Still reading my journals, and I think, now that I've gotten into more juicy stuff, that perhaps I really have grown more than I thought I had.
and I think, I've realized that I just wanted someone to love me, since I wasn't really getting that vibe from my family. Still do, actually, although in a different way, since I know my family loves me now.
There is question as to why I am seeing a counselor. It's because I have a lot of unresolved issues that I feel I need to address. I feel like I need an outside party to help me to help myself. She is not a psychiatrist, or a psychologist, she's a professional that seems to be studying who I am and make suggestions as to how I can overcome my issues. Based on the things that I say, not what a book says. I am well aware that I am a square peg, and I have no interest in fitting into any holes. I think she is helping me to heal. She told me last week that it is ok to be angry. Since my mom always told me I should forgive, it was great hearing that I don't have to. I felt like I had hit a gowing plateau, and I needed help to move on.