I get this answer a lot. First when I was looking for someone on MySpace, and now, today, on Match.
Here's the thing. I have a hard time confronting people, so when they act interested, I'll talk to them just so that I don't have to hurt their feelings by saying I am not interested. I've learned that that's not such a good thing (see entries on Pot Guy) So when I get an email, and I am not interested, I have been trying to reply that I am not interested. The problem may be that I give a reason.
So, this guy, who's profile lists him in Pomona, writes me. And I reply, with a thank you. but you live too far away. So he writes back, telling me that he actually lives in my area. I look at his profile again and see two deal breakers. One, he's Catholic, and two, he has kids. So I reply that his faith and mine are not compatible, explaining that it has a lot to do with the way that I do or don't want my kids to be raised (Biker Bob and I had this conversation once), and the fact that he already has kids and I don't think that I am ready to deal with that, being that I am only just getting comfortable with the idea of having my own maybe someday.
Perhaps I should have skipped the secondary reasons and just told him flat out that I am not attracted to him. Or just said "no thanks" , which I have done a couple of times.
Here is what he had to say:
"Well thank's for your comment's, I'm sure I will be better of anyway's. Why even be on Match.com at all, Wait don't answer that you probably have answer for everything that is thrown your way. Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I also think it is important to give a guy the benefit of a "no thank you" if I am not interested because I know that I don't like to be left dangling. Goodness knows, I have winked at quite a few men and while they have looked at my profile, none of them have said eiher way whether they are interested. and that's a little frustrating.
All in all, I know it's only been 3 days since i joined, but I am SO not impressed.
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9 comments:
Hey... what's the incompatibility with Catholisicm?
(I'm not writing this offended or anything.)
Is it a "letter-of-the-law" Catholocism problem? Or are you of a completely different religion (i.e. non-Christian).
I totally realize this sounds like I'm saying non-Christian = bad... but I'm totally not. I'm just curious as to why Catholicism is a dealbreaker.
Rich,
I am of a completely non Christian religion. I certainly don't have a problem with Catholocism, but it is not my faith, and I do not wish that my children, if any, should be brought up in it. It's not a bad way, I know that it is good for many people. But it isn't my way. Since I am openly non Christian, I can't quite figure out why a Catholic man would even contact me looking for a date. Perhaps it is my problem (My boss things I'm silly for feeling it's a dealbreaker), but I also know that if it isn't an issue in the beginning, it will be later.
My sister married a Catholic man, and she is not. She gave up her dream of being married outdoors (which was pretty minor) and is very conflicted with the knowlege that her children will likely be baptized young. Something we were not brought up believeing in. Something she is very much against, but it was something she was willing to compromise to be with her husband.
Faith being very important to me, I think it is important to go with the teachings and philosophy of the religion that speaks to us. In my case, my faith does not prohibit me from dating or marrying outside of it, but it does tell me to harm none, and I see a lot of heartache down that path.
Likewise, I have no interest in Atheists. Having no faith in a power higher than themselves, they tend to argue my deep seated feeling that there is a force that binds us together, and I don't think I should have to argue what I feel in my heart to be true.
Wow. That was a terrific answer. Thanks for taking the time to think about it so thoughtfully.
I actually get where you're coming from. I was raised Jewish, married a non-practicing Catholic who became a practicing Catholic. Eventually, through a series of events, I got hit with the Jesus stick and converted. But I think if I had married a Jewish lass, I would have remained Jewish.
But. I really think that there are multiple paths to God that are equally valid. With that said, though, I do think compatibility of faith is important.
So, I guess I don't agree or disagree with you. It just is.
What faith are you?
my bro and his wife met on match.com. in fact, she paid for membership so she could chat with him. and she's a catch, that's for sure.
i think internet dating can be weird. it's an interesting way to figure out more of who you are, but it seems that a lot of the guys on there are mean like that guy was to you...and you were just being honest....
keep toughing it out girly. the right man will come your way. i know it.
joo
I think his defensive manner tells you everything you need to know. Plus, his grammar was horrible. That would be a deal-breaker for me right there.
An apostrophe does not mean "Look out! Here comes an S!", and the use of multiple exclamation points is, well, ridiculous.
Rich, I have become accustomed to answering it.
Joo, I keep telling myself that very same thing
Rich, I couldn't have said it better!
Sensei,
There was a post here that you deleted. and I want you to know that havng seen what you said, it really helped me to know that I am not completely wrong in my feelings in this matter. Thank you.
I deleted it, only to prevent this thread from being a religious arguement. I had hoped you were able to see it.
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