Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I suppose the best thing to do would be to begin with Friday when I discovered at Bunco, that mixing Pop Rocks and soda does not make your belly explode. Yes, I know many people tried this as kids, but I never seemed to have Pop Rocks AND soda at the same time. So I tried it because I had been drinking (it was Friday night, not the usual Wednesday) and that is my excuse for the entire weekend. We also watched The Shining which was not AS scary as the first time, but still had it's moments and still way ahead of it's time and Stanley Kubirck, might have been a genius with his film shots, but I can't say for certain because as far as I know, I have only seen that one movie.
Saturday, I worked during the day but late enough that I got to sleep in, and I was off early enough to take a nap before the Halloween parties of the evening. Yes. Parties. I was invited to two. One, was hosted by my mom's realtor who became a friend of the family. Here is a shameless advertisement. The other, by my friends in Temecula. I went to the realtor's party first with the attitude that if there were enough cute boys, (I didn't know anyone except the host) I might not make it to the second party. There were plenty of attractive men, but all of them were occupied with girlfriends and wives. Except one. We'll call him Douchebag. He spent the entire evening telling me all about myself, in a psychoanalysing kind of way.(apparently, an associates degree gives you free reign to analyze strangers. Don't get me wrong, I am not an elitist about degrees. I don't have one. but usually an associates is a step towards a bachelors. This fellow was done with college and proudly announced that he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Neither do I, but at least I have a lot going on in the interim.) He never took the time to find out anything about me, only told me what sort of woman I am, how I am attractive, and how he knew I was attracted to him (come to think of it, I wasn't). He told me all about how I am unapproachable and basically how I act like a man, which scares men away. Except himself of course. I wish I hadn't gotten tipsy before he started talking to me. At one point he told me that he was going to let me come to him, and walked away, leaving me stunned and confused on the kitchen. Sadly, I (can't figure out why) gave him my number before I left. Would like to take it back. I've spent the last two days praying that if he does call, I have the balls to tell him to lose the number, that I don't like him. SO, I left, and went home. I crawled into bed, looked around and declared myself happy with the way things are and went to sleep. When I woke up Sunday morning, I had the presence of mind to realize that what Douchbag was doing was tearing me down and trying to make me feel bad about myself. Trying to make me feel as though he was the only answer. Thankfully, I am smarter than that. And, a Sunday night poll of men that know me shows that two out of three men find me approachable. Since only three offered an opinion, and one of them was Douchebag, well, I'll go with the majority on this one.
Sunday was a very productive and lovely day at home. Then I went to work and was so happy about having such a lovely day at home that I didn't mind being at work. Except for the fact that I was an hour early. I hate the time change.
Yesterday was uneventful, except for work frustrations, but was another lovely evening at home. Then, I found the most wonderful, magical place. It's called the SportsPlex. I was there watching GR (girl roomie, for those of you who just joined us. She's not my roomate anymore, I just didn't want to spring any new charactors) play soccer. The wonderful thing, was that the place was CRAWLING with men. Baseball men, hockey men, soccer men. Men everywhere I looked. I always knew there had to be a place where all the men go. and I finally FOUND it. AND since GR plays every week, I have an excuse to go. hee hee. It was a lovely ending to a lovely day
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
- I am all for religious feedom and the ability to express yourself.
- I am all for equality in said expression. In this manner I believe that Brittish Airways is wrong to disallow a Christian from visually expressing her faith when they allow those of the Sikh faith to wear an iron bangle. If they view the necklace as jewelry, so must they view the bangle.
- What I am against is going on international television (It was on Hannity and Combs, I think) and making a huge stink about how your employer is discriminating against you because you have been requested to follow the dress code.
- I was frustrated with her insistance that she needed to tell the world that she is Christian by wearing her cross. I think I should be able to tell the world I am wild at heart by dying my hair purple, but I don't because it is against the dress code. Not every policy you disagee with is an attempt to undermine your faith and a direct attack onyour belief system.
Here is a transcript of the clip I saw yesterday, and also a couple of articles regarding the subject.
