Monday, December 19, 2011

Disorderly Eating Part 3

Moving, this time, turned out to be much better for my eating habits. I started developing better ones. There was an abundance of top ramen and if we could afford them. cup o noodles. We ate a lot of chicken. I started learning how to cook since my mom was often gone at work or school.

Suddenly, I had resonsibilities, and at 15, I wasn't going to fall behind. I learned to pack myself a lunch most days, or, I could use baby sitting money to buy. Sadly, I have a sweet tooth and would binge on donuts and such. earning an admonition from my cohorts that eating like that would make me fat.

I didn't think so though. At least, I thought, I was eating. Still skipping breakfast, but eating lunch and dinner. A lot of dinner. I was a growing teen. by 15 I was done growing up, but not done growing out. But the time I graduated, I had gained 40 pounds but was still pretty small.

Americorps brought regular breakfast, lunch, and a diner that usually consisted of rice and gravy if we were on base. I started getting concerned about my weight so I tried to offset with salad, but the way I liked it. With plenty of cottage cheese and thousand island dressing. I fasted on the full moon like I thought a good little witch should.

Until I nearly passed out on the job one day. After that, I didn't skip days of eating, just meals.

Since then, I have been fighting the food monster. I either binge or starve (until recently. more on that later) Sometimes I am able to keep myself on a healthy diet. I don't binge on sweets like I used to. (there was a time when I would have what I called "donut emergencies" where I absolutely had to have a packet of donut gems RIGHT NOW. I would buy several at a time and keep them at my desk) I've been chunky, I've been close to the weight I was when I graduated. It always comes back. Even when I am good about not eating sweets. It comes back. Even when I exercize, skating 4 or more hours a week, it all came back.

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