I had a good weekend.
Went to my cousin's wedding, reconnected with some family, got a Daddy update, I am supposed to pray for him to get better, but I can't seem to pray empty prayers for someone I've lost hope for. I know there is still a glimmer in there, and that I should nurture it. but I can't seem to do it. is it bad that I would rather someone else pray for my father? is it bad that I can't bring myself to hope for him to get healthy anymore? I want him to, I really do. but I feel like I would be lying to god and myself by forcing prayers that don't come from my heart. I hate knowing that I've given up on him. At least I know he's alive.