I am finding work to be increasingly frustrating. For 3 and a half years I have been working towards a goal. My job is to be in control. My game? Documents. And I watch every day as that control slips through my fingers more and more. Sure, I go through the motions. I do what I can. In a lot of ways I don't think it is getting better, I think it is getting worse.
It used to be that my boss and I were the only ones in our department who had AutoCAD, and therefore all drawings were created by us. Now, there are 6 or 7 people with the program and in some cases, only limited experience with it. Today, I found an entire cache of documents that we were unaware of. I have been told to pretend they are not there.
The Architect, can't be bothered with properly numbering, dating, or noting revisions. I said something once. I was warned that someone got fired for that once. I keep my mouth shut. I like my lifestyle. Harbucks alone canot support that. add that to the fact that I am rarely told when a check print becomes a real drawing, and you can see how I might need to gripe a bit. In the end? No As Builts.
My Executive Director, bless him, hands out documents like candy. I am the one who is embarassed when someone comes along and asks what drawing a vendor has. That information is supposed to be recorded. Th drawings are supposed to be signed out and tracked. I can't do that when they are being passed around without my knowlege.
I thought expressing that to someone other than my coworkers would help. Sorry about the work rant. The thing is, that I am a little bored, I think. in addition to being frustrated. But I don't want to leave because I have excellent pay, great benefits, and I will be fully vested in my 401K next year. More free money for my retirement someday. I don't want to start over somewhere new only to find the same shit. I just want to make soap.
I'm slipping in other ways, I slept through my alarm today and was late. At Harbucks, I get so stressed and frazzled I can hardly function. And I know that isn't who I am.
Work aside, things are great. I still maintain that quitting Match.com was a brilliant idea. I still maintain that I would like for my coffee crush to ask me out on a date. The more I get to know him, the more I WANT to get to know him. Could just be because he's cute. It's also possible that he has a girl in his life based on one I've seen him around a lot lately. Deep down though, I think it's terribly nice to be interested in someone who isn't T. It's healthy. Sure, I'm all goofy and twitterpated and all shy and embarassed, even though I try to hide it (I'm a blusher. I can't hide anything). But its a hell of a lot better than pining. A hell of a lot better than crying and beating myself up for "letting such a good one get away" Distraction has always been my best healer, and Coffee Crush does an excellent job of it. I also helps that I have not heard from T. I am worried about him. He will either come back into my world, even if on the fringes, or he won't. Either way, there's nothing I can do but be his friend. I will always be his friend. I care about his state of being.
I had a wonderful time at work last night. One question. I think this is an old wives tale. that it is possible to get Pink Eye from getting, um, secretions in your eye. You know, because sometimes that happens to people, and um, according to my coworker, it's a source of pink eye, but I'm thinking that there should not be bacteria in that um secretion. And don't ask how it came up in conversation. I'm having a good giggle over the thought that my seesters and my cousin will read this. But they are used to me by now.
and in closing, as requested, Gina the Ass Kisser
Gotta love Oatman. Happy HNT