Friday, March 30, 2007

A reverend's work is never done

I recieved a phone call the other day from my friend the florist wondering if I woul be interested in a little wedding work on the cheap. Apparently it is a low budget shotgun type marriage. (I'm not in it for the money, so I don't mind adjusting what I would charge. Not that I have charged yet, but I know how much I should be charging so...Heck, I'd be willing to trade for something.)

I called her back and told I was interested, but that I had to check my Harbucks schedule first. She told me that The Bride is deaf, but that her grandmother would interpret, and that the Groom's family only speaks Spanish, but that they would have an interpreter for that too.

I was scheduled to work during the ceremony, but was able to switch shifts with another Barista so that I would be done in time. I called my friend. as I was pulling over to write down the number, she put me on hold. It was the Grandmother. It turns out that they will be needing a Spanish speaking Minister after all. BUT it's possible that they still might use me if they can't find anyone else.

I knew Ordination would open up some interesting possibilities.

Thursday, March 29, 2007


The Drunkin Monkey.

Drunkin Monkey is a denisen of my tower home. He is also a world traveller. My Seester said that I need to share his adventures with the world and that he needs a blog of his own. Please go visit him. While you're at it, visit her too. She's updating again.

Meanwhile, as he is a travelling monkey, should you want to show him a good time, please let me know. He will be returning from Ohio in May. After a brief rest, he will gladly come to visit.

I do accept other travelling critters for visits to my tower home. I promise that they will learn to spin and make soap in addition to seeing all the sights I can fit into my busy schedule.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Eye am suffering.

Perhaps after work I will sit down and give the lowdown on the neighbor situation that I believe I have touched on but not fully explored with you.

Right now, I have a problem. You see, my contact lens was bothering me. so I took it out and looked at it.

There was a tear. I tried to live through it but couldn't. I had to toss it. And I think all the messing with my eye might have scratched it because it's still irritated.

Now I have one good eye and one not so good eye. I also have one green eye and one greener eye. Maybe I can convince the bossman to let me go home early over it. After the Chili Cook off. Maybe I can make an eye patch out of rubber bands and post it notes.

Damn I wish I had my camera today.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Ancient Shame

Once upon a time, in a town several miles up the road, I had no friends. New to the school and not nearly cool enough to be immedietly popular, I spent my first year with one friend. Maybe 2. A couple of aquaintences and no sense of belonging. All the wrong clothes. The wrong side of town, although my parents didn't know that when we moved there. That was seventh grade. By the end of eighth grade, I had a few more friends and a tentative social life. But I still didn't feel accepted. Without my friends close by, I felt lost and alone, fearful that one of the more popular kids would start to make fun of me. They did that sometimes.

One day I was standing in line and I heard the boy in front of me say, "Watch this". He turned, and held out his hand as if to shake mine. I stared at it like it would bite. I did not take his hand. He turned around and said, "See? I told you"

The boy in question had birthmarks on his hand. When I heard what he said, I knew that he was proving to his friend that people were afraid to touch him. My own insecurities underlined his belief. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to take his hand, but I didn't know how. I didn't know how to fix it. I still don't. I was fearful of this boy not because of his markings, but because of his social status. It never occurred to me that he might have been a very nice person.

It occurred to me the other day that I could look him up on MySpace. tonight I did. As I glanced over his profile, I realized that he probably doesn't remember the incident. He probably doesn't need my apology. I don't really think he would know who I am.I realized that it isn't he that needs to forgive me, I need to forgive myself. Not for the lack of a handshake, but for the predjudice I held against an innocent individual. He was never mean to me, I only assumed he would be because his friends were.

And I need to understand that I can't try to right all past wrongs, but I can try not to make the same mistakes again. I think that's even harder than apologizing.

Friday, March 23, 2007


(Note-This post was started on Friday at work. then I got back to it on Sunday)

I think it has something to do with the fact that I had to get up an hour early this morning to be at work early so that I could drive a golf cart to the detail shop by 6 am. Why did I have to do it? because the managaer in charge of that cart didn't want to ask her staff to come in early to do it, she says we use it more than she does (hadn't driven it since OCT), and since bossman comes in early, he should do it. Bossman can't drive the cart, his belly doesn't fit. Coworker can't com in early, she has kids.

Meanwhile, I don't understand how it is that I have a record of a drawing and no drawing.

