Thursday, June 30, 2005

Happy weekend, all

I'm off for another exciting weekend. I hope to have some good stories for you. On the agenda:

Tomorrow a man is going to come and get the goat for a weekend test run. I don't think he realizes how much trouble a goat is, even though I tried to tell him. I have another lead just in case.
I hope to get a pedicure. then it's wedding stuff.

Saturday is the wedding. nuff said.

Sunday, a day at the beach. hope i don't get another sunburn!

Monday BBQ at a friend's hous. should be fun and uneventful. still hopeing I don't get a sunburn

I'll be back on tuesday. Happy 4th of July to my American readers, um...have a good weekend to those outside the USA!!

Making chocolate penises. yeah. I have a mold for that. (blush) this was before the sunburn.
I didn't have a title for this post. I have been wanting to discuss it for awhile.

I have a friend who is going through a divorce. I may have mentioned him before as I am currently guardien of all the damaging emails his ex wife sent to her lover.

This is why I am confused. Women. Flock to him. He's seeing so many he gets them confused. He makes dates with more than one in an evening. One leaves and another comes over. They don't know about each other (I told him to drop the psycho one and get a datebook). Part of my confusion stems from the fact that I don't find this person at all attractive. He's a nice guy, but not attractive to me. The other part of my confusion is the part where I ask, "why him and not me?" the situation with T and E being a rare occation, I usually go months between dates. Some tell me I am too picky. But I don't consider it picky that I don't want to go out with 40 year old chubby bald guys that tell me they want to be my chair in a bar.

One nice thing about having a playboy friend is that I asked him where I should take T for his birthday and he had a whole list of places. We have reservations on Wednesday. Per our discussion, no birthday hooplah. And no expectations. I will have them anyway, I can't help it. good timing though, I have a couseling appointment the next night. I think I'm going to need it.

Another bossless day

Found this at LuckySpinster:

create your own personalized map of the USA

Wow. I need to get out more.

I also need to find the following restraunt:

Excellent food, reasonable price, good atmosphere without too much noise so there can be conversation.

I'm taking T out to dinner next week for his "I'm not celebrating my birthday" birthday. I am doing this with the full understanding that I will likely go home crying.(He is not mean, but if he doesn't say he would like to see me again or something to that effect, it will break my heart.) I am doing this with the understanding that if I go home crying, I will have to end our friendship because it hurts me too much. I had hoped that I was bigger, better, stronger than that. but apparently I am not. And if there is no indication next week of a possibility for the future, then I know I have to count my losses, gather my pride and move on. Which means that I can't have any contact since every email gives me hope. And every misplaced hope turns into tears later. it's been nearly two months. We were only together for three. I should be done being weepy. I am not an emotional individual. Really, I should be quite over this by now.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005


I think someone was feeding me dog food while I was sleeping last night. blah. Not that I got very much sleep. Nothing worse than insomnia.

Another landlord Update

Apparently my step brother went to landlord's house for a visit. here's how it went:

"How do you know where I live?"
"Your daughter told me"
"Well, I'm going to bed right now"

then he slammed the door in my brother's face. hmm. I am feeling more and more like it is a blessing that I will be moving at the end of my lease. I don't think I want the kind of people that they are turning out to be in my life, even if they are a fringe element.

on a happy note, I got to play with sand paper and wood putty today (damn desk snagged my nylons AGAIN!). I feel content.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


I am eating a poppyseed muffin today. And it tastes gooood. Why is this rebellious? Because if I get randomly drug tested in the next couple of days, those poppyseeds are going to show up as opiates and my company doesn't consider muffins an excuse.

Meanwhile, I was brought a next full of fledgeling swallows this morning. The lady who brought them didn't seem to appriciate that I wanted to return them to where they were found so that nature could take it's course. She said to me, (a bit coldly, actually)"I guess they're in God's hands then" and I said "yes. and sometimes that is the best place for them to be"

I have learned from the saving of animals that unless it was human intervention that caused thier problem, it is often best to let nature take it's course. Mother birds push thier babies out of the nest to teach them to fly. While it is highly likely that the dog will eat them, that's nature. I don't have to like it, and I would never harm the birds directly, (unless they needed to be put to sleep like a gopher I once knew) But I also understand that some just won't make it. And with all the swallow nests there are around here, I think plenty will. It's hard to let nature take it's course. But honestly, since this place was built, we have had more and more swallows come here each year. Which means more pairs are mating and raising successful nests. If each nest has 4 babies, and there are at least 100 nests, that's 400 new swallows. If even 10% of those die, that's still 360 swallows, 300 of which will likely come back next year along with maybe half the original 100...that's a lot of bird shit. So lady, don't be angry with me for allowing nature to take it's course. dogs eat stuff (especially this one). The stronges survive. For me to take care of these birds would meanmissing work time, tending them at home (the last ones I brought home kept me up all night), which means less time I can spend with my existing pets, and so on. Thankfully, the Landscape manager agreed to take care of them, so they are out of my hands. But I want to know what it is about people that they cannot leave well enough alone?

