Dear Paris

I read today that you are planning to retire from the public life, as you are tired of all the partying, etc. Now, I realize we are not playing cards, but let me be the first to yell, "Bull Shit". You're bluffing.
Why, you ask, am I being so mean to you? Because you are an attention whore. And attention whores never retire from the public life because they aren't valid without their adoring fans.
But here is the sad part. Like Brit, you will try a fade away. But the moment that your new billionaire boy ceases to amuse you, or stops making you feel like a valid person (news flash, validitity comes from within, trust me)you'll be trying to get back into the spotlight. Except now you won't be so interesting. We'll have moved on to the next talentless strumpet. Little girls will be idolizing some other glorified clothes hanger with a ridiculous dog.
You may say, But I want to be a Mom. And that, my dear, is the most underappriciated, most important job in the whole world. I wouldn't want to try to discourage you from that, because you may be a wonderful mom. But do me a favor, let the kid have it's own identity. Take it from a girl who's constantly mistaken for her mother, come up with something more interesting than Paris. Two in one family is enough.
I had a lot more terrible things to say. But I'm not going to.