Friday, April 29, 2005


Hooray for Friday!

I don't have anything else to say. See you Monday.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

I love my job

I love my job because I spent most of the afternoon laughing at my boss. I laughed so hard I cried, and he proceeded to clown around some more.

I also don't tend to get in trouble for telling him to kiss my ass. I'm not being insubordinate, if you knew him, you'd say the same thing.

He's fun. I like my boss. but don't tell him I said so. He hates everything.

Ear Wax

The conversation went like this:

(as I scooped out some lip balm)

Boss: eew.
me: what?
Boss: don't put that on your lips! (this is the same man who tells me that chicken poop is great for chapped lips, because if you smear it on there, you won't lick them)
Boss:that's not lip balm
me:yes it is, you gave it to me (only sounds sick, he sent his daughter, who is my age out for holiday gifts one year. she did a great job!!)
Boss:yeah, but it's not lip balm, it's ear wax. (think vanilla sugar flavor from bath and body works) horse ear wax. I replaced it in there. picked out all the hairs. and the tick legs.

at which point I got really grossed out, he laughed, and wandered away.


that's all I have for now.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

More Rants!

And some other good stuff. I'll start with the rant.

Chain letters. I know we are all a little superstitions, no matter what we say. I recieve some rather inspirational emails. I'd rather not, but some of them are very nice or have nice stories. Some don't. I got one this morning. It was a poem about an abused child. At the end of the very sad poem, the forward warned that you had better pass it on. basically that if you don't forward it to your friends and depress the crap out of them, you hate children and support child abuse. WTF??? Or the one about the little girl who was kidnapped yesterday, here's her picture, and (insert favorite store here) has promised to donate a penny for every time it circles the globe. we won't mention that the same little girl's picture has been circulating fort he last 3 years or more. The other one that got me today was the one full of inspirational life tips that came from Anthony Robbins (supposedly, although I have seen many of thise same tips attributed to the Dalai Lama) that told me that if I didn't send it to (insert pyramid amount of friends, the more the better type crap) friends, my life will turn to shit.
I love my life at the moment. I couldn't ask for more, although I will always accept more blessings. But I really don't think blessings are given according to whether or not you pass along God's word in an email. Deleting emails does not make me a bad Christian. The fact that I am Wiccan makes me a bad Christian. and my interpretation of the "god" does not punish for trivial things like emails. But that is a whole other rant. maybe another day.

Meanwhile, BF's office mate has requested that he run with her in the morning as part of this weightloss thing. He asked if his "girlfriend could come along". I was elated (quietly) because I do believe that this was the first tie he has referred to me as his girlfriend in my presence, which means that I can feel free to call him my boyfriend all I want, and I realize that it is awfully long into our relationship to be having these insecurities, but hey, I have to live life at my own pace. Unfortunately, she called at 4:45 am (I jumped out of bed) to cancel. I was proud ofmyself for getting up, BF sent me back to bed. Maybe another day. Maybe I'll get around to some hoopin or dancing tonight. Guess we'll see.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The way I really feel about it.

Why in the world do people send me blonde jokes?

I'm a natural blonde. I am also an intelligent woman. Sure, I have my dingy times, but usually it's because there aren't enough intelligent people around me to keep my brain occupied with fascinating insight so I sink to their level and spend hours discussing my boobs instead. Not that my boobs aren't fascinating.

Or I haven't eaten. That makes me dingy too.

So today I received several pages of blonde jokes sent to my work email from a friend of mine who I adore, but I think she doesn't realize that she's insulting my intelligence, and that of every other blonde when she perpetuates the outdated thought that women with blonde hair wander about in a delirious state of contented ignorance shopping and fucking any man who tricks her into bed.

If this really were the case, I would have been way more popular in high school.

And you thought they were just funny. You may have even thought we blondes didn't get it. This one does. And really, they aren't.

PS speaking of my boobs, spell check does not recognize "boobs" but you can replace it with "boobies" hee hee hee.

Interdimentional Spillproof Containers

apparently, you need those in the wormholes.

The blog I mentioned: I told BF that I would probably last a week. We'll see.

