Feeling" Irene Cara
I'm big on the whole making dreams come true thing. If I were to pick a theme song, this would be it. I play it when I'm feeling spunky

"Don't Fence Me In" Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters
I'm a sucker for the standards. And I love this. I don't like to be fenced in. I like to feel like I am free to run and fly if I want to. I love the open sky. When I was in Yellowstone, this song played in my head a lot. I know that Bing wasn't the greatest of roll models, but his voice was like pure silky chocolate.

"Memory" Andrew Lloyd Webber from the musical "Cats"
Anyone who knows me knows that there HAD to be a musical in here somewhere. Truly I love many, but this one touches me deep. Speaking of which...

"Summertime" I don't know who wrote it, but it's from "Porgy and Bess"
I just love it. Always. I have two versions, one sung by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong (how can you go wrong?) and one by Janis Joplin. They both get me.

"Mercedes Benz" Janis Joplin
I didn't know who was singing the first time I heard this song in the government van in Mendocino,CA (how appropriate?) but when it was on the CD I bought to get to kow Janis's music after I read her biography, I was more than pleased. I think, after all these years, that this song speaks of people and thier relationship with God. How we think that material items will make us complete. How we try to keep up woth what other people have instead of focusing on what is best for us.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

I think it's past time

to take back over my area. What's the push? We have a doorbell so that I can hear people at the door at my desk behind bookcases. I can't hear people knocking when the plotter is going and often, not at all because the knock so quietly. Yes, the bell is obnoxious. The otehr day, it ran out of batteries.
It occurred to me this morning that the batteries might be here. (coworker orders that stuff)She doesn't want the bell to work.
why am I angry again? because she consistantly rearranges things around here to suit herself when they have been put in place for the better of the department.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Self Evident

A man said to me yesterday the following, "You are honest, so you expect other people to be honest as well. 97% of the time they will be"

I realized that this is the truth. I expect honesty from people because that is what I give. I'm not going to pretend that I am always honest. But I try to be honest with people and with myself. Lying generally hurts my soul. Not the kind like when I tell my mom that the popcorn on TV really does expand to look like a house in the microwave (then giggle when she believes me because she really is that gullible), but the kind where I tell the neighbor I am a Lesbian in order to get him to go away. (Refusing his homemade juice seems to have fixed that so far). I won't lie to my customers and tell them I like a pastry that I hate or that I have tried it if I have not. There's no reason for it. In this case, lying will not save my life. And I think that my customers appriciate a candid answer.

I like knowing that my expectation of the truth inspires truth. And it's like I said the other day, It's so much easier to be truthful. Then you don't have to remember what you said.

In other news...

Coworker and I have been getting a long pretty well and her work ethic is inspiring me to work harder. (says the blogger...) Today though I was frustrated by her when she told me that A) She made so and so pick up the drawings that had been sitting forever in our office. I said I need to start sticking to our rule about only holding things for a week. Her argument was that thier drawing sets would be incomplete, I responded that they were already incomplete if they are not picking them up. It boils down to the fact that I don't think we should deliver them or constantly remind them to come and get them (for goodness sake, they are in the trailer next door) and she thinks it is our customer service responsibility to make sure they have them. Both are good arguments, really, I just don't like it when she tells me how I should do my job.** and B) that the drawings were making it hard to close the file drawers. That we need to find something else to do with them.
We have a space issue. Ongoing projects stay in flat files until they are complete. If they are big, the drawings go on sticks when the project is finished. Smaller projects are folded up and put in drawers. There is no where else to put them. She has a habit of putting binders in the drawers and then they get stuck and all that, and I keep my mouth shut about it because I know there is no where else to put them. Except on the book shelves that abound in our office which are mostly empty and that she keeps complaining that they take up too much room for items we don't use.
My answer was to fold the drawings up smaller.

I think we will always argue about these things. I know she is loking for another position. My plate will be very full if she goes. I'm ok with that.

Meanwhile, I think I have found the source of my job apathy. It's that I don't rise to the occation because other people are incomplete with thier work. Today a set of drawings came in. No drawing log. Which means that I can't check to make sure that the set is complete before I distribute it. The project managers don't ask for or force the architects to behave, and so it sits on us to try and figure it out.

At least that's one source. Sigh.

**OH I get it! I should be harassing people to get their stuff, but it is tedious for her to make sure that the two documents that we publish as tools for other departments match.

sheesh. I am no longer concerned with her opinion of how I do my job and for goodness sake, would someone please let me take back the duties she took?