In other news, I had a wonderful time, as usual, at the Bad Girls of Craft meetup. I cannot tell you enough how much of an inspiration these women are to me. We had a couple of new ladies come in (other than Sharon who has this amazing ability to enter a room and occupy it in such a way that you think she's been around forver. Really. I think she can be at ease anywhere. I'm sorry to see Sharon moving so far away.) One woman, was just pure fun, the other, seemed a bit shy. I con't say I blame her. I remember how nervous I was before my first meeting. I bet she's really cool though, once she gets comfortable.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
There was a woman on the news this morning who was making a huge stink about her company not allowing her to wear her cross outside of her uniform. She was saying that they were anti Christian.
Here is why this angered me:
- The dress code clearly states that ALL necklaces should be worn under the uniform
- She complained that her Muslim cohorts were allowed to wear thier headscarves even though "The Koran does not make the rule about them absolute"
- She just wants to show everyone that she is a Christian and is willing to take unpaid leave in protest.
Dress codes are no fun. But I accept the strict one at my job because I want to work there. I am proud to work there. If you don't like the dress code, don't call your company anti religion and expect them to change for you, go work for a company that allows you to wear your jewlery. I don't wear my religious symbols because I understand that my faith makes some people uncomfortable. I also get tired of answering questions. It's not like I run around in a big pointy hat. Many jobs don't allow you to wear jewelry at all. How many carpenters leave off thier wedding ring because they don't want it to get caught in a saw? does that mean they are not married at work?
After pondering the issue above for a bit what came to mind was this
Faith is in the heart, not in the jewelry.
People don't need to know that you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Wicca. Heck, I occationally wear my grandmother's cross just to feel close to her. If you want to be a good Christian, then follow the teaching of Jesus. I could be wrong, but I don't think he ever said "Go forth and wear a cross as a symbol of your love for me". I think what he said was, "No matter what, I am in your heart" or something like that.
If I were Chrisitan, I would cringe, just as I would rant if a fellow Wiccan made a stink like this. Not that they haven't.
Shouldn't it be enough that you know it's there? Can't you be faithful without carrying a sign?
In other news, I had a wonderful evening just staying home last night. I was able to finish my catalog so that I can have it printed today, and work on the Advent Calender that I am making for a craftster swap. I made dinner and put the dishes in the dishwasher away as soon as they were done. I have not cleaned my room, so I still can't stretch out fully on my bed for all the laundry on it, but, no one goes in there but me anyway.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Some things, I keep to myself. They are stories that will be told in the future because I don't think now is the time. Things are too fresh, too confused, and I don't know the whole story. If there is communication breakdowns in person, how much worse can they become by blogging about them? I am being vague again. I wish I wasn't. I would love the feedback that you guys can give. But my heart, while crying out to vent tells me that I am better off with silence for now.
The stress of having two jobs and no time for the things that I love (like spending time in the apartment that put me in this financial situation) is starting to wear on me both physically and emotionally. Emotionally because I am frustrated with myself for getting me into this predicament in the first place, and for the fact that I have started missing my mom right about mid shift each night at Harbucks. I'm spending time there that I could be spending with her. It's easy to take our parents for granted.
I came to the realization the other day that I work because I have nothing else. And that is a sad and lonely place to be. I tell myself that I am preparing myself for the next phase of my life, whatever that might mean, and preparing to move into that phase with as little debt as possible. But what if there is no next phase, and this is all I continue to have? Work does not equal a satisfying life.
Physically, all this stuff is starting to show. The untalkable point, the stress of the jobs and finances. Thankfully, I am still sleeping, but the tension in my shoulders is radiating down my arms and into my hands. Never a good thing. My ankle is still bothering me and although I laugh it off when I talk to people about it, and put on a happy face, I worry that I may have damaged myself really badly forever and I'm frustrated because I still cannot exercise and I was REALLY liking the way I was feeling about myself, and about my body when I was skating. Over the last couple of days my back pain started returning. I guess that means it is a good thing that I didn't decide to take my roller skate fund and buy a new massage table and start seeing a few clients again.
My cup runnith over, and still I fill it further.
Things, are falling apart. My camera is broken, the bird is lonely, my house in shambles, I'm all out of "good" underwear and having to wear granny panties. Not that anyone sees them but me, so I guess it doesn't really matter. My vacuum is still broken. I hate not having a good vacuum. Maybe I will break down and buy a cheap one tonight before I go to work.
