Set to Jet

I really need to find a balance between how long I am gone and how long I can stand to be gone because although I was enjoying myself, by Monday, I was ready to go home. I still had a whole nother day.

My last day in SD tends to be jam packed with visiting all the people I hadn't gotten to yet and trying to see the things that I love to see. People and things. Then a rush to the airport.

This time, when my mom asked what I wanted to do and who I wanted to see, I was a little more difficult about it. Sure, there were people I wanted to see, but mostly, I just wanted to relax.

We settled on Lunch and the Spanish Village, an area at Balboa Park where artists can rent studio space and sell thier wares. It's always a neat place to go to see what other people have made and sometimes, if they are feeling chatty, to talk to them about the creation process. It's one ofmy favorite things to do in San Diego and I am glad we chose it. We also had time to walk around the park a bit. San Diego is stunning this time of year. It was warm and full of flowers.

Since it is cold where I live, I forget that you can go outside there in the middle of winter without freezing so I didn't spend as much time outside as I probably should have.

Either way, I wandered about with a silly grin on my face and enjoyed the quality time with my mom. You just can't beat that.

Remember how I'm not that into kids?

Christmas day yawned quiet and empty for me. We did our celebrating in the days before (Pie had to work on Christmas) and by the time the 25th rolled around, everyone had gone their seperate ways and my mom and I were left to our devices.

She had plans to go to her Boyfriend's house for presents with his family. I knew I could tag along, but also knew that I would be a bit uncomfortable. I don't know any of them well and thought that I might be smarter to go somewhere where I would be comfortable.

I chose to go experience Christmas morning with two of my favorite children. These are two kids on the previouse list. They belong to K&J and are, like my biological neices, the product of two of the people I love most in this world. When I asked if I could join them, J said to bring my Joy. I couldn't help but smile, Saturday's post hadn't published yet.

I'm so glad I went. Those two girls are fantastic, and the adult company was great too. There was, as always, a great deal of laughter and I got to spend some time with their dads too; both of whom have been in my life for a very long time. It was nice seeing them.

Although I was missed at the Bf's house, I think I made the right choice with where I spent my morning. I will be smiling about that for a while to come.

In a candy and booze filled coma

Thankfully it takes a heckofalot more alchohol than I consumed on Friday night (this was when we had our Christmas Dinner) to cause hangovers, but between the candy and the booze and the good food (I only had ONE PLATE!!) All the good I did early in the week was deleted by all the overindulgence of the weekend.

Mind you, I did take a run on Friday morning, which mentally felt GREAT, but I paid for in soreness and muscle fatigue for three days. I had to keep laughing at myself every time my muscles would give out. I looked drunk and walked drunk, but after Friday's indulgence, did not have anything else to drink. Except water. I even forgot to drink my rootbeer, a Sprechers I picked up during Thanksgiving.

I don't get why it's so easy to fall out of shape. Boy do I have my work cut out for me!

But Saturday, Saturday was lovely. The designated time with my family exchanging carefully chosen gifts is my favorite part of the holiday. Seeing my neices play with the things I gave them made me happy, and it was fun to see what everyone chose for everyone else.

Stockings, in our family, are a group affair. Each of us brings a few things to add so that the financial burden doesn't rest on one person. Then, everyone gets a variety of goodies and lots of surprises. There were two hits this year. Well, three, but Starbux cards are kind of cheating, everyone loves those. Firstly, Brother presented his monitary gifts in oragami form. And there isn't one of us that wants to unfold them. And then... the mini tiaras.

I have a great love for tiaras anyway. They are sparkly and they sit on your head. I have a small collection of them. They get loaned out and occasionally worn for special occations like birthdays, Halloween, and New Years. I might make it a goal to get pictures of all my friends wearing one; including the menfolk. I can think of two I have already. Hmmm.

Meanwhile, there were tiaras in the stockings. And we wore them all day. When Seester left to go to her in-laws, she made it quite clear- I was to show up that evening wearing mine.

And I did. When I got there, she was wearing hers. Maddy was wearing one (that didn't last long) and when her cousin and brother in law showed up, they donned one too. It was silly, it was harmless, it was fun. It was (excepting the food which is ALWAYS fantastic) the highlight of my evening (well that and educating the gathering regaring El Caganer)

It's funny how a small plastic item can be so much fun.

You want to do something NOW???

