Friday, September 07, 2007


Ok, so, the other day I was feeling really pouty and was probably overreacting. I won't know what Cowboy wants from me until I see him again and maybe even then I don't know. I have a tendency to overreact sometimes (a lot, but in my head until I arrive here). Especially where men are concerned. Part of the trouble is that this is the first guy that I have been on more than one date with who I thought, "I really like this guy" in a very long time. Looking back, I was rather quickly disenchanted with Biker Bob, I just stuck around hoping it would get better.

And in some ways, I am doing that again. But different. This time I am not desperate to cover up the memories of someone else. I'm not looking to replace any one. I'm looking at the situation objecively when I'm not frustrated and confused. And this one? confuses me. He doesn't behave the way I am used to men behaving. And I'm not certain what it is he wants from me. Chances are, I'm making things a lot more complicated in my head than they really are.

But I'm a woman. That's what we do. And no matter how much I try to be logical, sometimes my emotions get in the way. And that's ok. I'm listening to them.

(Heh. the bird just said, "God Damn, fuck this shit")

I''m listening closely and remembering that there are men out there who are looking for the kind of relationship I am looking for. And it could be that Cowboy IS looking for a partner, just not a wife. In his mind? Wife is still a bad thing. I'm learning that. I'm also learning that he's trying to be VERY careful who he spends his time with. I don't think married was fun for him. And I get the idea that the women he has dated since then have been a little crazy for the idea of being married. And soon.

So yes, I will still dress nicely. I don't wear sweats outside the gym anyway so I don't really know what I meant when I said "dress down". I'll still make sure I smell like flowers or strawberries and maybe eventually, coconut (he loves coconut). I can't promise there won't be glue on my fingers and wool in my hair though. That's just too much to ask.

I will ask, though, that when he makes plans with me, that he keeps them.

1 comment:

Rich | Championable said...

"Chances are, I'm making things a lot more complicated in my head than they really are."

Oh, dude. I do that all the time. It's pretty amazing how much we can add to the conversation, without actually talking to anyone.