Last night I went for French food. Wayne got up to have a smoke, I went to go to the bathroom, and when I returned, they were clearing our table. I think they thought we skipped out on the bill. No, I didn't have escargot, I had Alaskan Salmon. Yes, I know Alaskan Salmon is not French. Regardless, the food was very tasty and the atmosphere was great (it was nice, but I was ok in jeans) and I highly recommend Thee Bungalow if every you are in the area. And you want to drop more than I like to spend on a meal. I'd say, it's a good place to impress a date.

(it's Sunday now)

MEANWHILE, I worked all weekend, got to stare gratuitously at Officer Yummy, my neighbor brought me an Aloe Vera (and stayed for a chat) then came back the next night to tell me I have the eyes of an Angel and give me his number, and then back tonight to see if I could take a look at his sewing machine (he is either completely clueless about sewing machines or blowing smoke up my ass about it being broken) and go to dinner with him and his daughter. Strangely, his daughter wasn't available for dinner after all.

I'm flattered by the attention, and I am trying to tell myself that like Wayne, he is only interested in my platonic company, but I can't help but wonder. I'm not interested, mind you, he's gotta be nearing 50 and after he left the night he brought the Aloe, my whole house smelled like booze. Plus, the bird doesn't like him.

Generally, I just want to be holed up in my tower alone. Unless of course Officer Yummy wants to pop by... (honestly, he's a nice guy but I don't harbor any thoughts that I do anything more for him than sling coffee. We did have a short conversation last night about being drunk at amusement parks. Not, er, that he would sneak a flask into Universal Studios or anything)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I had to know if it is true (and HNT)

Bossman is always telling me that he can tell when I'm smiling (usually because (he thinks) I got some) because he can see my cheeks pop up at the sides of my head.

Today, I was walking to my car when a man drives up beside me and tells me that I have the prettiest smile in town. After I thanked him, I asked if he can see me smiling from behind. I wouldn't have asked but he drove up from behind and I had never seen him before in my life. He just laughed.

So of course I had to take a picture of me smiling from behind. I would like to make the following observations regarding a part of my body I don't see very often.

"Hey! my hair looks pretty cool! I didn't know it was a figure eight today!"(I don't check the back of my head, I just fix and go)
"Damn I have a scrawny neck"
"HEY! you CAN'T see me smiling from behind! Bossman's full of shit!" but I already knew that. So happy HNT, from the back of my head.

Shoe fly don't bother me...

We all know that I am not a shoe whore despite the fact that my shoe carpet seems to be growing and then there was that incedent a couple of months ago where I bought three pairs in one day and can't wear any of them to work.

But this is about work shoes.

I wear nice shoes to my regular job. or at least they look nice and pretend they are not from payless. It takes me about 6 months to wear through them. By wear through I mean that the little nail in the heel makes me slip and slide on the sidewalk and the tile floor at Wal Mart if I have to stop there before I go home. My right shoe is currently nothing but nail.(what? I needed blue koolaid. apparently they don't sell it at any of the three wal marts in my area. I did get a turkey baster though)

Here are my work shoe requirements.

Black, closed toe, closed heel 1.5 inches or less. They should look like an almost 30 year old should be wearing them, not Nurse Rachet.

There isn't a store in Santee that carries that shoe. (no shoe stores in Lakeside)Nope, apparently it's a 3 inch heel or nothing. Never mind that anything higher than 1.5 hurts my back and is likely to send my poor sciatic nerves into shock (last time they went crazy I couldn't sit, stand, or lay down without pain.) Never mind that open toes and heels are against my company dress code.

Can't anyone carry a simple shoe? No, I will not wear flats. I am short, first of all and they make me feet look big. And I don't think they look nice with my suits. Plus that little heel gives my leg just a little bit of definition and well, it's all about making my legs look good right?

Is it really too much to ask for stores to carry a plain shoe, short heel, round toe? REALLY.

In other news, I am some sort of genius at my job. You know, when there is work to do and after thinking about it all day and trying to do things the hard way. Yup, under those circumstances, I am a genius.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

the longest 15 minutes ever

really this should be the longest day ever. because I got nothin. and I have been to 15 zillion times and I have been to everyone's blogs two, sometimes three times. I cleaned my desk, I went potty, got a drink, some soup, looked at yarn and craftster and I still got nothin. so I am posting again. and looking around just in case there's some work to do that I missed.

