Sunday, April 15, 2007

I must somehow invite this behavoir

Or perhaps it is the people I spend time with. I would really like to know how to make it stop.

The following entry discusses my chest. You may want to skip this if you don't want to hear about it.

Here's the thing. I have, as many of you have seen, rather large breasts. I knew they were sizable, but I never relly realized just how large they appear until I saw a picture of myself in a certain dress from a couple of years ago. No, I will not post that picture. It's a great dress. But I think it emphasizes my "assets" a little too well. That's not the point.

Ever since they started growing between 7th and 8th grade, my breats have been a subject of conversation. Among my family, it is a normal dinner time topic. My little sister gets discussed too. I guess this has put it into my mind that the discussion of my body is a normal, casual thing.

Among my friends, as we have grown older, and the guys more comfortable with me, they have become a topic as well. This, I admit, I encouraged for awhile with frequent flashings (never bare) while accompanied by my dear friend Stena. It was a great fun joke. I look back on this time as a period of my life when I needed the attention. Needed the validation that I was attractive or at least had an attractive feature. That doesn't make it classy. WhenI realized that it was not a ladylike thing to do, I quietly stopped. It's been a couple of years since I have behaved this way. There are still a few of my single male friends who have no problem expressing thier enjoyment of my hugs.

I am not a frequent hugger. I rarely go in for the hug except with people I know well or, people who approach me this way first. Family members, close friends, I don't have a problem hugging, but I don't really consider it a form of greeting when a simple "see ya later" will suffice. I will not refuse though.

A couple of months ago, I think I posted about a run-in I had with my sister's brother-in law, when he hugged me and, while he was at it, basically fondled me with his chest, pressing into me and moving about, pulling me closer when I tried to pull away. I scolded him for it. I told him it was inappropriate, as I am practically his sister. That he needs to view me that way. It was an awkward moment.

Last time Wayne and I went to dinner, we hugged goodbye. He commented on the feel of my chest pressed against his and frankly, it made me feel icky. But, I told myself, Wayne is one of those people who says what he is thinking. It's just the way he is. But today, after breakfast when we were saying our goodbyes at Harbucks where we met, he asked for a hug. So that he could feel my breasts. In a crowded restaurant. I didn't want to do it.

And I wondered, what did I do, how did I behave to make him think that this is ok with me? Is it a byproduct of knowing me? I do not have implants, I am how I was made. And I have been becoming increasingly uncomfortable with how I was made. My neckline, always low cut, has crept up slowly over the last couple of years. (probably not a bad thing, actually) I have been wearing a lot of sweatshirts. On my way home today, I was pondering minimizing bras. Granny bras. solutions that would make me feel like a person hugging me wanted to hug me, not my chest. Perhaps this is the byproduct of the pride I have always had in regards to them.

All I can think is that there must be something I did to encourage it. After all, this is the same woman who posted a closeup on the internet. I must have brought this upon myself, but how do I go about making it stop?


Gary said...

This is a fascinating subject to me, especially because I have never been one of those men who are especially attraced by large breasts.

I don't think you should be too concerned about it one way or the other. Just accept that some men are that way. I guess you could say they are being horndogs. In our culture and in most others, men are expected, out of courtesy at least, not to be obvious about it. Because it makes women uncomfortable.

Actually, I think you are handling your situation just about right. Enjoy your assets and realize that some men can be a bit rude.

Sensei Ern said...

I agree with Gary.

Besides, how do you know that the women you hug are not getting some kind of lesbian thrill from hugging you?

Your sister's BIL, though, should have gotten a beat down from you. That kind of behaviour is just plain crude.

Personally, I hate hugging. I had to do a lot of it on Easter, because my mom-in-law was in the hospital and all the family was there, worrying and supporting each other.

The one hug I really enjoyed was from my brother-in-law's wife. She has both breasts removed because of cancer. That made it so there was no sexual tension, but purely an embrace to bind us spiritually as a family.

And, that is why you don't want to quit hugging. Just select hugs for those who you want to share a spiritual bond.

fringes said...

You're not inviting the behavior, especially when you've let your feelings about the situation be known. I don't have any other advice (my boobies attract no attention whatsoever) except to remind you that you're not "making" these men do what they do. Be more forceful, perhaps, in your beatdown. Pepper spray, perhaps.

Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

I have never known a Wayne that wasn't creepy, what's that about? Maybe next time Wayne should be slapped! I too am rather well-endowed up top, hubby likes to call me "topheavy" as a nickname, he gets scolded for doing so. I too had a flashing(not bare) phase as well...not sure what that's about but I think you did a good job explaining it.

And, you're not inviting this at all, I think Wayne is creepy as is anyone else that lingers with their hugs in that way.

Sensei Ern said...

John Wayne wasn't creepy. It was more of a lumber.

lzymzy said...

I am appalled and dismayed that you are being made to feel uncomfortable about your body. I've been trying to reduce/stop the boob comments (have I been better?) because I realized it makes you uncomfortable. I envy your breasts not for the sexual, attracting boys aspect, but because they are so incredibly womanly and feminine (curves rock!). Young children find such comfort (and peace) in laying their heads on your chest. Seester, please don't cover yourself, rejoice in your beauty!

As to that Wayne character, what's his number, I'm ready to give him a peace of my mind (and my fist).

I know you value his friendship. You should sit him down and talk to him about how he's made you feel. If he's the person you think he is, he'll be ashamed, and hopefully more aware in his future dealings with women.

Ginamonster said...

Thank you all for your support. (heh) And seester, yes, you have been better. It never bothered me coming from you. You are my sister and I know you are not being lecherous.

I know that mentioning it will make the comments stop. I have to gather the courage to mention it. For me, confrontation takes a lot of courage.

Buzz said...

You didn't instigate this.

Dudes can be pigs.

Not your fault in the least

Chickie said...

You're not inviting it. Wayne sounds like a dickweed. You don't need to hug anyone unless you want to.

Rich | Championable said...


When I first started reading this, I was feeling that vaguge-but-dismissable semi-guilt that I feel when I read something a tad lurid, or see an HNT shot. The guilty pleasures of blog-reading and such.

By the time I finished reading it, I was just pissed off.

With the caveat that I'm just a distant reader:

"All I can think is that there must be something I did to encourage it."

No way. People are stupidly UNcommunicative in this world, and for you to have spoken up previously and said: "I told him it was inappropriate, as I am practically his sister. That he needs to view me that way.." is as direct and clear as you ever needed to be.

I mean, holy shit, dude. If a woman warned me off about my hugging style, I'd feel horrible. Probably TOO horrible. But that's another thing entirely.

Anyway. I reference these things with how I want dudes to treat my daughter, and how I want my daughter to treat dudes. I'd advise my daughter to say "Hands off, Grabby McHugsTooMuch." Or something like that.

Hope you don't mind the rant.