The "pearl". for two years it's been sitting there all bump like and not really doing anything. Today, when I was getting dressed for work, I noticed that there is something going on back there. No time to check it out, now I get to worry about it all day. The Doctor warned me that it might um, er, take care of itself (gag) but DUDE! I have an appointment to have it removed in just a couple of weeks! What if it um, well, (gag) while I am at work???

All I know is that I am NOT going to google sebacious cysts because I KNOW it's going to be super gross and if there is anything I hate, it's being super gross. Seriously. I have a phobia.

And now back to your regularly scheduled nicey nice.

I know it's kind of cheating a lot to schedule my posts. (this one is not scheduled) but rather than ramble for pages and pages and then offer up NOTHING for months, I thought I would post when I need to and then if there is already something going on that day, just schedule it for the next day. I'm a little ahead of myself, I know. but at least I am writing again. And pretty much every day, you just don't know about it until later. Except right now. This needed to be shared.

I am not a fan of kids

We know this. Excepting the little ones who belong to people I already adore, I don't generally have use for children. Especially the ones under 5. I think, there might be 10 (under 8,) kids total, in the whole wide word who I will go out of my way to see. the older ones are easier because they talk to you. Sometimes a little too much, but they also don't have diapers.

My BFF and her Hubby. The Loan Shark Prodigy. My nieces.

So when I returned from last minute shopping with Pie and her BF, to two little munchkins, I couldn't help but smile. And give them each a squeeze. And when the little one plopped down on the floor and asked for tickles in her way, well, I knew that that feeling right there, is what life is all about.

That doesn't mean that I didn't hand her RIGHT over to her dad when her diaper was full. that's my right as an Aunt. to avoid diaper duty forever.

Happy Landings

I was standing in line at McDonalds (eew) getting food before my flight when I noticed a couple of people in Santa hats. i must admit, I got a little snarky in my head because I am not a Santa hat wearing kind of person unless it's a special, short, occasion. like passing out gifts or the Santa Crawl. My first thought was that I needed to send a text bitching about it, and my second thought was that there was nothing positive about that sort of behavior. That really, I was being an asshole.

Fast forward a couple of hours and I have landed. As I exited the terminal towards the baggage claim area, I noticed a small group of people all in Santa and elf hats waiting for someone. Seeing them there made me smile. And I thought that it was a little sad that they weren't my family because that's the sort of crazy I love.I'm sure they have no idea what I was grinning at.

Complete turn around from my earlier thinking? Yes. But I can accept that. I was being crankypants and I can be thankful for two things.

I didn't spread the bad attitude.
I found joy in an unexpected place

Another Joyful day

It's not that I have trouble finding things that make me smile, it's that I seem to have collected a lot of negative influence over the last year or so. I caught myself yesterday.

You see, the blogosphere is full of all sorts of people. And some of them are HILARIOUS!! Sometimes they are hilarious because they live a funny life, and sometimes they are funny because they make fun of other stuff. I can't help it. I read a lot of those. I'm not going to stop. Because it makes me smile and well, there's no harm in it as long as I don't follow too much in their footsteps.

There are other blogs that are funny or interesting because they talk about day to day frustrations. I found one of those recently. I started reading the whole thing from beginning to end (which, having done that a couple of times recently is actually a daunting task!!). As I read, I didn't just start feeling thankful for my relatively quiet and drama free existance (relatively.), I started thinking about all the crap that does sometimes rain around here and I felt my attitude slipping.

I felt myself becoming more negative in thought by reading other people's negative thoughts.

Being that I'm all "bring on the joyfullness" these last couple of days, I noticed what was happening and closed the blog. I don't think I will return. I know that those people needed to get that stuff off their chest just as I sometimes need to get things off MY chest. But I can't read it if it's going to bring me down. I just can't. I've been feeling the happy the last couple of days. Like I SHOULD be feeling as opposed to how I have been feeling.

Baby steps.

What made me joyful today? Recently, my coworker was officially given a promotion. While she is now over me in a supervisory manner, I have always looked to her for direction and assistance so it isn't much of a change for me. And her attitude towards me hasn't changed. She directs me the way I like to be directed and I really like that. I already feel like I am a better worker since she took over and I am happier in my job. Last night she talked to our manager about her raise, and whatever it will be, it made her happy and excited. And that makes me smile. I like knowing that she will get paid what she deserves and that she will be able to breathe just a little easier and provide that much better for her little family.

