I'm funny

So, also at the grocery store yesterday (you know my life is pathetic when all my good stories happen at the grocery store) there were boys outside selling mistletoe. When they offered me a bag for sale (hee hee, boys selling bags of "herbs" at the grocery store) I politely declined thus:

"No thank you, I don't have anyone to kiss"

When I exited the store, he asked again. But I told him I still didn't have anyone to kiss. and an old lady laughed at me.

With compliments

The checkout lady at the grocery store asked me yesterday if I watch "What Not to Wear". Thinking I was horribly dressed, I panicked momentarily until she told me that I was dressed like I not only watch the show but pay attention and dress accordingly. Wow! I dress like a TV star! Actually, I try to dress like my mother (at work), who is a very well dressed fashionable 50 year old. Don't tell her I said that though. It's the whole seperation of identities thing.

Meanwhile, at work, a woman I don't know very well but she is a very well dressed classy type commented on how I always stand so proper, like a lady. Which really made me happy because I strive towards the classy. I want people to think I am a lady. a la Julie Andrews. (except with an openly dirty mind. is that an oxymoron?)

And this morning, when I left, I saw that Girl Roomie wrote me a poem. It goes like this:

Roses are Red,
Carnations are Pink
I Like Gina
Because She doesn't Stink.

Hooray! i don't stink! I have a fear of being stinky! I remember all the stinky kids from elementry school and I remember that I didn't want to be one of them. It wasn't until later that I learned that I was a stinky child, mainly because I didn't shower, but since I coldn't smell myself, I didn't know! Now I shower every day, but I still woryy that I smell bad. So telling me I don't stink, is a huge compliment.

Speaking of roomates, they have cleared me to move. Girl Roomie may already have a place lined up but if it doesn't come through, GRBF will pay my portion of the rent for January.(!!!!) And Boy Roomie has such strong faith that everything will work out just fine for him that he's not worried. I envy that faith, because while I too believe that everything will work out fine, I still worry that it won't. so I guess my faith just isn't as strong as his. then again, he's willing to live in his truck if need be, and I am not.

Eew

in the course of conversation with T, I had to explain the following terms:

Blumpkin, Dirty Sanchez, Hop n Gobble.

eew. And no, I am not going to pass along the definitions, it was difficult enough to define them the first time today.

More conversations with my boss

D: What do you think?
ME: I don't know brain, Me and Pippi Longstocking, I mean, what would the children look like? (currently my email notification, changed from mekaleckahimeckahineyho)
D: Well I think all around a pigs butts pork.
Me: yes it is.
D: What does a bear do in the woods?
Me: Shit?

Getting braver

Talked to Girl Roomie about the apartment situation and although she didn't say I could go ahead and go, she may already have an apartment lined up which she will be checking on soon. Hooray for not procrastinating!

hmm

interesting conversations with T today. If I didn't know better, I might think he was an ass. However, since his actions have spoken louder than his words today, I am confident that he was just talking out of his ass, which is something all together different.Except that much of what he said did make sense. he just didn't present it very well.

Meanwhile, Creepy called our Admin and told her that his apartment would soon be open in the apartment complex I want to be in, a two bedroom upstairs on the corner. I feel as though I need to discuss it with my roomates, I wouldn't abandon them, but, is this not the answer to my prayers? I have been stress sick for nearly a week now. I know that moving would alleviate much of that. I want to do what is right. I just don;t know what that is since what is right is not nessesarily right for them.

It's good to be back

There are many things I would like to say and share, but I have promised that I wouldn't. I hope that one day I can. What I can say is that my world has gone flip again.

Meanwhile, I had a great Thanksgiving. My cousin dragged me out Shopping at 5am on Friday. It was gerat spending time with her. But I still don't like shopping in crowds. Oh well. I bought myself some really good stuff.