I found a poem that I wrote when I first met BF and a friend of mine had asked the following questions

How are things going? Did you win the Lotto or anything?

to which I replied:

The things that are going is everything
They are going very well.
I may have won the Man Lotto
but only time will tell.

I still think I have hit the Man Lotto. I also think I am clever.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Word still comes around

That E is a mega huge player and yes indeedy I am truly better off without him. But issues aside, I miss him as a person.

BF, however, is more and more delightful to me every day. I especially like it when he giggles.

I have decided to enter the weightloss contest at his work. (by remote, and I don't think his coworkers know I am playing) and since I am a glutton for punishment, I am blogging about it. I think it will help me to keep track of what I am eating ecause I like to blog so much. I'll give you the link as soon as I remember what it is.

HEY! I'm serious!

people keep laughing at me when I tell them I am very upset about the state of Rwanda. I don't think that it is very funny at all. people. are. dying.

don't even get me started onthe AIDS situation over there. That is one thing I cannot claim to have been ignorant about. It makes me very sad.

Ignorance, it's all ignorance. I would start reading world news, but I don't trust American news channels to offer me the truth. I think it's sugar coated so that they won't bruise the delicate American sensibilities. Days like this, I understand wanting to live a hermit lifestyle. Between the daily destruction of the environment, and genocide in Africa, I'm wondering what the point is.

I just sprayed yogurt all over the front of me.

Teleportation wormholes

Are what you get when you are trying to have a converstation with two men who have sniffed way too much laquer thinner. Having inhaled quite a bit (work only, I'm not the huffing sort!) I can say, it really does kill brain cells. I sure miss the cabinet shop.

So I am quite depressed today, not because I didn't have a fantabulous weekend, but because one movie put me in a funk. A reasonable funk this time.

Went bowling with my parents Friday. Fun! Snoozed will 10 on Saturday. Saturday night with BF. All day at the hot springs Sunday (my skin feels so nice!!) Sunday night MORE time with BF. hee hee.

We watched Hotel Rwanda. End fun and games. I'm really depressed. I am ashamed to be human at the moment. So much senseless killing. So much disregard for human life. I am ashamed that I never knew it was happening. Next time I hear someone bitching about America, I think I'll tell them to try living in Rwanda. We have no idea what suffering is. And we son't seem to care about the suffering of others unless there's something in it for us (read: oil). I don't know what would be better, to remain ingnorant for my own peace of mind, or be aware and continue to dream of death and dying. The part I remember most about my dreams last night was a large pool of water, filled with corpses. and the bad guys, whoever they were threw a bunch of kids in there to swim. When the kids found the bodies, the screamed. I wanted to get them out, I knew they had been put in there to die.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Latex Socks

Just imagine walking around in those all day. And the chunks of coagulated talcum powder in there with your feet.

Gross. I have decided that I would start bringing you into my worls by sharing some of the conversations we have around here. the wierd ones that come out of nowhere. I threatend my boss with that once and he told me I could get sued. but really, it's all just a bit too funny and sick not to share.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Hairy chests

For some reason, the men I know try to get me to eat things on account of "it'll put hair on your chest"
I'm sure they are kidding, but why would I want to do anything that would put hair on my chest? How gross is that? The only hair I want on my chest should belong to whatever hot guy I happen to at any given time. If drinking coffee will put hair on my chest, well, I don't want anything to do with it!
If you want me to do something, why don't you tell me that if I drink coffee, the hair under my arms will fall out. permenantly. I'll never have to shave my legs again. I'll let your imagination deal with the third one. I'd be a coffee junkie!
but no, apparently, they think I want to be a hairy chested woman. That's a nasty factor right up there with omlette injections.

Big Paranoid Idiot

BF has lots of work coming up in May and cannot plan anything during that time.

He was just super busy yesterday.

He says i don't need to be paranoid. I'm an idiot. My baggage appears to be stuck to the back of my head with velcro.

