Thursday, February 24, 2005

So Sad

Told Mr Recently that I cannot see him anymore, and I think it hurt me as much as it might have hurt him. Maybe it hurt me more. I didn't ask about my books. I will buy new ones. I will also miss his company.
I'm sorry if I hurt you E. Somehow, I think you would have hurt me more in the long run. A month is too long to go without seeing each other when you both live in the same town. And it was painfully obvious I was not on your list of priorities. I think I deserve more than that.
I also think you deserved better than a phone call 3 minutes before you were scheduled to clock into work. It sounds dramatic, but I will carry that guilt with me always, just as I will always carry the guilt of breaking up with Jimmy in the parking lot at Home Depot. You really are amazing in so many ways. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
But I wish me happiness too. And I think you caused me too many miserable nights wondering if you were going to call. Waiting by the phone, but pretending I wasn't. Wishing I wasn't. Promising myself I would stop. I don't know what else I would have been doing, but I know I wouldn't have been feeling rejected and depressed. I told you I had issues with being stood up, with guys not calling when they said they would. I told you I had not always been treated well. I think you could have treated me better.
These are the things I didn't have time and didn't have the courage to tell you. As much as I hate to be rejected, it is far easier for me to deal with than ending something with someone as alluring as you. Your dislike for me might be intense right now. I think I can feel it radiating from here. It could be my imagination. Since I doubt you are reading this, I hope you have a friend that will shed some light on the way I have been feeling this past month. Someone who will try to give you my side of the story, my point of view. I'm doing my best to see it from yours.
I meant it when I said that I would always be here if you need me. I doubt you will come to me if you do. I really had high hopes for us. But I think you took me for granted.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm here if you need me, GM!!! I'll be in Vegas this time next week...feel free to come hide out for awhile.

~Jen (jennyko72)