Break it down now

I finally broke down and asked the Magic Pirate Head if I was going to get a return Email fom Interesting Man. The reply?

"No way, ARRGGGH"

I didn't push that line of questioning because if I started asking too many questions, my feelings would get hurt and, well, there is still the possibility that the magic pirate head could be wrong about some things. Amazingly enough though, it made me feel better.

today when I got home from work I asked if he recieved the email, and it said yes. But he may not have read it (it wasn't clear about that). Regardless, I'm going to leave it alone. Let myself be surprised, or not, as the case may be. We will just have to see!

In other somewhat related news, C and I had an interesting discussion on the way to the Airport regarding the way out minds create and control our lives. this idea is often illustrated in my own life by the people I meet when I need to meet them and the seemingly serendypidous way my life often goes. one point rang loud and clear. That to invite success, it is best to feel what success would feel like, not focus on how to get there.

And I realized that love is likely the same way. In order to invite it into my life, I would do well to remember what it feels like to love and be loved. Not in a sexual way, but that happiness and joy of being with someone you really care about, who cares for you in return. So often, I try to remember that and galloping in comes the memory of how lonely it feels to be without it. And the doubt that anyone will come along soon. Therefore, I allow myself to sabotage my chances by overriding the good with the not so good, and I invite more lonliness instead. I'm really going to work on that. Can't hurt right? Who doesn't need an attitude shift once in awhile? And while I didn't realize I might have been undermining my good intentions, I obviously was. I'm also going to stop reminding myself of how much it sucked to be with someone that wasn't right for me. I do that. I thought I was comforting myself in the idea that often we are better off alone than miserable, but it looks like I was hurting myself more.

It feels good to grow a little.