This is funny though (at least to me), In Best Buy the other night and we passed by a copy of Bridget Jones, The Edge of Reason. Now, I am a huge fan of Bridgette. I think she is me. only English and on TV. People even tell me I look like Renee. Not just people I know, I mean that people stop me in the grocery to tell me I look like Renee. Not Skinny Renee. No, apparently I resemble strongly, Renee in all her Boobalicious Bridgette Glory. I happened to mention to BF that I would be picking up a copy at some point but that I wouldn't make him watch it. He's not a girly movie kind of fellow. Turns out, that Renee is on his list of actresses he just doesn't like. I mentioned that I feel that way about J-Lo and Britney (not that she's really an actress, but she was in that movie). I did not mention the public's overwealming opinion that I look just like Renee. Let him hear that from someone else.

Then again, I may have grown a bit too round to be Renee, even when she's got some meat on her bones. Working on that, although it's Wednesday, and cappichino (I know, spelling. get over it) helps keep me from falling asleep during my meetings. Be proud of me though. I have not had any soda, cappichino (at least I spell it incorrectly the same way each time), or Tea with Honey and half n half this week. Well, I'll have cappichino today. but that's all for the week, I swear.

In other exciting news, Bubbly Creations is officially registered with the County of San Diego. Hooray! Moving right along!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

ahh. he was just busy.

I'm a freak.

on the other hand

he seemed fine when he left this morning...He must just be stressed with work...

Panic-ing again

I had a dream this morning that I got up out of BF's bed and told him I loved him when I left. Then, in my dream I panic-ed because A)I said it first. I never say it first. he didn't say it back (don't think he would) and B)I don't think I feel that way at this time which means I was lying in my dream when I said it, and why did I say that anyway?

Please don't let me have been talking in my sleep...

Then this morning, I asked him about tickets to Episode III May 21 and his reply was that it was too far ahead for him. It's only a month away. He was thinking about pre-ordering tickets the other night. Does this mean he doesn't know if i will be in his life next month? I know I am taking it one day at a time, but closer to the beginning he did talk about future stuff. maybe he just doesn't like to plan more than a couple weeks in advance.

He snapped at me fort he first time last night. He didn't yell, but I could tell he was a bit angry and fustrated. He should know by now that I never know what I want for dinner...I'm working on it, and I know he is stressed at work. but...

So many concerns. so many worries. and lately, to top it off, I have been missing "E". even though I know it wouldn't have worked and I made the right choices, "E" had a joy and a love for life that BF is too angry and stressed to express. I feel so disloyal. I feel like a fool wrapped up in a daydream memory. Please get out of my head!

Unreasonable restroom fears

I have had a fear of public restrooms for a very long time. It isn't that I won't use them (as seen in other posts regarding my peeve about people and their cell phones in there) I just don't like them.
Of course, I have never met anyone who said, "oh boy! I get to pee in public!!" but, aside from certain business I just cannot bring myself to conduct in there, I actually have random fears associated with the use of public restrooms!
The first is that someone is peeking in on me from above the stall. This happened to me once in 5th grade during a class picnic, and it has taken me YEARS to stop checking to see if there is someone up there peeking in.
I worry that someone will open the door on me in all my tinckling glory. I walked in on someone once, I will never get the sight out of my head, I'm glad I didn't see her face so I don't know who it was.
What if I forgot to flush? I worry about this one at home too. This happened to me in a bar once. I was tipsy and just forgot. The next girl in asked me if the toilet was broken or if I forgot to flush, I'm still embarassed. Now I wonder if I have forgotten again....Sometimes I go back and check. This might be the start of OCD, maybe I already have it. perhaps I am crazy.
Even with the ass gasket, even having perfected the hover, I fear that I will catch something from the seat. Crabs can jump you know.
I'm thinking that for this reason it is good that I am starting a home business, even if I do plan to keep my regular job. Because if I work from home, I will have my own bathroom, and if I forget to flush, My girl roomie will just laugh at me. And that's ok.

Monday, April 18, 2005

You know i'm bored

When I run out of favorite websites to peruse.

I forgot to mention earlier that I am still moving ahead with my business, and I promise that there will be free samples. Who can resist free good smellin bathtime goodies? I finished one business related book yesterday (lots of valuable informaiton there!) and am planning to start on another this week. BUT, the point is, that when the time comes and all my ducks are in a row, I'll let you know how you can get some free samples because I will need to know if my stuff is any good before I try to market it. I'm only mentioning it because my stat counter is telling me that strangers actually visit my blog. as seen in my last entry. I'll keep you updated.