I'm tired of treading water. I brought these things up to Biker Bob who asked what I can possibly be stressed about. I think my stress is just as valid as his. But I didn't say that. I just closed my mouth and moved along.
Things heal with time, right? I can get through this.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Meanwhile, the event on Saturday cost me more in parking than I made, but I had a good time and ran into an old aquaintance. Yesterday I worked most of the day and then went to dinner with Biker Bob and his friend/new roomate and girlfriend. They were interesting and fun people and invited me to jacuzzi with them that night, but I politely refused since I didn't have my bathing suit and going home to get it was going to be 30 minutes to an hour round trip. Once I'm hoe at night, I like to stay there.
I stole this from NWJR
1. Is your blogging persona more serious than your real life persona?
No. If we are not the same, then I would have to say that what you read here is far more outgoing and brave than I am in Real Life. There are things I say here that I wouldn't say out loud because I do this for me and I don't worry that you won't like me for it.
2. Do you think the only safe way to write honestly is to write anonymously?
Nope. The warning is there that these are my thoughts. And I try to be honest at all times. I'll tell you that your butt looks big in those jeans if you ask me.
3. Do you think that your blog could ruin your career?
Only in so much as I should be working right now. I do my best not to discuss my place of employment or my coworers, and when I do, I try to make sure it's a positive or funny story and nothing that could be used against me. I'd gladly invite you all to visit my place of employment, it's lovely. But I wouldn't want to jepordize my position here in case someone did a search on it.
4. Do you use a pseudonym out of fear?
No. I use a psudonym because it's more fun. Like Rich, it would not be difficult to find me if you did a little digging. There aren't a lot of Ginamonsters on the web, most of them are me, and then there is my online business.
5. What is the biggest drawback to writing pseudonymously?
I'm not really all the anonymous, so I just try not to discuss anything too personal like my relations with Biker Bob or events which might adversely affect my family.
6. Has anyone stumbled on your blog and found it accidentally?
Oh gosh yes! I have several friends and family members that read it, and I kinda feel bad because they often hear stories twice. The worst one was when an ex with whom I am still friends happened accross it. I thought I was going to fall over with dread when I read in his email that he had read my blog, but it turned out to be the best thing for our friendship. I have been able to open up with him and allow him to be more a part of my life. We have been able to rebuild part of the closeness that we once shared but was destroyed as part of the break up. I had missed that closeness and am glad to be able to rekindle the friendship, only in a different way because we aren't dating this time.
7. Have you outed yourself to any other bloggers?
Outed myself? Like coming out of the closet? Like Hey everybody! I'm Ginamonster!!um, everyone already knows that. Sometimes, people meet me then find my blog. so...
8. Has your blog allowed you to experiment with writing?
Huh? I have always experimented with writing. I love it. It's just the first time I have had my work read by more than a few people, with the exception of that poem I sent to poetry.com. I only wish that other people in the book I am published in would have submitted better than "Roses are read, My shoes are black, I love my boyfriend, his name is Jack" stuff. I'm a snob that way. Bad poetry is a major turn off.
9. Why do you use a pseudonym?
Ginamonster describes me better than just plain Gina. I have always found the nickname particularly funny.
10. How did you choose your pseudonym?
11 years ago, I applied for and was accepted into a wonderful government program called Americorps*NCCC. When we weren't out doing good things for the community, we were on the Navy Base here in SD living it up 18-24 year old style. At that time, we were allowed to drink beer in the bowling ally on base. Ok, we weren't really allowed, but we did because no one really stopped us. But on base, you could technically drink beer. So one night, we were bowling. I don't remember much more than a lot of falling on my newly pierced nose and giggling and popcorn chasers because I didn't like beer. (This night stopped any budding beer habit. ugh) so at some point in the evening Tex turned to me and said, "HinaMonster!!" I can still hear his voice. I loved it immedietly and have used it ever since. I don't generally introduce myself as such, but it will always get a smile from me and I do answer to it.
