Saw em at wal mart. eew.
on a more serious note, those who know me know that it is a rare day when I lie. I can't bear to do it, unless it's to save my ass, in which case, by law, it's ok. (I don't mean legal law, I mean life law) I feel bad when I lie, even small ones, and find that it's easier in the long run to be truthful as much as possible, having learned the hard way that eventually lies will catch up with you.
But on days like today when my heart is screaming in agony, I can't help but tell people I'm ok when I'm really not because it's so much easier to swallow my tears than to explain them, and make them worse. People tell me I should let my emotions show, that I shouldn't bury them until later, but truthfully, in a professional world, that just isn't acceptable.
Thank goodness for my blog, it lets me talk without telling me I'm an idiot (I leave that to my comments) truth is, I know in my brain that I would be better off not chasing hope, but my heart just won't listen. It has always wanted most the things that it cannot have, and T is no different. He says little things to me that keep my hope alive, whether he knows it or not. And then there are days like today when all that gets smashed to smithereens. My ego is fragile, it doesn't take much.
Will I regain the courage to talk to him tomorrow? I don't know. Will I confront him about how much it hurts me when he reschedules? Likely not unless it comes up. I fI want to look on the bright side (hee hee Zube) At least he rescheduled. Perhaps I should be more proactive about it, perhaps I should kick his ass about it. I don't feel like kicking butt. I feel like crawling back into the cave I was in yesterday for some personal healing. Go visit for awhile with the friendly ghost that lives in there.
Chances are, that if I confronted him, I would lose it. Times like these, dignanty is all I've got.
funny how I can have something and not be able to spell it.