I'm very excited about this business because it will give me an excuse to make stuff without it cluttering up my house. This time, I'm not in it for the money (althoughI will gladly get rich!) I have a good job. I just want to provide a good, useful product and have fun doing it. Plus this time I have a partner in crime. stay tuned...

I love stats!

So, thanks to Luckyspinster, I now can view my stats and I learned that A) people really are visiting my blog! wow! I feel famous. ok not really. and B) someone web searched "boobs" and found me. hee hee.

Bought a fun new toy. I'm not even a Star Wars fan. but I do like Mr Potato Head so I had to have it. One to play with, and one to leave in the box. BF thinks I'm strange but admits that he would have bought one too. He now lives on my mantle.

Had a great weekend, and had what I have decribed as my "perfect date" on Saturday. There were a lot more people there than I was thinking, but I guess I never specified that we had to be alone... Went to the beach (ow, sunburned my chi chis, just when my curling iron burn faded away...) hung out all day and ate sandwiches, he taught me to play cribbage (also not part of the daydream, but hey! finally a man who will go to the beach with me!!) Then home to watch rented movies all evening. It was really nice.

Went to go see Amityville Horror on Friday. It was pretty good. Ryan Reynolds is HOT. He may be my new celebrity crush. It wasn't as scary as The Grudge (still can't see it again, but I can look at the video box without turning away now. It still gives me goose bumps though) and you could tell where Hollywood added thier two cents to the story, but it was scary enough that I had to bury my face in BF's shoulder once or twice.

Tried to watch Sideways. BORING!! turned it off. BF added it to my list of bad movies, which is fustrating because I only picked it because I thought he wanted to see it. We plugged in A tale of Two Sisters next. Japanese horror flick, kinda confusing, but not a waste of time.

That's all for now.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Still Gripeing

I just riled myself up again filling BF in on the tales of last night in my household.

Add the following items to the list of liquids that I bought and didn't have time to consume before someone else did. Still no replacements...Soy Milk (I thought this would be safe since I'm the only one in the house who doesn't like to drink cow milk), Laundry Soap. (I had to go to the store last night and buy some because, well, my clothes are starting to stink!not really, but my room is a mess. BF can't get to his side of the bed.Having BF I my bed is important.)I did get to the bottom of who is doing the consuming. I have a feeling I will be running out of shredded wheat soon. I didn't open the box. At least the mouse is keeping out of my Girl Scout cookies. I think. I have so many boxes, I don't know how many have been consumed!

Downloaded the docs I need to get my business off the ground, or at least launched. Opening a business in San Diego is a pain in the ass!

Here's a visual that will gross you out.(thank my boss) interveiniously injected omlettes. the visualization of all that egg coming out of a syringe makes my cholesterol stand on end. blah.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Shameless Pride for the day

This might be sick. Not "eew why did you tell me that sick" but rather a bit, "why does that make you feel proud, you freak?" kind of sick.

In the course of conversation with Bf last night, he, who I don't think I have mentioned tends to be on the grumpy side, but in a highly amused sort of way, said that his friend at work told him that what he really needed was a blonde with big boobs about 5'4. To which BF replied, "I've already got one, but I think she's 5'5".

first of all, I took it as a compliment, and I don't know why. maybe it was the big boobs thing, although this should not surprise me at all, being the president of the PDCC.

I think the truth is, that it makes me happy to know that I would be precribed as what anyone "needs" even if it is on the most superficial level. And, I like it theat BF refers to me as something he "has" although, of course he would be on the curb if ever he pretended to "own" me. I've been through the overzealous boyfriend thing, and let me tell you, it's a good way to get rid of me.

I'm 5'4 afterall.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I remember!

Mt roomates and i discussed this in depth last night, and it is something that has been bothering me since I saw a "native pride" sticker the other day.

How many generations does my family have to live here before we are considered Native Americans? Now, I cannot claim a direct line with the Mayflower (I think) but I was born here. so were my parents. so were their parents. If you count the Mexican side, well, we've been here all along, and on my mom's side, at least a long time, so tell, me, how many generations before I am considered a Native?

