Saturday, August 25, 2012

Dealing with myself. Part 6 - The now

I still slip. My house is a testament to that. And the other day when I was dusting ( I'm back on the Flylady Program. YAY!!) I realized that I don't really want to dust all that stuff anymore. I looked in the cracks and crevices of my house and realized that I can't see my baseboards anymore. Stuff, has accumulated.

It's been about 10 years since I moved out of that cluttered apartment. Just slightly less since I walked into my storage unit and started cleaning it out, exclaiming with each opened box, "Why in the world have I been holding onto this?" I still have a couple of boxes of stuff that I just can't seem to get rid of. One is letters and such. One holds the She Ra and Crystal Castle I bought on ebay after I moved out of C's place. (and my cabbage patch kid)

I have gotten rid of a lot of accumulation over the last 10 years but I have also accumulated a lot. Although I went through my books recently, I still have many that I haven't looked at in years. Decorations that I bought with intent that never materialized. I have boxes in the garage that I haven't unpacked from moving to Nevada 5 years ago.

I have some cool stuff. But I am ready to have it be other people's cool stuff. Those mason jar glasses I thought were super cool because who doesn't love to drink out of mason jars? getting rid of them. I usually just drink out of a mason jar.

There are several things that are pushing this. And I can't say how long my motivation to de-clutter will last.

1. The last boy? I never invited him over. Partly because he often made me feel ashamed of my neighborhood, often because I know that it tends to smell like bunny, and also because he too is a neat freak (I tend to like those). If we went out, I met him at his place. In a year of dating, he never stayed the night, and came over MAYBE 5 times. I'm erring on the high side. I have wondered how much of my insecurity over my home caused the eventual demise of the relationship. Granted, I didn't think he wanted to come to my house, but I also assumed that he didn't want to. That he was judging my home. Did he give me reasons to feel this way? yes. But I likely built those reasons up to be more unreasonable than they needed to be. When I start dating again (totally not ready.) I would like to feel comfortable having that man over to my house. I would like to open my door and not worry about him immediately thinking I am a slob. In short,I want to be proud of my home.

2. My mother. I was on the phone with my mom the other day and admitted that I had slipped in my diligence with cleaning. She asked if my house looked that that cluttered apartment. It doesn't. But it would certainly be easy to get back to that place. It hurt that she would think that I haven't matured beyond that level of slobbery, but I know she didn't mean it that way.

3. The couch in my living room currently has crafting stuff on it. So I have been sitting on the floor. I like the floor, I vacuum frequently, it gives me the opportunity to snuggle the dog. That doesn't make it right.

4. I've been thinking about getting a roommate. I was browsing the craigslist ads when I thought that I should run the idea by my advisors. As I was typing it out, I started to ask whether they would pay to live in my house. My answer to that was no. If I was looking for a room to rent, I wouldn't rent mine. My spare room is the cleanest room in my house. It would take less than 20 minutes to get it roomer ready if I didn't paint. BUT, I would also be sharing the rest of my house. There's the rub.

I'm having a garage sale. I'm pretty excited about it. maybe I will manage to fill the whole driveway with stuff! I have a pretty big driveway.

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