Monday, June 27, 2005

Ahh. What a Weekend

It was SO nice not haveing to do anything this weekend (except listen to the goat cry ALL DAY Saturday)

I worked on the office side of soap stuff. I saw Batman Returns. I took a nap. I went to the swap meet. My mom bought me a bunny. Everyone, meet Jack. (pictures someday, perhaps)He's snuggly.

contimplated asking T and his Best Friend to a baseball game, but decided it was not in my best interest. I do plan to ask him to dinner for his birthday though. I can't help but be excited to maybe get to see him even though I know that too may not be in my best interest.

Woke up Saturday feeling much better after my terribly cranky Friday. I have decided that I am depressed and that is why life hurts so badly right now. Having been depressed before, I know I can deal with it and make it through.

So I guess things are pretty much back to normal.

Friday, June 24, 2005

What is wrong with me??

It is completely unlike me to be in this horrible of a mood for this long. I don't know what is wrong with me. All week long I have been irritable, weepy, cranky, and today, I'm somewhat angry and somewhat "don't give a fuck".
I don't want to work, I don't want to knit, spin, make soap, play with the dog or the goat. I don't want to shop (course I'm broke so that's a good thing)Don't want to go out, don't want to stay in. I am annoyed with my friend (see posts below). Too early for PMS, I'm thinking it's a good thing I don't have a boyfriend because I don't even want to be around me. I couldn't even come up with Wednesday Fun this week so I had to send off some lame ass have a good weekend message with a pathetic attempt at humor when I discussed tormenting my goat. Blah. blah blah blah.

Ugh. I tried taking a nap yesterday , but that didn't help, and then I ended up sobbing after I watched "The Bachelor".

I hope this is just growing pains, and that I will get out of this slumo soon because I am driving myself crazy.

Work Quote of the Day

To be taken completely out of contex, of course.

"if it doesn't come the first time, and you force it and it breaks..."

Thank you Grace for providing me a giggle. She was talking about the lock in the door that is broken.


So to avoid horrid smells and the jet engine toilet, I haev started using the far away restroom. It is also good for my figure. Today, however, as I was leaving, I happened to glance down and see a ginormous bug on the floor. Ginormous. like 3 inches long and 2 inched wide. some sort of beetle, which my biologist sister would argue is not a bug at all but an insect, whatever. It wasn't a roach, just huge bug, the likes of which we do get in the countryside where I work. I would have zeroed in for a closer look but there was someone in that stall and I am not one to lurk in bathrooms.

The question being, do I risk giant bugs or horrid smells and a scary toilet? I think I'll take the bug.


I realize I am not perfect and don't always catch all the stuff I am supposed to do as part of my job (I have a lot of crumbs to keep track of) But is it really so hard to remember that Certain Work orders have to go through me? especially when I have told you like, once a week since that decision was made? There's a reason for it. Follow the proceedure!

While I realize this post only makes sense to me, I don't have any real authority to yell at people at work so I have to do it into cyber space.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Landlord update

Sargini wanted to know:

My landlord called a mutual friend who relayed the following message to my step dad:

"I miss your company but I don't want to venture into enemy territory"

To which Poo responded, "If you don't like my daughter, you don't like me"

Lines have been drawn. Texas style.

Meanwhile, I didn't know I was the enemy, but what did I expect for having threatened to slap a restraining order on his wife, and it occurred to me that although I have said that I don't have a problem with him, his reply could be, "if you don't like my wife, you don't like me" so... I'm not really sure what he thinks he would have done if his landlord trespassed on his property and all that, but whatever, I will finish my lease and be out of there.

and that, my friends, is all until tomorrow.

Peelings, nothing more than Peelings...

On my forehead and in the cleavage. gross.

My Seester and I dance wildly to the sounds of Dude Jones, Palm Springs Band extraordinaire. Note the reddish hue of my formerly lillywhite skin! Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


So I got caught flipping through a catalog while my copies were being made. I played it off like I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I am concerned that it will bite me in the butt later. HOWEVER it occurred to me that at least I didn't get caught reading the dicipline letter that was sitting on the admin's desk. No, I didn't read it at all. but I have to admit, sometimes it's tempting to peek!

the friend

She is meeting with an ex tomorrow, and wondered what to wear, wanting something to make him squirma a little. I think she is setting herself up for hurt, so I just keep my mouth shut and tell her to have fun, but I feel like I am lying to her when I smile and wish her luck. After all, he ended things with her when his ex came back and wanted to reunite and he treated her in a disrespectful manner so I don't understand why she would want to be friends when I know it is better for her when they don't have contact. I don't want to judge, this is none of my business. and there is nothing I can do, she has to make her own choices, but I have to hear about them.