I already don't list myself as white, when I can, even though I tend to glow in the dark. I'm not White, I'm "other". I just appear to be pale on account of my expressed genetics. I mark "other" on the census because I am proud of my mutt heritage.

What I really want to mark, what I would like all of us to mark, is American. If ou were born here, you're American. Not African American, Mexican American, Asian American. That's your heritage. Your bloodlines. That's your ancestry. You're from America. The United States of America, actually. Stand up. Be proud. I'm going to stop fooling myself by listing my ancestry to anyone who will listen. I'm not Irish. I've never even been to Ireland. I'm not Mexican, I've never been beyond Baja. I'm not German or Dutch or anything, my ancestors were. Me? I'm an American. Love me or leave me, it's time I started being proud of it.

I had an idea

For a fantasticly interesting post about something, yesterday, but now I can't remember what it was. I can only hope that it will return to me before the end of the day so that I can share it with whomever might possibly be reading.
I would like to be able to post more fun stuff (like pictues) but my home computer is not up, and when I do get it up (hee hee. had to)
I will still need to get internet because I refuse to give in to AOL with their free 40 hours of usage and constant barrage of CD's in the mail, the grocery, everywhere you look. I think they are sneaking into my house and putting them in my underwear drawer at night! There is no escape! I would actually like to know if there is anyone out there protesting the amount of garbage AOL creates by sending a new and improved CD program to everyone in the US, sometimes twice. (I recieved one yesterday in my "you've moved" package from the post office) Sure, the cases are recyclable if you send CDs, and if you are artsy, you can make neat mobiles and art out of the CD's, but in all honesty, who really does those things? and how many CD mobiles and wall hangings do we need? if they didn't have holes in them, I'd say make coasters out of them. come to think of it, I might anyway. that way, if you lose them or use them as frizbees, you know there will be a replacement in the mail in a few days. Ooh! I've been inspired! Look out world, I'm taking over! with coasters!
Everything gets protested in America. If you are not boycotting something, you must be Unamerican. I tried to boycott the electric company back in the rolling blackout days (and now we all know what that was all about!!) but my roomates wouldn't go for it. they thought they NEEDED electricity. whatever.
BF feels better! yay!
I'm moving forward with the startup of my company! yay! I'm hoping for a September launch. We're looking for names. I will have to add coasters to my product line.

Monday, April 11, 2005

What a wonderful weekend

Except for the part that I was a wee bit cranky. we won't talk about that.

I was offerend a black angora goat. I can't decide if it is a good idea to take/buy it. We will aready have a goat, but I would love to have the fiber for spinning. And black angoras are worth bucks, so I would be able to make some cash selling what I cannot spin. But what if in a year I haev gone crazy and I don't want to live with anyone anymore? What if my roomates go crazy and don't want to live with ME anymore? I have a few gripes, and they are small, but what if they get bigger? what if I can't find another house that will take farm animals? it was hard to find a home for my kitties (it's been almost a year! wow!). It would be really hard to find a home for one goat, let alone two! then again, we haven't even gotten the first goat, what if he falls through?

Here are my roomate gripes, perhaps someone out there in blog land can tell me whether I am being petty.

I can handle that the trash doesn't go out as often as I would like. But someone doesn't like walking the 100 feet to the carport instead of putting the garbage into the can on the back porch. (where is gets forgotten on trash day becasue I don't know it is there)I do get quite a bit cranky that no one lines the cans with a larger bag so that on trash day, I can put all the bags at the curb (we are only allowed 8 bags at the curb, two kitchen bags fit into one 33 gallon bag, and the cans stay clean). I moved the can off the back porch to stop that little habit. I lined all the cans. I think I'm the only one who knows that trash day is on Thursday.

I'm still finding cigarette butts ...I know they are not BF's because he field strips his and throws them away. I don't smoke and won't live somewhere covered in butts. Like I told the roomies, if I wanted to live in a frat house, I would have gone to college.

