In short, I've gone out and had my heart broken again. As always, I had hoped that the last time would be the last time and that THIS time I would get it right.
I was wrong.
It's possible that the door was left cracked open. Time will tell about that. There was no drama, no burned bridges. There is no hate or anger.
That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.
As I told my mother, this isn't the first time I've been through this (as always, I hope it's the last). I know that I will hurt physically for a little while. (Funny how a broken heart actually feels like your heart is breaking. The nausea is new). I know that I will have to force myself to eat for a couple of weeks. I know the weepies will sneak up on me and that I will have to fight them away while I maintain the facade that I am happy and joyful and that the world is my oyster.
I don't actually like oysters. Well, the critter itself is just fine and I really like the way that they take something irritating and hurtful and turn it into something beautiful. But they taste terrible. And they are filter feeders. Gross. And well, we've already discovered that I don't make pearls, I make... eew, I'm not talking about that.
And that is the state of things right now.
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2 comments:
Watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind while eating your favorite sweet dessert.
Take time to do something awesome for yourself. Please.
And write it out.
I hope it passes soon.
Lauren, funny, although in the beginning, I tend to want to delete everything, I always learn so much about myself that I'm glad I can't. Which is why once was enough for me for Eternal Sunshine. However, it might be time to watch "He's Just Not that Into You" again.
As for something awesome, well, it's going to be a little bit of time before I want to do anything other than lay on the chaise staring at the mission style lamp in my dining room, but when I do shake the initial funk, I'll be sure to let you know what I did for me.
I would write it out, but there is far more that I need to say that is too private to share. That doesn't make for very good blogging, but it does keep my ramblings from getting me in trouble later. Too many exes and currents have read this and been hurt in the past. While it's theraputic for me, I won't spill and risk hurting others. again.
This too shall pass. I know it will. And that's what got me out of bed this morning. and off the chaise last night.
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