It's amazing how quickly insecurity sets in and how much I want to pull into my shell like a turtle and scuttle away. How quickly I start telling myself that I can use extra time to focus on other things like business.
How quickly I feel like a bonehead when everything turns out okay and how fast I remember moments like these when they don't.
I'm worried at how hurt I am by the 12 yr olds admission that she wants her parents back together. I had been wandering around under the false assumption that she would be happy that her dad is happy. I know she is too young to have that level of maturity. But I'm not feeling logical right now.
As usual, a lack of communication makes me apprehensive. Which means I care more than I wanted to admit to myself.
Which means I will be hurt again if he decides to martyr himself for the kids; decide he shouldn't date because it takes his attention from them or because they don't want him to. They know of me as his "friend". I'm okay with that. But they're young, not stupid. And they are his world. Don't get me wrong, it would hurt to walk away too.
He's got a lot going on, a lot to take care of. So the logical part that screams through in times like these? is shaking her head and rolling her eyes. again. Because how many times have I blogged this post? And how many times will I continue to do so?