Meanwhile I question the health of my friendship with T even though I am thrilled to be talking to him because it makes me wonder if I am not getting false hopes. But I did promise myself that If I do ever see him again face to face for whatever reason, that I will not "dress up" that I will wear what I would wear to meet any friend of mine because I don't believe that an outfit will change his mind about me. And I don't want to look nice out of spite just to make him wish he was with me...But then the relationship and situation between he and I are completely different as he has not treated me with anything but respect and he did not toss me aside for another woman. I fear he has met someone new. I want him to be happy, but if you want the full truth, I want him to be happy WITH ME. My brain says to accept and move on, but there's a little girl in my heart that is throwing a tantrum saying, "no no no!!" So the harder I try the harder it is and the more upset I become until I am so worked up that I pace my house searching for an answer that will not come...

Such is the agony I have had over the last month. It won't be long before we will have been apart as long, and then longer than we were together and then what? There comes a point what one becomes quite pathetic. And I don't want that...
I have a friend. and her life is pure drama. Not fun drama like I tend to have on occation, (I consider the goat to be fun drama) but mega drama.

I have known her for about a year now, and I often see her making choices that will lead to more drama for her. I know she does the best that she can and in a lot of ways I am very impressed with her. But I know that there are times when she could save herself heartache if she would just think about what she is doing. But quite honestly, I no longer think I have the answers and in some cases she makes the decisions that I think I would make in her shoes. (even though I would like to pretend that I wouldn't) And maybe that is the real reason get frustrated, because I would be doing the same thing if I were her and I know that would be foolish!

So I will just keep my mouth shut, and listen, so that I am not a hippocrite. But I do get a little weary of the constant drama. I wonder if others feel the same about me...

I guess that's why I don't talk about how I check my email constantly hoping the T has written. Or talk about any of the other madness that goes through my head where he is involved, because, what good does it do but make me droll and fustrating?


Previously thought of as a game for old ladies, I can tell you that this is a lot of fun. There was screaming, yealling, beer and yummy food. I like Bunco and I am looking forward to playing every month with my new bonco group. I think the oldest woman there was in her early 40's, maybe thirties, with the rest of us around or under 30. It was fun regardless and denfinately worth the $5 a month plus secret pal gift. (supposed to be under $5)It's good to be making new friends. I didn't get any Bunco's, for those of you who know what that is, but I did get to yell when other people did!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

more work stuff

So my roomate, who works at my work (of course) asked me one night what I thought of his coworker K.

He seems like a nice fellow, and he isn't bad looking, but he is a coworker and he also works for my mom.

Now, when I see him, I feel embarassed. Not shy, I am not interested, but embarassed that perhaps he asked about me (not that boy roomie couldn't have been matchmaking). So when he came to my office and requested documents, I wondered why he came over instead of someone else as per usual.

Work politics sure can suck.

Am i a dog?

I seem to be shedding more than normal. This can mean one of thre things

A) I am going Bald
B) I am losing my warm winter coat for a cooler summer fur.
C) There is something wrong with me.

I'm hoping for (B).

Office Politics

Office politics are strange. They are even stranger when you have relatives working for the company. You end up having to separate your personal feelings from what you see and hear from other people you work with. You hear things at home about others that make you want to question your opinion of them. I am not going into details, of course, I just wanted to express that sometimes, I feel like I am caught in a whirlpool, not of my own issues, but rather those of the people around me. How they interact with each other. I am stuck, sometimes, between a rock and a hard place too because my job requires that I stick to a certain format and when that format is not followed by, say for a big example, my mom, it makes it especially hard to deal with.

I hope that made sense, I try not to say too much about where I work or who I work with because I have been warned that people have lost their jobs over stuff like that, and I need to be working, thanks, the soap thing has not taken off yet.

Actually, there are difficulties and poilitics there too, and there are only two of us! T warned me about this, but I trusted. Trouble is, my partner has contributed only ideas at this point. I have put up all the funds, and all the work. I sit at home at night and trim or wrap soap while she is out and about. And she is holding up the resale license process. She told me before that this was my thing, that she just wanted to help, and it was my choice to make her a partner, so how do I un-make her a partner without hurting her feelings? The business would be moving so much faster if I didn't have to wait for her. I respect that she wants to be out playing all the time (although I think she needs to be home spending more time with her dog) But I don't want to split 50/50 when I have done all the input. Plus I cannot get a bank account without her there and a partnership agreement, which we need to get done, it seems, to cover my would be so much easier to dissolve the partnership and go on by myself...

Last night

was a bad night. emotionally. I'm not going into details, you don't want to hear it. I'm hoping it's a phase of the moon thing, or maybe something to do with the changing of astrological signs or seasons or my healing sunburn (Noxema overdose? Too much aloe? no that just makes you poo if you eat it...) or something, but I am more exceptionally meloncholy last night and today than I prefer to be and I just cannot snap myself out of it.

