Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I may not be able to catch a 30 year old...

But apparently, I am some sort of Goddess to the over 40's. (not all over 40's, just the ones that hit on me. actually, all the men that hit on me are over 40)
I recieved a message on friendster this morning from a man, 43, who on paper looks really good. on picture, not so much (I can't help it, looks are important to me) so what I want to know, is, what is it about me that attracts men that are so much older? at 43, this guy has 15 years on me. that's a lot at my age. I mean, isn't there something inbetween the kitty video and the much older guy? This isn't just about internet dating. Rememer New Years (I'm still traumatized)??? and the guy in the Karaoke bar who wanted to be my chair? yeah. over 40, and that was like, 4 years ago so it's not that at 28 I am starting to look "mature".
I don't get it. Part of me is flattered, don't get me wrong. but truly, I don't see how they could be interested in a girl my age. I have a lot of growing up to do. I have very little attraction to men thier age. by very little , I mean, that it's rare that I feel an attraction to an older man. I am also not attracted to 20 year olds. They have too much growing up to do. In all honesty T is the only man my age who has hit on me in a very long time. and that was almost a year ago.
Will I respond to Friendster guy? I will because it's polite. He seems like a nice fellow and I think it would be an insult to his intelligence to ignore him. do I plan to date him? no. Maybe I will be surprised by life and eat my words later. But I doubt it.


Charlie Foxxtrot said...

I'm 43, I run 30 miles a week without fail, I'm as healthy as I've ever been in my life and my bodyfat percentage fluctuates between 9% and 12%. I'm educated, self employed and have an excellent income. Now don't misunderstand me, my last girlfriend was 37 and I was crazy about her, so I'm not saying that ALL women my age are the same, but most of them have completely let themselves go. They're 60 pounds overfat and dress and behave like they're senior citizens. I'm not quite ready for the old folk's home. I feel like I have more in common with most 30 year old women than I do with the 40 year old ones. Experience has shown this to be true.

Sensei Ern said...

Men in their 40's do not see ourselves as being old. It seems like just yesterday that we were getting drunk in high school.

I colonial days, and in some areas of the world today, twenty years difference was not uncommon. Some think was because it was thought that a younger woman was easier to control.

Men have never been able to control women. One guy thought he could, but that was only because that is what his wife told him.

Women mature much faster than men. A fourty year old woman married to a fourty year old man acts more like his mother than his wife. A woman ~30 married to a man ~40 are nearly equivalent maturity wise.

The main thing I recommend though, stay away from divorced men. They couldn't stay with one, what makes you think you would do better than a woman who had more experience? If a guy can't keep his vow to love, honor, and cherish one woman, don't expect him to do it the second time.

However, a widowed man is better than a single.(unless he caused her death) This is because they proved faithful to their commitment, and because you get the benefit of an older woman training him to be a good husband. If he has children, of about your age, things can be rough.

He already knows what it takes to go through a divorce and can more easily make the decision again.

Also, forget the guys who judge you on looks. Looks change, without plastic surgery.

One final note about why men used to marry women up to twenty years younger. Men used to not marry until they were financially set.

It takes about twenty years for a man to establish himself financially. (Of course some are different, and some get lucky)

There are guys who are filthy rich at 20, but they do not have the financial discipline to control wealth properly, in most cases.

So, here you go. Here is the right guy for you:
Well fit
Single, or widowed (with no children)
Independently wealthy
(Choose the personality that suits you)

npivfb: the collective group of 40+ year old divorcees that are pissed at me because I just cock-blocked their chance to get with a 20-something woman.

Charlie Foxxtrot said...

Sensei...I'll have to disagree with portions of your analysis...a forty + year old man who has never been married likely has either an extreme commitment phobia or secretly likes other men. Neither of those qualities make for a good hetero relationship.

In defense of us divorcees, sometimes we weren't the ones seeking divorce. Our youthful male insensitivity and lack of understanding may have been contributing factors, but those of us who learn from our mistakes will use the wisdom gained from such experiences to make a future relationship that much better.

jen said...

I agree with charlie...as a thirty something divorced woman, well, sometimes you end up in that situation due to things beyond your control. I would hate for someone to stay "stay away from divorced women, they couldn't do it right the first time." When it's not right, it's not right. We make decisions based on information that we have at the time. As for age, Gina...they are all different. A 40 year old could be fine for you...if he was the RIGHT 40 year old...

NWJR said...

OMG, am I really considere OLD at 42?


Oh, well. There are worse things in life.

Ginamonster said...

The trouble being that I am generally not attracted to men of 40. This is not to say that they are not worthy, or that they are not attractive, I'm just not attracted to them. Just as I am not attracted to boys of 20.
You all make very good arguments, charlie, my mom is 50 and is in better shape than me, there are always exceptions.and, truthfully, I find that many men my age are out of shape and act old too. It's an epidemic.
Sensei, I don't see you as old, just too old for me to date. In colonial days I would be an embarassment to my family. Instead I get to be an eligable bachelorette. I do not feel as though my maturity level allows me to date men who are 10+ years older than me. Meanwhile, I would like to hope that someone my age would be able to spend my life with me. my whole life. A man who is 65 when I am 50 will be retiring while I am still at work for another 15 years. That's not for me.
Jen, I try not to dismiss that possibility.
nwjr, for me, yes. for your wife, no.

Sensei Ern said...

GM, I am not too old for you to date. I am too married...too hapily married for you to date.

Attitude wise, though, I am about 22:

***You Are 22 Years Old***

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Ginamonster said...

touchet, Sensei.