Rare Shameless Plug

Soap Sale at www.bubbly-creations.com

I want to move my current inventory so I can debut everything that is now bigger and smellier. Go forth and buy soap. Lots of it. And register so I can feel important.

As I told T today, I am more likely to sell a bar of soap than I am to get any, so I'm thinking, if I can sell lots of soap, that will up my chances of other things right? right?

finally, something good.

Over the past year, as some of you know, I have been maintaining a very inappropriate email relationship with my Ex, T. In person, however, we behave well and have kept our relationship platonic.

I would like more, but am convinced that he does not share my feelings. Being a coward, I do not discuss such things.

Regardless, we have great conversations, and appear to be compatible in many ways. Both of us have made it quite clear that adding benifits to the friendship is a possibility. Neither of us will make that move. Both of us understand that is would likely ruin everything. He has made it clear that this would not be loving gesture, and that he would go home after. Once this point got through my head, I realized, that it would do terrible things to my heart.

So I have done my best to keep all conversation G rated. No use building hopes.

Today they turned R. And I mentioned that he would just get up and leave. He agreed. Here is the part where I am proud of myself.

I said, "I've decided that's not good enough for me"

Sometimes, in the face of things that frighten me, issues that make me want to hide, I hold my head up and stand up for me. It doesn't change anything. But at least I know I said it. Which will make it easier to say again. Who am I if I don't stand up for my principles?

I think I figured it out

The reason Pregnant Ladies gain weight. I mean, aside from the whole baby on board thing. People feed them all the time! Bug Guy just come in asking for chocolate "because there is a pregnant lady" out in the lobby. and I heard him give it to her. it was almost like, "Ooh, you're pregnant, you must need chocolate!" and the ladies are all so polite, they don't say no. I figure that if anyone really wants chocolate, they're gonna come asking for it.

So pregnant ladies, what I'm saying is, it's not your fault.

More personals fun

These are real.

where's all the classy, freaky, sexy, horny ladies at?? - 29 I don't know what else it says in the ad, but I would generally think that a woman who calls herself Classy, probably won't answer an ad that also asks if she's freaky, sexy and horny. Mybe it's just me.

Shake the disease... - 122 Bad poetry. Just bad.

Nufin but da truf - 26 it's a what, huh? This guy doesn't have very much self esteem, but at least he has beer money.

***Seeking the perfect camel toe*** - 28 maybe you should check out the zoo?

Victoria Secret? Fredricks? Lets go together. I buy - 40 I once went on a a date with a guy. We ended up wandering the mall because the movie we wanted to see was sold out. He wanted me to try on clothes and model for him. I said no.

Male Seeking Female Witch - 48 If you want to know about the scene in SD, I suggest you not post in the personal section. Maybe it works, I don't know, I'm a solitary.

Watch me ... and I'll watch you AAAHHH Creepy! Creepy!

ORAL PLEASURES - 29 (Your place) NO!

Orgasm School - Why are we not taught this? - 45 uh...

Ready and stable! - 36 Apparently, this one has a thing for horses.

Dope

So, there have been two men who have continued to speak with me despite having recieved my picture. Guy 1, M, gave me his phone number on Tuesday. I emailed him and said that I would call him Wednesday since I worked Tues. night, and what would be a good time to call? He answered that anytime would be good since he always has his cell phone on him.
I called yesterday at about 6 pm. He answered and told me that he was about to go into a seminar (funny, I thought those were planned ahead of time. hmm) and that he would call me when he got out. Gee, my phone never rang. I deleted his emails and threw out his number this morning.

Guy 2, hasn't responded to my last email. he gets another day before his messages are also deleted.

I know it's harsh, but I am not going to sit around waiting for these guys to call. I am not desperate, I am just looking for someone to share my time and possibly my life. If a guy won't call when he says he will, he's not someone I want to be with.

