Monday, January 16, 2006


Nobody is pefect. You just can't exect that of someone. so I think that part of finding a partner in this big lonely world, is meeting someone who you are not only attracted to, and you like to do most of the same things, and you like talking to each other, but also that you can accept the things about them that may drive someone else nuts. D, for example, handled my clutter like some sort of saint (whereas I would get VERY upset if he rearranged the furniture). But it is entirely possible that after me, he cannot handle a woman who is crafty and has to leave a craft explosion everywhere she goes. I'm not sure. I've never asked.
I believe that while everyone has their deal breakers, everyone also has their things that they may not like, but they can handle for the sake of loveing someone. It could be a husband that leaves his underwear of the floor. Or a wife that sticks her loose hairs to the shower wall.(ahem. you know who you are). T didn't shower before bed, but I snuggled him anyway. D, on the other hand HATED that I came to bed with cold wet hair every night and consequently dripped it on him during pre sleep snuggles. He never asked me to change that. It never occured to me that I should. (or at least learn to use a hairdryer, which, by the way is not one of my many talents) I think that part of the reason D and I weren't right for each other is that I wasn't willing to change my wet night hair. But he would have lived with it for the rest of his life if I had asked him too.
I don't think it is fair to ask someone to change for you. When I think of this, I always hear Mark tell Bridget, "No. I like you. Just as you are". Then Martina McBride starts singing in my head about how her baby loves her just the way that she is. And I realize that perhaps, that's the way it's supposed to be. I think that sometimes, even though they may be willing to change for you, if they have to, right off the bat, then perhaps they are not a person who you should be with. And that they shouldn't change because you want them to, or because by changing, you might want to be with them, but because in the normal course of things, they have decided that it is time to change themselves. And then you support them in this.
I think that if a person is right for you, you accept those things without even considering if they should change them. Because no one is perfect. It the imperfections that make us interesting. Or annoying as the case may be. Perfect. It's such a constricting word.

1 comment:

Sargini said...

Your right to expect someone to change right away is wrong. Let me give you an example of the changes that don't make you change who you are.
Here I am single and everyday i go to the titty bar and have a couple of drinks with my friends. On the weekends I sleep all day and smoke and drink all night looking for chicks in bars. I drive my car like I have nothing to live for. I come home only to sleep and shower 3 or 4 times a week. I love kids and want to have a family. Im a cristain man. I would give the world to a good woman to share her life with me. I wont cheat on her I wont lie to her. She would be more important to me than me.

NOW: I went to the grocery store to buy some frozen dinners. I met this girl who is wonderful. I gave her my number because she was to shy to give me hers. I have been waiting in anticipation for her to call. If she called me I would not have to go to the titty bar with the boys every day. I would have a reason to wake up in the weekend mornings. I wouldn't be out smoking and drink fri. and sat. night. There would be something to come home to everyday. someone to build a family life with. There wouldn't be time for my friends anymore. who really cares thats not the life I want to live. Thats not me Im a family man who believes in god. I want children. I wouldnt have to change a thing about me, because she wants the same thing. I wont be depressed anymore so I wont need the pot to kill the pain of an unhappy life. I wont need the titty bars anymore. I hope she calls me I wont have to change a thing about me. God I will be more than happy to clean up my act. I know she dont want a life like that. Hell niether do I. Atleast this will be a good reason to live right.

Well Gina am I more clear about my point now? I agree with you that you not only shouldn't change someone you cant change someone. Thier lifesyle will change because they are with someone new. But if that person is selfish you wont be able to change that. If that person is generous you cant change that. if that person is dishonest you cant change that. Qualities wether good or bad.Can not be changed. Drugs is an abuse to yourself. Its not the type of per son you are. If your in to deep you wont stop for no one. If it doesnt have you so strongly you could be willing to let go.