It's frustrating because I know coworker is busy. I have asked for a duty redistrubution and nothing happens. so I sit here on days like today and try and think of something to do. It occurred to me at 10 am that I would be far more productive at home. sleeping.

I almost got into a car accident this morning. I have to drive up a windy mountain road to get to work. There is construction on the road and even though I get here before construction starts, sometimes I still have to stop. This morning I had to stop abrubtly. So did the guy behind me. then I heard the noise. Thought I felt a tap.
When traffic started moving again I slowly headed to a place where it was safe to pull over. Three of us did. I popped out of my car and asked the buy behind me (with a smile. I wasn't mad. if he hit me, I didn't think there would be any damage) if he hit me. He hadn't.
Then he said I stopped suddenly and asked if the car ahead of me had too (I drive a small SUV, so I imagine he couldn't see in front of me) "yes." I replied, confused that he would ask. who goes from 50 to nothin for the fun of it on a two lane road?

His car didn't look so good but since there was nothing more I could do there, and I was alredy late, I wandered off. I told bossman what happened. he was just as confused as I was. I wanted him to know just in case I got reported for reckless driving. I can be fired for that. even off the clock.

I think the clock is taunting me.

Speaking of old flames

even ones that didn't burn very brightly (more like a light flicker, actually. more smoke than fire...)

I missed a 2am call from Biker Bob the other night. he didn't leave a message, I didn't call him back to see what was up. I figure it was either an accident, or he was drunk. Either way, I still don't really have anything to say to him and I had forgotten his number was even in my phone. I think I will remedy that. Finally going to take T out too. We're still friends, but email friends, not phone call friends and he probably changed the number when he moved anyway.

Holiday Greetings

Happy Steak and Knobber Day, all. wish I could join you in the celebrations. but not so much that I plan to look up any old flames or strange men.

Monday, March 19, 2007

I had a political rant

but it wasn't sounding so good. very discombobulated. so I deleted it. I will say however, that I like that the budget has strings attached. I think it's time to reign in the madness, cowboy.

Lovin the whole housekeeper thing. I asked her to dust and she even found the top of my dresser and dusted that! sweet! now I can put my other TV (the normal sized one) in my room and watch movies in there too! you know, because I spend SO much time in my room...

I also learned that treadling my spinning wheel counts for exercize since I seem to have worked my thigh muscles. yes indeed, I pulled a hammy over it. (I'm ashamed to say that I have forgotten enough of my anatomy that I had to research a text book to remember the muscle group.) Between that and the squats I have been doing for work (coallating drawings can be strenuous) I should be looking great from the waist down really soon. er...not that I'm not natrually in fabulous shape without even trying. (psst. pass the cookies, would ya?)

I don't feel like doing my laundry. I wonder if I can make it another day?

that was a very exciting post. I think i'll wander over to MySpace and then log off. Good day to you all.

Friday, March 16, 2007

They can't possibly be normal

Otherwise, they wouldn't be called Man's Best Friend. and people wouldn't want them. And if they are just like Children, then P'Chef wouldn't have one and be hankerin for the other. Why do I say this? Following is a letter I wrote to my little sister in PA today:

I know you have been waiting patiently for soap. Here's what is going on.

I made some, and it cured. Then I procrastinated a bit in getting it wrapped. So this week, I figured I would get it done while I dog sat the greyhounds. I took three batches of soap with me. Got two wrapped and I was all excited to get the final batch, the Butt Soap done and one sent to you.

The dogs peed on my soap.

I checked every bar and they didn't look like they had actually gotten hit, but the container they were in, and the one under it had pee on them. Since the container I keep them in is like a mini crate, and it has holes in it, I couldn't, and feel good about it, wrap them up anyway for sale. So I had to throw the whole batch away.

The whole batch. I've never lost a whole batch before.

I'm a bit sick over it. I'm angry but I don't really have anyone to be angry at. Can't be mad at the dogs, they're dogs and the probably forgot they did it. I can be mad at myself, but they have never peed on my stuff before so I thought it would be OK to leave my stuff unattended. (thank goodness I didn't bring my laundry over like usual) I started to wrap them up anyway, but I just couldn't do it. It felt wrong to me. And since it's soap, I couldn't really rinse it off! So, I will start another batch and make sure you get some. I think, actually, that there is a random bar floating around.

I'm trying to see the silver lining. Eternal optimist that I am, I am certain that something good will come of it. It seems like whenever something goes upside down for me, that the universe sends something that makes me feel better.