The new "Chic"

I was reading today on the news, that White Trash is, in fact, the new Chic. It's very cool to go around acting and dressing ignorant and slutty a la Britney. (who, it has been reported, is 4 months preggers with kidlet #2. Hey Brit, drop this on one it's butt, ok? they bounce better that way. Just like giant garbanzo beans)

Now, I like to wear the occational "Wife Beater" T Shirt. And I'm not going to pretend that I am a class icon. (HOO-HA!! that was to keep your attention). But I don't think I care to join in this trend. I don't want pictures of me floating around when I'm old of my ass and belly hanging out, my hair all askew like I can't be bothered to comb or wash it, barefoot, with a trucker hat that says "Fuck me, I'm easy. And Fertile"

So from my little redneck corner of San Diego, I'm going to continue to pin my upsweeps, wear my business suits, drive my jalopy and be totally out of style. I might stick out like a sore thumb, but I've worked hard on my image. Truly, classy never really goes out of style. And I'd rather be considered a lady than a ho.

(until you get to know me, then you realize that my roots are in fact white trash and I can swear with the best. My mom worked very hard to pull us off the welfare roster.)

Meanwhile, in other completely related news, I am currently perusing the San Diego Roller derby website since I figure that if Cate can be a Derby Girl, so can I. I mean, I don't have as many tatoos as she does, but I do have pointy elbows and skater thighs (I'm not saying that Cate has either of those things, I'm saying that they might help me be a better roller girl. And, when I'm old, how cool would it be to have had that adventure?)

Decisions

I have just determined that I would rather have a kayak than a motorcycle. Not that either is in my near future, but I feel the need to have something to daydream about and well, although a house would be lovely, and supporting myself in a manner to which I am unaccostomed with my business is certainly a possibility, I think I kayak is far more attainable in the short run. Maybe that's what I will save my tips for.

I just recieved

an offer to get me out of dept.

I like the department I work in

I am not in a department store. What does it mean?? (I know what it means)

I also recieve my first tip payout of 18 whole dollars! I put it in my piggy bank. actually it's in my underwear drawer. my piggy bank is full of nickels.

Speaking of nickles, apparently, they made the buffalo on the new buffalo nickel too well hung, so they reissued them as girl buffalo. Having seen the original ones, I have to say, "hee hee hee!"

Also in the realm of immaturity, I was in a meeting today and someone mentioned porn. (in a strictly business related issue. we have a hotel, remember?) and I giggled into my hand.

Dear men in the world of personal ads,

It's creepy when you advertise for a personal slave.

You say race doesn't matter, but you make sure you list yours.

You say you are attractive and athletic, but include a shirtless picture of yourself where your dickdo is glowing and round. Athletic boys don't have a dunlap.

the animated picture you included of kissy lips scream, "I'm a pussy"

What, may I ask, is a "true indian girl"??

Advertising in the personal ads that you need to get married right now so you can get a green card and open a restraunt may not be such a good idea.

A girl friend with benifits who recieves a monthly allowance is just another whore.

And eew to the orgasm offers. just, EEW.

New plan

So Harbucks is giving me all of 8 hours of work per week so far, and I am not comfortable enough with the job to go request hours at other stores, so I decided to re-evaluate my thought process.

I am not generally a quitter. And I have been having fun there. Also, I don't want them to say of me, "She didn't work out" like I heard about someone else.

SO. Here is the plan. It's a good one. Continue my frugal ways. Continue to eat foods from my mom's pantry (watch the letters there, monster, you DO NOT eat food from your mom's panty). Put all Harbucks paychecks towards the master card bill. Since that will not cover the minimum payment (thank you government for screwing me on that one) make sure there is enough cash in my account to make the minimum payment. That wayI am now paying almost 200 over the minimum. Which means the master card gets paid off quicker. you know, like 20 months quicker. I like this new plan.

Which brings me to another interesting thought. This might should go on the other blog, but I'm bringing it up here because I don't post there very often and I'm more likely to get a response here.

T and I were discussing debt yesterday and he made a very interesting point. That once upon a time a woman's dowery covered the expense it took to wine and dine her and get her to marry you. Since the abolishment of Doweries, there is no real return on the initial investment. (most of that is my take on what he was saying)Instead, since we live in a society that encourages debt, generally a man gets a wife and her shopping bills. He said that he has yet to meet a woman who is so good in bed that she's worth taking on her debt.

After shedding a tear that my bedroom abilities are not up to par with the level of my debt (as if I would ask a man to pay my debt) (oh, and not really. the tear part, not the debt part) I had to agree. I don' think I would want to marry a man who had a high amount of debt. Cars I can understand (to a point) House, well, yeah. Even school loans. But I blame my MasterCard debt (paid off the school loan, remember? probably not, I didn't have readership then) on me spending beyond my means. Snowboard, Gym memebrship, and well, yeah, food here and there when the good doctor was paying $11 an hour to be her office manager, but that was just a couple of years in my debt life.

