Moving forward, backward.

 Monday was at best, a difficult day. I checked my email first thing to find a message had been sent through the Reno Roller Girls MySpace from the ex-wife’s on again off again boyfriend.

 I knew that there was trouble so I contacted B. Indeed there had been trouble the night before and he begged me not to call him.

 Of course you know that I did. Using very colorful language and doing my best harpy imitation I told him in no uncertain words to leave us alone. That he wouldn’t use me to hurt B.

 B was kept apprised of the situation and begged me not to contact him again. I promised. And I will hold to it.

 I knew that the trouble was not over, however and I was right, as a few minutes later a text came over the line. According to the poisonous prose, B and his ex were still living together and sleeping together.

 Once again, I checked in. And didn’t hear back for a long time.

 It’s true, apparently, that she is living there and has been for about a week, which explains why he was suddenly able to spend more time with me. It’s not so much that she is living there that hurts me, but that he didn’t tell me.

 I also learned that she has lived there most of the time over the last 6 months or so that we have been seeing/talking to each other. And all the little holes in the stories suddenly filled in. So, apparently, has the ex boyfriend. Both of them, staying in his house, allowing him to support them since neither of them tend to have a job. B allowing it since he won’t turn out the mother of his children.

 I met with him last night before practice to talk about things. He assured me that the stories would all be true henceforth. I told him I would need to think. That I don’t know what the right course of action is. 

 Part of me says to walk (RUN!!!) away. It says I should have done so long ago. It calls me a fool and an idiot for knowing things didn’t add up and believing him anyway.

 Part of me says that I can’t let the bad guy win even though the good guy wasn’t truthful.

 But I get hung up there. It’s not the bad guys fault B wasn’t truthful. And while I don’t want him to succeed in making him miserable and “ruining his life” I’m also not sure that I can have a relationship with someone who deliberately deceived me. In my head, that makes him a bad guy too. I told him in the beginning, before we even met in person, not to lie to me. And it has happened more than once. I thought we had gotten past that. It makes me wonder what else he has lied about and suddenly, I feel Dirty, Sullied. A fool, once again, despite his assurances that all of the untruths have been uncovered.

 Regardless, I know that the drama is not over. Ex Boyfriend is threatening a restraining order against me as he says I threatened him. I think that part is funny since he’s all of 6’2” which means I come up to oh, his belly button or so. And, I’m pretty damn sure I didn’t. But, you know, I was busy screaming like a harpy, which was actually kind of fun. B and the Ex wife are supposedly getting one against him. I have held up my end of the bargain and not responded to any of this.

 Apparently, I am also a psycho bitch which give me no end to the giggles.

I don’t generally do drama. I don’t need it or want it. But I tend to invite it somehow.

 B and I are trying to work it out. I am aware that I will constantly wonder what is true and what isn't, and that spells doom. But the thought of ending it made me feel REALLY sad. I'm still in "we'll see" mode.

In other news, Last week or so, an old coworker contacted me. I was a bit surprised because we had never been close. We chatted a few times and talked about making a custom soap basket for his fiancée, but that’s about it.

 I responded, of course, to his email, I don’t have a problem with him. Let him know the basics on what I have been up to with Reno and Derby and all that.

Monday night I got a message from him that disturbed me greatly.

 Apparently, I and my assets have been a subject of his fantasy life for years. I didn’t mind the part of the message that said he had a crush on me, goodness knows; I develop a new work crush every week. But when he asked if he could ask some personal/naughty questions, I yelled in terror and ran away from my computer. I finally responded, that I was not comfortable answering such questions from anyone but my boyfriend who would appreciate knowing there was a distinction. He apologized and I have not heard from him again. 

 How do I attract this?