I've been grinning like an idiot over it all day. It's always fun to find true, heartfelt joy in other people's success.

I am a dreamer

There's no time like the present to be more joyful, and what better day than Christmas to post my first bit of joy?

Last night, after deciding that I was going to commit to posting joyful things (don't worry, there will still be rants!) I went to bed. And I, of course, had a dream.

In my dream, I found something that made me happy. So happy that I knew that I had started right away on my joyful journey. So happy that I woke up with a smile on my face. It was somthing I had forgotten about in my grumpy attitudes, and I was so thrilled, in my dream to rediscover it.

I sure do wish I could remember what it was.

The Results are In

The good (GREAT) news is that I am healthy. My liver, kidneys, pancreas, and thyroid are fine. No sign of disease in any including Diabetes. Thank goodness. The only thing they found was that I have elevated cholesterol (on the high side of normal) but given my fairly high protein diet, I am not surprised about this. I have already switched to low fat milk (yes, i am a whole milk girl!) and will likely downgrade to nonfat soon. I already eat more chicken than beef and will try to replace some chicken with fish, something I have been doing lately anyway. I've already cut back on my cheese intake, but will try to cut back further and I will be adding oatmeal back to my diet and practice starts up again in two weeks.

The not so good news is that the above mentioned great diagnosis does not explain my moodiness and mood swings. Or the absent mindedness which, my seester says has everything to do with being medically blonde. And it means that in addition to practice, I am going to have to have to add more exercise in. I hate the gym but I dislike gaining weight even more.

I'm not complaining, it was good to get that worry (lingering for many years) off my mind. I am greatful for my health. Now that I know I am healthy in body, I can start working on my mind.

I think I've gotten away from what I consider to be my purpose in life which is to Bring Joy. Perhaps it is because my own joy seems to be elusive of late. I'm sure that I lost one for lack of the  other. I'm not sure. I do know that when I am joyful, it is catching, so I will be looking for mine again and likely posting it here so I don't lose it again.

Do you think I can do it? Do you think that I can achieve what so many other happy bloggers have done? Can I blog 365 days of joy? Is it cheating if I prepost? I'm already ahead of myself here.

The right place

I've been bitching a lot lately about my bad attitude and how I just want to feel normal again.

This weekend I feel like I started getting back on track.

I did some volunteer work, I spent some time with a friend who I have felt, for awhile, that I could take less for granted. I performed a wedding ceremony and while I don't party like the wedding party parties, I was still glad I went. It was wonderful sharing the bride and groom's special night. It was a busy weekend but in the end, I still got a few chores done and felt good about the way things went.

The only thing that I didn't get to do? Well, I know the chances of that were slim and thankfully, I was ok with it. No hose beast, just a shrug and a snuggle with my dog.

This weekend, I think I was right where I was "supposed" to be. It was a good feeling.

Apprehension

Of course, by the time you read this, I will have an aswer, but I still need to get it out...

I'm afraid of my results from Saturday.

Part of me wants there to be an answer indicating that there is a problem. That will explain why I have so much trouble with my weight whether I exercize or not. Read: I still gain if I exercize. I lost a good 10 or 20 pounds and it came right back even though my activity level and eating habits didn't change. In fact, my activity level went up.  I still gain if I drop calories. In fact, dieting makes me crazy. Not in the cheeky "dying for a donut" way, in the psycho hose beast kind of way that I know isn't me.

The other part wants to hear that I am normal and that I need to eat more salad and exercize more and I will be fine. I don't really want to take a pill for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to check the box that says "thyroid issues" when I fill out medical information. I don't want to have a pre-existing condition. I'm pretty sure that this is just vanity talking. Goodness knows, I have plenty of it.

Either way, I miss feeling normal and I haven't really felt normal in a long time. Less so lately. I blame some of that on not having skated or done any "real" exercize in the last couple of months. I'm falling apart. my neck and shoulders are so tight I pulled a rib out last weekend sleeping (alone) and another one out last night reaching for a nearly empty box of borax. I haven't really slept well since last week because it hurts to move. I'm a side sleeper and can't sleep on either side after last night. I'm pretty sure I sounded like a buzz saw since sleeping on my back makes me snore.  I've had a headache for three days. Ibuprophin doesn't touch it. Yes, I have seen my chiropractor. I'm thinking of seeing him again today. Tension, my friends, is a terrible thing. I don't really know where it's coming from. I mean, I have some idea, but I don't know if it's accurate. It could be the lurking hose beast.