Not that I am concerned with getting married any time soon. (No word from HR or the personal ads. oh well) And I wouldn't knock a guy off the list just for having debt, but I do think it's important to actively work on paying it off. To have a plan. Jeeze, I hate it that T is right all the time.

Oh, there was an intervention yesterday. I was perusing the pet ads yesterday and almost called on a kitten. I called in the troops and they talked me out of it. phew!

Weekend Update

Friday I went home and discovered that my pride and joy, my lovely strawberry plant, with all it's soon to be ripe fruits that I couldn't wait to sample, fell off the balcony, into my neighbor's porch, where the children cleaned it up and threw it away. I would have liked to have tried to salvage it. There are still little disemplanted strawberries on their BBQ. sniff. I bought a lucky bamboo at Ikea to make me feel better. it didn't work so I bitched and complained all weekend instead. It still didn't work so I bought a new strawberry plant yesterday. I'm still upset. maybe I shouldn't get so attached to my plants.

Saturday I went to the Carlsbad Flower Fields with some of the Bunco girls. C picked me up from there and we headed to Hollywood where we screened a movie that C did the poster for. Since I don't have anything nice to say about the film, I won't say anything at all. If that is not satisfying, then try this: a viniette called "How the west was won....with dildos." starring our future gov'na Mary Cary. That and the part called "Gratuitous Nudity Theater" taught me that I really do have a superior rack. Meanwhile, after the movie, we wandered aroung Hollywood, checked out Griffin Park (the road to the observatory was closed, sadly. It's the one from Rebel Without a Cause) past the LA Zoo (now I can say I have been there, even if I didn't go inside) and then to a steakhouse I am pretty sure has mob connections. They put butter, on. my. steak. the mashed potatoes (I know, I'm not supposed to have those) were fantastic. but I don't really think I needed to eat the middle course of spaghetti.

Yesterday, on my way to go buy new plants, I saw a woman in a car, holding her kid. there was a car seat in the back. I wanted to yell and scream at her. Especially when I saw her car get on the freeway.

Had a blast at Harbucks last night.

On the personal ad front, I have answered 4, and only one is still speaking to me. Well sort of. He contacted me over the weekend, but I didn't respond because I didn't know. We'll see.

what the F is this supposed to mean?

"I wish to find a lady of child bearing age that has never had an abortion"

What do you want, a baby machine? are you too narrow minded to realize that sometimes a woman (and her partner) make a decision that they aren't ready to be parents right now? you call yourself a non-conformist and say that you like sex, and yet you aren't willing to be with a woman who has made a difficult choice regarding the outcome of a sexual encounter she wasn't ready to deal with? Do you think that having an abortion means she is no longer valid or worthy? sure it's a personal decision. Sure, for some it's the wrong one, but it seems to me that a man who is looking for a liberal scientist should be open to the idea that a mature woman makes decisions about her future.

Good Gravy, I would love to slap this guy back into the stone age.

Which came first?

I found the following listing on the "Free Stuff" section on Craigslist. can anyone else see what is wrong with it?


I have two chickens, both pure breed Americuana. They are about 4 weeks old. Unsure of the sex yet, but I believe one hen and one rooster. They lay the most delicious eggs. Please let me know if you can take them. We recently added a puppy to our family and can no longer keep them. I have a 20 lb. bag of medicated chicken feed to go with them. Thanks

I'll take the rooster that lays eggs, please. I can make some serious money selling him to a sideshow.

PEE U

And I'm not talking about Potty University.

I watched The dukes of Hazzard Last night. and Corpse Bride. here are my reviews.

The Dukes: the Duke boys weren't nearly cute enough to be playing the Duke boys. I hated Sean William Scott's scruffy facial hair. The bar fight scene was way too obviously choreographed, and the acting, well, sucked. I did like Willie Nelson. And Jessica was ok. But even she admitted, all she had to do was wear short shorts and smile.