My biggest gripe though, is drinks. someone is drinking all of my drinks and not replacing them. Some stuff I buy to share, and I am really happy to share anything I buy. But of the two cases of leftover beer from my mom's party, there is maybe a 6 pack left. I don't drink beer (and this is not counting the two cases I bought for the move, all gone) So we have gone through at least three cases of beer in less than a month, I know BF didn't do it, and I was planning to recycle the leftovers to my sister's wedding shower. 2 flats of leftover soda, gone. Someone drank all my Gatorade (I'm trying to stop being dehydrated), at least a 6 pack. I put sodas in the fridge for myself, gone. Am I petty for being cranky? That's a lot of money in drinks. I know I do well, but I don't think it is my job to water the masses! I am trying to think of a way to bring it up without sounding like a bitch. I made a joke yesterday about boy roomie (who I want to blame for drinking all the beer since he is not 21 and cannot buy his own) replacing the beer when he does turn 21. Maybe that will be enough.

In the happy side, BF called me sweetie. :) it was nice. it was the first time he used an endearment that I felt was not in jest. Poor BF, he has a migrain today.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Oh my geekness!

Shared a picture of myself at the renessance faire with BF today because I promised to help out tomorrow even though I'm not all that interested in the actual faire anymore. I go to spin and chat. Haven't heard back from him. I guess I will know if he was scared away if he doesn't answer his door tonight.

missing out

apparently there is some sort of solar eclipse today. But I will be missing it because it's overcast. well. actually it looks like rain out there. RAIN!! I pay a lot of money to live where it isn't supposed to rain. I don't even own an umbrella. I do buy water tight shoes though. but that's just in case I happen to want to splash thorugh a puddle. My local river may look more like a brook, but sometimes, we have puddles.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Another Double

Craptacular. It's been in my head all day. Don't know why, it's such a negative word. Maybe I am being secretly spiteful today.

I have a rant today!

Showers. Not that bathing kind. The kind you have to attend when someone is getting married or having a kid. It's not that I don't like giving presents, that's the part I like, what I hate is sitting around playing bad party games. I went to a baby shower once where they mushed up candy bars in dipers and you were suppsed to figure out what they were by smelling, tasteing, poking, etc. There were 14 women playing, it took FOREVER. I only did well because I like candy bars. and I copied off my friend Kristen who is good at everything (you know you know someone like this. She and my sister. they can do anything!)
I told BF that if i ever happened to get pregnant, that I want to send a card that says simply, "I'm pregant. Send presents" after all, that's hat a shower is, right? an excuse to get presents? I like presents. I like giving them, I like getting them. I think I should give presents more often. If anyone pins a clothespin to me today, I might just have to start a brawl. That would make for an interesting shower. Hey....

Guilty for no reason

I just said something mean about an Ex. I called him a Jackass. I feel bad. He isn't really. well, ok, maybe he is. I think where I am concerned, he might agree.

The third and final chapter:

C and I got along great. It took us a year and a half to decide that we both wanted more out of each other (comittment. before that, he was my first and last boy toy.) We moved in together. Suddenly, he didn't have quite so much time. He would choose classes that kept him out until after I was in bed. For some reason, he didn't get the hint when I would wander about brazenly nakid and announce that I was going to bed. I gave him my emotional best and everything I had. He sent me away for the company of his Ex. It's no wonder I am afraid to get too close to BF.

He doesn't know these things, we don't discuss our past. I'm trying to live in the present. Why do I keep dwelling on the past?

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


I have a tendency to panic when put on the spot. Last night I was put on the spot and the answer should have been easy, but it wasn't. Here's what happened.

BF was over (yay!!) Friend Sara calls. I mention that BF and I are going to dinner. (My kitchen sink is broken again so I couldn't cook because I can't pour water down it. I would have managed anyway but...) so the conversation goes something like this, and please, keep in mind that my moment of panic was not due to Sara's question, but rather to the fact that BF was staring at me the whole time I was talking.

Sara: "Who's BF??"
Me: "Uh, he's my friend"
Sara: "Your Special Friend?"
Me: "Yeah!!"

Why is this a problem? because I couldn't refer to him as my BF in front of him, even though we have had "the talk". Why couldn't I mention to Sara that he is the guy who came into my office and asked for my number? I know I told her about him! and oh boy isn't great that we are still seeing each other... send some ego boost to BF for once? ack!