She's always around the corner. She can be tamed with food. protein and carbs. I've learned to be afraid of her. Enough that I got up before 7 to avoid a meetup because I knew that if I fasted too long, she would appear. Last night, food didn't help. Maybe I ate too early. Maybe I didn't eat the right things. Maybe it's not a food issue at all.

Maybe I just need to get myself past the holiday season and get my life back in order.

More Shameless Bubbly Creations Promotion

I try not to market here on the old personal blog because, well, if you wanted to know what the business was up to you'd head on over to the Bubbly Creations Blog or you'd like BC on Facebook (search bubblycreationssoap).  But I figured that you might not know that there is fun stuff going on over at the blog and on FB so I'd better tell you. Unless I already did in which case, I'm getting old and am that lady who tells the same story over and over.

In all seriousness, I'm doing some pretty fun (so thinks I) shit through the mail and if you would like to get in on it, I would recommend getting on my mail list by shooting your information to gina.bubblycreations.com. If I already have your address from Secret Crafters or you are in my family,

While I'm at the promotion game, I talk a bit more about derby and post more pictures of our bouts on Grace N Motion's FB page if you want to go like that one too. I'll really start talking it up once we are practicing again!

Disorderly eating part 4

Don't get me wrong, I know I could try harder. But I also know that I have come a really long way from the kid who ate 1 meal a day to a woman who makes sure that she has plenty to food to eat throughout the day.

I can no longer skip meals. I used to periodically turn evil, now I turn evil and then into an emotional, paranoid mess. Thankfully, I am rational enough to question whether what I am feeling is reasonable or if, perhaps, I need to eat something. This is all very recent, the emotional rollercoaster, I'm still learning to deal with it. Believe me, no one needs to see me spontaneously crying in costco while I decide whether I should have a hot dog now or wait and eat something "real" when I get home. (Neither. I had Qdoba. Way too much food but so, so, tasty. And better for me than a hot dog. I even skipped the cookie)

I try to add more veggies to my diet. I try to portion my meals instead of eating everything in sight like a ravenous dog not certain where her next meal will come from. I no longer have donut emergencies. Actually, since I don't have ready access to a snack machine, I don't crave sweets like I used to. I do have trouble if it's on my desk or in the break room. I still want to eat what I see. I try to eat nuts or craisins for a snack if I get hungry; that is what is in my "snack" drawer now instead of donuts.

I'm not sure if my bad childhood eating habits brought me to this place of crazy or if it is genetic, but there is a thyroid test in my future which is your past because I am preposting. I'm sure I'll let you know what the outcome is. I can't starve myself (I can barely go one a gentle diet without getting all spacey at the end of the week), and I shouldn't have to exercize constantly (reasonably, yes) to maintain a healthy body weight.

It's possible that my bloodwork will come back normal and that I do indeed have to exercise constantly and cive up cookies completely. Part of me hopes not. The other part doesn't really want to be on meds for the rest of my life.

By the time you read this, I may even have answers.

Disorderly Eating Part 3

Moving, this time, turned out to be much better for my eating habits. I started developing better ones. There was an abundance of top ramen and if we could afford them. cup o noodles. We ate a lot of chicken. I started learning how to cook since my mom was often gone at work or school.

Suddenly, I had resonsibilities, and at 15, I wasn't going to fall behind. I learned to pack myself a lunch most days, or, I could use baby sitting money to buy. Sadly, I have a sweet tooth and would binge on donuts and such. earning an admonition from my cohorts that eating like that would make me fat.

I didn't think so though. At least, I thought, I was eating. Still skipping breakfast, but eating lunch and dinner. A lot of dinner. I was a growing teen. by 15 I was done growing up, but not done growing out. But the time I graduated, I had gained 40 pounds but was still pretty small.

Americorps brought regular breakfast, lunch, and a diner that usually consisted of rice and gravy if we were on base. I started getting concerned about my weight so I tried to offset with salad, but the way I liked it. With plenty of cottage cheese and thousand island dressing. I fasted on the full moon like I thought a good little witch should.

Until I nearly passed out on the job one day. After that, I didn't skip days of eating, just meals.

