Sunday, September 09, 2007

wha?

So, my mom and poo are fighting because she says he called during the Charger Game to harass her, and he said he didn't call her at all.

My answer? I was either eating or in my room so I can neither confirm nor deny. She says her's is the reliable opinion because she hasn't been drinking. I say they are both a little goofy and I won't believe anything without seeing some phone bill evidence.

Either way, they aren't any fun when they are mad. Even 500 miles away from each other.

I am quietly frustrated and only telling you (all 5 of you) that I am so. not because of my parents but because Cowboy said he would call tonight when he got back from being out of town and he didn't. As Poo has said, "He's turning out to be a flake". I say he's turning out to be like most of the men I have dated (if you can consider us dating) where it turns out that he is so wrapped up in doing what he loves that he forgets to pay attention to the people in his world.

Now, don't get me wrong, I get wrapped up too. And I am not the kind of woman to be jealous of a hobby. But I decided a long time ago (after D) that I deserve better than second place. Quite frankly, I am very low maintenance. Very low. And If I feel like I am not getting enough attention, or that I am playing second fiddle, then there is something wrong. I accept that Cowboy has a lot going on. But I also think that if he can't make time to call when he says he will or to see me once a week or so, then perhaps he doesn't have time to date me. And that's ok, I would rather get that out of the way now before it hurts later. This time? I don't think I am overreacting.

It's not like this is the first time this has happened. And no, I have not given him the pet peeve talk. And no, it doesn't make me feel insecure about our relationship because we don't have one. What we have is two people who have met twice, and talked on the phone several times. We have one person who is actually making some sort of effort, and one person who is making half of one. One of those two is not feeling particularly forgiving right now. One of those two may have allowed herself to be too available so as to appear always available. It seems like this whole not calling thing is his MO. And I really need to figure out if that is something I can handle or not. There are a lot of things I need to decide if I can handle or not. That's a lot of internalized drama for what we have. Which is very little.

Trouble is, that I have had so little face to face time with him that I can't tell if it is worth it. this may just be a crazy time for him. He may have more time when winter is here because I don't think he can rope in the snow. Plus it gets a lot darker earlier. and colder. I enjoy our conversations when we talk on the phone, they have gotten a little less superficial. He seems to want me to get to know him. He tells me more about his family and about life on the ranch, and less about his favorite cartoon character. (Which is certainly a reasonable conversation, of course. I mean, the philosophy behind Roadrunner Cartoons? Genius!)

Am I expecting too much? Am I doing too much comparison with men in my past with whom I was very quickly close? Because it is my experience that when you are really interested in someone, you make it a point to see them as much as possible. I'm not talking about physical contact, I'm talking about getting to know each other better, face to face. Making an effort to see that person even though you are busy. Or at the very least, calling when you say you will. Finding out if this is someone you want to spend more time with or someone who drives you so crazy that when you part ways, you never want to see or speak to them again.

Next week it will have been three weeks since last we met. I think you can hear what I am thinking. Let's see if I have the courage to tell him so.

4 comments:

Rich | Championable said...

Make that six.

;-)

Chickie said...

I don't think you're overreacting. But, maybe there is a really good reason why he didn't call when he said he would.

I got all furious at Sweety one day because he wasn't returning my calls and when I got home and laid into him - he let me see his cell phone that had broken into about 8 parts and wasn't getting calls. Oops. My bad.

Ginamonster said...

chickie, I'm really doing my best to remind myself that the only person who's world revolves around me is me. He my also have forgotten. And that should be forgivable too.

rich, I counted you among the 5! :)

Jennyko72 said...

OMG...I am so lost. lol Sorry I have been AWOL for awhile...I want an emailed update! Reno! That's crzy!!

Jennyko