Thursday, September 27, 2007
It's easy, I think, to get so wrapped up in the drama that is life, that we forget how lucky we are. To focus so hard on the difficult part of the journey that we forget that every great adventure has it's cold dark mountainous moments.
Lately, I have been doing just that.
But today, as work was just a little less ugly, and life just a little more sunny, I snapped out of my funk and remembered that I am beyond blessed.
Sure, I live in testosterone central. But right this minute, with my belly full of steak and biscuits (and who doesn't love steak and biscuits?) I am reminded that holy crap! I just had steak for dinner! Again! I may get frustrated with my lack of alone time, but oh my goodness! I'm not paying rent! which means I can save up and achieve my dream of homeownership. That in and of it's self is a blessing that I cannot possibly ever repay.
My job? might be very frustrating. But it's a challenge. And On days like today, I actually feel like I can meet the challenge. And perhaps on days when I don't, I can remember today. And I will make it through. It's what I do.
Cowboy? I still don't know the answer. I know what you guys tell me to do. I'm listening. But I have to make my choices for me. And if I make the wrong one, I have to learn from it. I'd rather not have him tell me lies or settle into a relationship he isn't ready for. That's why I want to take time to make a choice in the matter. Because I swing back and forth between being ok with the situation and being what Cowboy would call "butt hurt" over it. I my mind, butt hurt means that you're all bent out of shape over something that isn't really a big deal. It's more of an affront to your ego than anything. Truly? I don't think I am being played. And I just have this very strong feeling that a little bit of time is just what I need before the answer will be provided. Right now, I feel like I have all the time in the world. And I will continue to appreciate the time he shares with me because I like his company.