Since then, I have been fighting the food monster. I either binge or starve (until recently. more on that later) Sometimes I am able to keep myself on a healthy diet. I don't binge on sweets like I used to. (there was a time when I would have what I called "donut emergencies" where I absolutely had to have a packet of donut gems RIGHT NOW. I would buy several at a time and keep them at my desk) I've been chunky, I've been close to the weight I was when I graduated. It always comes back. Even when I am good about not eating sweets. It comes back. Even when I exercize, skating 4 or more hours a week, it all came back.

Tales of disorderly eating part 2

You would think that by realizing that there was something wrong with my eating habits that I would change them, but remember, kids are lazy.

And then we moved. No more friends (at all, really) with free lunches. If my new friend or two noticed that I didn't eat, nothing was said. I'm sure I was simply the weird new girl who never had lunch. Among other things. I didn't fit in well in my new school.

Somehow I got through Jr High without starving to death. I ate heartily at home and learned all about Grandma's Double Chocolate Cookies which were only 75 cents. I could generally find that on my parents dresser without them noticing. I was young and skinny. I thought I would always be young and skinny. I still think I should be!

Freshman year, I was adopted by my sister's friend Cong who, when he discovered that I didn't eat lunch, took it upon homself to make sure I ate lunch every day. Cong became my  "brother" and my protector, making sure none of the other boys could get near me to ask me out on a date. I gained 25 pounds in the first few months of 9th grade (was still all bones and boobs) and eventually rallied against kind Cong's overprotective ways. I have often wondered what happened to him. I hope he is well and happy. Seester might know.

Then we moved again.

Tales of disorderly eating pt 1

I'm sure I have mentioned over the past (many) years that I am convinced that I have an eating disorder. I think much of it stems from the fact that I never really learned to eat properly.

I'm not talking about my need to completely overstuff my mouth every time I eat pasta, although I have to admit that this is definately an eating disorder. I thought it was in my head until my Seeseter mentioned one adult day that I can't seem to eat pasta without overstuffing my mouth with it.

The way it began, I believe, was with pure laziness. I remember being a wee monster and being fed wonderful things like egg burrios and cereal and the not so wonderful concoction known as Spinach, Eggs, and Cheese which looked a lot like green eggs and cheese and tasted rather gross. I still hate canned spinach. FRESH spinach, eggs, and cheese, however, brings me great glee now that I am an adult. As a kid I probably would not eat it. I was picky. There were no hot dogs in there.

As I grew, so did the responsibility over myself grow. I'm not sure when I stopped being fed breakfast, but I do recall walking to school munching on a carrot. Or maybe a banana (this was pre banana allergy). I didn't really like bananas all that much so I was far more likely to be eating a carrot. This evolved into me skipping breakfast all together once I learned how to jump out of bed at the last possible moment. I blamed my parents, of course. There was never anything to eat in our house. (read, children are lazy)

Sometime as I was developing my non breakfast eating habits, my mom stopped making me lunch. I think I was 9. That year, I lived on peanut butter or peanut butter and butter sandwiches. Sometimes I would snag money out of the change jar over the washing machine. Sometimes I would borrow from the office. But mostly, it was peanut butter on white. Why, you ask, didn't I have jelly? I still hate when the jelly soaks through the bread liks a sandwich bruise. and for pete's sake, I was NINE. I hadn't learned that you can put peanut butter on both sides of the bread and then the jelly doesn't soak thorugh.

It didn't take very long before I was skipping lunch too. (Remember. Children are lazy) By 6th grade, my friends who got free lunch would sometimes give it to me while they spent their allowances on cookies and such. I can recall one dinner conversation whereas my parents went around the table asking what we all had for lunch. When it came around to me, my reply was, "a dorito". They either didn't realize that I meant one chip, not one bag, or (as I thought) they didn't care. I think that was the moment when I realized that there was something wrong with the picture.

Wii Lied to me

Ok, it didn't, I just like the title.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that after 3 years of waiting, I finally got myself a Wii. With the Fit. Because I was totally going to play that shit. More than Mario cart. (this is true so far) then, more than Kirby's Epic Yarn (also true. They were about even for awhile) then, ok, I never lied to myself. I didn't think I would Wii Fit more than I play Cake Mania.

