Thursday, January 27, 2005

a thought on reunions

I used to think that when it was time for your ten year reunion, you were old. but with mine rapidly approaching, I don't feel old...

I suprised myself today when I went to to spy on my former classmates to find that one of them has started a career doing something I love to do. And I was angry. It seems that I didn't like this person as much as I though I did. Why am I being catty? why am I not proud of her for doing what she loves? There's plenty of room for both of us in this world to do what we love and be appriciated for it.
And why, nearly 10 years since I have seen this person, do I still feel jealous of her?
One thing I can say in my defense, is that the one girl I couldn't stand back then, SM, I wanted to know what she was doing so that I could be happy for her. It's as though as I have grown, this woman who was voted best dressed, and was a cheerleader, who I used to say that I hated, has become someone I want to see succeed. We were actually friendly towards each other the last time I saw her, and that made me happy. I wanted to sit down to coffee with her and tell her how I used to talk about her behind her back (as she did me, don't worry) and ask her forgiveness. But she didn't have as much stuff available for me to see.
What can I do to change my attitude toward the first woman before I will see her in June? So that I can say, Wow, you do that? I do that too, lets trade secrets and be friends.
Perhaps I expect too much out of myself...

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