Yes Virginia, I am a hypocrite

So, today at lunch, as per usual, Bug Guy took it upon himself to get steak fries. When he sat down next to me and my edamame, he made sure, as he does every day, that those delicious morsels were pointed at me. That is, he turned his plate so that I could access them easily. I protested as usual. I have been known to turn his plate around since I know I will not reach across his plate to get them. He usually turns it right back around and into my reach. I reminded Bug Guy that I don't want them, don't need them, and that he knows I will eat them if they are available. His reply?

"I'm just thinking of you!" To which I snapped, "No, you aren't"

He turned his plate around and, to my credit, I managed to avoid eating any fries with my healthy lunch. Then I proceeded to return to my desk and eat all the cookies that I brought in this morning. They were at my house for two days and I only had one or two. Apparently, having food at my desk is a bad thing.

I think that part of the reason I get so upset with Bug Guy is that he has a weight issue too. (He had a stomach bypass surgery not long after I met him) He knows that he shouldn't be eating all that junk food, and yet he does. And he encourages me in it too. He talks about eating healthier, always adding that we'll do it together. In January. But I know that January never comes. I am supposed to be in his wedding next August, and I would like to be wearing a size 8 by then, That's a couple of sizes down from where I am, and I know that it is up to me to get there. I also know that if junk food is there, I will eat it.

I'm pretty good about it. I don't buy chips, I don't frequent fast food places (last week's House Burger binge was a rarity I don't plan to repeat). I don't drink very much soda (maybe once or twice a month) and I limit my ice cream. I do have a weakness for cookies. But I try not to buy them because I know I will eat them. I have also started bringing my lunch to work because the food there is notoriously fattening. I am also better at controlling my portions that way.

I have explained this all to Bug Guy. I know that last time I complained of this you guys said that he is only trying to be nice. But would it be nice to set a glass of wine in front of a recovering alcoholic and encourage them to take a sip?

I really feel as though I am Bug Guy's excuse to splurge. To eat the things that he wants because he's "sharing with me" or "buying them for me". He knows that he is not supposed to eat that stuff, but he does it anyway. Sharing with me makes it "ok" in his eyes. It helps both of us that I have been bringing my own lunch. Then we are less likely to order a cheese burger, and he has been getting salads here and there. (today it was nachos and steak fries) But I was thinking today that I would be doing myself a favor by eating at my desk. (sans cookies. Those are rather rare, actually) Changing my behavior is the only way to reach my goals, and if eating with Bug Guy is too much temptation, then I think it is best if I don't.

I feel kind of bad ditching him, but at the same time, I have to wonder if it wouldn't be better in other ways too. I am VERY tired of constant wedding updates. Honestly, my sister didn't talk about her wedding this much, and I was her maid of honor! Every day it's the bridesmaid dresses, the center pieces, the venue. Yesterday when he told me that he had to sit at the wedding dress store on Saturday, I flat out asked him if he had given "them" to his fiancee to keep for him. I'm excited for him, his fiancee is a really great lady, but I can't think of a polite way to tell him I'm tired of it. When it isn't weddings, it's parties, which inevitably comes around to the one time he and I went out and about. I don't generally talk about my outings at work except with certain people, so I don't like being reminded that I was drunk that night. Then he starts in on how I was dancing on tables, which I wasn't, and on to dancing with this guy Israel, who, although I danced near him, I wasn't all rubbing up against him or anything. Eew. But the connentations are there. And it makes me uncomfortable. I do not want to portray myself as a party girl at work. I'm really not one. And I don't think it is professional.

I guess it all boils down to wanting to be nice, but not wanting to be uncomfortable. It was HARD not to indulge in just one fry. Ok two. Three isn't that bad as long as I don't eat four, dang, well I might as well eat five, and hey that one looks especially good, I swear I'll stop at ten...