Monday, June 20, 2005

how could i forget?

I had a massage on saturday. It was nice, but I must say the following:

I was not impressed with the Hot Stone Massage thing. I have a friend that used to massage me that would sometimes place warm stones on my back while she worked on my legs and that was just wonderful. but the rubdown with the stones? I didn't like it so much. Her actual massage technique was wonderful and well worth the money, but I couldn't wait for the rock part to be over so that I could have some more hands on stuff. The rocks were often too hot, but just as I would be ready to say something, they would cool enough to be ok.

The therapist gave me a lovely compliment which I haven't shared with anyone else because I thought I might sound braggy, but since this is my forum to brag if I choose, then I will tell you that she said the following:

That my hair felt just like cornsilk, and how it reminded her of when she was little, and living on a farm. How she and her siblings would shuck corn for her mother and pretend that the ears were dollies, with silk for hair, and my hair brought her back to that time in her life. I was flattered in so many ways, not just because my hair is soft and silky, (it is??? Thanks Pantene!!) but because I was able to help her remember happy memories, and that she was comfortable enough with me to share this. The last was the most flattering of all. I could have sat with her and chatted all day, but I had to go because my ride was leaving. I like it when people tell me thier happy childhood memories. I got the feeling her childhood was not easy, which means that even the smallest happy memory is precious.

'nuff said...

sometimes, the big boss man cracks me up. can't really explain it this time, it's just too strange for words, but he cracks me up.

May have found a home for the goat.

Update from Gina, The human toast

Palm Springs was lovely. There are no sordid stories, although one of the girls did score a phone number. But it wasn't me. Thats ok, I didn't want any numbers. Plus I overindulged in everything and got sick. It's good to be home.

Cody learned how to climb up onto the gable under my bedroom window. My strange moment for yesterday was the part where his face was pressed up against the window looking in . Well, that and the part where girl roomie's grandpa tickled me.

I called step dad to wish him a happy father's day for the first time that I can remember. I think we both thought it was strange. I miss my father, what what can you do?

Things are patched up between me and family property purchasing cousin.

Cody woke me at 5:30 (at least it is light out now!) because he wanted attention. I think girl roomie is finally getting sick of the whole thing.

Wish for your sake that my weekend was more enventful, but I'm glad for mine that it wasn't.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


your boss came up behind you reached out his hand and said, "Here, smell this" would you recoil with a "no way!" or dutifully take a whiff?

yeah. Me too. I asked him what he expected me to do when he asked me to smell his finger, and we both had a good laugh. He was actually offering me the leaves from a plant to sample.


I've gone nuts over the idea of having all the possible Mr Potato Head accessories. It's sick, I know, but being as there are three potato heads currently on my mantle, I think it would be fun to dress them seasonally. Except the Darth Tater he is eternal. However, I have to go to Disneyland to get the most fun stuff (I'm not into the alien or jungle ones you can get from Hasbro) and I let my pass expire. I suppose it could be worse. I could have to travel cross country. And I can order some stuff through the website, but I am feeing frugal lately. which is a good thing.Which is also why I let my pass expire.

MEANWHILE, the following is a semi intelligent quote that came out of my mouth this morning:

"It's unfortunate when poilitics gets in the way of common sense. But I guess that's the political way."

I suppose I should continue by noting that if politicians did what was sensible and not what would best line their pockets, we might be slightly better off as a society.


See a penny, pick it up...

Does this count when the penny in question is next to a public toilet? I think that when the penny is somewhere gross, you get a by on the bad luck rule, even if it's on heads.

Wednesday fun

every week I try to send something interesting to my friends so that they know I am still alive and they can have a smile. Often, it's a sound bite, but since I found out that not everyone can hear those, I try to send other stuff too. Sometimes it's website wackiness like virtual bubblewrap or the drunk guy. I like the drink guy. he yodels. So this week, I sent the following message.

Today's Wednesday fun is brought to you by:

Gina's brain. Prepare to be somewhat baffled by the depth of my thought process.

So I was reading an article on the Terry Schivo autopsy today, and I came up with the following figure based on a statistic I saw there.

Your brain (if it is average size) weighs about the same as 12 boxes regular size paperclips.

I guess that would give or take a few depending on if you are brain damaged. Or a fat head. If you stick paperclips to your head, you will not get smarter. But you will be more magnetic. ok. Time to go.