Tonight is my final night of dog sitting. I don't know if I will tell my friends about the ruined soap. I don't think they should pay for it even though it's over $100 in retail sales that I just lost. I know there is a lesson in here somewhere. Perhaps it is that I need to focus on me, and that by trying to be nice all the time and not saying no, I am hurting myself. This business is my dream. And I put my lifestyle on hold to help them out. I'm no longer a young chicken with two lonely cats at home and nothing better to do (I used to like dog sitting because other people's houses were better than mine). By continuing now that my life has changed, I am hindering my lifestyle. I would have liked to have been spinning this week, or working on advertising since I haven't sold a bar all year. The money paid will help me out in many ways, but I paid out twice that in rent for an apartment I wasn't at all week. The bird is lonely, and technically, it cost me money to be there. Not to mention lost sleep. I haven't had a full nights sleep in almost 7 days. Stress knowing I needed to be there? Gas to get there? (I had to fill up several days ahead of schedule) That's all aside from the picking up the dog poo and lost soap sales.

I like dogs, I do. and I'm sure in a couple of days I will go back to considering the idea of having one of my own one day. But I will keep in mind too that I would like to travel and dogs don't travel well. not overseas. (I would like to think that my dog would behave better than to pee all over everything. Cuz they went on the bedspread too) I like children too. and I would like to think that my kids (should I have any) wouldn't poo on the floor or pee on my soap. (still kills me. and I can't think of a way to salvage it) But right now, those pups are damn inconvenient. I suppose I wouldn't think so if they were mine.

Sigh. I guess I will have to make that determination when the time. I'm a pushover for a friend, so chances are, I will be dog sitting again. But I definitely learned my lesson about the soap. At least the didn't pee in my shoes.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I fear I've sprung a leak (or) I'm drying up like a raisin

I don't know if it's a matter of all the liquid in my body leaking out my nose (for goodness sake, stop RUNNING already) or if it is the exceptionally dry weather, but I am parched. can't get enough water parched. which means, I'm in the bathroom all day too. My nose is all red and I'm going throughh tissues like they are going out of style. I'm sure I would be healed by now if only...

I could get some sleep. Every time the dogs move, I wake up. And then there are the other surprises. Yesterday as I settled down in front of the TV, I noticed some little land mines. picked em um. Then, after my shower, next to the bed. Land mines. And last night? they didn't wake me to go outside. so you know there will be...landmines.

This morning when I arrived at work, I approached a coworker who has, of all things, a Bull Mastiff. I asked him how he handles the dogs.

R: "Dogs, you mean like peeps or like dogs?" (he's a white guy from the hood. I forgive him for that. National City is a rough place. I don't go there very often and never alone at night)

G: "Canines" (giggle)

R: "Oh, that's easy, I have kids. They're a lot alike"

G: "Yeah, but kids don't poop on the floor!"

R: "Uh...I wish I could say that's true but..."

apparently he also spends a fortune in shoes. Not for the dog (which was my first question) but in replacements.

Suddenly I am happy to not only be dogless but childless as well. pooping on the floor indeed.

that oughta get some interesting google hits.

2 more nights. I can't wait to be home. I go there to pick up clothes and to feed the critters. Yesterday I lay down on my couch just to enjoy it for a moment, and fell asleep. I didn't want to leave. It makes me sad to remember all the years I lived in homes where I didn't want to be there. How I would go wander the mall or just be gone to be gone. Perhaps it was restess youth. Perhaps it was the mess I lived in. I know that in some cases, it was the unhappiness I felt with my live in. It's nice to finally live in a home. I look forward to planting my garden this year. My spinning wheel is going at constant speed and I am working on the soap. With so much to do, who wants to be picking up doggy poo?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


Is my mom's birthday and my half birthday. happy day to us!

I went to lunch yesterday with the coworker I mentioned a couple of posts ago. I was right. She hasn't changed, she just got busy. Too busy to socialize, too busy to do much more than rush around. Some people, apparently, took it to heart. I think, actually, that her feelings were a bit hurt by the fact that her friends have decided she is a snob. (you can just tell when your friedns abandon you, trust me) It was fun chatting about her animals over lunch. And she invited me out for drinks sometime. Even if she never follows through, it was nice to be invited. AND she bought me gelato. yum!