Friday, October 13, 2006
I have also learned that not everyone appriciates my verbal stories as much as I enjoy telling them. Which is why it is good that I have a blog. Learning this hurt my feelings, but it is important to me not to be annoying or obnoxious. I don't want people to roll thier eyes at me behind my back, as I have learned happens, apparently, on my nights at Harbucks. It's difficult enough being odd without being annoying too. Here, I know, that if I'm not interesting, you'll just wander off and I will never know the difference. Are my insecurities showing? Of course. But I am aware that I have a need to fit in. I would rather not alienate myself.
Got a late notice in the mail yesterday on the storage. I am not paying it. Apparently, he couldn't be bothered with taking my name off the account or changing the address. I have to wonder if he thinks I will continue to pay! I can't do anything because he recinded the Power of Attorney. I'd pay it, but, he pissed me off. Why should I feel responsible for making sure he is able to keep "His Belongings"? Asshole.
I still have not opened the iMac. I know. and yes, I'll take pictures. I plan to get internet while I am at it. I'm overdue.
Breast Cancer event tomorrow, my business and I will be there. I am thinking it will be great exposure. And a worthy event. Being involved is a good thing. Even at grassroots levels. Plus, maybe I will sell some soap!
I've started schemeing again. Those that know me know it's one of the most healthy things I can do even though most of my schemes never come to pass. (which is good, actually.) For those of you who don't know me, if I don't have something brewing in the cauldron of my mind, there must be something really wrong. It's also the way I heal myself. I'm keeping this one to myself for the most part. I'll keep you updated if ever there is anything to tell.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
ginamonster blog (I am amazed at how often this is searched, even though many of the people I know don't read my blog. Or, if they do, they don't tell me so. Most of the Ginamonster presence on the web is me so...)
clothing for big breasted (If you find it, PLEASE let me know)
doin it doin it doin it picking your nose and chewin it (apparently, my family did not make this up. I am amazed at how often people search it)
cap of curls
new disease dickdo news (heh. I guess it's a disease. brought on by too much BEER!)
carpet beetles eat t-shirts (probably. I can't remember. I know they like wool so I was REALLY concerned about my stash. of fiber, of course. thankfully the little critters went away on their own)
sports physical school panties (um...)
do it all by your self lyrics
spinster muscle exercize (holy crap, there's a muscle for that? Which one is it? I think I need to stop exercizing it! I don't want my SPINSTER muscle to get too big!!!)
pictures of full shown nakid woman with thier middle finger up
steak and knobber night (Welcome oh wondermus DSC Listeners! March 20, oh yeah!)
harbucks (Yeah, yeah, so I jacked the term from South Park. I think I will google this just to see what comes up)
lyrics raised on bread and baloney
In other news:
- Molly died and I only have 2 fish fry left. I think the other 2 were eaten.
- I still have not opened my new iMac.
- um. nothing more to see here.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I found myself watching House of Carters the other night because it was sandwiched between episodes of Dr 90210 and well, since I don't have cable of my own, when I do have it available, I like to indulge in a little E! I was appalled at the behavior of the Carter family. Especially Aaron who, sadly, acted a lot like my brother. Maybe it's an 18 yr old thing. Maybe they are both just assholes sometimes. I was thinking, too, that it may have something to do with proving manhood at an age where you want to be an adult, but everyone still treats you like a kid. Now, I am not a Backstreet Boys fan, so I don't know the story of the apparently rather disfunctional Carters. What I did find myself wondering, after watching one of the sisters bad mouth, then break up with, then miss terribly, her boyfriend, is; when did it suddenly become acceptable to act like an ass because your childhood was crappy? I don't know anyone who had it picture perfect. Some were worse than others. But it seems to me, that instead of saying "I act like this because it's what I grew up with" you can say "I don't act that way because I saw how ugly it is". Sure, there are scars. There are emotional issues. And we will all have our breakdowns once in awhile. But I think it's past time for people to start taking responsibility for who they are. I don't think we have to be products of our childhoods. I think we can be whomever we make ourselves to be.