Corpse Bride just didn't live up to my expectations of a Tim Burton Film. Ordinarily I really enjoy his work. This one didn't have the soul of Nightmare Before Christmas, although the animation was great, and the musical score was lacking that toe tapping sing along spirit that a good musical should have. actually, the music was lacking completely. The only song from it I would ever wanto to hear again would be Victoria's Wedding March.

and that sums up my evening.

She put what, Where?

Apparently a woman in South America was caught smuggling one of these, along with some Marijuana. in her hoo-ha.

There looks to me like there's an awful lot of sharp edges happening to be puttin that up my cooter. My boss has assured me that it is not likely, unless she was extremely dexterous, that she could have pulled the pin on accident, but I still can't imagine having the mindframe where I would be willing to hide a grenade in my muffin.

Just in case you're wonderin, there aint no pot up there either.

I mean...

I don't look like a total freak do I? (This is the best I have...)

Must not have been his type

So, one of the men I emailed yesterday from the Craigslist personals actually emailed me back with a picture. And hey, he was pretty good looking, so I sent him my picture. you know, the one with the brown hair and the come-hither eyes. I mentioned that my hair is back to being blonde now.

then? nothing. Oh well. I have not heard from the other guy I emailed. I'm thinking he didn't like the comment I made about teaching his pet pig to fly by throwing it off my balcony. But hey, I also offered to introduce the pig to my parrot who also cannot fly, so...I also have not heard from HR. And New Girl has not gotten back to me regarding the attractive and possible single guy she met over the weekend. she herself is practically married so is unavailable.

Renamed

Hamilton has been renamed Fiona. My brother in law pulled my sister out of bed at 2 am last night because Fiona decided to have herself an adventure in the kitchen. I still think Fiona is cute, and I wandered around all morning singing (in my head) Fi-o-na was a bullfrog...do do do...

Tee hee

I answered two personal ads on craigslist today because they made me giggle. If the men who wrote them are like any of the other men (and one woman, but that was a business thing) I have emailed in the last week, they won't reply. (Except Michael who did indeed email me back and in a timely manner. go visit him.)

Still have not heard from HR. Smiled at him this morning, but that's all.

a reason

I found this comment on someone elses blog and I thought, OH, HEY! that's the real reason I'm cranky, it's not overwork and lack of sleep! no! it's:

Madwanderer said...
Holy Crap!!That is bad, bad english ;)It is their second language yes? And I really don't get that last thought of the day!Hmm cranky then? I diagnose a lack of sex as the cause

Sadly, there is no end in sight for the long dry spell. But in thinking about this, because there could be an end, I should not be willing to compromise my principles for it. In the end, I have to live with myself, and the thought of me spending any night alone curled up in a ball on my bed knowing I made a bad decision for all the wrong reasons, and feeling cheap for it, does not appeal to me.

It's possible that this post is vague. But trust me, these are issues I deal with.

Dear HR,

I know that I am not a patient woman, but when I give my phone number to a man I expect a call. or at least a reply to the email. In fact, I generally expect a reply to any email I send with questions about you, so really, you aren't making points considering the fact that I have emailed you twice and you have not replied. I know you are a busy man, and it's possible that like me, you do not have internet at home. but if the problem is, that you are waiting for the opportune moment, or you are too nervous, I must warn you that it's a good way to lose my interest. fast. Good looks and high recommendations only get you so far with me. Ask E. He'll tell you.

And the decision is...

(copied from message text from my sister)

"Hamilton was a BULLFROG (do-do-do), he was a good friend of mine (do-do-do). I never understood a single word he said, but he let me drink his wine! Joy to the world, all the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me!"

Oh, and she thinks Hamilton is a girl. I just think she's cute. Congrats to my sister for her new "daughter" and to me for my niece! I can't wait to play with her! i will update you on Hamilton's new girly name as soon as she has one.

In domestic news,

Why the fuck do they make tall trash cans and no bags to fit in them? Really. I'm tired of having the bag slip down into the can. they make 13 gallon bags, 15-20 gallon cans. And no, I will not start buying 30 or 50 gallon bags. I think it's a conspirasy just to piss me off.

I got my taxes done.!If my partner gets in trouble for not claimein her $2 share of our "profits" I hereby declare that it is not my fault. Furthermore I do not want to go through this mess again next year. Having apartner isn't worth it. especially when she doesn't do anything. Please pray that I have the courage to stand up for myself.