I also spent some great time with the rest of my family. PA and LA sisters were in town. I didn't see my brother, he was with his dad. Spent time with my grandparents. I found out that my grandmother has Benign Leukemia. I will be researching that. My two favorite conversations from this weekend went like this:


Me: All I do is sleep in my bed. No eating or anything. I don't like crumbs in there.

Grandma: yeah, I don't even like drinking coffee in bed. it's uncomfortable. Bed is for sleeping. Well, and sex.

Me: I don't know anything about that, Grandma.

G: Yeah, me either. (giggle, giggle)

Then we were discussing the factt at the Bible says that tattooing is a sin. Which means everyone in the room except my grandma and my PA sister are going to hell. Grandpa announced that he's ok, because he doesn't have any Tatoos. between his shoulder and his elbow.

tidbits

My coffee cup has not reappeared.

My bird declared me her mate by puking in my hand. very nice of her. it didn't gross me out as much as reading about the behavoir did

I openly added another pet peeve to my list when I got up this morning and found everyone in the house asleep, and the dining room light on. And the porch light on.

Speaking of electric bills, girl roomie never paid her utilities last month.

Creepy no longer works here

I myself, am a bit pukey today

little exclaimation points came out of my head

When my lovely pregger coworker won a $500 shopping spree in our company drawing. it was almost as good as winning it myself! She can use that money!

I am a bitch today

Dear GRBF,
If you want to take a hot beverage, and you are not travelling in your car, please take one of the multitude of mugs we have in our cupboard. Do not take my Travelling Cup (and leave the lid in the drainer)so that it is not there when I want it. I have belongings so that they are there when I want them. I don't mind sharing if I have more than one. I don't even mind sharing things I rarely use. But if it's in the drainer, two days in a row, in fact, if you see me stay up an extra few minutes to make sure it is clean (while I left my other dishes) chances are, I want it in the morning when I get up. If you were paying rent or utilities, perhaps I might be forgiving. Perhaps I might have gone looking for a different travelling cup, since I know I made a couple at scrapbooking club that are very cute. Except this is a very NICE once that was a gift. To me, not you. So I guess what I am trying to say is, stay out of my shit you fucking leech.


Hmm. that didn't work. I am still pissy. must be hormonal. or I'm just tired of people. Mind you, I still think highly of Girl Roomie. and I fear that my antagonistic attitude towards her BF is straining our friendship. I really don't see what she sees. I know that has been said about me many times. but, case in point, when he left her room this morning, he left her door open, so that the radio I listen to while I get ready (she cannot hear it with her door shut, I ask all the time) flowed directly into her room. Does he not care if she wakes up? I shut the door for her just in case. She doesn't have to be at work today until noon. I also got the feeling he needed to get into the bathroom, but I wasn't going to be late to work on account of him. Once again, if he were paying rent or utilities, I might feel a bit more hospitable. Or If he were staying over as an exception rather than a rule. but he's beyond (way beyond) the guest phase. I have nothing nice to say.

Crappity

My cousin set up a blog on MySpace. She says she was inspired by my blog to blog on her own, which I think is way cool, so don't think I am complaining about it.

The trouble with her having a blog on MySpace, which, I plan to read frequently since I can't be bothered with sending emails like I should, is that whenever I surf over MySpace way, I get tempted to pop in and see how E is doing. even though it's bad, even though I always wish I hadn't. I didn't. Not this time. I mean, I have to search to find him, so it's not like it's easy for me to check in, and really, if you remember the last two (and only two) times I checked in I really upset myself, I don't know why the temptation is there, but it is, and I just had to vent about it. I SERIOUSLY doubt he ever checks in on me. Why would he? Why do I?

Oh the busy girl

Harry Potter Movie: Good
Garage Sailing with the Girls: Also Good
Knitting the rest of the day away with my Seester: Great!
People watching at a Santee Bar (The lead singer of the band wore leather pants. Leather pants are not good): Laughable
Hiking Sunday with T: Hooray!!
Knitting the rest of the night away: A great way to end a great weekend. Plus the neighbor brought homeade lasagne. come to think of it, I had a very well fed weekend. also, I have decided to go Ice Skating more frequently. I need to stop watching "The Cutting Edge" it always makes me want to skate. not that I can do any tricks, really, I can't even go backwards, but I still like being on the ice. except when I fall. then it hurts.

