I have been in the process of cleaning out my storage unit this month. Once I started putting everything in my already crowded apartment, I realized that if I am going to continue to exist comfortably, the stuff is going to have to go.
One of the things I attacked was my old letters and cards. I didn't stop to reread them all, that would take forever. and I did save a few. Here is what I discovered.
That I don't think I appriciated my boyfriend from way back very much.
Here is what I remember. That he was very nice, and very attractive, but that once I went away to Americorps, he wasn't nearly as interesting anymore. I remember that in some ways he used to annoy me.
Here is what reading a few of his letters to me told me ten years later. That I wasn't as ready or mature enough to deal with a boyfriend and all that entailed as I thought I was. I have always known that I didn't handle things correctly (I stopped taking his calls, then I broke up with him in the Parking lot at Home Depot). But I think that he really cared about me and that he was very concerned with my happiness. I think he was a really sweet man, and that I took him a bit for granted. I don't think I worried nearly enough about his happiness. And while I know that we weren't meant to be, it's interesting to look at who we both were ten years ago and finally appriciate him.
He will never know that, of course, we don't speak anymore, since he got married. However, while I have always wished him and his wife (and family) well, for the first time, last night I realized what a truly lucky woman his wife is, to have found and married a man like him.