trying to swallow the lump in my throat the size of New York City. skyscrapers and all.

Will have to tell BF that he can either hope I will change my mind someday or let me go so I can crawl under my desk and cry and heal. And likely hate myself for making a big promise when I was 16 to myself and carrying it on all these years for reasons that don't seem so strong now that I have voiced them to someone. At least he said my reasons were valid.

I may overdose on Chrysanthimum tea.