Drama update

Little has changed. The naughty emails stopped for awhile, but seem to be getting back on track. I made it clear that I don't sleep with my friends (people are often suprised to lern the T and I are not "special" friends) after he made it clear that he wouldn't tell me no. I just don't want to make the same old mistakes. I repeat too many of my mistakes as it is. And that is the sort of thing that can ruin a friendship.
Except that looking back, it never has, I just get hurt. Then, I smile through my pain and remain friends for the sake of the friendship. I just don't want T to be a regret the way J is (although they are totally different men) I don't want him to dissapoint me the way C did. Or use me the way W did. I still dread his girlfriend asking me if we ever had relations. I know she wonders, I can feel it from her.
Regardless, it's going to hurt when he finds someone new. I dread that day as much as I pray for my own deliverance from my feelings for him.