Buncha stuff

I'm sick of hearing about American Idol. Never agreed with the show, and it seems like it has become a cultural phenomenon that I am ashamed to be even remotely associated with. (It's the American thing) I didn't give a fuck about Sanjaya and his hair, I could care less about the others. Do I wish them success in their chosen endevors? Of course! But the hype? is rediculous. Hows about we focus on something of substance? there's a war going on, for it or against it. Our planet is changing day by day regardless of what you think is the cause. Science is is walking a fine line between when can and what should be done, our food supply hardly edible, and being modified every day... and who will be our next American idol?

A 60 year old woman gave birth to twins the other day. She is calling herself a role model. Generally, I feel as though people can do as they please with their bodies. This woman is selfish. No matter how I look at it, she's going to be 70 when her newborns are 10. Although people live longer nowadays, she has subjected her youngest children to a lifetime without their mother. Because even if she lives to be 100? Chances are, they'll be changing her diapers when they are barely out of thier own. No, she wasn't thinking of her youngest child when she provided him two more siblings, closer to his age, and she isn't a role model for older women. She's a selfish woman desperately trying to hold onto her youth. I used to work with a woman who was a late in life surprise. And it was hard for her to constantly worry about her aging parents. She used to tell me how upsetting it was to watch them go senile, to have to constantly care for them. She said it was hard to be a late in life surprise. I can't imagine doing that to your children on purpose.

I'm nervous about camping this weekend. I'm anxious about it. fearful, for the first time that my friends don't want me around. There has been very little pre-trip excitement. Very little crap talking about so and so being afraid to go in the water. Or, if there has been, I have not been involved. Have I done anything to deserve being ostracized? no. But there is a disturbance in our group dynamic and it upsets me. It isn't that I think I am the cause of it, I think I am caught up in it through very little fault of my own. for things that happened in the past that have nothing to do with the present. A year ago, sensing that this might happen, I promised myself that I would fade out. But when it came down to it, I missed the comraderie I have gained through 15 years of friendship. And there were those who still acted like they wanted me around. I think, at least, I will be able to escape to some alone time if it comes down to it. That there will be places for me to get away. I will, hopefully, be able to engross myself in a book if nothing else. I'm going because I could be wrong. I could be oversensitive, I could be overreacting. And I refuse to be cast out on account of jealousy. I am not a threat.