I should be working, or at least not blogging at work, but, um, there's no one here and I don't feel very motivated right now to put away drawings and rearrange the stick set.
Yesterday I was having the same issue so I was checking out Miss Britt's blog roll and found this woman.
She made me laugh so hard I cried and coworker got all concerned because I was teary. Really. Mist 1 says a lot of the things I am thinking. I can't quite figure out how much of her stories are true and how much are made up, but it's balanced enough to keep you reading. I got through her entire archives. The new ones. Apparently there was an old blog, but she shut it down. something to do with an illegal waxing incident and a court case.
MEANWHILE, C's girl is coming to twon and he invited me to go to dinner with them and some friends. I have to work that night. Faced with this situation, the flip side of which I was going through precisely three years ago with C, I panicked. and suddenly insecure Gina came out. Can I handle meeting her? What if she's prettier than me? What if she isn't pretty at all and therefore I am not pretty either because he dated us both? (For the record, I never really understood what he saw in Lorena based on her pictures, but she must have something about her because she dated the most handsome of the kings from the show at Excalibur) Can I really meet this person? Can I truly handle that my ex is dating someone even though I don't want to be with him anymore? what if she gives me the death stare like Biker Bob's female friends did that time he brought them into the store to meet me? (it was so bad my coworker commented on it)
So I decided to do what any other woman would do in my situation. I invited him to bring her to the store to meet me after dinner. And I'm making her a scarf.
Here's what I figure. And this goes doubly for the girl that Coffee Crush brings in. I can be catty like anyone else. I can easily dislike someone for being with the man I want to be with or for being with an ex, whether I want to be with him or not. But this does not accomplish anything. So, I choose to be nice. Swallow my hurt pride and dissapointment and look at these women not as competition, but as potential friends. Being bitchy will not endear me to my friend the ex, or the attractive man. These women do not deserve my distain. It is not thier fault I have jealousy. They are pursueing thier happiness. How can I fault them for that?
Am I being fake? not really. Beyond my human reactions, I truly want to be nice. I don't want to give dirty looks like my coworker who also has a crush on Coffee Crush. I want to befriend the girlfriend of my friend, I respect him and love him and want him to be happy. And I don't want weirdness between us because I want to keep my friend. I also don't want to do to her what Lorena did to me. I always said that in the flip situation, I would do differently. Now is my chance.
And Coffee Crush? hardly knows I exist. Somehow I don't think he thinks of me when I am not standing in front of him pouring his drink. And if the Magic Pirate Heead is correct, there is no future between us. I won't be mean over a crush. It's bad for my soul.
I hope I finish the scarf before Tuesday.