It was just hailing outside. I remember when I lived in a colder more country place (two valleys to the west of where I am sitting right this moment) it would hail and be cold and dry enough that the hail would stick and we could go outside and make hail balls. but we never threw them at each other. We did keep one in the freezer for a little while though, once. Sometimes, in shadowy places the hail would remain for a few days and I would pretend it was snow.
In a rare moment of pure childlike fun, I ran outside with my umbrellelelela so I could experience it properly. it was joyful. I wanted to stay out a little bit longer, but my little black heels don't keep my feet very warm and I didn't want anyone to ask why I was standing randomly on my porch in the hail with my umbrella. in other words, adulthood barged in on my childlike time.
And it just occurred to me that I need to find that same childlike wonder in as much of life as I can because life isn't about perfection, it's about art. and true art is not perfect, regardless of what C thinks.
Speaking of C, yesterday was his birthday. I was invited over to his mom's for friends and family time. but none of his other friends showed up. it was awkward. I know his family was wondering (again) what the heck I was doing there. One day I will learn not to keep making the same mistaks over and over again. I tried to put it into perspective, but it didn't really work. I realize that C and T are the only exes I have that I hang out with outside of group settings. Sadly, that sparks hope in the T department.
Speaking of T, all conversations have remained G rated since I admitted that it hurts me to have those conversations with him. HOORAY for me!
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