the friend

She is meeting with an ex tomorrow, and wondered what to wear, wanting something to make him squirma a little. I think she is setting herself up for hurt, so I just keep my mouth shut and tell her to have fun, but I feel like I am lying to her when I smile and wish her luck. After all, he ended things with her when his ex came back and wanted to reunite and he treated her in a disrespectful manner so I don't understand why she would want to be friends when I know it is better for her when they don't have contact. I don't want to judge, this is none of my business. and there is nothing I can do, she has to make her own choices, but I have to hear about them.

Meanwhile I question the health of my friendship with T even though I am thrilled to be talking to him because it makes me wonder if I am not getting false hopes. But I did promise myself that If I do ever see him again face to face for whatever reason, that I will not "dress up" that I will wear what I would wear to meet any friend of mine because I don't believe that an outfit will change his mind about me. And I don't want to look nice out of spite just to make him wish he was with me...But then the relationship and situation between he and I are completely different as he has not treated me with anything but respect and he did not toss me aside for another woman. I fear he has met someone new. I want him to be happy, but if you want the full truth, I want him to be happy WITH ME. My brain says to accept and move on, but there's a little girl in my heart that is throwing a tantrum saying, "no no no!!" So the harder I try the harder it is and the more upset I become until I am so worked up that I pace my house searching for an answer that will not come...

Such is the agony I have had over the last month. It won't be long before we will have been apart as long, and then longer than we were together and then what? There comes a point what one becomes quite pathetic. And I don't want that...