He wanted to know who Sara was, and I told him an old friend from High School. I invited her to dinner with us, but she found a bug in her food last time she ate at that restrant so she wasn't interested.

Other than that we had a wonderful evening.

Installment #2. "D"

D and I were together for 5 years. We grew apart. Long story. He would have preferred, actually, that I was more demonstrative. But I am just not that way. One of the problems in our relationship was the hours we kept, his late, mine early. On the rare occation he was home, he tended to be too tired when I wanted to get friendly. There was always some sort of excuse. Some nights it was "I'm too tired". too many nights it was "I already took care of myself today" The guys at the video store knew him by name. One night I showed up in lacy red PJ's, and he rolled over and went to sleep. After awhile, I stopped trying because it hurt too much to lay there and want him but know that he didn't want me. this went on for years.
I found out a couple of days ago that he was going to ask me to marry him, but I broke up with him before he could do it. We are still friends, although not as close as we once were.

BF has not met him. for the first time since we broke up, I am worried about it. I don't want to make BF uncomfortable, I don't want to put him in a funny place. Yet, eventually they will meet. I hope that I am more comfortable with the idea by then.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Oh my goodness!

Call me a dork (everyone else does!) but it made my day to see that I had a comment from Snozzberrylicious Cate who I read at least once a day. Between Her Snozzberries, and Callie's Spinsterhood, I don't know how I ever survived before blogs. I think I might be sick.

I had a wonderful time in LA this weekend. I didn't get discovered (again) but you never know about next time. We stayed in Burbank so I got to see all sorts of studios. here are my observations based on the reality versus what you see on TV.

Disney: Wow, look! Disney Studios! It would be very cool if I saw Hilary Duff. My roomate would be SOOO jealous. I would want to get her an autograph. (I won't detail the continued thoughts on how cool I think Hilary is or how much of a fan is my roomate)

NBC/CBS: hey look! it's NBC/CBS!!

Nickelodean: (spelling?) Hey look...Sure looks empty and kind of run down. apparently, when they show it on TV, they actually use the Florida location. The LA locatio does not have slime dripping or large colorful signs, or kids everywhere like I thought it would. but it did have a few random charactors on the roof.

Cartoon Network: hey get the point. This was a large, kinda drab building. the sign was embossed concrete into the building, it wasn't even in black and white. quite frankly, I think it is more exciting to look at the gocery store.

Studios aside, I had a wonderful time and spent great, quality time with my brother who was my whole reason for going. He's a good kid. needs to ditch the girlfriend though. she is definately not cute enough to treat anyone the way she treats him and, definately did not make any points with me on account that she couldn't drag her lazy ass out of bed to meet me. we wouldn't have even gotten to her house until 11am. but she was way too tired. she gave him a ration of bitch on his birthday too, which, I don't think PMS is an excuse. Sorry. ooh. I get cranky just thinking about it.

Missed BF terribly. looking forward to seeing him tonight.

And now, because I have decided that my Blog replaces psychiatry for me, the first installment of "How men have rejected me and therefore I am terribly insecure"

JD was my first kiss. The son of my mom's friend, they thought it would be great if we liked each other. He went with me to my homecoming dance, but I was just not ready to be kissed. Scared (I was a late bloomer). Fast forward a year, and I move into his neighborhood. We reconnect. Our parents leave us home alone for an evening, and smoochy smoochy! He comes over another night to help me babysit. more smoochy smoochy. We lay on my bed (I shared a room with my mom, there was no monkey business) I lean in for kisses and he asks why I am kissing him. (um, because I thought we liked each other???) I back off in shock. couple of weeks later, he attends a family outing with me. He's mean to me all day, and when I leaned in for a goodnight kiss, he flat out refused. said I was wearing too much lipstick. Hurt, I headed back to my dad's truck where I checked the lipstick levels. none. I never called him again. I guess I was smarter back then.

Tomorrow we will fast forward about 4 years to "D". This will skip any boy who showed interest then lost it when they got to know me, and even the traumas of "W", my biggest high school crush and the trauma that was "B", the one who said he's call, then didn't. I waited 10 months for the phone to ring on that one. Not sure when I turned into a typical female when it comes to men, but I know it happened sometime in High School.