My sister threatened to send me to to loony bin. I'm not sure why I think of every weight in terms of paperclips. maybe it's because they are the only item I know the weight of...(about 1 gram)

Meanwhile, I went to the county fair with girl roomie last night. we had lots of fun. We talked to the guy at the petting corral (I really wanted to pet the camel. but not it's toes...) and he said our goat needs another goat to keep him company. I said no. I think girl roomie is still holding out to keep Cody. He's cute (even though he woke me at 1 this morning eating and sneezing outside my window) but even if it were not for the noise and poo on the porch, we know we have to move in about 6 months, if I can't afford to buy us a home, we will have to rent. It's already going to be hard to find a place for us and the dog, and probably boy roomie, (people are easy to find homes for, but it can be difficult in my area to find a three bedroom rental we can afford)somehow I doubt we'll have an easy time finding a home that will allow a goat. Plus, with a farm animal, we are very restricted with where we can look. WE can't go too much further into the country because girl roomie works far away. Plus I like to be within 10 minutes of the mall. I think I have said this before...If so, sorry for being repetitive.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Coworker J, yeah, that one. Said I look nice today. and yesterday. and the day before...I thanked him for thinking so, but I can't help thinking every time I see him, that I can't believe I liked him so much. And it helps me to keep in perspective that it is still exceptionally smart to go with my first impressions of people.

On a happier note, I have soap! Email me with your address if you would like a sample, supplies are limited. the Lavender is ready. The olive oil will be ready soon. Oh boy!

Important Questions

Here are a couple of very important questions that the big boss posed to me this morning:

If you took all the boats currently in the ocean, out of the ocean, would the water level go down?

If all the people in the world peed in the ocean all at once, would the water level go up? (I don't Know, but we'd likely kill all the fish...)

I kept myself from asking, If everyone all turned the same direction and farted...

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Dear Paris

I read today that you are planning to retire from the public life, as you are tired of all the partying, etc. Now, I realize we are not playing cards, but let me be the first to yell, "Bull Shit". You're bluffing.
Why, you ask, am I being so mean to you? Because you are an attention whore. And attention whores never retire from the public life because they aren't valid without their adoring fans.
But here is the sad part. Like Brit, you will try a fade away. But the moment that your new billionaire boy ceases to amuse you, or stops making you feel like a valid person (news flash, validitity comes from within, trust me)you'll be trying to get back into the spotlight. Except now you won't be so interesting. We'll have moved on to the next talentless strumpet. Little girls will be idolizing some other glorified clothes hanger with a ridiculous dog.
You may say, But I want to be a Mom. And that, my dear, is the most underappriciated, most important job in the whole world. I wouldn't want to try to discourage you from that, because you may be a wonderful mom. But do me a favor, let the kid have it's own identity. Take it from a girl who's constantly mistaken for her mother, come up with something more interesting than Paris. Two in one family is enough.
I had a lot more terrible things to say. But I'm not going to.
The goat did not wake me at 5 am this morning.

My boss is hilarious. he also declared me "God". in a very indirect way. But nevertheless.

Otherwise, I'm a bit "down" today for reasons I will not discuss, but I think Jen would understand since we share a brain.

Monday, June 13, 2005

This one is graphic. BEWARE


I'm not sure what exactly a woman has to do, or not do (shower?) to leave a lingering odor in the bathroom that is not poo. But apparently, I am at least the second person to enter the stall after someone else left, and it still made me gag. I mean, I've HEARD about this but...

At peace with High School

My reunion went wonderful. Well, it got better after I had a couple of margaritas and didn't care that I didn't know a lot of the people there. But happily, I spoke with several people who knew of me then, and that is enough for me. I was not popular, although I wanted to be. And I will be the first to admit that my quest for poularity may have caused me to be a bit snobby towards a possibility of a firendship with the more colorful and interesting people. You know, the people I am getting to know now. However, I did get to talk with a couple of people who I would have liked to have knows becasue I knew people who thought they were great. the twins said I was beautiful (flattery will get you everywhere) and another person said he had thought I was cute. (we talked and boogied the rest of the evening. He thanked me for a good time)All in all, I am happy to have been remembered, and in a positive light, I had a great time and didn't make an idiot out of myself by drinking too many margaritas. T would not have had such a good time, even if we were still together, so I am glad for his sake that he did not go.

I decreed this weekend that we would be sending the goat to a new home this week.

Got some good time in with the girls yesterday. I sure do like them.

Had another epiphany Saturday. Instead of asking myself what others would do in my place, I am going to start asking myself, in moments of doubt, what I would do if I was not so insecure. Then, I am going to do it. Because that is the real me, and I miss her.

Friday, June 10, 2005

lookin in the mirror

I don't know if I mentioned it, but my thighs have not been looking so huge lately. If I have mentioned it, well, let me brag a bit, dammit!

Counseling went well. It's so strange telling a stranger all my deep dark secrets. not that they are really that deep or dark, I wear my heat on my sleeve. but I felt better for it, and i think I have been onthe right track. She does want to see me every wekk though. yuck. I'm thinking every other week would be better for me and my wallet. She asked if I thought I had ADD, and I told her that the internet says I do, but I don't want to diagnose myself from the internet. After all, the internet also says that I am at a high risk for diabetes, but it doesn't take into account that I am built like an ox. Also that if I don't pass along this chain letter I will have bad luck forever. I don't know, whatever. I will be continuing my counseling.

