A couple of days ago, a woman I know, as my mom put it, took her life. Never have i felt so much like she made the decision that was right for her. This is a feeling I never thought I would experience after a friend committed suicide.
It's strange, but I feel at peace with her decision. I know she had some personal struggles, and I can't help but feel like she decided that it was time for her to be done living, so she went.
It was pills. She went to sleep and never woke up. Left a note for her husband. I've always thought that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. That when you aren't strong enough to struggle through life like the rest of us, then you take yourself out. I don't feel that way this time. My perception of the act has changed. I accept completely the passing of my sister starseed. I know she did what she needed to do.
In other news, I have been looking for a house. I've actually entered several and I am finding that the options within my price range are total dumps. Part of this is because I want horse property (not really so I can have a horse right now, although I might someday, but because I like land and maybe another goat. I miss the goat)
So Poo tells me, that when he buys his large parcel of land that I can have a chunk. and build a house. And it will be mine. And wouldn't you know, a lovely floor plan is taped to my desk right now.
But then, he's had a few.
And would I feel guilty taking that land from him the way I feel guilty about living in his apartment? And could I use the loan I have prequalified for and build a house?
Will I put aside what I am doing now only to find it fall through and I missed my opportunity for a low cost home? Should I buy now, take the land, sell and use the money to build?
That land, that start, could make so many of my dreams come true.
Is it tangible or daydreams?
I just want to make the right choice.