Thursday, April 06, 2006


It appears that I did not properly convey my feelings regarding the HR situation. I recieved two very different comments from two men who's opinions I respect.

First, it was Mutual Friend who referred to her news as "exciting". Although, as I said, I am flattered that anyone would think so highly of me, I am apprehensive about taking this information seriously, and about the possibility of dating someone with as much baggage as he has, and with as high of an opinion of me as he apparently has. I left out a lot of details about that in my last post on the subject.

The reason I am not sure that I take this information to heart is that in 4 years of being aware of this man, we may have spoken 10 words between us. (I am being REALLY generous with this estimate. Really all I can ever remember saying to him was "Good morning, Richard") I have tried to find ways to be a part of conversation he is in, but he always leaves. I now know that he is just too nervous to speak to me, which is flattering, but does not bode well for future relations. I don't want to be with someone who is too shy to talk to me because I myself am shy and I feel very uncomfortable in situations where niether person will speak. Plus, how can he be himself around me if he doesn't think he is good enough for me? I want someone REAL. Someone on my level, not someone who has put me on a pedestal. Someone not afraid to wrestle.

One of the reasons I did not go rushing off to throw myself at him is that, as Sensei pointed out, he does have a girlfriend and a kid on the way. I accept the fact that he did not intend to be a father, and he certainly did not want to have kids with her. She took advantage of a difficult time for him, as she had moved in and gotten pregnant within a month of his mother passing away. I can already foresee mama drama from that one. especially if he and I were to start dating in a short amount of time after they break up (which, regardless of me, is eminant). I don't believe he is the type of person to run out on his kid, he will take care of it, just as he takes care of his disabled sister and, before she passed, his mother. He isn't the kind of man to turn his back on responsibility.

Which brings about another point. We all know about my struggle with the child issue. And I have been quite clear about not wanting to date someone with a kid (although E had a kid, but I never met him). However, this guy comes with strong enough recommendations that he might be worth it. Might. I would be taking on a kid and a sister with special needs. Am I mature enough to handle that? I don't know, and I will admit that I might not be.

Issue 3. T. enough said.

so I'm going to ride this one out. If he is as interested in me as he says he is, then he will approach me. I am not seeing anyone and haven't had a boyfriend in nearly a year. I think it's quite apparent that I am available. Goodness knows, I think I have made it quite clear as I have wandered through his office area wisecracking about this n that. Plus, if he wonders, there's my mother and mutual friend and other mutual friends to fill him in. I still maintain that I would like to get to know him. where it goes from there remains to be seen. BUT. I will not approach a man whom I know to have a girlfriend. I will treat him just as I always have, with politeness, same as any other man. I don't think he deserves special treatment just because he's attractive. I maintain that although I am attracted to him, he may turn out to be completely wrong for me. I will not let my fear of that get in the way of getting to know him, but I will say that it is difficult for me to be excited about his future availablity considering all the issues attached. If anything, I want to declare myself "not interested" because there are so many issues and preconceptions. I think it would be easier to date someone you just met than someone you have admired from afar for however many years.

Life. it's always interesting.


Gary said...

OK. You convinced me. Besides, you should be able to meet someone at the coffee place, don't you think?

Ginamonster said...

Who knows. I'm not interested in a man who spends all his time sitting around in coffee shops, but, you never know who is going to walk through the door and need a cup of coffe and a temporary place to drink it! (we have a few people who sit in the shop all night every night)