Sunday, April 29, 2012

I'll just plan my own damn marathon.

My coworker in the next cube, you know the one, with the rock garden, also likes to run. And by running I mean that she trains for marathons and actually does them.

I find this woman to be particularly inspireing because she isn'e like your typical marathon runner. When I think of marathon runners, I think of really skinny men in tiny, tiny shorts and socks and running shoes bursting through a ribbon with a look of well, a picture is worth a thousand words.

photo from

I don't think of Debby who looks like a normal person of her age and has a granddaughter on the way. She looks like I imagine I will look when I am her age. (I hope I also have her attitude.) She isn't old, just, you know, not 20 and musclebound. I don't think...


Several months ago, she told me about the Nike Half marathon where women go and run around San Fransicso and handsome firemen present them with Tiffany's. Apaprently, this event is so huge you have to get into a lottery to hopefully get in. I think my cousin did it last year.

I thought about training for it but then I got Netflix.

Debby came around the corner today with her pouty face on. She didn't get in.

Now, I don't know how you could not want a Debby, but apparently there just isn't room for her to oogle some fireman and get sparklies. I like sparklies. They don't have to be Tiffany's, but I do like the color of the box.

So I have decided that i am going to host my own dang marathon. I'm going to have a marathon and hand out... sequined pasties.

Does anyone know how to host a marathon?


Tangerine Meg said...

Throwing your own marathon? How awesome! ...I'd like to hear about that! :)

Sensei said...

First, if she shows her pouty face again, call her Debbie Downer, and tell her it's from Sensei.

Second, on my blog, I announced my charity, Boobies for Peace...or something like that. A marathon would be a perfect way to earn funds for it.

In case anyone is unfamiliar with Boobies for Peace, let me explain. Some scientists did an analysis of women's breat sizes and found those countries with the smallest average size were also the countries with the most civil unrest. The correlation is obvious...larger breast sizes distract detractors:

Angry Man1: Let's riot for better working conditions!

Angry Mob: Let's RIO...(healthy woman walks by)...What were we talking about?

It's as easy as that. Every man loves large breasts and everyone loves world peace. So, let's start providing breast implants around the world! We'll put new meaning to the phrase, "world hot spots".