The goat is finally drinking from a bowl! yay! now if he would just stop screaming for attention all morning, we might be getting somewhere. if he would be content to be in his pen, at least when we are not in the yard, I might even want to keep him.

I bowled a 99 last night. well, that was my best score. I can't remember my worst.

Latest batch of soap is very hard and may not be any good. Girl roomie has agreed to be the guniea pig when it is ready. We don't test on animals you know. Just each other.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Stolen from julie

This is kinda fun.

X = have done

() snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city (i don't get east west...etc...)
(x) seen a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides Canada (TJ Counts, Right?)
(x) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight (Sort of, they didn't fight back...)
() been arrested
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose (water?)
() pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino (Um...I work at one...)
( ) been skydiving
() skinny dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) seen a therapist (I'm pretending tonights appointment has already occurred)
() done the splits (my legs don't seem to stretch that way. poor me..)
( ) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour (sick)
(x) bitten someone (I have a sticker on my car that says, "I leave bite marks". what do ya think?)
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex (meant for the cheek, she turned)
( ) crashed into a friend's car (define "crashed")
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted (I will feel eternally guilty that someone bought an incomplete box of bandaids)
(x) been fired
() had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) slept with a co-worker (bad idea)
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
(x) seen someone die
(x) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day
(x ) been to Mexico
( ) been to India
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) thrown up in a bar (at least I don't think so...)
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten sushi (yuck)
(x) been skiing/snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college/university(Does trade school count?)
(x) graduated college/university(same)
(x) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt yourself (stupid teenage stuff. nothing that scarred. Thank god!)
(x) taken painkillers (does asprin count??)
( ) been intimate with someone of the same gender

Oh no!

Mind you I'm flattered. But my neighbor asked me out on a date last night, and I am just not interested. He's a nice enough guy, not bad looking, I suppose, but I am not attracted to him. at all. plus he has three young children. The eldest is going into first grade next year. Plus he chews tobacco and every time he smiles at me I can see bits of black stuff in his teeth and it grosses me out. Plus I am still not ready to date, although I am starting to warm up to the idea.

Unexpected Healing

Last year, when I was in Hawaii, I took a friends advice and hiked the Healing Grounds. This is a place on Oahu, I can't remember why it is the healing grounds, although there was supposed to b some sort of medicinal herb garden display or something. (I didn't find it)
Regardless, I went to the healing grounds alone one fine day and hiked the 4.5 mile loop. It was lovely, although I think it would be better to take a hiking buddy on all hikes, this one had some sheer drop offs on both sides sometimes, and if I had fallen, I would have been gone forever.
So I made a comment the other day about having been to the healing grounds but I wasn't healed, I only lost an earring.
What I realized this morning, was that in losing that earring, I was forced to take the pair out of my rotation. Why does this matter? Because the earrings were a gift from C, who had just ended our relationship. In fact, he was supposed to be in Hawaii too. If every time I wore those earrings, I thought of him, then it would have taken that much longer for me to work through my pain.
And so I was healed, if only a little. It just took me a year to see it.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Tarot and Gophers

I Am

Which tarot card are you?

Apparently, this is me. I probably should have read it more carefully. hmm.

So there was a gopher incident.

Monday night Girl Roomie and I were watching the most recent of Peter Pan movies but not Finding Neverland which I still have not seen. Shush, I haven't seen the most recent Star Wars either. Suddenly, the Molly Monkey starts barking like crazy. We tried ignoring her, but she kept it up. We found a flashlight and a very excited dog outside. (thrilled to pieces is more like it) Mighty Huntress that she is, she caught a gopher. I don't know how since she didn't dig up the yard and gophers are quick little f-ers (um, hello, Caddyshack??)

So, the gopher is alive, but not moving, so we did the nice thing and brought her inside via frisbee-stretcher, found her a box and put her in it. How do you know it's a she? well, first of all, if you have ever seen a male rodent, it's quite obvious that they are male. Also, I put on my rubber glove and gently examined her for puncture wounds etc. Not really bleeding, but not moving on her own (she just twitched) the determination was made that she was broken and that we should really put her out of her misery. But with what? Neither of us is the kind of person who could violently kill something, even in mercy, and we decided that anything we mixed up to gas it, even on a cotton ball would likely kill us too, or my lovely Baby who has delicate lungs. (ammonia and bleach were our first thought) or worse, whould not kill her, but make her suffer more.

The box was left in the kitchen with a sign that said, "Poor Gopher. Euthanasia?" Tuesday morning she was alive but still not mobile. (waste system working well) Same for the afternoon. I had asked my boss what the best way to deal was, knowing my pest control friend would tell me to step on her or something. or laugh at me, I'm not sure.