Update for Wed. and Thurs.

I was in a seminar.

Wednesday: I got to see the sunset on the Silver Strand for the first time ever (shame on me, I know) and it was lovely. Coronado is beautiful and they fed me a yummy lunch. and all the tea with cream and honey I wanted. I had to pee every five minutes. T called me that evening but since I forgot my phone, I didn't know until it was too late. Saw my Chiropractor, I'm feeling much better. He says I need to start exercizing. damn. Hung out with Liem and his friends. It was fun, they're funny. There was a cute guy there, but he was so femme he was either gay or way metro. I was turned off, which was a good thing. I am hoping I am over my affinity for Metro men.

Thursday: More seminar. Got lost in Coronado and got to see lots of pretty, huge houses I will likely never afford. But it was fun looking and dreaming. I would live there if I could afford it. That was all of the excitement yesterday.

I'm back at work today, T and I are planning to go hiking on Sunday, Harry Potter tonight with C and company, yard sailin it tomorrow with Bunco friends, Bar with Nail lady on Saturday night, my god, I'm getting all social on us. when will I have time to Knit??

Creepy managed to piss me off before 8:30 this morning. I have lots of work to do and should be doing it.

Boy Roomie and I decided

That since I won't drill into the brick walls at my house to hang pictures, that we need handsome men scattered about holding the wall decor for me. And a few Bikini women for him.

Continuing with the dream theme

I drempt this morning that a man in a velociraptor suit bit my leg. well, really it was the velociraptor, but there was a man at the controls of it. it left big old teeth marks in my thigh. and no, I did not watch Juassic Park recently.

I had a dream

In my dream I randomly grew a subcutaneous horn. only mine looked more like a straw and it was off to the right, on my forhead, not in the middle. Thankfully, my bangs covered it up,(I don't know how since it was like 8 inches long and it hung down in front of my face) but it was still creepy.

Be careful what you wish for

So I had an open house for my soap on Saturday (it was very successful, thank you). C was invited because he's on my catalog list. T was invited because I mentioned it and he said he might go.

Remember how I said it would be funny to see what T thought of C? Yeah. universes collided. C doesn't know who T is, but T knows all about C. his comments are as follows:

He seemed a little light in the loafers.
If I was the jealous Asshole type, it would have been bad.
I have nothing to fear from him. What's he going to do? Drop Caracatures on me? stage talk me to death?

I almost fell over when T walked through the door. (without knocking, like he owned the place, and made himself very comfortable there. Which is just fine with me) I don't even thing C noticed, partially since he and I were not speaking when T and I were together, partially because I don't think it would occur to him that T is my type.

We are family...

I got all my sisters with me! well, except the littlest one. she wasn't born yet in this picture. And the youngest of the older set? yeah. that's PA sis inthe middle. She's wearing flats. brat.

My sister is funny.

Little Sis calls the other night from Pensylvania at 10 pm my time, which made it, I don't know, 1 am her time, to tell me that one of the Juggies on the Man Show looks just like me. That she must be my twin because the smile, the walk (did she trip over her own feet? because if she did, she might really be my twin)the mannerisms, everything was just like me. On one hand, this is very flattering because the Juggies, are hired for their looks. I mean really. The want ads must look like this:

Do ya have big tits?
Look good in a short skirt?
Pouty lips? Pageant hair?
Contact Adam Carolla (spelling??)
No brains required.(If you have them, don't tell us)

On the other hand, um, I forgot. but honestly, guys, I don't want to know where your other hand is.

Oh wait! now I remember, on the other hand, I guess that means I am not one of a kind. How can I be different when there is someone out there just like me?

Don't you hate it when...