I think I have more games for the Wii than I ever did for my original Nintendo. If not I am close. Same with the N64 (which is still in my garage. I had Mario Cart for that too. When they come out with Wii Rampage, I shall never be seen again)

I never actually shopped for games for my first consoles, I would save up and buy them or borrow them from my friends who seemed to have video games coming out of thier ears. With the N64, my boyfriend at the time would choose them. Which is why I have Golf and Goldeneye. I don't play those, I much prefer the silly games. I laughed for MINUTES the first time my Rampage character ate one of my opponents. Little nakid people running around everywhere... All that laughing got me eaten. Damnit.

Meanwhile, I was working... um, on the Best Buy website because they are having sales and finding ALL sorts of fun games that will eat my time in a totally relaxing non productive way. If you know me at all, you know that I think I have to be productive ALL THE TIME. Which is not atually healthy.

But, if I can pretend I am being unproductive but I'm actually DOING something, well, that's a good thing, right? Like how skating feels like playing but I am really exercizing. And the Wii Fit Hula Hooping thing makes me feel like (a complete dork) I'm goofing off but boy, it works my abs. Until they hurt so much that I switch the work to my knees. Kinda defeats the purpose but I'm still moving, right? I didn't give up, right?

The awesome thing about the Wii is that I can exercize and feel like I am playing all at the same time, which is why I kind of want Gold's Gym Dance Workout (it has music I like. For example, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun instead of Katy Perry crap. Nothing against KP, I just don't like her music. Which is fine. She can totally be popular without my vote) and also Dance Like You're on Broadway!! (Time Warp anyone?) and Jeopardy, which will exercize my BRAIN. and OH MY GOODNESS... JUST TAP?? Will it teach me to tap dance? I already have the shoes! (which I cannot wear in my house because my tile floors are REALLY slippery) I tried to learn by way of YouTube but that guy's beginner video was really hard. I'm old. My feet don't do that yet and SLOW DOWN YOU BASTARD! Fuckin YouTube.

So of course I had to look closer at it. It's not about Tap Dancing at all! You put your controller in a box and bang on the box and see what happens. Totally lame. No wonder it's only 5 bux.

I got my hopes up for nothing.

But I'm not, I promise! Am I?

I probably would have brushed it off if he had been the first to say it. But he wasn't.

I could own up to it without a problem when Patty asked if I had some sort of issue with her last spring. No, that, I could see. I was under a lot of stress and for awhile expressed my frustration in a very negative manner. I turned into a complete bitch. That was my wake up call, last spring, to shape up because it's one thing to feel bitchy, but a whole other to be mean. Patty hadn't done anything. I told her that, and apologized.

Then, a couple of months ago, after I reconnected with an old friend and neighbor, it kind of happened again. He posted something melancholy on FB and I responded. I said I was sorry to hear he was going through that thing. And I was. I've been through the thing he mentioned. More times than I can count. More times than you know. He responded that he was expecting something sarcastic and mean. This from someone I hadn't seen in at least ten years. What kind of impression did I give at the wedding? What did I say? What did I post to FB that said that I am cold and callous? I know I wasn't always nice back then, but what 14 year old is nice to the younger boy next door? Not that he deserved it, but that I had hoped I had grown out of that. We're both adults now.

Brother lost his phone last weekend. And I admit, my response to his FB post about it could easily be taken the wrong way. He didn't know if I was being sarcastic or kind. I was being kind. I really did think it was sad that he lost his phone, he was very excited about it. He waited a long time to get it. It wasn't really lost, it turns out, but stolen. Even worse.

And then the text. The one that said that I'm not always nice. The one that I could brush off as kidding if it didn't ring true.

I didn't set out to be a mean girl. Jack said that it isn't that I am mean, but that I don't always think about how things will affect other people... But that doesn't sound like the person I want to be either. I'd like to know when I changed or if I have always been this way. It is not who I want to be.

It's  obviously time for an attitude adjustment.

I catch myself at work a lot. Bratty laughs at me because when I catch myself I declare that I'm not going to bitch for "x" amount of time. But truly, I just want to break the cycle of complaining. it brings down morale. Mine and Her's. That's also not who I want to be.

I need to rediscover the me that I like. If only I could figure out when I lost her.

A project that brings back memories

In the heady days after I moved to Reno almost 4 1/2 years ago, I might have talked a little too much about the goings on at work. I don't think I said anything inappropriate that couldn't be found posted freely on craigslist, but I tried not to talk bad about my new employer then, or I'm pretty sure even now.

