Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Yesterday I left work a little early in order to attend a cousin's graduation. I had received the invitation early enough that I was able to request the time off from Harbucks. Leaving my other job early is not generally an issue.

When I arrived at the ceremony, my family was surprised to see me. And they all kept telling me how nice it was that I attended, and what a surprise it is that I went, even taking off of work, and driving all the way from the other side of town. (I live inland, they live at the beach. it's about 20 to 30 minutes). Don't get me wrong, I appriciated thier appriciation, I guess it was the shoch that I showed up, the attitude that I was doing somethinge xtra special by being there.

This bothered me alot. Every time I show up to a family event, they have the same reaction. And every time I respond the same. If you guys tell me that there is stuff going on, I will find a way to attend.

I realize that they might find it a little strange to contact me, because my mom divorced their son/brother, but, like I told my uncle. They are my family. you don't divorce famlies. I don't know them as anything but my family, I am closer to them than I am to my bio father's family.

I tried to explain to them last night that telling my younger siblings about events and expecting me to find out and attend doesn't work. Case in point, Pie called me to invite me to a BBQ. I couldn't go because I was in Utah on my way to Yellowstone. She didn't tell me that the BBQ was in honor of Grandpa's 70th birthday. I am aware that it is my responsibility to remember birthdays, but I am notoriously bad at it. If I had known, I would have at least called to wish him a happy one. Another point? Apparently there was a father's day BBQ. I am aware of it because Brother told Seester that he was going to Nana's for a BBQ on that day. No mention of her going too, no mention of it to me. Seester mentioned it to me because she would have attended if she had felt invited. I could not attend because of the wedding, but an invite would have made me infinitely happy.

I think that my request for personal invitations fell on deaf ears. They just didn't seem to be listening. which means that I will continue to not attend. It's sad, really, and it hurts my feelings a bit. But, like anything I can only control myself, not others. I don't think it is too much to ask to be a part of the phone tree. I guess, like anything else, only time will tell.


Gary said...

I can't see what you can do other than what you are already doing. It sounds like one of those situations with no easy answers.

Sensei Ern said...

In my family, actually my wife's family, when they take the time ti say, "We really appreciate you being here," or, "What a wonderful surprise to see you," it means that five minutes before you showed up, they were talking about how great it was that you were not there.

I know this, because my wife's exhusband would show up at family get togethers, like Memorial Day and Christmas, after my wife and I did, and they said those things about him. The reason he showed up was because he was married to her for twenty years, and it was habit for him to go there for those times.

nsxpvkk: If people don't want you around, find people who do. When you live a life full of friends, then those who rejected you will want to make amends. (Wow, off the top of my head poetry. I HATE poetry!)

Ginamonster said...

Gary, I totally agree.

Sensei, I am quite sure they talk trash behind my back, they talk trash about everyone. Point being, that it frustrates me that they are surprised when I show up, because I'm never around, but that's because I'm rarely invited. (join me now in a head shaking dirested at them)