Tuesday, April 05, 2005


I have a tendency to panic when put on the spot. Last night I was put on the spot and the answer should have been easy, but it wasn't. Here's what happened.

BF was over (yay!!) Friend Sara calls. I mention that BF and I are going to dinner. (My kitchen sink is broken again so I couldn't cook because I can't pour water down it. I would have managed anyway but...) so the conversation goes something like this, and please, keep in mind that my moment of panic was not due to Sara's question, but rather to the fact that BF was staring at me the whole time I was talking.

Sara: "Who's BF??"
Me: "Uh, he's my friend"
Sara: "Your Special Friend?"
Me: "Yeah!!"

Why is this a problem? because I couldn't refer to him as my BF in front of him, even though we have had "the talk". Why couldn't I mention to Sara that he is the guy who came into my office and asked for my number? I know I told her about him! and oh boy isn't great that we are still seeing each other... send some ego boost to BF for once? ack!

He wanted to know who Sara was, and I told him an old friend from High School. I invited her to dinner with us, but she found a bug in her food last time she ate at that restrant so she wasn't interested.

Other than that we had a wonderful evening.

Installment #2. "D"

D and I were together for 5 years. We grew apart. Long story. He would have preferred, actually, that I was more demonstrative. But I am just not that way. One of the problems in our relationship was the hours we kept, his late, mine early. On the rare occation he was home, he tended to be too tired when I wanted to get friendly. There was always some sort of excuse. Some nights it was "I'm too tired". too many nights it was "I already took care of myself today" The guys at the video store knew him by name. One night I showed up in lacy red PJ's, and he rolled over and went to sleep. After awhile, I stopped trying because it hurt too much to lay there and want him but know that he didn't want me. this went on for years.
I found out a couple of days ago that he was going to ask me to marry him, but I broke up with him before he could do it. We are still friends, although not as close as we once were.

BF has not met him. for the first time since we broke up, I am worried about it. I don't want to make BF uncomfortable, I don't want to put him in a funny place. Yet, eventually they will meet. I hope that I am more comfortable with the idea by then.

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