You see that you have email messages, and you think, oh my goodness, someone likes me, but it turns out to be Blogger notifying you of the comments you just made to yourself? (you know, in response to the comments that real people left. but still it's like emailing yourself. it doesn't really count)

Progress

Talked to girl roomie about the postcard. I just came right out and admitted that I read it. I feel so much better since we cleared that up. Apparently, Grandma doesn't undrestand automatic bank transfers. my credit is safe. whew!

Every body was having babies in my dreams last night. Somewhere in there, I had a night mare. I think I was knocked up and the father left me. I should have written it down, it really bothered me.

Sorry, No

No wild stories from dinner last night, unless you count the part where he helped me manuver my trash can down a two foot drop so that it could go out to the curb.Ususlly, since the cans reside in front of her car, I take then out before Girl roomie gets home, but her car wasn't moved for two days so...
Just told T the story of C. apparently, he found it typical.

Announcement:

I would just like to state, right here, right now, that English is the National Language of the United States of America. Learn it. If you want to be bilingual, great! My great Grandmother read and wrote in both English and Spanish despite the fact that she dropped out of school in first grade to help her family. But honestly, the fathers of this country declared the national language to be English. Get over it. Learn it, move on. Thank you.

No Sensai Ern, I will not turn Republican.

Charactor Update

Ex T: nothing has changed.

Ex C: Invited me to hang out tonight. I will likely have a good story tomorrow

Ex D: My Aunt has invited him to Thanksgiving. I don't know if he will actually go. I would love to invite T to this so I can laugh at his reaction to D. T does not pull any punches. D will not understand what I see in T as they are VERY differnt men. Lots of fun for me to watch. This will not be happening, but I can still daydream about it.

Girl Roomie: I learned has not been paying her car payment. This could affect my credit since we are legal partners in the business. I will be talking to her about dissoving the partnership. I will be using the Little Red Hen defense because I don't really want to admit that I read her mail (It was a postcard. I would never intentionally open a letter addressed to someone else) She did not come home last night.

Boy Roomie: Still on my good list

Jack Rabbit: Now to be known as Jack Shitsalot

Gina: is feeling stressed about everything, needs a chiropractic adjustment really badly, and a massage too. And her own apartment. And a really satisfying...never mind.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Good: I had my nail lady file my nails short enough that I may be able to start practicing my guitar again, my fingers do not "tap" the keyboard anymore, I was able to put on a lobster clasp necklace this morning (fingernails), and, I get to leave early from work today.

Bad: I'm leaving work early because I have to go the the dentist and get fillings.

Ugly: I have a habit of chewing the inside of my mouth when I am nervous or bored. When I am shot up with novacaine, I can't feel the damage I am doing, so I end up with big gaping holes in my lips. eew.

I am so cool

I got an email from Ron Jeremy. RE: Size. Ron Jeremy! Ugly Porn Star! OH MY GOODNESS! he emailed me! RE: Size! wow. I didn't open it.

Dear mike and cate and now julie,

thanks to you, I have caught the Haiku bug (until recently, I had not thought of haikus since 5th grade.) and I spent way too much time coming up with this one:

Girl Roomie Boy Friend,
Don't leave your pubes all around.
I find them. It's gross.

I forgot to mention

The big black pubic hair in my sink this morning. it wasn't mine!!! eew.

Creepy Eyed Lady

This is me and my Uncle at the wedding I attended a couple of weeks ago. My mother says I'm not really as fat as I appear in this picture (a claim that is supported by the size of my arm, which appears rather stick-like compared to the rest of me) And my sister says I look like I am up to something. (which is often true, but not this time) really I was just trying to smile with my eyes open, which always makes me look like a bit of a freak. Regardless of whether I am fat, or a freak, I do not know who's arm this is in the picture.

Success!!

Forget modeling, I have found a different kind of success.

If you search Butt Grabbing on Yahoo, I'm the second hit. sweet.