So I am going to try and make it a point to invite her for lunch periodically. We could both use a friend.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

It's not fair to be mad at them

Whenever I dogsit, the first day I'm all mushy gushy and thinking that maybe one day when I don't live in an upstairs tower I will get myself a dog. Then I think about all the different dogs that I like and try to decide which one I will get. I'm partial to the three legged greyhound I see every so often, but greyhounds are really big. Then I think, well, I like weiner dogs. but i also like corgis. something about those short, stubby legs.

So for a couple days into my dogsitting gig, I generally contimplate puppy possibilities. Then reality hits.

Damn dogs kept me up all night long. They wanted to play. They licked themselves for an hour or two. They wanted petting. they wanted out. they wanted a drink of water. I wanted sleep. I almost slept on the couch just so I could get some rest. I wanted to kill them. I had forgotten that I have homicidal tendencies when I am annoyed. I wanted to give a good swift kick in the whatever I hit.

But, I didn't. I laid there, told them to go to sleep. swore I wasn't taking them out anymore. tried to talk sense into them. nudged them when they started licking again. And reminded myself that they are like children. and that they do what they do because it is how they are made. yelling, screaming, hitting, doesn't do any good, they don't understand. So I just whined at them. and eventually fell asleep, exhausted.

And today? I don't want a dog. But if I get a dog one day? I am installing a doggy door so I don't have to get up every time they have to pee in the middle of the night, AND that damn dog is NOT sleeping with me.

Monday, March 12, 2007

In which I make myself cry

Vendor comes in to look through our drawings. After flipping a couple of pages he announces,

"Looks like I'm gonna get lucky on the first try!"

to which I reply (with a completely strait face),

"We should all be so fortunate."

then I turned around and tried to go back to work, but ended up instead rushing over to my desk where I TRIED not to laugh too loud but ended up sounding like I was crying instead. Actually, the poor vendor thought I was sobbing until I gave a good cackle and bossman had to tell him I'd completely lost it.

Friday, March 09, 2007

From Dink

Dink, who used to be Bonanza Jellybean but changed over, posted this today. Or maybe yesterday, I'm not sure. But that's not the point.

The point is that she listed 7 Silly Mundane things she could not do without. And invited us all to do the same. So go read hers:

and here are mine. And no, I don't REALLY know how to make that a link, I mean, I can figure it out, I have done it before, but I have things I am supposed to be doing right now.

1. My family. and no, this is not a cop out. I really don't know what I would do without them. I include my friends in this too. I am blessed with some of the most amazing friends. Which was GOING to be my post for today being as that my new friend Beau ( hooked me up computerwise last night complete with instruction, and I only have C to thank, once again, as usual, for being so very cool and supportive and like I told him last night, almost as excited about my business as I am which totally keeps me motivated (both of them) and ON FIRE about improving and being the best lil soapmaker ever. (they are roomates. not THAT kind.)

2. My tweezers. I'm a tweezing fiend. I seriously kind of dread having children just because I know I would be as obsessive about the condition of their eyebrows as I am about mine. And no one should tweeze a baby's brows. really.

3. My Couch quilt. there are few things in this world that will make me feel as if I'm truly relaxing than scrunching up on my couch with my quilt and reading or knitting. and eating cookies. I will giggle with glee all day after an evening of this indulgence.

4. Baby. I never knew a critter could light my life the way that parrot does.

5. Crafty Supplies. I must be busy at all times. I knit, spin, and sometimes embroider everywhere I go. It keeps me awake, it keeps me focused. It keeps me sane.

6. Books. 'nuff said.

7. Foot covers. Somewhere along the way I turned anti-barefoot. (I think it was when I lived in the sticks. we either had dirt roads or wilderness all around the house. ever step on a live oak leaf? they stick in your feet. ever been bitten by a piss ant? ever stopped dead in your tracks because there was a 5ft rattler in your way?)I am barefooot for about 1/2 hour during my waking day (unless I am on the beach. I don't sleep in socks) otherwise there is generally something on my feet. I like socks because they give me the coverage but I keep the flexibility. not slipper socks though because they have that sticky stuff on the bottom. I just can't bear to have dirty feet. I'm a nut. you have no idea how much of one. whatever. footies rock. without something on my feet I either walk on my toes or flex my feet so I am only walking on the tips of my toes and my heels.

Play along!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

In other Poon related news...

Maybe it's just me. Perhaps there is something about me that reminds people of vaginas, (I certainly hope not) but today at OSHA training another coworker experienced a slip of the tounge and said something about Poon Dog (dog?). I just don't get it, but hey, it kept me giggling all day.