I avoid talking crap about them because I live in a small area and I don't need to be making enemies of important people. Or any people.

I was just given a project that will make the new hire experience in my department easier and happier and I was reminded of my first day of work in that establishment.

I posted about it here. I noticed that I didn't mention the leaky sewer pipe over my desk, and I'll tell you now, it was a lot worse than I described, but I wanted to maintain a good attitude and show them that I am the rockstar I pretend to be.

Since then, I have paid attention to how new hires are brought into a company. I think most companies probably fall short when bringing on new people because there is so much going on in every day activity that it is easy for the details to fall through the cracks. The last one? well, it was a new building and we had some growing to do, but I think I had a handle on my stuff by the time I left. I don't know if they are continuing with the stuff I did, but at least I know that for awhile, each new associate recieved their safety tools and locker combo during orientation along with a welcome note and some candy. Little things that make you feel welcome and loved.

I'm excited to have the opportunity to help develop something similar here.

Anything you do can and will be difficult

My brain is full of brilliant ideas. BRILLIANT IDEAS.

Most of the time. When I decide to try to bring these brilliant ideas into fruition, I call it scheming. Sometimes, the scheming goes somewhere (hello soap business), sometimes it hits a wall, (ahem. secret crafters) and sometimes it never gets beyond the planning stages because when I am scheming, I like to figure out all the logistics and everything because I am a freak like that.

So, for our meeting next week I got it into my head that instead of plain old boring place cards, I would do little gifty packages whith everyone's name on them.

I ordered all the supplies and started my scheming.

The boss lady decided she wanted place cards after everything had already arrived.

Whatever. Gifties for everyone. Looking like something I saw on Pinterest when I could still see it at work. Awesomness.

Except the wrapping. I thought, GEE it sure would be easiest if I could just slip everything in a little glassine bag.

I need 30.

Glassine envelopes come in packs of 1000. Do you know how much shipping is on a box that big? way too much for a little project AND I wouldn't get them in time. ARG! I've checked many stores in town, you know, like Smart and Final wihich ought to have such things. They have sundae holders. And hot dog holders. But no little bags. You know, the kind you get a cookie in. only a little bit smaller.

I haven't checked the craft stores. I haven't checked Costco OR the restaurant supply store. I'm running out of time. The meeting is next week.

Sigh. This was supposed to be an easy project.

Rambling

I read a lot of blogs. Well, not as many as I used to before I discovered Amazon.com and the wonderous wish list where I could post things I want but don't really need or have the room for just for the sake of "having" them. It's like shopping without spending money and if I happen to need to add something to my cart so I get free shipping, then I have a place to go.

gasp

I read a lot of blogs. Lately, its been all about http://www.rimarama.com/ because she's awesome on the internet and funny and I am learning a lot about Lithuanian culture and if there's anything I love, it's learning about culture. And laughing at other people's parenting since I don't have any spawn of my own. Plus, she has a recipe for CHEESE.

For some reason, it's taking forever to read her whole blog, which is the idea since she's funny. And I can't help but think of all the times people I know have come to me with the dread words, "I found your blog!" (oh my goodness, did I talk crap about you in a fit of manic rant??) which are sometimes followed up by "And I read the whole thing!!" (Oh my goodness, you have seen me in my underwear)

Which is one of the reasons I don't talk crap (very much) anymore and I don't participate in HNT. Well, that and I ran out of angles for my feet AND I tend to forget about it.

Well, I try not to talk crap. But the only person who has promised not to read is my mom, and she's awfully funny from 500 miles away... And in the same room.

One of the things that I see a lot when reading about other people's lives is not only are other people's lives really funny, but many of those funny people are either shopping for or have a book deal.

I often wonder if that is why they write. So they can have a book. And if so good for them. If I got offered a book deal, I'd totally think about it, but the risk of pissing off a lot of people with all the things I don't talk about here haunts me and well, if I DO talk about it here, you can read it for free so why would you buy my book?

No, I write here for the sake of writing here and amusing myself. And you, but mostly me. I have to get this crap out of my head, and sometimes I think Bratty might get tired of the sound of my voice. In about 5 minutes I'm going to turn around and tell her all about the things I just wrote... I don't think she bothers to come here anymore. Yanno, since she pretty much lives with me.