I missed out on all the family fun this weeknd because I had to work. I'm debating whether it is worth it. I also got my first paycheck. it was a whole 60 dollars. woo hoo!

Thank goodness for tradeing

In exchange for designing my logo, C asked me to please sit for him so he could practice his portrait painting skills before he starts teaching a class in the subject. Note the unruly bangs. Should you decide you would like to be an art subject, let me know and I will be happy to direct you to his website where you can check out his work and hire him to paint portraits of you too.

posted with permission.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter. Go forth and celebrate the Rites of Spring. ps, I want this for my collection. maybe I will treat myself tonight since it's payday, even though I really shouldn't.

Not very newsworthy

the weathergirl got a makeover. I wanna be next.

This made me scream silently in horror. http://xtramsn.co.nz/news/0,,11965-5566182-300,00.html

I just realized that if you were to accidentally misspell blogger, you might end up with boogger. hee hee.

Today I am greatful for small miracles. When I put on my sweater, I saw what looked like a tag, but when I checked there was nothing there. then I felt something odd, so I reached up my shirt and pulled out my orange star spangled thong underwear. I had a giggle when I realized how hilariously embarassing that would have been if they had fallen out at work. I mean, if they were sexy and lacy, I might be able to score a date if they fell out of my shirt, but no, there's nothing sexy about the orange starry ones. Or at least I don't think so.

You know you have made it big when...

Your name makes it into the title of a comic collection.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0740749994/ucomicscom/002-0479542-7144808

For Madeline (Kahn. Not my old car)

"I'm so tired. Tired of being admired. Tired of love uninspired!"

Really, I'm just tired because I closed again last night. I know I should quit my bitching because I have learned that I am not the only one working more than one job. One woman I work with has 3 jobs and I think she goes to school too.

This is what we do in order to survive in America's Finest City. Only I live 20 miles away from Downtown in a town known for White Supremecy and it's Rodeo. T and I are having a good giggle over the fact that the Gay Rodeo will be held in my town this year. It's a place where it's not ok to be black, but they'll host a Gay Rodeo. Heh.

Next week, I'm on the schedule 8 hours. two shifts. One on Monday, one on Sunday, I close both. 8 hour work weeks are not going to pay off my credit card bill.

quiet today

haven't had much to say.

I'm loving seeing all the lilac in bloom. I had forgotten how lovely it is, I don't remember seeing any since the fires, which happened two and a half years ago. There is still alot of "damage" to the landscape, but the lilacs are back, and that makes me happy. One of the neat things I get to ponder every day is how you can have one flower in so many different colors. two bushes might be right next to each other with one blooming in a pale blueish purple, and the other, deeper and more vibrant. amazing.

My garden is looking great! I planted snapdragons and my strawberries are really going nuts with flowers and fruit. to think I had thought them dead! Jacks garden started to sprout, and my lavender plant is all over flowers. Hooray for me!

Ooh! a contest!

Zube put out a contest to design your superhero costume, so I thought I would share mine. I would like you to note that I did not extend the black trim into my crotch region because I thought it might look like pubes. Also, I am really impressed with my banana. um, banana peel.

Summin it up

We paid for our own, I tripped over a bench on the way over to eat, he spilled his drink into his food when we got there. we made casual conversation, didn't bring up baby mama, but discussed his sister. He walked me back to my double wide and suggested that we do something sometime. I said that would be a good idea.

I am apprehensive regarding the nervousness between us. It didn't go away like it should after you trip over a bench and both have a good laugh.

the end for today.

My "Nephew" Hamilton

This is Hamilton. A month ago he looked like this. Then he sprouted back legs. Hamilton provides hours of entertainment because he's really funny. You would have to see to understand. We don't know yet what kind of frog he will grow up to be.

This is Hamilton now. He sprouted his front arms the other day. Hooray for Hamilton! soon, he will not be a tadpole anymore. Sadly, Hamilton lives with my Sister in LA so I can only enjoy his development through pictures and stories. sigh.

ps. nervous about lunch.

What?Oh Crap!

I have a "lunch date" with HR.

I must have some major mojo going on because I got hit on last night by a 14 year old. I played along, I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm old enough to be his mother.

Bow to me

I have declared myself Empress. You shall all wear aprons.

And then I tried to rip my finger off by getting it caught in the outside door handle while I opened it and walked inside. it hurts all the way up my arm. apparently, I'm a rather clumsy Empress.