Speaking of Dr 90210, I am amazed at the way California is portrayed on TV. It looks so upscale and cosmopoliton. It looks as if everyone here is skinny and dreams of having bigger boobs because they will make them happier/help them make more money. Truth is, California is just another place. Sure, it's lovely, and there are a lot of tan people with fake boobs running around. But we have our poor sections. We have our middle class. Heck, they showed Oceanside and I didn't even recognize it! But if watching that show taught me anything, it's that plastic surgery is rather violent because they have to force your body to do things it wasn't built to do and, if you have ever seen a breast without a nipple, just a hole, then perhaps you would think that implants are a little scary too. Now, I am the first to say that if you have some sort of disfigurement by defect or accident, then plastic surgery is a wonderful thing if it helps you live a normal life, but I don't consider being flat chested a life hindrance. I am finding more and more that society's veiw of beauty is skewed. The news reports I read say that we find beauty in the familiar. And sadly, what has become familiar are fatless women with DD boobs. Or just Fatless women. And men with overdeveloped gleuts, pectorals, calves. I saw a picture of TO the other day without his shirt and found him to be almost insectile in his formation. I would imagine he would be like snuggling a board.
I am not advocating a "Fat America". But neither do I think that there is one set body type. Some people and natrually thin and fatless. Others can eat all the healthy food in the world and still be a bit fluffy. The average American doen't have a personal Trainer and Personal Chef to see to their needs.
Monday, October 09, 2006
But instead, as I was visiting at The Daily Snark, I was struck by todays post about a Bible camp aimed at teaching children to evangelicly take the United States back for Jesus. Teh volume was low, but I was frightened by the sight of children under 10 rocking and swaying in the extacy of His word. Chanting. Learning to be soldiers for Jesus. I don't think that is what Jesus intended! Sure, go out and spread his word! there are many who need it! But so are there many who choose to know god in a different way. This is not "war". And if you think that it is, then I am afraid that I will have to fight you. I don't like the idea of being chased down by children brainwashed into believeing that Jesus' way is the only way.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against your regular Christian individual. I think I hae underlined that many many times. Christianity brings many wonderful things to our society. But I don't believe that people should eb turned into mindless drones for ANY cause. And I really don't believe that America should be "taken back, for Jesus". And so, sadly, if it is to be war, I am afraid that I will fight, and fight dirty for my rights as an American to believe as I choose and not be condemned for it.
Because I am blessed to have been born in a country that recognizes constitutionally that there are many paths to God. That there is no one answer for everyone.
Friday, October 06, 2006
It really bothers me, this thing with my dad, but I still maintain that I have done the best that I can, that he is disfunctional, not I. I suppose it will always bother me, and I don't expect that I will heal quickly. All I can be is strong and deal with it the best that I can.
I purchased additional Storage for my computer by way of a flash card, but my computer is too old to recognize it. So I have decided that it is time to purchase a new computer. New. Not used, not built by a friend, although those have worked really well fro me thus far. The thing is, that Computer A only has 2 gigs of memory. I don't know what that means, but I have used it up. and as my business grows, so does my computer usage. This last little experiment set me back two days. If I were in a money crunch that would be really bad. The one nice thing about having a really slow system is that I can knit while programs load. Sadly, this will set my debt free goal back many months. But you have to do what you have to do sometimes.
Have a good weekend, and of course, Welcome, to all of Dr John's readers on thier bloggeriffic oddessey. It's nice to hear from all of you. Keep an eye out for rabbits and dragons.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
- I think I'm back in perspective. and thank goodness for that. Thank you to Sensei Ern for giving me another little tidbit to ponder on my path, and to Gary for reminding me that jealousy, even well placed, doesn't get me anywhere but frustrated.
- My home computer ran out of memory. shoot. I don't know if my other computer has the same programs so I have to figure out my best course of action. I'm thinking of getting one of those plug in drives. Then my business records would be moveable.
- What's cool, though is that I ran out of memory making labels for this event:www.validationofvenus.homestead.com which I am TRYING to donate mini soaps for, and dangit, I am going to do just that as soon as I can print the labels. I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to donate to this worthy cause. hee hee. I'll be in a swag bag!