I almost lost it completly when our instructor announced several times over that he is a Muff Man.

Ear Muffs for hearing protection you sicko. In this case, I prefer muffs too. I don't like to stick it in my ear, even if I reach around with my free hand. (Who knew OSHA could sound so dirty?)

What else? I'll be dogsitting the italian greyhounds starting on Saturday which could turn into a real adventure as my grandfather was hospitalized yesterday with pnumonia. He's out today. It's scary. I need to be ready to travel though, at a moments notice. which means I would have to find a way to take the doggies with me. To AZ. EEK!

OH! After much consideration I have realized that I have another superpower. It's an accidental one, and not really too beneficial for me so far, but I have come to the realization that although inconvenient, it can be considered a superpower.

The sight of me nakid makes men fall asleep.

I think this developed during my year long dry spell before Biker Bob arrived in my life. Poor guy. He never stood a chance against the unleashing of my force. It's the only way I can explain the fact that he rolled over and snored every time I came dancing out of the shower all warm, fresh, clean and ready to um...snuggle?

yeah. snuggle.

Which only goes to underline that I will have to move slowly with the next fellow I date because he will have to build up a resistance to my er...charms.


And anyway, it's better to move slowly. It's like my neighbor said the other day. (He asked if Biker Bob was out of the picture and I told him yes, way out. Where has HE been? Biker Bob hasn't been to my home since what? Late September? October?) "Haste makes Waste". Actually I'm not really sure why he said that. I'm no longer accustomed to my neighbors commenting on my activities. He means well. It's not like I have guys staying the night or anything.

So since I am in the midst of another dry spell, I will have to be extra careful with my goodies. If a year puts them to sleep, two years might kill them! Or at least put him into a coma, which is also no fun for me. And how do you explain that to family? Doctors?

"I don't know, I got undressed and BAM he was out. It's one of my superpowers. I didn't do it on purpose, it just happened."


So for a recap on my Super Hero Status,

Kung Fu Hair
Vice Grip thighs
Nude Figure renders men unconcious

Can be defeated with:
Large amounts of noodles
Fits of the giggles.

My apologies, Spell Check isn't working.

Monday, March 05, 2007

I'm getting back into a really bad habit

Of needing to blog at work. I always want to wait until I get home, but by the time I get there, my brain has turned whatever was pissing me off into hearts and flowers and somehow, I think I was just being silly. And so, a letter for you to read.

Dear Coworker,
I realize that you have managed to make it so that you run everything in the office leaving me little to do. Believe me, I have mentioned it to bossman and he either inores me when I say, "I am feeling insecure obout my job" or he tells me that if you want to do all the work to let you.

This is not about that. It's about the fact that you called me over today to tell me that Accounting does not accept bossman's signature as verification that an invoice can be paid. You talked over me when I told you that I know this and that is why I give invoices to big boss after bossman has signed them. I have bossman sign them to show big boss that he has seen and approved the invoice. Out of courtesy for bossman even though it isn't really nessesary. If big boss didn't sign the invoice (and I saw the returned invoice. It had an "approved" stamp on it. I don't know who used the stamp, but accounting crossed it out. Remind me how I did something wrong? then again, don't. because I didn't)

I realize that you don't think I can do anything right. And often, due to my extreme insecurity in a department and position that I helped build from the ground up, I often fuck up. Mostly because you are constantly undermining what I do by showing me how you would do it better/faster/more accurately. Completely running over the fact that I do things in a way that best serves the way my rather messed up brain works. It is a very distracted brain. Change screws with my needed processes. I rarely messed up before you came along. But remember. I have been in this position for nearly 4 years. I have been dealing with the accounting department in this company off and on for nearly 10 years. I know how it works. I don't need you to tell me. I don't need you to lecture me. I don't need you to qiestion a process I go through nearly every day. It's not complicated.

Meanwhile, when I mention to you that frustration I had on Friday, I am looking for you to nod and agree. Yes, I know that is how that director does it. yes, I know the vendors give us napkin drawings. I am aware that I am not likely to change it. I know you think it is quicker to draw it by hand then to translate it to CAD. I have done both. a good CAD operator is faster. The point is that we have set up a process, and I am determined that in the very least the part of the job here that is still almost exclusively mine (until you get the equipment, when I imagine that you will manage to do all that too, and I will be stuck back here wondering how it is I am getting paid to surf the internet and praying that that fact doesn't occur to the bosses) is done to the best of my ability. I will continue to push to have at least ink drawings. What I don't need is for you to make me feel like an inept idiot. again.

