Monday, September 03, 2007
Of Cowboys and Goats
Funny thing is, that the Cowboy and the Goat share a name. Cowboy thought that was pretty darn funny.
Tonight he underlined the fact that as long as we continue to have fun, we can continue to spend time together. Fun. A Good time. He underlined that he isn't looking for another wife. (Right after he told me he was dissapointed at not getting to hang out with me last week.) That most women get these ideas after going out a few times about whomever they are dating being "the one"
I explained that I understood, (even though it hurt. I didn't tell him that part, I just stalked around my room) but that women always think that way because it's how we are. That he had made it abundantly clear where he was coming from.
Can I handle that? of course. I've been doing it for years. As long as he doesn't think that having fun means anything physical because that is where I have to draw my lines. Because we have all seen how I don't know how to seperate the physical from the emotional and frankly, I think I am worth far more than a good time. and I think I have wasted too much of myself on "hopefully" and "probably".
So sure, Cowboy, we can be friends. We can hang out and have fun together. And I? will not allow silly romantic dreams of fairy tale endings blind me to what you said. Because I believe that you meant it.
And I? will keep looking for my fairytale ending because I know it's worth it to wait for what is right and damnit, I deserve it.
So maybe tomorrow but definately the next day? we can go out to dinner. And if you show up and I have paint on my nose and glue on my fingers? Or wool in my hair? It's because I don't see any reason to be exceptionally careful with my appearance for someone out to have a good time. My "pals" like me that way.
(after I hung up the phone I stomped around and threatened to throw the phone. But since I NEED it, I didn't. But I wanted to. I also stomped quietly so as not to alert the neighbors. or the roomates.Because, you know, I was likeing that one even though I have tried to play it off. What I really need is a good heartfelt scream)
Posted by Ginamonster at 9:32 PM