This one made me think of HR. There aren't any updates on that, but I agree with you guys, I don't know if I want to deal with the baggage. Time will tell. Thank you for your support and advice, as always.

Weekend update

Friday I had a meeting with my Marketing Director, and we agreed to try a conventional marketing approach for now instead of sales reps. I called C and asked how much he would charge to design my logo, and he said he wouldn't and that he was excited to do it, and flattered I would ask. For those of you that watch the OC, there was a band featured on last week's episode, and they flashed a picture of the album cover. It's C's artwork. Hooray for C! and also for Tally Hall, the band featured.

I placed my soap in my Friend Luis' floral shop, located in Ramona, California. It's called Teunis Floral. If you're ever in the area, go there, and buy lots of stuff.

I have decided to spend at least 30 minutes every day on Bubbly Creations stuff. I think it's time for me to be more devoted to my business.

Saturday night, on my way home from Harbucks, I missed my highway exit. Sigh. I will know soon, I hope, if having a second job is even worth it. I have to close both nights I work this week, which means I'm scheduled until 12:15, and I have to be back at work at 8 am. Last night I may have accidentally hurt someone's feelings. I hope she will forgive me. Sometimes, people don't take me right when they don't know me, and they don't know me there yet. Meanwhile, I will be more careful.

Last night a woman came into the store with a tiny dog tucked into her jacket. I would like to know why it is acceptable for her to bring in her tiny dog, but joe schmo can't bring in his rottweiler. Seems to me, dog hair is dog hair. I wanted to send her out of the store, but I have to be nice. She and her friends stayed a long time with that dog in the store. I think, that dogs should not be considered fashion accessories, and neither should they be brought into restraunts. (with the exceptio, of course, of helper dogs. this was a helpless dog. really.) It's an animal, not a necklace. I see them everywhere. Sure, they're cute, but imagine the looks of horror I would get if I carried my pet snake with me into restraunts and to the mall. (I no longer have a pet snake, I'm trying to make a point here) People would flip because they're "scary" but they don't shed hair and they don't make noise, and they rarely bite. funny how there is a double standard. I think the legislation should be upheld that dogs do not belong in indoor public areas, no matter how cute they are or how well they tuck into a purse, unless that area has been designated a pet friendly zone.

Multi Level Marketing

In the course of doing business over the last year or so, I have learned a lot of things. One is that just because you have a product, doesn't mean that people will buy it. That's where marketing comes in. Marketing is expensive.

My sister declared herself my Director of Marketing today. Hooray! (she's a go getter like me) I did not run this decision by my partner, she doesn't even ask how business is going. But I am happy that Shawna has joined my staff. I believe in her as much as she believes in me. And we both want to see Bubbly Creations succeed. Statistically, things look really good for Bubbly Creations, if you consider that I now have a Webmaster and a Director of Marketing. someday, I hope to be able to pay them! and me!

One of the orders of business for out phone conference this evening is the idea of how to better market my product. I will be seeing my friend who owns a floral shop tomorrow about placing my soap in his shop, but I agree with Shawna that we need more than that. And a way to stand out. My web site gets lots of hits, but not alot of sales.

We are considering whether to have sales reps, and I am researching accordingly. The following is what scares me about that possibility.

I have learned from previous experience that Multi Level Markeing is another way of saying, waste your money. I was reminded of this when I was approached by a Quixtar IBO last night. I couldn't afford to keep up with the demands of being a Quixtar IBO, or a Mary Kay Consultant, for that matter. I'm not saying bad things about either company, (well, maybe I'm a little negative towards Quixtar) but I don't like the idea of people trying so hard to make a living off of my product that they are willing to put themselves in debt.

I don't believe in Get Rich Quick, but I do believe in mutually benificial opportunities. No deceptive recruitment techniques. No expensive buisiness building materials.

So we will see how my Marketing Diretor and I are able to come up with a solution to take BC to the next level. This ought to be fun.

Clarifications

It appears that I did not properly convey my feelings regarding the HR situation. I recieved two very different comments from two men who's opinions I respect.

First, it was Mutual Friend who referred to her news as "exciting". Although, as I said, I am flattered that anyone would think so highly of me, I am apprehensive about taking this information seriously, and about the possibility of dating someone with as much baggage as he has, and with as high of an opinion of me as he apparently has. I left out a lot of details about that in my last post on the subject.