When boy roomie came home, and after the neighborhood kids were done wandering the streets, we put boss's plan into action. we cut a hole in the box and slid it onto boy roomie's tailpipe (on his truck!!) since his is the oldest of the three vehicals and apparently barely passed smog last year. Within a few moments, the little gopher was sent off to rejoin the universal conciousness, and I think I am forever changed for having had to make the choice to end the suffering of another being. I'm glad we were able to find a gentle although warm solution.

Here is my disclaimer. I do not support cruelty to animals. I do not support putting them to death unnessisarily, as is indicated by the fact that I have gophers in the first place. I think they have every right to coexist on the planet as we do. I will not be responsible for anyone using carbon monoxide to harm themselves or others. This blog is for me to share myself and my experiences. It is not intended to teach methods that harm.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

So reading the Blog of my dear Sargini ( really got me thinking about who I would be astrologically compatible with. According to the vaarious websites I checked, I need to be with a Cancer, Saggitarius, or a Capricorn in western astrology, and a Rooster or Ox in Chinese. Now, when I was younger, I tended to ignore the descriptions of astrology (western at least as that was what I was raised on) but as I have aged, I find myself falling more and more under the catagory of the typical Virgo. So I thought, hey, why not?
Am I going to go around asking people what thier sign is? No. I am still not ready to re enter the dating world. My heart still hurts. A lot. But it would be interesting to see if the universe chooses to gift me with someone special and if that someone special happens to fall under one of those catagories.
I will admit that I had hoped that the mighty astrologers would tell me I was most compatible with a Cancer Tiger, but apparently, Tigers and Snakes are very low on the compatibility chart. Damn.
Ooh. Bad news. I had to look...E is a Saggitarius Rooster. I should learn to leave well enough alone.
I think I would do well with finding myself an Ox. When I am ready of course. But I trust the universe to send me the right person when it is time.

I am rebelling against titles today

I have decided that it is ok for me to admit out loud that I want to get married someday. This was a big step because I declared sometime around 7th grade that I was never getting married, not having children and I wouldn't have a car, I would ride my bike to work every day to help cut pollution.
Since I drive a car to work every day, I broke one rule a long time agao, but in my experiences, I, well, you know about the kid thing, and well, I just have figured that I would never find anyone suitable to marry. Being as I hve that attitude, what do I expect? so I am declaring it to the world that I would like to get married someday. I'm going to stop using the word "If" when referring to my future nuptuals.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Ha Ha!

hee hee. someone found me by searching "Pee Next Stall" sick, I know. but I think it's funny!

Some where over the weekend

It was pretty good actually. I was busy all day on Saturday, and managed to take some well earned time (like an hour or two) to relax on Sunday. I am looking forward to doing very little this evening, like knitting or making soap which I have not done in two weeks or so because I have been so busy taking care of everything, especially the goat.

The goat, woke me at 5 this morning. I really feel strongly that we need to find him a new home. I realize that coming to this conclusion after a week may be premature in some cases, but when I went ouside this morning in my robe and slippers, my neighbor's light was on, and we really need to consider the affect this is having on them. I could get used to getting up and dealing with these things, but I think it is unfair to ask the neighborhood to do the same. of course the neighbors with the roosters don't seem to care that I am awakened at 3 am by them, but I cannot control the neighbors, only myself. Unfortunately, every time I bring this up to girl roomie, she just looks upset and makes no move to make a decision about it. she's hardly home so I get frustrated. But otherwise, I think she's lovely.

On the happy side, I looked in the mirror today and came to the conclusion that although the current styles of pants do not fit, my thighs are not as big as I though they were.

Quote from this weekend:

"Every group has it's person who is different and wacky. I think we're it" (while wearing a glamerous head scarf and butterfly sunglasses)

By the way, I am still angry with Pot Friend. He was at dinner last night and upon seeing us in our get up, he came out and said he didn't want to hear us complain about being single ever again. I told him to fuck off and that I didn't want to hear him complain either. I try not to judge (although really, I do anyway) but he would be much better looking if he would lose 1 or 2 hundred pounds (maybe 3??) and have a better, more positive attitude. He would find and easier time hooking up with the type of woman he tends to be attracted to. Afterall, it's chemical, we have to be attracted to our potential mate. I'm not saying he wouldn't find someone who would love him for exactly who he is, and I hope he does, but he would meet morer women who are initially interested in him if he had more to offer than a snuggly hug and high chance of heart attack.
AND frankly, the man I would like to be with is as silly as me. Or at least appriciate my unique personality (here's where I get nostalgic) T used to sing and dance in the car and sometimes at home, and I thought that was just the greatest thing ever. He did tell me he wouldn't be seen in public with me and the butterfly glasses, but since I didn't really think he would, I didn't mind. (end nostalgia) But PF, is also angry with me, which is fine, I don't really care, because I get angry all over again when he is near or I think about it. He can just kiss my sparkly scarfed ass.