Eew

So I get out of my car this morning, and see someone driving slowly trough the parking lot. I looked over just in time to see him hang out his car door and spit a decent amount of fluid onto the pavement. As he drove by I was hit with the overwelming scent of Listerine. (A scent I am very familliar with because my boss eats Listerine strips more frequently than a junkie injects heroin) My question is, shoudn't your swishing be done in the bathroom where no one has to step in your expectorant? When did it become ok to spit stuff out on the ground? What kind of mother did not teach thier children that when you leave nasty stuff on the ground where people can step in it, you are bound by karma to step in something icky yourself? It's paramount around here. Do you know how frequently I have to step around loogies and little brown piles of used chewing tobacco? and now I have to wade through an ocean of Listerine splat. Thanks, neglectful mothers of America.

Aww.

This is Jack. He's snuggling with girl roomie. He did not snuggle very long.

Ghetto Bootie

I, thanks to my Latin roots, not only am blessed with the PDC's but also a thing we like to call Ghetto Bootie. Which is fine, I love my plump cheeks. What I don't love, is shopping for pants.
You see, they don't sell pants in my neighborhood for girls with GB. They sell them to fit anorexic crack whores. (East San Diego County has one of the nation's highest rate of crystal meth use) IF I can find a pair of jeans that fit my ass and thighs, the waist is so huge on me that I have to cinch it with a belt. That's a good look.
So my friend told me about Apple Bottom Jeans by Nellie. She said they have extra trunk for my junk and that the models have to have at least a 36" hip measurement. I looked them up and although they are out of my usual price range, the pay attention to a womans MEASUREMENTS not some made up inconsistant size.
AND they're having a model search! Oh my goodness, it's my chance to me a model! Oh wait. While it's open to anyone regardless of race, religion, and all that, I'm too old. they are only accepting applicants between 21 ans 27. At 28, I'm past my prime. That. is. so. sad.

When will I ever learn

That in a suggestive conversation, I will not come out ahead?

2 major accomplishments today

Made a pair of suspenders out of rubber bands and binder clips.

Got T to admit that I have very good woodworking skills. I don't know what he is talking about since he didn't know me when I worked in the cabinet shop and i have not built anything in awhile. hmm. what do you know about that?

He won't get in trouble!

He's going to make sure that the odds are stacked for him! it will be a miss trial! something will happen and this man, who has admitted he was bad, will get away with it and go back to being one of our head lawmakers. a man who does not respect the law, and I am so very very angry...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9881506/

Another update.

I just learned that my father is living in a van in El Cajon. I already knew he is speeding pretty heavily these days. I have a phone number for him. I don't really know what I should do about this, other than let my sister know where he is too. Do I call? Do I do a reverse look up and go visit? do I leave him a care package? He LIVES DOWN THE STREET, practically. This month marks two years since I have seen or spoken to him. He has chosen this, should I leave well enough alone, or do I treat this information as a gift and make the best use of it I can?

For the record

My pocket phone does not double as a stapler.

Apparently, I'm a very bad girl

I've been banned (or something) from In The Loop. oh Captain, my Captain, what did I do to deserve this? I stop by every day! I learned yesterday that our dear Sargini is alive and apparently busy bringing electricity to the lightless masses, but you, you have declared yourself unavailable to me. How am I supposed to catch up on the news in Florida? Sigh.

The day after

I had lots of great Trick or Treaters last night and had a lovely time passing out candy and watching disney movies before I fell aslep on the couch. i briefly considered handing out soap samples, but decided that was totally lame and behaved myself. Yes, that would have been in addition to the candy. I met some of the neighbors, which was very cool. they all admired Baby, and one kid told me he liked the inside of my house. Strange, but flattering. Another little boy was very excited because we have water (bottles on the porch. they are heavy so I try to avoid lifting them too often and therefore they stay on the porch) and pumpkins and plants...He was cute. I've never seen a kid so excited about water bottles.
All in all it was good evening. It would have been better if I hadn't been in a funk over conversations with T yesterday, but I'm already feeling better about that.