The reason I am not sure that I take this information to heart is that in 4 years of being aware of this man, we may have spoken 10 words between us. (I am being REALLY generous with this estimate. Really all I can ever remember saying to him was "Good morning, Richard") I have tried to find ways to be a part of conversation he is in, but he always leaves. I now know that he is just too nervous to speak to me, which is flattering, but does not bode well for future relations. I don't want to be with someone who is too shy to talk to me because I myself am shy and I feel very uncomfortable in situations where niether person will speak. Plus, how can he be himself around me if he doesn't think he is good enough for me? I want someone REAL. Someone on my level, not someone who has put me on a pedestal. Someone not afraid to wrestle.

One of the reasons I did not go rushing off to throw myself at him is that, as Sensei pointed out, he does have a girlfriend and a kid on the way. I accept the fact that he did not intend to be a father, and he certainly did not want to have kids with her. She took advantage of a difficult time for him, as she had moved in and gotten pregnant within a month of his mother passing away. I can already foresee mama drama from that one. especially if he and I were to start dating in a short amount of time after they break up (which, regardless of me, is eminant). I don't believe he is the type of person to run out on his kid, he will take care of it, just as he takes care of his disabled sister and, before she passed, his mother. He isn't the kind of man to turn his back on responsibility.

Which brings about another point. We all know about my struggle with the child issue. And I have been quite clear about not wanting to date someone with a kid (although E had a kid, but I never met him). However, this guy comes with strong enough recommendations that he might be worth it. Might. I would be taking on a kid and a sister with special needs. Am I mature enough to handle that? I don't know, and I will admit that I might not be.

Issue 3. T. enough said.

so I'm going to ride this one out. If he is as interested in me as he says he is, then he will approach me. I am not seeing anyone and haven't had a boyfriend in nearly a year. I think it's quite apparent that I am available. Goodness knows, I think I have made it quite clear as I have wandered through his office area wisecracking about this n that. Plus, if he wonders, there's my mother and mutual friend and other mutual friends to fill him in. I still maintain that I would like to get to know him. where it goes from there remains to be seen. BUT. I will not approach a man whom I know to have a girlfriend. I will treat him just as I always have, with politeness, same as any other man. I don't think he deserves special treatment just because he's attractive. I maintain that although I am attracted to him, he may turn out to be completely wrong for me. I will not let my fear of that get in the way of getting to know him, but I will say that it is difficult for me to be excited about his future availablity considering all the issues attached. If anything, I want to declare myself "not interested" because there are so many issues and preconceptions. I think it would be easier to date someone you just met than someone you have admired from afar for however many years.

Life. it's always interesting.

You know

You know I am tired when I come home from job #2 and try to use my car remote to open my front door.

It's only my first week. I hope I get into the swing of this.

Just like High School

So, mutual friend pulls me away from my facinating filing duties today to tell me something very exciting. I asked if I won the lottery, but she said no.

Apparently, Handsome Richard (the OTHER Handsome Richard, Rich) thinks I am just IT. But doesn't think he is of my caliber so he doesn't approach me. (My reply? I wander around tripping over my own feet and talking about farts, how can anyone not be of my caliber??)

Yes, he still has a girlfriend (they are breaking up) and yes, she is still pregnant.

What will I do about it? nothing. This is a man who leaves the room when I enter it because he is too shy to be around me. I am flattered and excited, but I have to refer back to my original feeling, "How am I supposed to get to know someone who won't talk to me?"

He asked mutual friend if he should approach me and suggested that perhaps he could do it at her wedding. (which she has told me about but not really invited me to. It'll be in Vegas. I love Vegas!) Her wedding is in August. It's April. yeah. He even asked if she thought I would bring a date. (um, based on current statisitics, the answer is no). Seems to me like August is really far away when you are as interested in someone as he professes to be with me.

In fact, when my ex comes on TV (yes, I have an ex who is sometimes on TV. I don't mention it very much because I say other stuff about that ex that is private) HR changes the channel. I think that's funny. But how would he react to my continued friendship with T, C, and D? Granted, if I had a boyfriend, the R rated conversations between T and I would end, but regardless, I still want his friendship, even though it is painful sometimes. But it would be less painful if I had someone else to ponder.