Friday, June 03, 2005

So I was re reading some old emails, and I came across one that I thought I had saved, but I wasn't really sure. It was from my step dad.

When I received it in 2001, I took it as, as close to an apology for the ugliness between us that I would ever get. I had a bumpy childhood (thanks for the term, Callie, it's perfect) and much of it I heap on his shoulders.

In my richeousness, it is easy for me to tell myself I don't lay blame, but the truth is, I do.

When I read the email today, I got a different message from it. I saw a message from a man who is sad for the way things turned out between us. A man who is sad that I tend to forget that he did good things for me too. So following is a list, the first one I have ever made, not of the injustices I felt from him, but of the ways he tried to show me that he loved me.

Christmas. Now, I know that gifts do not equal love, but when you're a kid, they do. And every winter holiday we had the most marvelous display. And I don't remember a time when I didn't get what I asked for. A skateboard. A bike. (I didn't ask for the bike, but it sure was cool! And I sure did use the heck out of it!) An Electric Train Set (I still have it). Even now, he and his wife make sure that I am indulged with whatever I happen to be into. Knitting. Scrapbooking. Everything. It's his chance to treat and spoil. How did I over look that?

He used to let me play with his guitar if it was out. I still don't play well, but to let a 6 year old strum your instrument takes love. I don't think I would let a kid touch my guitar.

He took me out and bought me a flute when I expressed an interest in band.

He gifted me with flowers, candy, and an American Flag when I won the Presidential academic Physical Fitness Award.

He helped me once, build a wooden race car.

There was that time we went to the Desert just he and I. And I felt so spoiled and special because I got a new kite and a water cannon for Easter that year.

I'm sure I could list all day if I really thought about it. So for the first time, I will say, he did the best he could. In realizing this, perhaps I could learn to forgive him someday. I hope that when I do, it will not be too late. After all, it took 4 years for me to re read that email. I think it's time for me to stop being bitter about my childhood. To put the uglies away and focus on the lovelies. They're there, I just have to stop allowing the curtain of anger blot them out.

maybe he's not so bad...

since the goat didn't make any noise last night, and didn't start bawling until 6 this morning, maybe he's not so bad. but I am still thinking that a goat (as is the dog) is more than I can (want to) handle. although, I did go out there and play with the dog a bit yesterday, which was kinda nice because she got some needed exercize (poor thing was winded after three fetches, and I DON'T throw far) and I got some fresh air.

BTW, I cooked myself dinner two, no THREE nights in a row. and it was all edible! actually, it tasted good. you can't really screw up pita bread pizza, but the ground beef could have been a lot worse!

I feel as though I am headed back down the path to self sufficiency. I branched off several years ago when I discovered that I am lazy and men like to do stuff for us poor helpless womenfolk. I didn't realize how much of my personal power I let go of when D moved in and taught me that it's easier and quicker to eat out, and here, let me take care of that oil change for you. Somewhere along the way, I didn't bother to recoup my losses. I think I would like to have my life firmly in hand again before I try dating anyone. Not that I have had any offers, of course.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I still have human foosball left (tore me up last year) but I have to say, the survivor mountain left a mark. and I still didn't win. I really am a marshmellow.
I tired to climb the inflateable mountain and failed. they should have a short person version.

Saddle Sore

I'm a bit sore from riding the bull yesterday. I may have to do it again today. We'll see. At least I dressed appropriately today!

The fucking goat kept me up all night. at least I got him to stay in his pen. at least he wasn't really fucking. gross. giving him back IS an option. YAY!!! Later today I will compile a list of why human kids are better than goat kids. I have declared this part of my personal therapy.

there was something else but I forgot what it was.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

I went, I saw, I rode the bull.

I am woman

Yes, I am a woman now. Why you ask? because I changed my flat tire yesterday all by myself. Well, it wasn't flat, but there was a bolt in it. (with some coaching from a woman who used to teach women to change thier tires, who happened along just when I needed her) Now, I'm not going to try to pretend like I didn't try to find someone to do the job for me, I did. but I realized that unless I wanted to sit in that parking lot all day, I'd best get to it. And I'm damn proud.

Got home and the dog was missing. (we found her) Don't know how she got out.

The goat won't stay in his pen. I swear he's got springs in his feet. I agree with my step dad. we've gotta get rid of that goat! He jumped a 7 ft fence! I know there is a lesson there, but I have not figured it out yet.

Today, although I arrived in a suit, I am changed into coveralls for the employee games, which I didn't know I would be participating in. My pumps look really great with the coveralls. (not overalls, mind you, COVERALLS. think mechanic wear. add black 1" heels with little bows on the front. SEXY.) and I wonder why I don't go on more dates. (when I'm ready, which I'm not)