Roller Derby Diaries

I love my new wheels. I lubed up my bearings while I had them out and what do you know? they spin now. I have decided that my Team captain intimidates me even though I REALLY try hard not to be. Part of that stems from the fact that I feel totally inept on my skates. I remind myself that the only thing those other girls have over me is time (thank my belly dancing teacher for those wise words) and maybe a sense of balance.

It's taking me a long time to get the hang of certain basic moves, although I have to say that my T stop improved exponetially when I put the indoor wheels on. My snow plow, backwards skate, and the whole turning around thing still needs work. But I am willing to work at it. It's hard for me. On one hand, praise makes me fuck up. On the other, some encouragement that maybe perhaps I might have enough ability to make the team someday would be nice. I get that from the other girls, but honestly, it's the captain's choice who makes the team, and since I am still not in thier Yahoo Group...I'm not really feeling in the "in" crowd. Thankfully I have a couple of friends now who are in the gorup who have promised to keep me updated. It would be nice to hear her say that she sees that I am trying and maybe even improving a little bit instead of things like, "You DO know how to stop, right?" or "Work on it, it's basic". Except for the unexpected gift last week, she pretty much ignores me or, if I try to participate in discussion, she makes me feel as though my comments are not valid because I won't be there that long. Which is actually kind of good because it makes me want to stay so I can prove her wrong.
As I write this, I can understand why there were girls that did not feel welcome so they went and formed thier own league, which has caused drama, not so much, surprisingly between the two teams, but rather between the owners of the skating rinks involved. sigh. If I didn't think it was GREAT exercize, I would consider wandering off just to avoid the upset. I have enough drama. more than enough. Feeling like the girl who isn't good enough but no one has the heart to tell her not to bother is tough. Every team has at least one that wouldn't make the cut if there was a cut, I fear that I am she.
From the sound of things at the meeting last night, it's looking to get a lot more difficult to be a part of the team. Try outs, subs, skating lessons. I know it's a sport, but I always saw it a bit more tounge in cheek than serious. Be out there having a good time, kicking some butt, be a good, or even great skater. I guess I was a bit discouraged by the prospect of having to try out when I signed up during "come one, come all, we'll teach you how". The reasoning of trying to keep out the women who just want to check it out only flys with me for so long. I understand that she doesn't want to have to keep teaching the basics, but maybe someone should be our coach, instead of her trying to do it all.
I am willing to go to Derby Boot Camp. I will continue to push my limits every practice. But I think I might be done cutting her slack for treating me sideways. While I may not be doing everything right, I certainly have not done anything wrong.