I don't know. I just thought I would share. Gotta go, Harbucks is calling and since I haven't eaten anything yet today (gobstoppers don't count) I need to make sure i have plenty of time to heat up a corn dog.

Hee hee

Searching for herbs in my area, I found a listing for the following:

Phat Dong

I'm going to hell.

Overalls

Spinning Girl (http://elevenpointfive.blogspot.com) brought back some memories today. The first was about fashion plates, which my sister, cousin, and I would play with for HOURS (no minutes) and since Shawna and I's set (really I think they were her's but I got to play with them too) and Lisa's sets were different, and some of the plates were interchangeable, we had way more than tens of outfits. or, at least it felt like we did. and, as with everything we did, Shawna's designs were always so much cooler than mine.

But that is not the big memory. The big memory is overalls. Now, I am too young to have worn overalls when they were"in", but I did get a hand me down pair from Lisa just after they went "out" (Lisa was bigger than me back then and I got her old clothes. She got her clothes from the rich girl downstairs, so you can imagine I was always WAY out of style) Since I didn't understand style, and even if I did, it wouldn't have mattered because I had all the "perfectly good" clothes from Lisa, I wore those overalls anyway.

Those overalls were a couple of sizes too big. Not because Lisa was that big, but because they just were. One day I realized that they were sizable enough to put both my arms down the sides at the same time.

Of course I showed Shawna and Dana my new trick. (Dana is the cousin that periodically lived with us. In my family, a cousin is like a sister that doesn't live with you. Except for when they do)

Of course one of them pushed me over. Then I was stuck. on the floor, arms locked inside my pants. Probably laughing, I don't know. But certainly unable to get up. I can't remember how I did it, but it must have been fun to watch. I sure think it's funny now. I don't think I put my arms down the sides of my pants anymore.

need.sleep.

because I slurped down a carmel macchiato at um, 9 pm last night and let me tell you, I went home, planted Jack's garden, played with Baby, cleaned my bathroom, comtemplated my kitchen (breifly) contimplated my soapmaking, showered, read, and then laid in bed. when I did sleep, I dreamed of work. when I woke up, I worried for a long time about what I might have done that was wrong, and how when I mopped up a latte mess, I didn't move the music display because it was too heavy and there was latte still under it.

I know I am neurotic, and a worrier. And I am really excited about this job because it's going to bail me out of financial discomfort, but dreaming about it goes too far. Then again, I would be really embarassed if I got fired from Harbucks. Well, I would be embarassed to get fired at my other job too. Really, mostly I don't want to get fired. which means I should, actually, go back to work.

Rest in peace bunny butt

Saturday I performed the difficult duty of taking my darling pet in to be put to sleep. By the time he went in, the eye you can see in this picture was red, puffy, runny, and full of pus. I would have liked to have been able to afford to continue with the medications and possible operations, the truth is, that I can't. because it was a choice between paying my bills and taking care of the rabbit.

I feel guilty about it even though I know I shouldn't. I remind myself that part of being a responsible pet owner is knowing that when an animal is suffering (and he was), sometimes it is better to let them go on to the summerland and be off to the next adventure. It is comforting to me that he is now in my vision of the summerland, in the middle of the big grassy field, running around my feet and nibbling my toes for attention. I doubt he will be there when I get there, since I would think that the soul turnaround time for a rabbit isn't very long (how long do you have to rest after the strains of being a caged bunny?) but I can still visit him in my head, and I like that.

Jack was a good bunny and a wonderful companion. Even when he munched carpet. I will remember him fondly and often. It's hard to look at the place where his cage was, but since I am making a planter out of it, I will be able to look at the flowers on my porch garden and think of him.

It will be a bloggeriffic day

Every Monday morning, I check in at www.postsecret.com to read the new secrets that have been posted. Sometimes, they speak to me, sometimes they break my heart. I found this one very interesting because the subject of this very thing came up in conversation this weekend.

A friend of mine told me that her brother in law has to get nakid in order to do his bathroom business. So does her son. It's a compulsive behavior that I had never heard of before, and I would love to know the psycological reason behind it. Unless the man above is my friend's brother in law, then it appears that this is something that may be more common than I thought. I think I will send her this picture so that she will know that her family is not alone.