Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Panic-ing again

I had a dream this morning that I got up out of BF's bed and told him I loved him when I left. Then, in my dream I panic-ed because A)I said it first. I never say it first. he didn't say it back (don't think he would) and B)I don't think I feel that way at this time which means I was lying in my dream when I said it, and why did I say that anyway?

Please don't let me have been talking in my sleep...

Then this morning, I asked him about tickets to Episode III May 21 and his reply was that it was too far ahead for him. It's only a month away. He was thinking about pre-ordering tickets the other night. Does this mean he doesn't know if i will be in his life next month? I know I am taking it one day at a time, but closer to the beginning he did talk about future stuff. maybe he just doesn't like to plan more than a couple weeks in advance.

He snapped at me fort he first time last night. He didn't yell, but I could tell he was a bit angry and fustrated. He should know by now that I never know what I want for dinner...I'm working on it, and I know he is stressed at work. but...

So many concerns. so many worries. and lately, to top it off, I have been missing "E". even though I know it wouldn't have worked and I made the right choices, "E" had a joy and a love for life that BF is too angry and stressed to express. I feel so disloyal. I feel like a fool wrapped up in a daydream memory. Please get out of my head!

2 comments:

Jen said...

Some people get so stressed out that committing to something even a week ahead of time is just too much. Trust me. ;) And the anger issue...watch out for those full of anger...sometimes they don't have any room left for love.

Ginamonster said...

Very wise advice. I think we just have a lot of baggage.
I think he has room for love, I think he's afraid to show it.