It is days like this when I understand your son. After all, why try if you know you are going to be critisized anyway? Why try to do things right when no matter how hard you do try, it will never be right? never be enough?


Meanwhile, it occurred to me that she might make me feel like an idiot because I am one. and that was not a happy thought. I had also been wondering when it was that I lost interest in my job and started playing more than I think I should. When it was that I became pretty well unhappy with my job.

I think I know. And I think I know what would fix it. But I am not ready to leave. And she doesn't seem to be going anywhere. and so I must be patient. And let things run thier course. And try not to take it personally. And maybe those are the lessons I need to learn before the issue is resolved. Because I'm pretty sure I'm not an idiot.

Friday, March 02, 2007

a matter of perspective

It suddenly occurred to me the other day, as I was pondering a coworker who, seems to have changed completely since she got a promotion, that it is highly possible, and very likely that she herself has not changed, but rather people's attitude toward her. That maybe she is brusque, not because she has suddenly become a snob after 36 years on this green earth, but because her new job is highly stressful and in a trade/department with a high turnover rate due to dissapointment from the management.

This person has yet to be particularly rude to me, but I have heard stories of her manner being less than friendly towards others.

Perhaps she might appriciate it if I suggested lunch one of these days. With Gelato for dessert. Like old times. Maybe it would mean a lot to her to know that someone still likes her despite her success.

After all, I know what it is like to move into a new position and leave your friends behind. It sure would have meant a lot to me to have the guys from the shop come and get me for lunch.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Work Rant

Many of you may not know what I do because I don't often talk about work and well, it's kind of hard to explain.

In short, I am kind of like a librarian. Except I don't have books, I have blueprints and project documents. Manuals and records. I am a paper pusher.

One of the jobs I am tasked with is distribution of documents. I also get to dictate what constitutes an acceptable document. Prior to my position being created, it was not unheard of for an acceptable drawing to come in on a napkin. We have come a long way in 4 years.

Enter nightmare. director who is an old school engineer. who contracts to other old school engineers. the contractors constantly send me drawings with misspellings (yeah, coming from me, that says a lot) typos, lacking title blocks, project names, numbers, and once, with the Os in "look" filled in like eyeballs. I tell myself that at least they are electronic in CAD format. (even if sometimes they are drawn to scale in CAD format and have to be monkeyed with before they are useful to me) (this morning said OSE sent me files labelled simply VTV. I replied asking what they are. Need to know that so they can be recorded and filed.)

Then Director comes in. With some lovely drawings he did. On letter size graph paper. In pencil. Since I hold the archives, I generally reject pencil because it smears and fades. it is not at all permanent. That's why it can be ERASED.No project number. No title block. And when I requested CAD drawings, I was told to use these anyway. Never mind that he has staff who have CAD and can transfer the document. Never mind that OSE can do it too. I was told that pencil is archival.

The bossman said there is nothing I can do. It would be awfully nice to get some support. The big bossman won't do anything either. So basically, I have been tasked with putting out a good product, but I am not allowed to demand good materials. So I passed along the shit.

Arguing or refusing amounts to insubordination. So I just copied exactly what he gave me and stuck it in the boxes of the people I was supposed to give it to. I didn't check to make sure the copies were good, I didn't put a number or a recipient name on it. and I learned that my angry walk shakes the whole trailer. So at least if I can't make men quiver in their boots, at least I can shake a doublewide on it's footings.

One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Steven King. "If you don't have time to do something right, when are you going to have time to fix it?"

Of course, I am a very fortunate person in that the universe is always finding ways to cheer me up. So first coworker needs me to roll her butt with the lint roller which, made me goofy and embarrassed because neither of us is touchy feely and that's really getting into her personal space. (I touched her belly once when she was pregnant. I think that is all the physical contact I have had with her in two years) And we had a good giggle over it. Then I had the conversation with bossman...

B: yeah, this show where he eats all this weird stuff. He was in the Philippines and he ate, that baby duck thing. you know the, um, um, pun tang.

G: snort. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! you mean (giggle) Balut! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! (sniff)

B: Don't ever tell anyone I said that.

G: Oh no, I'm blogging it right now. heh. (sniff)