- I think I'm falling apart. and getting a bit too fluffy for my taste. So out with the coffee, because I am feeling achey again, and last time this happened, caffeine was to blame, and yes I know I work at a coffee shop but I can drink the water which is yummy and better for me anyway. and no more pastries AT ALL, among other things I plan to do to shed those pounds and fluffies that have come over me since I stopped exercizing. Honestly, I REALLY want this sprain to heal. I can handle the pain, it's the sedimentation that drives me crazy! Fluffies. sounds so much better than Cellulite!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
So, it was a good movie, I enjoyed it, but at the end, something was said that made me feel better about my world and where I am, and the jealousy I sometimes feel towards those who lead what is in all appearances a "normal life". You know, the kind where you settle down to a job, a house, a spouse, and a couple of rug rats. Doc Holliday said the following to Wyatt Earp at the end of the movie:
"There is no Normal Life, there is only Life"
I hope that his words return to me when I am feeling antsy about where I stand in this world. In overview, I think I am doing the best that I can to live my life to the fullest. I should stop worrying about whether I am living the "right" life, and accept that I just need to live MY life. and that my life is different from other people's. It is unfair to me to expect to do what other people have done. So I am shopping around before I pick a partner. What's wrong with that? I'm not a slut, and I'm not harming anyone. Sure, I'd like to "settle down" but first I have to find a man who will encourage me to fly. To follow my dreams and adventure with me. Being married must not be right for me at this time in my life because I haven't done it yet. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean I have to. I think I need to remember how much I like living outside the box and how much that box can feel like a cage when you aren't ready for it.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
The baby shower on Saturday was fun. (gasp!!) and it was nice to spend some time with my mom and sister. Brother got into another car accident on Friday night. he insists that he rolled into the pole. I didn't know that rolling into a pole at low speeds going up hill an do the sort of damage that was done, but the truck is now undrivable (the tire came right off the wheel!!). He, Thankfully, is ok.
It was hard getting up and going to work on Sunday morning, but I made it. Then I was off to my nephew's birthday party where I was treated to head on collisions, nudity, and a booger picking ettiquitte lesson.
Watching all those kids and their parents made me wonder what it would be like to have kids. I mean, I know it's tough. And what little bit of children I see isn't nearly what it's really like to be a parent. But it would be hard, you know, the birthday parties and the ettiquitte lessons and my goodness, the tantrums! I've been alone for so long that I can't remember what it is even like to have another person in the house, (the old roomates don't count, I hardly saw them) and to have someone constantly in need of your attention and supervision? How hard is it not to turn them away while you finish up dinner or watch your TV show? We all SAY we wouldn't do that if it was our kid, but how do we really know? How do you teach your kid that they shouldn't get nakid at the party when they saw another kid do it and they were taking their clothes off because they were wet from the pool without telling they they are bad?
I found myself feeling lonely for the opportunity to find out these things,which only served to underline the whole, I am getting older and still have not found a life partner thing. I mean, it's not hard to accumulate a kid. They have banks for that. But if I were going to be a mom, I want there to be a dad. My cousin's husband flat out asked me if I didn't want to have a long term monagamous relationship, and of course I do, but I also don't want to settle. I tried to explain how difficult it is to date at our age, but he didn't understand. He and my cousin are lucky. They met when she was 16 (he's a few years older than us, I just don't remember how many) and while many of us didn't think it would last because they were so young, they have been together for 13 years now and well, if ever they have hit a rough patch, she hasn't told me.
I am aware that I am not that old, but my fertile years are passing by. I think about this alot. Truly I am no closer to finding Mr Right than I ever have been. I try not to lose faith that things happen all in good time. I really try. It's as if there is a whole other culture of people, (rudely called "the breeders" in some circles) who are having this experience that I may never have. and I guess I'm more than a little bit jealous. I don't regret the decisions that I have made thus far, I'm really glad that I was able to devote my twenties to myself. But I am getting ready to leave my twenties. and going forward, I would really like someone to share my time with. someone with a future, not a good for now. Funny how many years I have been saying that. It's not getting any easier, that's for sure. I keep telling myself though, that one of these times, one will stick. We'll like each other equally and want to be together. We will be, as I call it, mutually agreeable. I'm not naieve enough to pretend that everything will be perfect. There is no perfect and often, I think that some of the strengths in a relationship come from getting through the imperfect times. Still...
Wow. That was a lot more information than I intended.