Thursday, July 13, 2006


They took my dad into custody according to the messages that were left on my various answering services. I need to call his girlfrind today and discuss things with her. I want to feel sorry for him, I really do. All I can really do is pray that the program he will be enrolled in will help this time. and that his girlfriend will be able to follow through on her hope to get him out of town when he is out so that maybe they can start a clean life together. Except, I know he's tried that before, and he just found the drugs again. every time. I will never stop hoping. It hurt me when I heard his voice break as he told me he loved me.

In other news, yesterday was the first day that I had no contact with Biker Bob. Ordinarily, in addition to emails, we speak to each other on the phone at least once or twice. I, of course, am jumping to all sorts of conclusions in my head because that is what I do. I keep trying to remind myself that sometimes people get busy and aren't able to talk. Then that stupid little voice, the one that feeds my insecurities so that it is amazing that I can function says, "he got tired of your antics" "He decided you weren't so cute" "You hurt his feelings the other night and he would rather not be around you"

I suppose I should explain how I may have hurt his feelings. It wasn't intentional, it was logic. But I think sometimes that he doesn't realize that I wouldn't hang out with him if I wasn't attracted to him. Wouldn't find ways to spend time with him if I didn't enjoy his company.

He appeared in an ad for a guitar company with a couple of his musical friends and bandmates. It's a great picture, and I have sent it to all my friends and close family so that they can take a look-see. Apparently, after the ad came out, he got lots of fan mail from women. In Thailand.

I've no doubt that these women were legitimately attracted to him, he's a good looking fellow. However, women in Thailand, and I'm not saying that they are all like this, but I do believe that you can mail order wives from Thailand. and having dated an asian man for many years, I know that it is an opportunistic culture without a lot of opportunity. That's why so many people from there want to be here. If I was a woman, looking to better my life, I would contact a young handsome American too. I should have pointed it out that way instead of the way that I did.

But I should also stop thinking I have to apologize for speaking my mind and being who I am.

I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill. I usually do.

Later...But not much:

All is well. Apparently, we're both a little insecure about things.


Sensei Ern said...

Don't worry about not seeing him for a day. Sometimes, I don't call my wife when I am at work and she thinks I am forgetting her. I'm not. I am sure BB is just busy with life.

Don't smother him. It will make him feel penned in.

WHen you feel insecure, grab your .22 and go plink pop cans for the rest of the day. Nothing says "I am secure." like the smell of gunpowder.

rvfrzd: the condition of stuff left in your motorhome fridge

Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I want you to know that I have been thinking of you often this week. Hang in there.

and about making to much out of something small... I totally know how you feel! I do that all the time!