Over the past year, as some of you know, I have been maintaining a very inappropriate email relationship with my Ex, T. In person, however, we behave well and have kept our relationship platonic.
I would like more, but am convinced that he does not share my feelings. Being a coward, I do not discuss such things.
Regardless, we have great conversations, and appear to be compatible in many ways. Both of us have made it quite clear that adding benifits to the friendship is a possibility. Neither of us will make that move. Both of us understand that is would likely ruin everything. He has made it clear that this would not be loving gesture, and that he would go home after. Once this point got through my head, I realized, that it would do terrible things to my heart.
So I have done my best to keep all conversation G rated. No use building hopes.
Today they turned R. And I mentioned that he would just get up and leave. He agreed. Here is the part where I am proud of myself.
I said, "I've decided that's not good enough for me"
Sometimes, in the face of things that frighten me, issues that make me want to hide, I hold my head up and stand up for me. It doesn't change anything. But at least I know I said it. Which will make it easier to say again. Who am I if I don't stand up for my principles?